Please help...I live in the belly of a beast!(rant) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 45 Old 03-29-2007, 04:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by momma of monkeys View Post
I swear, one of these days, I am just gonna start throwing things out. I even tried having a garage sale...it was not so great...and I have some things (like the entertainment center) that I feel compelled to sell bcuz SO spends so much money on things (like the new tv, xbox 360, hd dvd player, etc) that I just want to recoop a portion of what we had previously spent...
Reassure your husband that if he needs to return something because it is defective you will not need the box. Then, start throwing them away. I know its probably not the most gentle approach, but sometimes packrats need help letting go. I'm a recovering packrat, and I know sometimes I like for my husband to just toss things and not tell me. I almost never notice the stuff is gone.

Additionally, for those with storage units, calculate how much you've spent storing the junk and ask yourself (or SO) if anything in the unit is worth that much. Dh and I spent $50/mo for over 2 years storing junk we eventually tossed. That's $1200....flush!
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#32 of 45 Old 03-29-2007, 07:20 PM
 
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After reading more of your posts, I say, go get a storage unit, a uhaul (unless your or a friend has a pick up) and take everything of his there. It might take a few, or many, trips, but getting out of the house will help you so much.

Amy ~ Web Designing Single Mom to 4: DD14, DS12, DS5, DS3
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#33 of 45 Old 03-30-2007, 01:40 PM
 
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The rule at our house (and we too moved!) is that he can clutter up the non living areas but if his mess protrudes into the main living space I stack it all up on his desk. I do spend a lot of time picking his stuff up and moving it to the office but it works for us! The unfinished upstairs is also junked as are 2 buildings... sigh
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#34 of 45 Old 03-30-2007, 10:51 PM
 
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This morning he woke me up at 4:30 to complain about having no clean socks. I told him about 2 or so months ago that I would no longer be accepting 'floor laundry' and he would have to put it into or at least 'near' the laundry hamper. He continues to leave it on the bedroom floor where I must wade to it in order to get to bed.(I mostly sleep on the couch) He threw it all over the room this morning. I cannot get to the closet or dresser w/o moving it. I guess I'll have to break on that 'rule' and do his laundry (which I would do with a smile on my face if he would just put it in the d@mn hamper).
If he needs socks he can either 1) do laundry himself or 2) put it in the hamper. Neither option is very difficult. Does he remember the rule? Have you guys talked about it recently?

thalia loves Jesus and DH wordyeight and DD#1 : 8/2007 and DD#2 9/2010
and remembering: little turtle 5/23/2006 and poppyseed 7/15/2009
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#35 of 45 Old 03-31-2007, 04:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Conteuse View Post
Check out this article on hoarding. That's what this sounds like, and it's serious.

He needs help if he really CAN'T let things go... if he would rather lose his relationships than his junk, then he needs counseling and professional help. Check around on that website and you'll see what I mean.
: Well, that about wraps it up...though I must say, at least it's not garbage that is OBVIOUS garbage....

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If he needs socks he can either 1) do laundry himself or 2) put it in the hamper. Neither option is very difficult. Does he remember the rule? Have you guys talked about it recently?
Actually we have, I said something to him when I took lunch at work...and he waved his arm at me (in a dismissing way) and walked off....!!!

When my mom leaves town next week, I am going to give myself about 3-5 days per room...the master bedroom is gonna be a b!tch...

True Love is here....to stay!
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#36 of 45 Old 03-31-2007, 04:30 AM
 
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Maybe give him one room or part of one room for his junk and then organize the rest.

Can you hire a home organizer or ask for one as a gift?

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#37 of 45 Old 03-31-2007, 05:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe give him one room or part of one room for his junk and then organize the rest.

Can you hire a home organizer or ask for one as a gift?
He lost his 'office' (aka...his room full of crap) when we had dd...we live in a 3/2, and have two kiddos...I would LOVE to have a room just for him. It's funny, he thinks we just need a bigger house. I think we just need to let go of things....

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#38 of 45 Old 03-31-2007, 01:34 PM
 
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You have two adults and two children in a three bedroom, two bath house? You DO NOT need a bigger house.

