Terrible housekeepers support group - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 121 Old 10-06-2007, 06:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Here I am, back in this forum trying to get motivated ...

It seems to me that there are basically two types of posters in this forum: dedicated declutterers/simplifiers who are good at this stuff and like talking about it, and overwhelmed packrats who need help.

This is a roll call for overwhelmed packrats. First member: ME. Who wants to join me in admitting you need help?
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#2 of 121 Old 10-06-2007, 06:53 PM
 
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Hmm, well I am a combination of the two if that makes any sense. When I lived with a roommate, I kept my bedroom IMMACULATE and organized beyond what most people could fathom (color-coded, labels, everything). Now that I am married, my husband doesn't contribute to the housework much at all - except doing dishes occasionally (and it took well over two years to get him to do that). It makes me angry and frustrated because I also work full-time and I'm a part-time college student.

Anywho, hubby is very messy. This apartment would be immaculate if I lived alone, but I don't. If I clean too much he tells me I need to relax, but nothing ever gets done then because he doesn't help out. If I try to get him to help, he gets irritated and starts telling me I don't clean enough (now) either, but he forgets that he's the one who told me to "relax" my cleaning habits. He thinks I'm OCD, and I pretty much am, but I'm also a pack rat. Also, we live in an 840sq ft apartment, so there's not a ton of room.

I'm really disgusted by germs and even by clutter, but I place sentimental value on a lot of things, and the rest I'm afraid to get rid of because I hold on to the hope that maybe I can sell it on eBay. I have sold quite a few things on eBay, but not recently. I just don't have time to sell *everything* because you have to take photos from different angles, upload them, crop them, write the descriptions, choose a start price, choose where to list them, etc. Not to mention packaging and shipping them afterwards. Maybe I can get back into that once I get rid of the stuff that isn't as valuable.

I did make huge progress last weekend - I got rid of SIX bags full of clothes. Most of them didn't fit or just didn't match my current style. They were nice, fashionable clothes in great condition, but I didn't want to bother trying to sell them all so I gave them away to a friend of mine and her sister. What didn't fit them I took to the thrift store.

Today so far I have swept & Swiffered the kitchen floor. Then I vacuumed the living room. Next I moved all my books (tons) and my bookshelf into the small bedroom to make space in the living room for an extra stuffed chair we have that has been out of use since my mom gave it to us several months ago. I am still putting the books back on the shelf, and also re-organizing my desk. Then I have to sort through all my extra office supplies (in various plastic boxes) and decide what to keep & what to get rid of.

Next, I will finish cleaning the living room and shampoo the carpet. Then I will start some laundry while I vacuum the "office". After that, I have to vacuum and organize the bigger bedroom so we can move our bed back into there. I'll get hubby to help me move the bed tomorrow before he goes to work. Lastly, I have to get him to finish going through all *his* old clothes so I can donate what doesn't fit him and then we can get him some new work clothes. Wait... I forgot I also have to clean the shower.

*sigh* I have sooooooooo much to do!!! How did I ever let it get this way? We have been living here for 3 years, but it seems like I was never able to really unpack everything. It would've been easier if we lived in a house b/c I could have had a yard sale easily, plus probably more space. We only have 2 closets, both of which are walk-in, and our laundry "room" is more like closet-sized with one long rack shelf in it. So there's no place specifically for coats or linens. Ugh.

Okay that was a really long post. *phew* I'm just trying to rest a few minutes before I get back into gear.

Thank goodness I'm getting this done before we have a baby lol!!! We plan on trying to get a house next year, but it will be easier to move with less stuff.

BTW - any way you can change the title to "Frustrated Housekeepers" ?? LOL. It doesn't sound as degrading. :P

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#3 of 121 Old 10-08-2007, 09:07 PM
 
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sometimes I can hardly even read this forum, I get so depressed thinking about the chaos in which we live....
I'm too overwhelmed to even write about it....

Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
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#4 of 121 Old 10-08-2007, 09:36 PM
 
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I should declutter and become a better housekeeper. BUT

When I feel down about our house I just think about a house that we looked at.

You wouldn't believe the filth and clutter and odor.

You'd think that having a house for sale one would clean before having people traipse through your house :

Our house is clean and doesn't stink. Yeah we have clutter but its clean clutter

Could be worse...
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#5 of 121 Old 10-09-2007, 09:08 AM
 
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Dh is!

