Beyond sentimentality... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 05-31-2006, 05:42 PM - Thread Starter
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I have been doing a huge huge purge of the stuff in our life, a lot of it is stuff that I have boxed up and have moved around for years. Although DH does have a bucnh of boxed up crap too..

some of the things I have boxed up are things that belonged to my mom. I have one small box of her baby clothes, I have a box of her royal doulton china tea set.. I have her cancer books taht are inscribed with well wishes from other patients..

my mom died 8 years ago.. and while there are a few things I really need to keep.. is it okay to let go of some of the other stuff?

Its stuff that will always be in boxes.. I will never take the tea set out and let my kids play with it.. btu I will never display it either..

I dont know :

what would you do?
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#2 of 16 Old 05-31-2006, 05:59 PM
 
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We have similar issues with items from loved ones who have passed away. I have held onto items for over 5 years in boxes b/c they belonged to someone I loved. recently I purged a huge (well, huge for me lol) closet and ended up throwing away many of the items, donating others to a fundraiser garage sale, putting others in a bag to offer to my cousin, and finally leaving a few questionable sentimental items in a box to be addressed when I have the emotional energy to get rid of things.

A few ideas for you if the above don't fit your situation:
*books from other patients: if they are people you keep in touch with, send them to them and say thanks for being there for your mom. Or you can donate them to a non-profit that deals with cancer patients in your area.
*items that can be sold could be donated to a thrift shop whose proceeds go towards your mom's favorite charity or again towards cancer research/patient services.

Good luck,
Tamara
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#3 of 16 Old 05-31-2006, 06:09 PM
 
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How about taking photographs of the clothes and tea set, maybe of the inscriptions inside the books and making an electronic or paper scrapbook? Then you can look at the pictures anytime you want and you can free yourself from the actual "stuff" however you're most comfortable.
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#4 of 16 Old 05-31-2006, 06:44 PM
 
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Having an emotional attachment to something is a "use". So don't feel you have to toss stuff just because you aren't actually putting it to the use it's intended for. However, if you aren't using it* and aren't attached to it, get rid of it. If at all possible get rid of it by giving it to someone who can use it.

*Do have some consideration for your children on this one, if the tea set is really nice, you might compare the cost of new china to the cost of giving the box a home in your house.
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#5 of 16 Old 05-31-2006, 06:45 PM
 
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I think certain things that are something precious from loved ones passed away you need to keep boxed up.. but maybe not set out. Maybe put it in some type of protection cabinet to show?

anything that doesn't have importance but sitting in a box.. books, etc.. give away on freecycle or something
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#6 of 16 Old 05-31-2006, 08:51 PM
 
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I would pick a few (few! like one each) special items to pass on to your kids someday to remember their Grandma. Then get rid of everything that you don't use or love.
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#7 of 16 Old 06-01-2006, 12:41 AM - Thread Starter
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Well.. I got rid of the book, I cut the important inscription from it and put that in my keepsake box..

Im going through old baby books and photo albums of some dog I dont remember that I put together when I was 8 or something.. heh, its funny
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#8 of 16 Old 06-01-2006, 12:48 AM
 
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Sounds like you already figured it out. But I was just thinking when dealing with things like that inherited from others - keep what helps *you* remember them, not necessarily what would have been sentimental to them. That and what will help your children better know who they were. If it doesn't meet those criteria, I would get rid of it.

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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#9 of 16 Old 06-01-2006, 03:05 PM
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hmm, I have a hard time getting rid of stuff too...

Do you sew? How about turning the box of your mom's baby clothes into a quilt?
How about turning the teapot into a lamp? Using the teacups to grow herbs? I don't mean to desecrate the stuff, just trying to think of ways to use them and make them more apart of your life.
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#10 of 16 Old 06-01-2006, 03:39 PM - Thread Starter
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I was thinking about that, but they ae all chiffon type dresses.. and the teaset is child sized... Im thinking about selling it.. its like 100 pieces
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#11 of 16 Old 06-02-2006, 09:58 AM
 
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i really like the idea of the glass cabinet - gorgeous! i'm going to keep that idea in the back of my mind for when the inevitable happens.. of course not everything can go in there, but just stuff that describes the person best. it's a beautiful memorial IMO.

if you don't have (or want) the space for a glass cabinet have you thought about framing some stuff in a shadow box?

the book problem was a little hard and i think you've come up with a wonderful idea of taking the inscripted page out and putting it in your keepsake box.

