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Suffocated by Clutter -- HELP!!!

947 views 18 replies 8 participants last post by  Leta 
#1 ·
We live in a 1600 square foot house, which feels tiny for our family of four. I am finally hiring some childcare and decluttering. I wanted to do this five years ago, but had huge problems with kids fishing out stuff and my dh (a true hoarder) freaking when I would throw things away.

So I have two rooms, floor to ceiling junk. The way I cleaned was just by taking things and putting them in boxes and putting them in one of the two rooms. This worked OK, though I would prefer to have the space for other purposes.

I'm having trouble sorting through so much stuff and I feel absolutely horrified at how long this is taking me. I have spent nearly ten hours and there is barely a dent. I did take three vanloads of stuff to our local donation center and I have thrown away tons of bags of trash. But there is still so much -- I'm guessing close to 2000 cubic feet of junk.

I am going to have to double sort a lot of stuff. I have a few boxes: Photos, Kid Artwork, Keep General, Trash, and Give away. right now I am keeping more than I am tossing, which is terrible. All photos will be kept, but the rest of this stuff really needs to go! How can I be strong and do what needs to be done? why is this so hard?

Did I mention that I have ZERO support, in fact, it is common for dh to pick stuff out of the trash or give away bag? Please help motivate me or give me guidelines or something.
 
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#4 ·
OOOOO, can i see a pick of 2000 cubic feet of clutter? I am sure I can't even imagine it!

It is too bad your DH is a hoarder and you are trying very hard to clean up and out... You will just have to take the van to the goodwill everyday before he gets home from work!!
 
#5 ·
Well, I am down to "only" about 1200 cubic feet of clutter now! I can stuff the boxes I cleared out into one room, thus freeing up one entire room of our home. DH threw a bit of a fit at all of the stuff that is no longer with us -- but that's part of the game with a person with serious hoarding issues.

I just realized that he believes that almost all of the clutter is mine -- though only one box of it actually is mine, a box of clothes I don't wear. Everything else belongs to him or used to belong to the kids. He doesn't like me to get rid of the kids' old stuff either. Um, well, where am I going to put it?

He says just put it away, but we do not have that much room. Our 1952 house was originally just 995 feet and has an addition. It has tiny closets, no attic, no basement, no utility room, teeny weeny bathrooms and kitchen. So if he doesn't want me to throw it out, give it away, or sell it, the only way that I can have our house relatively clear and clean is to box the junk and stick it aside. Then I go through one box a day while he is at work. The big dejunkings like this call a lot of attention to what is happening, which must be avoided. But I need that room.

Any tips or ideas for sorting through kid artwork?
 
#6 ·
Your frustration is coming through loud and clear though--that
means that you really are ready to let the stuff go.

Remember that all the stuff didn't appear in a day or even a
week, and it may take some time to get it all decluttered.

However, you must be gentle with yourself, give yourself
credit and persevere. Be brave and know that you are on the path.


Take a lot of breaks, drink tea, take a bath every night and get a
lot of sleep. Also, do you have a dear friend you love and trust
who can lend a hand. Make sure you do a lot when DH isn't around...

It's a snowball effect really. You know what needs to be done. If today
you toss just a few things that are hard to let go of (kids art) tomorrow
you will be able to toss a few more.

Keep us posted....also, keep the flow coming in to a minimum. Do you
open your mail directly over the trash so you can toss out the junk mail, etc. Have you let go of magazines you know you won't read...those things
can take up a lot of space!
 
#7 ·
take a minute to think this through....

how many kids do you have?
how old are they?
how much room do you have for storage (sounds like none)?

If you kept everything they make until they're 14 or 15, that would be maybe 30 or 40 pieces a year? So, if you just take 10 years that would be about 300 pieces...then what, would your dc's keep these treasures when they went to college etc.?

Just set some limits. You can get a portfolio for each child and select a few very special items each year to place in the portfolio. Even with a modest 3 pieces a year, your dc will still end up with more than 30 items by the time they're grown teenagers.

Set up an "art show". Find a clean wall, tape up all the artwork you're holding onto and take several photos. Then have dc's each select their five favorites and put these in the portfolio. The rest get released..


Also, I've heard of people using dc's artwork to wrap gifts which I think is mighty thrifty and clever.

A more tasteful portfolio.

How are things under the kids beds...I believe in keeping these areas free
and clear, but it sounds like you need storage. Can you set these spaces aside for your dc's keepsakes. One portfolio, one box for sentimental clothing or toys. If there is a set limit and container for these items then one must be very selective in what one keeps...

is any of this helpful???
 
#8 ·
Great ideas for the art! That's the only thing that's really hard for me to release. The rest of it, with few exceptions, is very very easy for me. Except for the logistical issues, ie, getting the garbage to the curb on garbage day after dh leaves for work but before the garbage truck comes, LOL.

Vixenmama, I don't have a dear friend who can help me with this.

How about you?
 
#9 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by inezyv View Post
Great ideas for the art! That's the only thing that's really hard for me to release. The rest of it, with few exceptions, is very very easy for me. Except for the logistical issues, ie, getting the garbage to the curb on garbage day after dh leaves for work but before the garbage truck comes, LOL.