I just hate, hate, hate cleaning and I am not good at maintaining/picking up. If someone picked up the junk lying around the house would not be that bad in terms of organization. I'm constantly decluttering and I have the bones of a good organization system.

But there's too much clutter (toys/paper/laundry/even trash I'm sorry to say) lying everywhere (especially on the floor) and by the time I clean it up, I'm too exhausted to tackle the wiping/mopping/scrubbing that needs to be done. So my house is dirty too.
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#6 of 121 Old 10-09-2007, 03:52 PM
 
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Count me in the overwhelmed messy category. AND the sloppy-DH category. What a winning combination, yes?

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages. 

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#7 of 121 Old 10-09-2007, 04:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, yeah, my husband is way worse than I am. That's part of the problem. I can just barely handle my mess on my own, but not other people's on top of that. Especially when he won't clean his stuff up and doesn't want me to get rid of it. :
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#8 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 02:56 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post
sometimes I can hardly even read this forum, I get so depressed thinking about the chaos in which we live....
I'm too overwhelmed to even write about it....
Gosh. Me too. Can I join you?
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#9 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 09:01 AM
 
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Count me in! I am also not a packrat but I think I am lazy. I get overwhelmed and don't even know where to START with cleaning. My DH feels the need to throw his clothes on the floor outside the bathroom (allegedly with the intention of putting it in the wash) and there it sits for days. He can't seem to bring his soda bottle/ beer bottle/ whatever to the sink. It sits on the coffee table till I move it. If I point it out to him he says "well, you left your tea cup on the counter the other day!" I just get frustrated because I feel like it is endless- I clean and clean and clean and it is immediately messy again. : I just want DH to pick up after himself and I will do the rest, but that is apparently asking too much.

The other thing: I have a weird work schedule (and yes, this is probably just an excuse)- my days off vary and my hours vary so it is hard to get into a routine, like 'Tuesday: sweep and mop floors, clean bathroom, scour kitchen sink". I have to come up with a system.

May I point out that I am pregnant- QUITE pregnant- and that this baby will probably try to crawl back in when she sees the house????

ETA: It sounds like we may all be married to the same man....

Kerri, mom to Doran  angel2.gif  (born still 7/6/05 at 33 weeks), Mairaed (11/16/07),  angel1.gif 11/15/08 at 10 weeks,  Kieran (11/2/09).   angel1.gif 1/11/11 at 15 weeks
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#10 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 09:03 AM
 
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I just thought of something weird. We got a dyson and now I LOVE to vacuum. Of course, that doesn't mean I do it any more often! But for some reason when I buy new cleaning products I feel like I WANT to clean. It doesn't last though.....

Kerri, mom to Doran  angel2.gif  (born still 7/6/05 at 33 weeks), Mairaed (11/16/07),  angel1.gif 11/15/08 at 10 weeks,  Kieran (11/2/09).   angel1.gif 1/11/11 at 15 weeks
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#11 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 09:16 AM
 
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I am not a good cleaner-- not horrible, but really not good. And I am definitely overwhelmed.

DH is a packrat in the realm of OCD. He even has trouble throwing away used napkins (yes, he hordes them, I find piles of them stuffed in between his papers).

The kids have too many toys- way way too many-- and the neighbors constantly dump their used stuff on us. I also don't have enough bureau/ closet space for our clothes, so the "clean pile" is never put away fully. When the kids want clean clothes, I say "dig."

Because DH has taken up 90%+ of our storage space, I have nowhere to store anything.

DH denies that he has a problem which is frustrating. He has stacks of papers, books, and magazines all over the house but says it's just "a little." I had to threaten to divorce him to get him tom remove the 10 foot X 5 foot mound of papers/ magazines/ cardboard scraps he had accumulated in the kitchen (fire hazard!).

I get really depressed when I see clean, clutter-free houses. If DH did not have his issues and if he would help me just a modest amount in cleaning, it would be so much easier and better around here.

Is anyone willing to post pictures of their house?
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#12 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 09:19 AM
 
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I'm subbing to this....

I'd say I go in phases. I'm really decluttered and organized for a while, then something happens and kicks me out of my routine.

Right now the house is pretty good except one room. Our spare bedroom which in the last two years has become sort of a park all.

I grew up in a large home, with TWO packrats living there...PLUS a mom who cleaned yet, not so much as people do now.