Quote:
I think certain things that are something precious from loved ones passed away you need to keep boxed up.. but maybe not set out. Maybe put it in some type of protection cabinet to show?

anything that doesn't have importance but sitting in a box.. books, etc.. give away on freecycle or something


Having an emotional attachment to something is a "use". So don't feel you have to toss stuff just because you aren't actually putting it to the use it's intended for. However, if you aren't using it* and aren't attached to it, get rid of it. If at all possible get rid of it by giving it to someone who can use it.

*Do have some consideration for your children on this one, if the tea set is really nice, you might compare the cost of new china to the cost of giving the box a home in your house.
ITA. i'm quick to de-clutter alot of stuff around the house but there are just some things that even if your not using physically, you just can't get rid of. you don't have to get rid of everything in the name of simplicity, "freeing things up" or "having less is more". sometimes just keeping that one box of "useless" stuff that you can't part with just makes your world complete. what i would hate is for you to get rid of stuff that your unsure about, get a little temporary high from parting with it, and then regret it down the track.

the tea set is huge! and sounds so adorable... could you keep a place setting for 2-4 people and the teapot?

i'm sorry about your mama.
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#12 of 16 Old 06-02-2006, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamamelia

the tea set is huge! and sounds so adorable... could you keep a place setting for 2-4 people and the teapot?

i'm sorry about your mama.
You know what I'd really like to do? I think I'd like to put on the TP, I'd like to find a family with gentle little girls who would take good care of it. We only have boys in my family (and the brother and his wife have boys.. plus my SIL has no.. care for things if that makes any sense.. they got my mom's xmas decoration.. keepsake birds, birdhouses and beads that she collected and my SIL let the dog chew it up )

Its a beautiful set with tiny little cups and saucers and teapot and salt and pepper shakers and little covered pots.. its all fine china with roses on it.. and I want some little girls to love it.. I'd love a picture of an old fashioned tea party, with little girls and teddys in dresses and hats and a beautiful table set with linens and my moms tea set,.. and I could frame that and keep that forever...
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#13 of 16 Old 06-02-2006, 01:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nym
plus my SIL has no.. care for things if that makes any sense.. they got my mom's xmas decoration.. keepsake birds, birdhouses and beads that she collected and my SIL let the dog chew it up )
OMG!!!! that is sooo freakin' rude IMO.

i think you may be right about the tea set being handed over to some little girls... boys just won't know the value of it and god forbid you ever hand it over to your SIL : i'm sure there are some little princesses out there that would be over the moon with thier very own real china tea set. : and i agree that a picture of little girls having and enjoying a tea party with the tea set, would be lovely to hang up. i think your doing quite well in creating some loving memories with your mama's stuff.
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#14 of 16 Old 06-02-2006, 04:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nym
and the teaset is child sized... Im thinking about selling it.. its like 100 pieces
eBAy... Ka-ching! Should be very desirable. Let the tea set take you out to dinner!
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#15 of 16 Old 06-02-2006, 07:25 PM
 
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For the baby clothes you could take one or two special items and put them in a shadow box frame. Then you'd actually be able to enjoy them instead of just having them in a box.

Mom to (5) (9)
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#16 of 16 Old 06-02-2006, 08:42 PM - Thread Starter
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well.. based on response in TAO I should be keeping the teaset for my future grandkids... eh..

I did go through the baby clothes and I found a pink outfit. it looked familiar so I was checking out my baby pictures and I found a couple of pics, plus a portrait of me in that outfit. So I kept it, and I am going to put it in a shadow box frame with the pics of me.. I was really happy to tie that all together..
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