my dad insulted my home - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 07-14-2006, 08:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was at my parents this evening, and I was complaining because my dh had just bought the boys super-soakers (that's another thread!).
My dad made a comment about how our small, airless apartment (we live in a lower-duplex that is, in my opinion, just the right size for our family) is being taken over by toys, that we soon won't have space to live.
Sigh... and why do I take this SO personally?:
I love my home, when it is cleaned up. It is really home-y, with lots and lots of books, nice plants, some art. We do have some clutter issues, but I have improved a lot over the years. What he said was a vast exaggeration, and not particularly nice.

Anyhow, don't want to whine, just reinforce my efforts to teach my boys to clean up, and to NOT criticize them!!!!

Thanks for listening to my vent.
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#2 of 15 Old 07-14-2006, 09:21 PM
 
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vent on! Sometimes people realize that their remarks can be heartless, especially when you take real pride in your home and what it means for your family. I hope you feel better and don't take it personally.

Sabrina , mom to 4 fab kids!

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#3 of 15 Old 07-14-2006, 10:59 PM
 
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Rude! : I SO understand clutter issues. If you're happy when your space is relatively clean, then that's all that matters
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#4 of 15 Old 07-14-2006, 11:08 PM
 
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If it makes you feel better I live in a large single family home that also sometimes (OK often) looks like it's being taken over by the toys. When everything is picked up it's fine.

A long time friend stopped by a few weeks ago and I apologized for the place looking like a bomb went off (toys around, couch cushions off, blankets out for fort building). She looked around and said "are you sure a bomb didn't go off?". I don't think she meant much by it but I know she was a put off by all of the chaos and it stung. I just bit my tounge and thought about how her house will look when her kids get just a little older.

I'm sorry your dad was rude to you.

Mom to (5) (9)
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#5 of 15 Old 07-15-2006, 12:06 AM
 
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My mom said something hurtful to me the other day, too, about the clutter in our home. I really wanted to say something about the state of her home, but I didn't. Her house is just as bad.. it's just piled everywhere, not strewn on the floor like the toys at our place.

~e, wife to my sweet T , mama to my turtleman (12) , sunshine (9 ), and monkey (6)
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#6 of 15 Old 07-15-2006, 12:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MomToKandE
If it makes you feel better I live in a large single family home that also sometimes (OK often) looks like it's being taken over by the toys. When everything is picked up it's fine.

A long time friend stopped by a few weeks ago and I apologized for the place looking like a bomb went off (toys around, couch cushions off, blankets out for fort building). She looked around and said "are you sure a bomb didn't go off?". I don't think she meant much by it but I know she was a put off by all of the chaos and it stung. I just bit my tounge and thought about how her house will look when her kids get just a little older.

I'm sorry your dad was rude to you.
This is our home 80% of the time My son is always building forts with the couch cushions and of course he has to drag out all of our pillows and blankets.. they end up in the living room ALL DAY..
Someday I will miss those living room forts when the house is quiet and my babies have moved on

~e, wife to my sweet T , mama to my turtleman (12) , sunshine (9 ), and monkey (6)
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#7 of 15 Old 07-15-2006, 10:22 AM
 
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I used to love building living room forts so much! It really was so fun. I don't remember my parents ever getting frustrated with it, so my memories of fort-building are just pure joy. Thanks to all you mamas who are giving your kids those memories!

thalia loves Jesus and DH wordyeight and DD#1 : 8/2007 and DD#2 9/2010
and remembering: little turtle 5/23/2006 and poppyseed 7/15/2009
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#8 of 15 Old 07-15-2006, 10:34 AM
 
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thanks for the supportive words!!
I think it's a boundary thing too: there really is no good reason to be mean and critical.
Our home growing up was very messy, and I remember my mother yelling at us to clean up, how she wasn't going to live in this mess, etc.
I know Flylady is a bit crazy, but the one thing I really learnt was how no one really taught me how to clean up. I just thought I wasn't a good housekeeper. But I am learning, slowly slowly.

Mama to my 2 boys
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#9 of 15 Old 07-19-2006, 11:02 PM
 
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I am pretty clutter free and we don't have crazy amounts of toys and it still looks like our house is taken over by toys when ds is playing. That's the nature of toys... they are for playing... in the middle of the floor.
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#10 of 15 Old 07-20-2006, 06:18 AM
 
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If your house is anything like mine, you didn't buy ANY of the toys he's talking about. Maybe point out to him the toys from the grandparents (and suggest they be kept at the grandparents' houses so they'll be appreciated more when the kids are there!). This would be a great time for a pitch on consumable gifts! Wouldn't we love it if our kids received music classes, rock climbing gift certificates, tickets to the movies or pool?
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#11 of 15 Old 07-20-2006, 08:59 AM
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Hmmm...my little DS is 8 mo old and I love the way our house looks lived in after a day of him crawling around and playing. Random bowl here, torn up napkin there, little blocks all over the place. There is a difference between cluttered and dirty.

The way I see it, some peoples' homes may be cluttered with toys, while others have their hearts cluttered with mean feelings or mind cluttered with negative thoughts.

we recently toured the house of thirty-somethings neighbors', an old house, beautifully renovated and decorated. Over our many conversations, I know that they would trade it all for just 1 little bambino, and an airless apt.

Not too long ago, I heard on the radio a story about a boy with a neurologic condition which caused him to be , at the age of 4 y, just reaching 4 mo milestones. He had just learned to roll over. Imagine how his parents would feel if that boy could get up, run around, play with toys and make a mess.
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#12 of 15 Old 07-20-2006, 11:36 AM
 
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Don't take it personally!
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#13 of 15 Old 07-20-2006, 06:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by p.s
Hmmm...my little DS is 8 mo old and I love the way our house looks lived in after a day of him crawling around and playing. Random bowl here, torn up napkin there, little blocks all over the place. There is a difference between cluttered and dirty.

The way I see it, some peoples' homes may be cluttered with toys, while others have their hearts cluttered with mean feelings or mind cluttered with negative thoughts.

we recently toured the house of thirty-somethings neighbors', an old house, beautifully renovated and decorated. Over our many conversations, I know that they would trade it all for just 1 little bambino, and an airless apt.

Not too long ago, I heard on the radio a story about a boy with a neurologic condition which caused him to be , at the age of 4 y, just reaching 4 mo milestones. He had just learned to roll over. Imagine how his parents would feel if that boy could get up, run around, play with toys and make a mess.
That's so true..

~e, wife to my sweet T , mama to my turtleman (12) , sunshine (9 ), and monkey (6)
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#14 of 15 Old 07-21-2006, 03:22 PM
 
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I totally feel your pain. The last time my dad was in my house he said "if you add one more thing in here, there is going to be a huge explosion and your walls are just going to blow out"....

The problem is that he and my mom are ALWAYS buying stuff for us and the kids so the contribute to the problem in a huge way! Plus, my dh and I both work from home and we run our son's therapy program from home full-time so there is lots of STUFF associated. Couple that we three cats, a dog, and two kids and there is clutter we simply can't avoid.

The thing is, I actually LIKE it here! I'm constantly getting rid of things and decluttering but I still LIKE my home and get frustrated when other people talk crap about it and it never ceases to amaze me why my parents don't get that..... Oh well.....
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#15 of 15 Old 07-22-2006, 06:49 PM
 
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Pay no attention to the remark about your home, after all... it's your HOME. And as you said, you love it. As my dh says, some people have no filter between their brain and their mouth. Sometimes this puts it into perspective for me.
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