Perpetually breastfeeding or pregnant ENFP mom to a lot of kids...wife to a midwestern nice guy...living in tropical paradise...pink cats and homebirths rock!

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#13 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 09:19 AM
 
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I forgot to mention that we have thousands of books-- but DH refuses to buy bookshelves, I don't know why. So there are just stacks and stacks of books all around. We have bookshelves in the attic but he has blocked passage to the attic with piles of papers and magazines on the steps.
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#14 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 09:20 AM
 
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I also wanted to say that I hate flylady, so please, no one mention that site!

(J/K you can mention it if you really, really need to!)
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#15 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 11:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Flylady does not work for me - who wears shoes in the house?! And I do not have 15 minutes to clean on my workdays. That said, her "crisis cleaning" method works pretty well for me. I do well with setting a timer.
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#16 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 11:18 AM
 
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Is there a way we could soften the title of this thread....

maybe housekeepers with issues : or something?

I think that most of us aren't "terrible" housekeeps really, but either haven't learned enough about organization/cleaning or are dealing with poor learned behaviors from childhood.

Perpetually breastfeeding or pregnant ENFP mom to a lot of kids...wife to a midwestern nice guy...living in tropical paradise...pink cats and homebirths rock!

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#17 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 11:20 AM
 
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Flylady does not work for me - who wears shoes in the house?! And I do not have 15 minutes to clean on my workdays. That said, her "crisis cleaning" method works pretty well for me. I do well with setting a timer.
Not to say anything to contradict you (as I can see your mood LOL but it seems like you have found something that you like about her methods in the crisis clean.

I think ALL of us need to just learn what works for us. All this decluttering/cleaning advice...well, it's just a buffet of possibilities. We just need to pick and choose from that buffet what we like .

I do use some of her ideas as well.

Perpetually breastfeeding or pregnant ENFP mom to a lot of kids...wife to a midwestern nice guy...living in tropical paradise...pink cats and homebirths rock!

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#18 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 11:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by maisiedotes View Post
I just thought of something weird. We got a dyson and now I LOVE to vacuum. Of course, that doesn't mean I do it any more often! But for some reason when I buy new cleaning products I feel like I WANT to clean. It doesn't last though.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post
sometimes I can hardly even read this forum, I get so depressed thinking about the chaos in which we live....
I'm too overwhelmed to even write about it....

belly.gifSAHM, carseat geek, cattle raising woman to 5 girls (15, 10, 8, 6, 2) wild.gifand a stork-suprise.gif due in July!
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#19 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 11:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Not to say anything to contradict you (as I can see your mood LOL but it seems like you have found something that you like about her methods in the crisis clean.
Oh, I don't have a problem with her, it's just that her standard routine, the one you're supposed to do if you join the site, doesn't work for me. It sounds nice in theory, but it doesn't work for my personality or schedule. She has some good ideas, for sure. (And I know the daily stuff works for a lot of people, too. Just not me.)
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#20 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 11:54 AM
 
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I'm not really too much of a pack-rat, I AM disorganized and a procrastinator, though.

We're hoping to do a homemade christmas and I have a couple friends who just had babies, this year, so knitting gifts has been taking presidence over cleaning except for things that REALLY DESPARATELY need it... like, when I notice mildew somewhere or something like that.

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#21 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 11:55 AM
 
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Oh, I don't have a problem with her, it's just that her standard routine, the one you're supposed to do if you join the site, doesn't work for me. It sounds nice in theory, but it doesn't work for my personality or schedule. She has some good ideas, for sure. (And I know the daily stuff works for a lot of people, too. Just not me.)
Me neither :

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

dizzy.gif Wading slowly and nervously into this homeschooling thing.

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#22 of 121 Old 10-11-2007, 12:04 PM
 
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Oh, I don't have a problem with her, it's just that her standard routine, the one you're supposed to do if you join the site, doesn't work for me. It sounds nice in theory, but it doesn't work for my personality or schedule. She has some good ideas, for sure. (And I know the daily stuff works for a lot of people, too. Just not me.)
I do think though I need to set up some sort of routine here. I've noticed that our tile floors get dirty so quickly. I'm thinking I need to set up a mopping routine.

Perpetually breastfeeding or pregnant ENFP mom to a lot of kids...wife to a midwestern nice guy...living in tropical paradise...pink cats and homebirths rock!

