Vent about "gifts." - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 8 Old 09-15-2005, 11:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
Ruthla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 47,607
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
My Mom went shopping at the outlet mall yesterday with her sister. She asked if the kids needed anything- I told her that both girls will need tights this winter and the older one could use 2-3 new tops. We've been sewing skirts for the girls (decluttering the fabric stash in the process) so we only need to purchase shirts and blouses.

She came home with 3 tops and a blazer for my oldest, 3 tops for my middle child (who already has too many clothes), 2 tops for my youngest, and 2 long-sleeved onesies for my nephew.

Why did she buy clothes for the middle child? "Because she'd feel left out if I came home with clothes for 3 of my 4 grandchildren."

I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I've worked hard to declutter the children's clothes and only keep what we actually NEED. My 9yo already has more clothes than we really have space for- and getting a few new blouses for my 10yo means that a couple of things get passed down to my 9yo.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
Ruthla is offline  
#2 of 8 Old 09-16-2005, 02:23 PM
 
oldcrunchymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: On Mulder's Desk
Posts: 2,569
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ruth, I understand your frustration. I just did a major declutter of my daughter's room and immediately (I am talking like the next day!) my grandmother and my ex gave her a whole bunch of plastic crapola items. Plus one of those large-sized porcelain dolls even though I've been telling everyone for a year "No more dolls, please." So now her room looks almost as cluttered as it did before. : And of course she's in love with her plastic crapola and the doll because they are "new." Ugh.

I didn't say anything except "Thank you" because I don't want to seem ungrateful. I understand your mom's POV too, but I know how you feel.
oldcrunchymom is offline  
#3 of 8 Old 09-16-2005, 02:39 PM
 
MeghansDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Haven, CT
Posts: 198
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
is it a " i want my child/grandchild to have more than i had " feeling or do they just like buying stuff for the kids. Either way its a battle you just cant fight without hurting someones feelings. You did the right thing by just saying thank you.
MeghansDad is offline  
#4 of 8 Old 09-16-2005, 05:18 PM
 
Girlo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Kitsap County, WA
Posts: 498
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hear you, Ruth. I'm actually dreading the holidays a little because I KNOW I'll get WAY too much crap that I can't use and I'll have to be gracious about it and find a way to get rid of it without the giver knowing about it.

I'm trying to think of a way to reduce the number of presents I'll get this year....my MIL is by far the worst offender. She has a big, generous heart....but she wouldn't understand if I told her that I only wanted her help in making curtains for my son's room as a gift - and that was IT! I tried that last year...and I not only got curtains for the guest room, I also got 3 other boxes of stuff!

One of DH's aunts gives a GREAT gift every year to everyone. She "buys" a farm animal for every family to "give" to a poor community in So. America. So far, we've given 2 goats and a llama. Very cool......

Shannon & Paul...married since 2000. Parents to Alexander Paul Martin - 30 October, 2003 Grace Elizabeth Maile - 12 June, 2009
Girlo is offline  
#5 of 8 Old 09-16-2005, 06:38 PM
 
Sherra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 1,467
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know my mother was really into buying a ton of stuff for a long time. Just in the past year or so she has been the one to come to me saying she has a sickness because she grew up poor and therefore must buy a lot of stuff for people she loves, even if it's from the dollar store.

I wonder how much my parents generation of people do this because of that? Fortunately, althought I've never been rich, I haven't been poor so I do not know what it is like to go without and what feelings that generates.

Ruthla,

Quote:
Why did she buy clothes for the middle child? "Because she'd feel left out if I came home with clothes for 3 of my 4 grandchildren."
I completely understand this being said by her as I have had so many people come to me for advice that were put off by a grandparent not being "equal" to all the children. That is such a hard tight rope for a grandparent to walk and I'm sure it was just an illogical buying choice on her part because you said that she knew your middle child had more than enough clothes.

I completely understand your point of view too, I know I'd feel the same way if I had just decluttered that! I have a real small place and I hate clutter. Thankfully my parents are really good about not giving too much stuff because they have seen how small my place is. In a small way, I think it was sweet of her to try to make it equal even though it didn't help you out in the decluttering area.


Sherra
Sherra is offline  
#6 of 8 Old 09-16-2005, 06:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
Ruthla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 47,607
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
It actually worked out OK- she only bought 3-4 tops per child, and all of it was stuff they can wear to school. I solved the dilemma by going through the closets yesterday, and everything that fits dd that she simply doesn't like/isn't planning to wear went into a bag to give away (except for one t-shirt that's been relegated to the pj drawer.)

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
Ruthla is offline  
#7 of 8 Old 09-17-2005, 12:26 AM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 18,301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
ya know, you can't go wrong witha few new shirts (always the prime target for stains in this house) and I totally understand your moms point of view about I can't get something for everyone but her. Someone somewhere needs 3-4 like new shirts. Now your d has the option of givign away the new ones or trading in something else in her closet. SO long as you are firm with a one in and a one out rule as well as any rules you have modesty/style/taste etc whats the harm inletting grandma indulge. at least it is something that will be useful to someone and will keep the old ones going out. at least she isn't getting her nic nacky crap and whatnot.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
#8 of 8 Old 09-18-2005, 01:15 PM
 
Mama22girls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 43
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My mother and MIL do the same thing. I know they mean well, but they only need to buy one thing for each child (not 2-3).

I am dreading Christmas as well. My family always buys things late (b/c they choose to, not b/c of financial concerns). The only store they have around them is Walmart. (We are not Walmart fans) We make out list b/c they ask for one and then they completely disregard it.

This year we asked for a rock collection for our oldest, so we'll see what shows up.

Good luck. I think you did the right thing and said "thank you." It's a touchy subject with grandparents. They want to spoil to 'their' little ones, even though it's a bit annoying. :LOL
Mama22girls is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off