Vixenmama, I don't have a dear friend who can help me with this.

How about you?
I'm here to help! I'm doing this for myself right now as well, my clutter is more hidden, closets, pantry, basement...

Were you asking for my help or if I have someone to help me....
: I hope I didn't understand!
 
#11 ·
Scanner!!! That's it!!! Ok, I will put kid artwork in boxes for now and then wrassle the rest of this junk monster. DH was angry about it last night, but I have to ignore that stuff and keep going or I will never be able to do it.

The room I want to reclaim is about 10 X 11 and about 8 feet high with an entire wall of windows. It is accessed through my daughter's closet in the bedroom she shares with her sister. I want this room to be a pretty little library or kid art area for her to actually use, not packed with every toy and outfit the girls have ever worn. So the bad part is that I have to drag the boxes through her closet and deposit them on their bedroom floor in order to see what is in them. So their room is unusable during this process.

Vixenmama, I meant that I wish you were here in real life to be the dear friend helping me go through stuff. I am literally tossing infant toys and such. Each item brings a huge emotional reaction from dh and if you were my neighbor, I would ask you to pretend all this trash was yours, LOL. He will never miss the individual items -- most has been boxed for over a year and he never noticed it.
 
#12 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by inezyv View Post
G. Except for the logistical issues, ie, getting the garbage to the curb on garbage day after dh leaves for work but before the garbage truck comes, LOL.
that's me too


Now dh is on vacation and i don't see how I can sneak stuff out without him noticing.

sigh

When he goes back to work.

Sounds like you're doing a great job. Keep up the good work.
 
#14 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by inezyv View Post
...Each item brings a huge emotional reaction from dh and if you were my neighbor, I would ask you to pretend all this trash was yours, LOL. He will never miss the individual items -- most has been boxed for over a year and he never noticed it.


Does he realize that he sort of has an unhealthy relationship with this stuff? Did you guys ever talk about it? I'm just wondering what's making him feel that way....
 
#16 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by inezyv View Post
ROFL! Oh yes, Vixenmama, I think I may have mentioned it to him a few zillion times!
I know people who have the "can't let go" thing find it extremely painful---and it's not really funny to them.

Maybe when you get one room nicely decluttered and organized he'll see the difference and feel better about letting go of some stuff.

I was going to recommend scrapbooking as a hobby for your dh because then he can have a "container" (the scrapbook) for the memories...and he wouldn't have to hang on to every little thing, but then I realized scrapbooking is one of those hobbies that entails keeping a lot of STUFF----so maybe not!
:
:
 
#17 ·
OK, I did it!!! I'm so happy, all of that choking, smothering clutter is out of my girls' bedroom and the little front room that can be a wonderful space for the girls. At the end I realized that I was going to have to just stop and put the house together for Christmas, so I boxed up the last ten boxes and dropped them in my husband's personal junk room to sort later. One box a night starting soon after Christmas.

I know that he feels really bad about getting rid of junk, and I am sorry for that, but it makes me feel really bad to have so much junk that we are losing two bedrooms in our home and our garage just to store a bunch of old stuff we don't need.

I get a feeling of joy, lightness, and accomplishment when I get rid of stuff. Almost like an addictive rush. Especially this much junk. I cannot even count how many boxes of stuff I gave away or the number of bags of trash.

I thought about ebay or garage sales but when things are this big of a catastrophe I think the main thing is that I have to just pitch and pitch and forget making a few bucks for hours of hard work.

Now, surreptitiously, I will work on one box a day, chipping and chipping away. Soon I might be able to see the floor in my husband's junk room, LOL.
 
#18 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by inezyv View Post
...I get a feeling of joy, lightness, and accomplishment when I get rid of stuff. Almost like an addictive rush. Especially this much junk. I cannot even count how many boxes of stuff I gave away or the number of bags of trash.

Now, surreptitiously, I will work on one box a day, chipping and chipping away. Soon I might be able to see the floor in my husband's junk room, LOL.

Hooray, Hooray, Hooray! That feeling is what I've been living on the past two weeks. Especially since I've been listing what fling in the New Years Declutter challenge thread---it seems like every day I'm able to toss out some useless crap somewhere in my house. It is totally addictive.

I think you're going to have a great New Year. You're off to an incredible start. Can you think of a better holiday present to yourself or your family than a "free and clear' home.

Your poor dh! You're right. You deserve a clutter free home and so does he. I hope he begins to want it as much as you do. Patience....
 
#19 ·
inezyv-

I am certainly not a psychologist or anything, but I am a reformed packrat. If it is as bad as you say with your DH and hoarding, he needs to see a therapist. If he does not see a problem with two rooms full of stuff (or seriously thinks that it all belongs to someone else) he has a disorder requiring professional help. Make it clear to him that it is a drain on his marriage and family life. I had to choose between my stuff and my relationships, and it was a godsend!

Also, about the artwork? I had a hard time with this, too. Take a picture. Do not save anything. Make it a rule. That's what I had to do.

Great job for all you've accomplished so far! Good luck on your journey! I know how hard it is, but also how rewarding. Keep up the good work!
 
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