Please help...I live in the belly of a beast!(rant) - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 03-28-2007, 04:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
momma of monkeys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Candyland
Posts: 1,478
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So, I want to organize my home...little background...in my previous marrige (and pretty much my whole life prior to that) I have been pretty anti clutter...and though not always white glove worthy, everything was clean and had a home and it felt good. Fast forward to when I moved in w/ SO, about 4 years ago...he is a PACKRAT....he won't get rid of anything, he keeps boxes that things come in 'just in case it has to be returned'....since I have been with him I have never completely unpacked, and I am uncomfortable in my home.
He says, You look at our home like it's a monster that you can't get control of...I told him that when I want to start a project (cleaning/organizing/etc), I start to look around, my heart beats fast, I get a lump in my throat, and usually burst into tears. I am paralyzed by my home. I am so overwhelmed that I don't even know where to start.
So, today, again, I try to start, he has a break at work and calls me, I start asking him, do you need this box, do you need this jacket (that has had a broken zipper for 8 months)...he says the box is 'just in case' (even though there is no warrenty on the item) and he wants the patches from the jacket and the jacket has too many memories to get rid of it. I tried to take the patches off and they are ironed AND sewn on... (btw...I have tried to do this stuff with him here and have the same result, usually worse because if he is right there, he can SEE what I am throwing out).
I cannot just go through and get rid of HIS stuff because what if i throw out something that his grandpa gave him when he was little, he has so much stuff, I don't know what is legit crap and what SHOULD be saved.
I hate this, I am angry all the time, I can never find anything, I end up throwing away MY stuff even if it is sentimental because I just can't take it.
Nobody will lift a finger to help me, if I ask ds to clean up his room, or SO to take out the garbage they both act like I;ve just asked for a kidney.I feel like I have 4 kids, two that are legit children, one overgrown, and one furry...I am at my wits end...what do I do??? Please help before I run away from my own house.........I am miserable....

True Love is here....to stay!
momma of monkeys is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-28-2007, 05:14 PM
 
Aeress's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Neat the Shores of Lake Erie
Posts: 6,397
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
*smiles* I can smile only becuase after being my dh for 10 yrs, he has just recently seen the light. I took all of his needed stuff and put it smack dab in front of his computer so that he couldn't get to it and all of a sudden, he could care less for the stuff. *laughs*
O.k. that was a bit extreme and it took alot of my energy but guess what? It is now out of the house!

If he wants to keep it, he has to have a place to put it. Once that place is full he has to get rid of something to put something new in its place.

Now, the kids are another story...can't help you there, I am working on that. :

Dhjammin.gif, Me knit.gif, DD 10 REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, DD 7 cat.gif, DD 4 joy.gif

We reading.gif, homeschool.gif, cold.gif, eat.gif, sleepytime.gif not in that order

Aeress is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 05:19 PM
 
Ruthla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 43,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Can the boxes be folded flat so they take up less space?

Can the patches be cut out of the jacket?

Can you give him an ultimatum? ie "You have until April 15th to clean out your junk or I'll clean it out for you."

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 13(homeschooled)
Ruthla is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 05:30 PM
 
feminist~mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,810
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I absolutely *KNOW* that none of the previous suggestions would work with my DP (aka- the pack rat!). He loves his stuff. He has a storage unit (which is full of course). When I first moved in with him it was AWFUL. I couldn't throw anything out and he pretty much refused to see that it was driving me insane. His house was literally so full of stuff that you couldn't walk through the "spare room" (which was the larger room). In addition, it all was covered in dust!

My solution?

We moved. I was an absolute B*TCH about ensuring that everything that came into the house had a home and was clean. The result is that the garage is stuffed with crap, but my house is now liveable for me. We had many unhappy moments while moving, but it was SO worth it.

Any way that you could engineer a move? I really don't think it would have ever happened otherwise- it's a bummer too as our new place is $400/month more... We could have happily co-existed in the other place if he'd been willing to reduce his stuff.