Trying to turn hearts and minds toward universal healthcare, one post at a time.
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#39 of 45 Old 03-31-2007, 02:21 PM
 
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My friend told me how she gets rid of stuff. She'll conquer a corner or closet at the beginning of the week and put everything into bins. She then lets her family know that whatever has not found a permanent place to live (meaning not just placed in another pile) will be thrown out at the end of the week. Her theory is, if it's that important an effort would be made to save and keep the item in good condition. If they're not even willing to care for an item it must not be valuable and can be discarded.
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#40 of 45 Old 03-31-2007, 04:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You have two adults and two children in a three bedroom, two bath house? You DO NOT need a bigger house.
...and a 90+ lb rottie and basically no yard or good place for the kids to play outside or the dog to get decent excercise. Maybe not a bigger house, maybe a bigger lot and an enclosed garage....and what about when we want to ttc for #3?

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#41 of 45 Old 03-31-2007, 04:43 PM
 
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Actually we have, I said something to him when I took lunch at work...and he waved his arm at me (in a dismissing way) and walked off...
It sounds like he is not taking your concerns seriously - that's not cool.

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't even think about getting a bigger house until this is resolved. Getting a bigger place as of right now would only be putting a small bandaid on a big wound. Bigger places equal more room to aquire more stuff. Then, you would be back to square one.

To make up for the small yard for now, the dog can be exercised daily (which is more important than having a big yard. Rotties are a working breed that need something to do every day ), and the kids can be taken to a park, playgroup, etc.

Now, if your goal is to eventually get a bigger place and to TTC #3, then sit down with your SO and make a plan of action. Set a timeline when certain areas need to be cleaned out, and that it needs to stay clean for X amount of time before you start looking for a new home. "If we want this, we need to do this in order for it to happen." Point out that the more stuff you have to move, the more it is going to cost you. Then, if he wants to do it bad enough, maybe he will make an effort to change his habits. But, ultimately, he is going to have to want to change - you can't make him do something he is not willing to do.
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#42 of 45 Old 03-31-2007, 05:43 PM
 
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: Well, that about wraps it up...though I must say, at least it's not garbage that is OBVIOUS garbage....
Then you need to get some help, for yourself and for him, before you do anything else. Search for 'hoarding' in this forum and you will come up with some good threads with good suggestions for loved ones of people who have this problem. This will not go away and it will probably get worse if you and he don't deal with it now. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

thalia loves Jesus and DH wordyeight and DD#1 : 8/2007 and DD#2 9/2010
and remembering: little turtle 5/23/2006 and poppyseed 7/15/2009
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#43 of 45 Old 04-01-2007, 02:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Then you need to get some help, for yourself and for him, before you do anything else. Search for 'hoarding' in this forum and you will come up with some good threads with good suggestions for loved ones of people who have this problem. This will not go away and it will probably get worse if you and he don't deal with it now. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
Will do...I already joined SS...and I *know* that our house needs some serious help....I am going to freecycle some things that I could sell, just to make them gone faster. Thanks.

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#44 of 45 Old 04-02-2007, 09:19 AM
 
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Nothing says I love you like clean socks and underwear. And it probably wouldn't hurt to hang a net laundrybag in some corner of the bedroom for laundry, you can probably fit one in the tightest of spaces.

I'd suggest joing FlyLady: www.flylady.net I think that her ideas will really help you.

I think if you go the extra mile in some areas, he will eventually want to help you with stuff, but I think you have got to work on yourself, first. Also - are your and your son's areas in good shape? The contrast would be shocking. . . .don't you think, if DH say his stuff all over the place, and the rest of the family tidy and neat? I can't help but think that his clutter has infected your whole house. . . .
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#45 of 45 Old 04-02-2007, 01:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Nothing says I love you like clean socks and underwear. And it probably wouldn't hurt to hang a net laundrybag in some corner of the bedroom for laundry, you can probably fit one in the tightest of spaces.

I'd suggest joing FlyLady: www.flylady.net I think that her ideas will really help you.

I think if you go the extra mile in some areas, he will eventually want to help you with stuff, but I think you have got to work on yourself, first. Also - are your and your son's areas in good shape? The contrast would be shocking. . . .don't you think, if DH say his stuff all over the place, and the rest of the family tidy and neat? I can't help but think that his clutter has infected your whole house. . . .
I've already washed his socks (and pretty much everything else):

I guess *my* area is the kitchen and it's prolly the most kempt room in the house. He does have things in there....but not for long.

I will check out flylady though I already do the 15 minutes at a time thing if I am feeling slow some days...I have read others flylady posts here before:

And, oh my yes, SO's stuff has taken over the house!

I have talked with my neighbor who has a storage that is too large for her now, she is going to 'rent' me part of it. She is also going to help me get some free boxes from craig's list and move the stuff (she has a truck )
So I do believe I am on my way.....WHHHHHOOOOOOO-HOOOOOO

True Love is here....to stay!
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