Jen, L&D RN, CBE, CLEC who loves to knit.gif! I adore my modifiedartist.gifDP, treehugger.gifDD 10/98, & sweet new babygirl.gif5/10!!!
feminist~mama is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 05:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
momma of monkeys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Candyland
Posts: 1,478
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by brendon View Post
*smiles* I can smile only becuase after being my dh for 10 yrs, he has just recently seen the light. I took all of his needed stuff and put it smack dab in front of his computer so that he couldn't get to it and all of a sudden, he could care less for the stuff. *laughs*
O.k. that was a bit extreme and it took alot of my energy but guess what? It is now out of the house!

If he wants to keep it, he has to have a place to put it. Once that place is full he has to get rid of something to put something new in its place.

Now, the kids are another story...can't help you there, I am working on that. :
I will not make it another 6 years...since he has so much crap on the desk (that in now in the great room since we had dd, and she needed a room)and he has the dining table covered, so we cannot eat there, and he has the entertainment center that I am selling covered, and our bedroom has an 8 ft. pile of stuff on his side as well as clothes everywhere, and you cannot walk in our 'walk in' closet', and our little storage room is filled floor to ceiling....where would I put the stuff so that it would be inconvienient?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
Can the boxes be folded flat so they take up less space?

Can the patches be cut out of the jacket?

Can you give him an ultimatum? ie "You have until April 15th to clean out your junk or I'll clean it out for you."
I could try to flatten some of the boxes but most of them are electronic stuff boxes that don't seem to have an easy way to flatten, not like a moving box, kwim?

I swear, one of these days, I am just gonna start throwing things out. I even tried having a garage sale...it was not so great...and I have some things (like the entertainment center) that I feel compelled to sell bcuz SO spends so much money on things (like the new tv, xbox 360, hd dvd player, etc) that I just want to recoop a portion of what we had previously spent...

Thanks, maybe I will cover the bed with stuff, I sleep on the couch anyhow....

True Love is here....to stay!
momma of monkeys is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 05:41 PM
 
Ruthla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 43,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
I would suggest starting by throwing out the boxes from any electronic equipment that's more than 2 months old.

Could you convince him to get a storage unit away from the house, and get him to put all his junk in there, so it's out of the house? True, it's a waste of money but at least the house would be livable! Plus, you can then say "well, if it's important to you, it would be in the storage unit, so since it's in the house, I have free reign to throw it all out!

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 13(homeschooled)
Ruthla is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 05:48 PM
 
Leta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ishpeming, MI
Posts: 3,458
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am a reformed packrat. My life is so much better now.

My DH (back when he was BF, before we were living together) was the person who made me understand that my stuff was interfering with my relationships with people.

I think this is similar to an alcholic acknowledging that s/he has a disease.

You need to make it clear to your DH that you can accomidate (enable?) his problem no longer.

Trying to turn hearts and minds toward universal healthcare, one post at a time.
Leta is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 05:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
momma of monkeys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Candyland
Posts: 1,478
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I would suggest starting by throwing out the boxes from any electronic equipment that's more than 2 months old.

Could you convince him to get a storage unit away from the house, and get him to put all his junk in there, so it's out of the house? True, it's a waste of money but at least the house would be livable! Plus, you can then say "well, if it's important to you, it would be in the storage unit, so since it's in the house, I have free reign to throw it all out!
At one point we had a storage. He pretty much never paid his 'half' even though it was all his stuff. Now that I sahm we cannot afford a storage. btw...he is also using about as much space as he can take up at his grandma's house with his stuff (his brother lives there and is the same D@MN way).

The suggestion about moving, well, I wouldn't mind that BUT, the house is in my name only, his credit is shot, and he is the only one w/ an income. It would be pretty much impossible for us to move to anything but a rental...no thank you. It took me YEARS to own a home and I really would feel awful if I had to give that up, ykwim?

I think I am gonna find a friend with a truck and just take a load of whatever to the dump. Even if it costs me the relationship, I have been walking on eggshells for years, afraid to get rid of stuff....and I think my sanity is becoming number one on the list rather than last.

Sorry I keep b!tching, I am just really upset about it today.

True Love is here....to stay!
momma of monkeys is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 06:22 PM
Banned
 
2Sweeties1Angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Missouri
Posts: 3,042
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Do you have homeowners/renters insurance? And a can of gasoline? And a box of matches?
2Sweeties1Angel is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 07:11 PM
 
abandbunk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 322
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
have you suggested counseling? maybe that would help? it sounds like a very serious problem.

i wish i could find this link, it was of a ladies house that was just stacked w/@#$@ and seeing it REALLY was an eye opener, even tho most other people's houses arent THAT bad, maybe if he could SEE it kwim, then he would realize the extent of the problem, could you take pictures? and show him? i mean i know that sounds wierd, but whenver i think of taking a picture of my mess, i can always so clearly see how bad it is kwim, you get so used to seeing all your stuff for so long it almost becomes invisible, so to SEE it, is REALLY helpful, if he coudl REALLY SEE it he may be willing to get rid of most of it, just a thought hugs btw, that has got to be really hard, and you have obviously been VERY patient
abandbunk is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 07:22 PM
 
Jane's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Kenmore, Washington
Posts: 6,956
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would suggest a no-throw-away policy for a weekend. It's pressuring to be asked to chuck stuff when you have an unhealthy attachment to it. If it were easy for him, he'd do it already, no?
Anyway, come to an agreement that nothing, absolutetly nothing goes away and with that agreement, sort the stuff into boxes. It will take up less space when all the alike things are together. Get some nice boxes that are all the same size (I like cardboard file boxes from Costco, $8 for 6). Take a marker and label each box. Getting those vacuum bags helps if you have lots of clothing - vacuum it flat and put it in boxes, too. If you put the bag in the box first, it assumes the dimentions of the box, that helps.
You can often get agreement from a saver by suggesting that his valuble things are being lost because they are not well cared for. Sorting and boxing will help out.
Restrict the saving to one room, like the dining room. It'd be better if it had a door and you didn't have to look at it...but you're already not using the dining room and you're short on space. Get the stuff out of your bedroom closet, the garage, all the other places in the house.

Homebirth Midwife biggrinbounce.gif

After 4 m/c, our stillheart.gif is here!

Jane is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 07:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
momma of monkeys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Candyland
Posts: 1,478
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2Sweeties1Angel View Post
Do you have homeowners/renters insurance? And a can of gasoline? And a box of matches?
Yes, No, Yes

True Love is here....to stay!
momma of monkeys is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 07:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
momma of monkeys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Candyland
Posts: 1,478
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So here is what I did today, and what I will propose this evening....I decided to clean the entry way closet. I got two plastic bins (the med/large ones) and one has my (and kids) stuff to sell, or giveaway. The other has his stuff. I am going to tell him he has 48 hours to go through, and either find a place for (neatly) or get rid of the things in the bin. If he decides to ignore me, I will throw it away. I will continue to fill bins for him to go through until either I have a house I can live in w/o losing my mind or he starts helping me with it or he leaves (and takes all his crap with him).
I am also going to pick a date for a garage sale (I'll have it at his gma's home, she lives in a better neighborhood for it, mine seemed to bring out all sorts of scary people who had less than a dollar on them ). He can put things in a bin to go into the sale, and I will give him whatever he 'makes' from it. Same for ds.
Does that sound remotely reasonable to any of you?

ps...now I have two big bins of stuff in my kitchen...but my closet is clean :

True Love is here....to stay!
momma of monkeys is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 08:04 PM
 
Thalia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 2,164
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree that counseling might be a good idea. Either he doesn't understand how important this is to you, or he doesn't care. I'm guessing it's the first one: he doesn't REALLY get it. Don't assume it's the second option. Do whatever it takes to help him understand how this is causing you so much grief that you are considering leaving the relationship. Find out why his stuff is so important to him (beyond just "it might come in handy someday"). Focus on finding a way that the two of you can compromise.

thalia loves Jesus and DH wordyeight and DD#1 : 8/2007 and DD#2 9/2010
and remembering: little turtle 5/23/2006 and poppyseed 7/15/2009
Thalia is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 08:20 PM
 
mightymoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Mass. Confusion
Posts: 10,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Apply to be on clean sweep.... Heck, I would give it a try if I were in that situation...

Perhaps you can sit down and reason through it with him. Does he like having the dining room covered in stuff? Is that what he envisions the space to look like ideally? If he agrees its not what you want, then you can say - look lets figure out how much space we can happily use for stuff (Sounds to me like the storage room is an ideal candidate) - and get him to agree that he can keep what fits in that space only, before making him decide on a single item.

Another thing I would do is maybe work in categories. Pull out every empty box you can find and count them - Ask him - is storing 100 boxes just in case worth it? Agree on a reasonable number to keep, and a reasonable amount of time to keep a box for a new purchase (maybe 3 months), etc. I think setting ground rules is much easier than going piece by piece, and he may not realize how much he's keeping 'just in case'.

Another thing to consider is that if you come gungho with all this 'throw it all away', he may be pushing back because he feels threatened. If you seem like you are willing to compromise. e.g. he can keep some boxes, just a reasonable number, he may be more willing to do it.

I liked Peter Walsh's book 'It's all too much' - you might consider getting that and asking him to read it. He even acknowledges in the book that the reader might have been asked to read it by someone else - its a lot more about convincing someone to let go of the stuff than it is about specific organizing systems.

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
mightymoo is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 08:22 PM
 
mightymoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Mass. Confusion
Posts: 10,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Another thought - any time he says he needs to keep something just in case, write a note inside with the date 'Kept this just in case, if you used it, sign here and write the date'. When you drag it out two years later, you can say 'Hey, I wrote this note on this item 2 years ago, you haven't used it or looked at it in all that time, maybe its time to get rid of it?'

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
mightymoo is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 09:11 PM
 
sapphire_chan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 27,052
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wonder if he realizes that he's abusing you by holding on to the stuff? I wonder if he realizes he's abusing himself?
sapphire_chan is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 09:46 PM
 
Mama Dragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Apparently on MDC
Posts: 10,555
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Can you get a storage unit, or shed? Somewhere not in your home to store the stuff he won't get rid of but has no use in your home?

Amy ~ Web Designing Single Mom to 4: DD14, DS12, DS5, DS3
Mama Dragon is offline  
Old 03-28-2007, 10:30 PM
 
siennaflower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Hogsmeade
Posts: 2,160
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's not an immediate fix, but maybe pile everything on one side of a room and over a set amount of time, if it gets used it stays and goes on the other side to find a home. Take pictures of sentimental items, like the jacket...have him take a pic of him wearing it. Then he can have a pic, a smaller form of the memory than the actual item itself.
siennaflower is offline  
Old 03-29-2007, 01:08 AM
 
Ruthla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 43,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by momma of monkeys View Post
So here is what I did today, and what I will propose this evening....I decided to clean the entry way closet. I got two plastic bins (the med/large ones) and one has my (and kids) stuff to sell, or giveaway. The other has his stuff. I am going to tell him he has 48 hours to go through, and either find a place for (neatly) or get rid of the things in the bin. If he decides to ignore me, I will throw it away. I will continue to fill bins for him to go through until either I have a house I can live in w/o losing my mind or he starts helping me with it or he leaves (and takes all his crap with him).
I am also going to pick a date for a garage sale (I'll have it at his gma's home, she lives in a better neighborhood for it, mine seemed to bring out all sorts of scary people who had less than a dollar on them ). He can put things in a bin to go into the sale, and I will give him whatever he 'makes' from it. Same for ds.
Does that sound remotely reasonable to any of you?

ps...now I have two big bins of stuff in my kitchen...but my closet is clean :
It sounds like a good system to me. He's only got 1 bin of stuff to deal with at a time, which should be more managable for him. It also gives him a chance to see/ you a chance to show him that you DO mean business by throwing away a portion of stuff, without him "losing" everything at once, or you being tempted to chuck everything at once!

One little suggestion: move the bins to the dining room insted of keeping them in the kitchen!

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 13(homeschooled)
Ruthla is offline  
Old 03-29-2007, 01:37 AM
 
1growingsprout's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,666
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
forgive me if these questions were answered before

are you married or s/o?
if you married him , you also married all this 'stuff' you say the house is 'your name only' then you have final say on what goes on in that house...
somehow all that stuff got in your house...

however if you are trying to get hard core about this now 4 years later you need to think about this.... you could be pushing s/o away along with the stuff' it so unds like you are making an ultamatium... either the stuff goes or i make it go?? are you prepared for him to say 'forget it, im outta here'??

you need to pick your battles and decide what approach you are taking... its 'your' house...
1growingsprout is offline  
Old 03-29-2007, 02:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
momma of monkeys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Candyland
Posts: 1,478
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1growingsprout View Post
forgive me if these questions were answered before

are you married or s/o?
if you married him , you also married all this 'stuff' you say the house is 'your name only' then you have final say on what goes on in that house...
somehow all that stuff got in your house...

however if you are trying to get hard core about this now 4 years later you need to think about this.... you could be pushing s/o away along with the stuff' it so unds like you are making an ultamatium... either the stuff goes or i make it go?? are you prepared for him to say 'forget it, im outta here'??

you need to pick your battles and decide what approach you are taking... its 'your' house...
Oh dear, I must have 'over-ranted'....we aren't married (if you get the urge, check out my post re: I got a ring) Though the house is only in my name, as long as we are together it is 'our' house...and I NEVER throw the whole 'it's my house' thing in his face. That would be mean. The only way that would come up is if we split up....

All the stuff has been coming here over the last couple of years, he had a ton of stuff stored at his grandma's and he'd bring over a few boxes at a time...he also continues to purchase new stuff and take hand me down stuff from friends. That is how we ended up with it all...trust, it was not ALL here when we moved in.

The catalyst for me finally putting my foot down about the mess is as follows. My ds has been dx w/ ADHD and I have been considering a med trial. I wanted to make sure I had covered all my bases prior to just putting ds on meds. My cousin-in-law said to me, if you organized your house, I think ALL of you would feel better, you should just organize and see if that helps before you do the meds thing. So, it's not really even totally about SO...it's to help ds and me. Unfortunatly most of the stuff is SO's...

Um, if I haven't gotten rid of him by now, I prolly won't. He's not a 'bad' man. He's no financial wizard, or Martha Stewart...but as i have said before, I love my wonderful imperfect guy.


eta: I went back and reread the post where I said the house is in my name only...and my point was that HE has the income, I have the credit...we couldn't get financed on another house right now even if we were married. A lender would use his FICO because he has the income. Does that make it make more sense? I am angry and frustrated...but not really wanting to ditch my SO...just needed to vent and find some suggestions on how to undo our clutterdom..

True Love is here....to stay!
momma of monkeys is offline  
Old 03-29-2007, 04:22 AM
 
1growingsprout's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,666
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
gotchya...

i agree with your thinking that some of DS ADD/ADHD symptoms may improve in a calm environment... part of that is not living in perpetual disarry

I totally understand the FICO score/income game... i was a banker before my career as a mommy and DH still works in the industry.

can you send DS to grandma's or somewhere for a day or weekend. and committ time to DH and cleaning the house... maybe make it a family cleaning not just his stuff...

i know this isnt SO's reasoning but i save every box etc for shipping on ebay.. it took my DH a while to accept that but now he understands, i have my box corner in the garage and all is well....

also talk to you DS's therapist about the home condition... my kids are so much calmer some days if i have a few candles burning, however you cant do that for fear of torching the house...
1growingsprout is offline  
Old 03-29-2007, 09:08 AM
 
Thalia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 2,164
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, that's good! If the decluttering is for your ds, it'll probably be easier for both of you. Now the two of you can sit down and strategize, because this is something that really needs to happen soon, so that you can make a decision about how to proceed with your son's treatment. You can work as a team, and you can also help your SO by letting him know that you understand that it's hard/painful for him to give stuff away. If the two of you can work out a plan for cleaning the whole house, you'll be all set. Something that helps him not get overwhelmed but still gets the job done.

How did he respond to your cleaning out the closet?

thalia loves Jesus and DH wordyeight and DD#1 : 8/2007 and DD#2 9/2010
and remembering: little turtle 5/23/2006 and poppyseed 7/15/2009
Thalia is offline  
Old 03-29-2007, 10:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
momma of monkeys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Candyland
Posts: 1,478
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thalia View Post
How did he respond to your cleaning out the closet?
He did okay. He started to tell me what stuff went where from his bin and I said, Then put it where it goes. He did put a few things away. Which is a start, at least he didn't say something nasty or start acting all hateful.
He also cleaned off the back porch because my mom & her dh were coming over for dinner. And the back porch is a mess bcuz of him and the dog (I almost never go out there bcuz of the mess...it's just as disconcerting as the house)
This morning he woke me up at 4:30 to complain about having no clean socks. I told him about 2 or so months ago that I would no longer be accepting 'floor laundry' and he would have to put it into or at least 'near' the laundry hamper. He continues to leave it on the bedroom floor where I must wade to it in order to get to bed.(I mostly sleep on the couch) He threw it all over the room this morning. I cannot get to the closet or dresser w/o moving it. I guess I'll have to break on that 'rule' and do his laundry (which I would do with a smile on my face if he would just put it in the d@mn hamper).

True Love is here....to stay!
momma of monkeys is offline  
Old 03-29-2007, 10:28 AM
 
Corri's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
He threw it all over the room this morning. I cannot get to the closet or dresser w/o moving it. I guess I'll have to break on that 'rule' and do his laundry
Oh no you don't! You put it on his side of the bed, so he'll have to sleep on top of it or under it, and put the hamper on top of the pile. That should make your point quite nicely. He's being an utter child, throwing a temper tantrum like that; don't give in, or it'll never end!

A grown adult should be able to follow simple directions for living, and asking him to put clothes in the hamper is hardly a huge chore. It's not like you're asking him to carry it down to the river and wash his clothes on the rocks! If he wants to be a big baby about it, he needs to suffer the natural consequences - in this case, the ones you've already set out - no clean socks.
Corri is offline  
Old 03-29-2007, 12:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
momma of monkeys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Candyland
Posts: 1,478
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Corri View Post
Oh no you don't! You put it on his side of the bed, so he'll have to sleep on top of it or under it, and put the hamper on top of the pile. That should make your point quite nicely. He's being an utter child, throwing a temper tantrum like that; don't give in, or it'll never end!

A grown adult should be able to follow simple directions for living, and asking him to put clothes in the hamper is hardly a huge chore. It's not like you're asking him to carry it down to the river and wash his clothes on the rocks! If he wants to be a big baby about it, he needs to suffer the natural consequences - in this case, the ones you've already set out - no clean socks.
At least somebody understands....I am not kidding when I say he acts like I have just asked for a kidney when I ask him to do something...like put his laundry in the hamper.

btw...the hamper is in the kitchen (all of 15 steps from our bedroom). The ONLY reason the hamper is in the kitchen is because in our bedroom we have a Cali King bed which takes up a lot of room. On his side of the bed is an 8 ft pile of stuff (from one of my last attempts to get him to help me organize)on my side of the bed is building materials for our master bathroom. That have been there for TWO YEARS...unfortunately I don't know how to build bathrooms so there it all sits. Anyways, the hamper would be in the bedroom if I had a place to put it.

True Love is here....to stay!
momma of monkeys is offline  
Old 03-29-2007, 12:38 PM
 
Corri's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Can you move the building materials to the kitchen, maybe? Or the garage? That would clear out some space.

I totally understand how you feel, btw - though both of us are slightly pack-ratty, so I can't shift the blame entirely. : But it feels a million times better to have a tidy apartment; I just feel much better able to concentrate and focus on things when I have order in my field of vision, y'know?

... just don't ask how long I can actually keep it that way after we clean...
Corri is offline  
Old 03-29-2007, 01:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
momma of monkeys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Candyland
Posts: 1,478
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
nak....sadly we don't have an enclosed garage...we live in a 1200sq ft patio home...that was designed for a minimalist appearently...

True Love is here....to stay!
momma of monkeys is offline  
Old 03-29-2007, 03:11 PM
 
Conteuse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 194
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Check out this article on hoarding. That's what this sounds like, and it's serious.

He needs help if he really CAN'T let things go... if he would rather lose his relationships than his junk, then he needs counseling and professional help. Check around on that website and you'll see what I mean.

Finding space and peace of mind, right where you are. Knowing that the less you own, the more control you have.
Realizing that less is not more, because you don't want more. You have too much already.  Less is best!                              www.lessisbest.net
    ...
Conteuse is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off