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#23 of 121 Old 10-12-2007, 03:10 PM
 
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Bump!

Terrible housekeepers (or Housekeepers with issues!) unite!

Yeah... that flylady... not only who wears shoes in the house, but who wears HEELS in the house????'

And WHO polishes their sink? I don't even know what that means!
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#24 of 121 Old 10-12-2007, 03:52 PM
 
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I can admit it. I'm a messy, disorganized packrat. I've realized that I inhertited it from my mom. Now I cringe when I hear DD1 say, "Can I keep them?" or, "I'll start a collection." On one occasion she was talking about used staples. I know that I should be a better example but it's just so hard. Thankfully I married someone much more organized than I.

Gillian - Wife to an amazing DH, Mother to 4 wonderful kiddos . . . and now another on the way.
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#25 of 121 Old 10-12-2007, 04:00 PM
 
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Oh my am I disorganized (and messy and cluttered and and and...)! So is DH, and it's a really awful combo. I fight mainly to keep the kitchen clean. Then I'm never really too far over my head.

My biggest problem is that I can't focus. At all. Ever. I want drugs (Adderal or something)! But DH says no. I don;t think he really understands that all my focus is used up on keping the kids clean, fed, and diapered. He's just different.

Amd I will gladly admit that I am a TERRIBLE housekeeper... but I am eons better than I was to start. Since nobody ever taught me how. I have to remember that I've come a pretty long way.
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#26 of 121 Old 10-12-2007, 04:05 PM
 
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I'm in. I can't seem to get and keep a handle on keeping home clean and clutter free. Its just DS & I and a big part of the problem is toys! Of course. I have purged so many toys and I need to go through them again. Another problem I have is ds walking around with food and drinks. We eat meals at the table together, but its really hard when he is snacking and I have to do other things, to keep him in the kitchen with food or drinks. Inevitably there are crumbs, grapes turned into raisins, sticky or water on the floor....ugh. I have gotten much better but I need to figure out a better system and a better way to not accumulate clutter....
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#27 of 121 Old 10-12-2007, 04:10 PM
 
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Overwhelmed here, too.

The clutter gets to me to the point that I don't want to tackle anything. It's like I figure the job is too big even before starting. And then, I waste a lot of time playing on the computer while I avoid what I should really be doing.

I'm not a bad cleaner or organizer actually. I can get things sparkling clean, but I seem to get a big burst of energy only ever once in a while, so most of the time, I'm wading through clutter.

I know I need some systems in place, with time management and storage.
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#28 of 121 Old 10-12-2007, 04:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Overwhelmed here, too.

The clutter gets to me to the point that I don't want to tackle anything. It's like I figure the job is too big even before starting. And then, I waste a lot of time playing on the computer while I avoid what I should really be doing.

I'm not a bad cleaner or organizer actually. I can get things sparkling clean, but I seem to get a big burst of energy only ever once in a while, so most of the time, I'm wading through clutter.

I know I need some systems in place, with time management and storage.
Yes, yes, yes. This is exactly me. In fact, I am on the computer right now instead of cleaning.
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#29 of 121 Old 10-12-2007, 04:21 PM
 
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I'm not a bad cleaner or organizer actually. I can get things sparkling clean, but I seem to get a big burst of energy only ever once in a while, so most of the time, I'm wading through clutter.
Same here.

I also like the idea of buying various cleaning products, gadgets or storage systems; thinking it will motivate me more. But all it does is add to the junk.

Our house right now is worse than it's been in years. YEARS.

I make excuses, I feel overwhelmed and tired, I don't know where to start... etc.
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#30 of 121 Old 10-12-2007, 04:40 PM
 
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Overwhelmed here, too.

The clutter gets to me to the point that I don't want to tackle anything. It's like I figure the job is too big even before starting. And then, I waste a lot of time playing on the computer while I avoid what I should really be doing.

I'm not a bad cleaner or organizer actually. I can get things sparkling clean, but I seem to get a big burst of energy only ever once in a while, so most of the time, I'm wading through clutter.

I know I need some systems in place, with time management and storage.
Thats me! When I worked my work space was amazing! but at home..i'm a mess...too much to start.

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Flylady does not work for me - who wears shoes in the house?! And I do not have 15 minutes to clean on my workdays. That said, her "crisis cleaning" method works pretty well for me. I do well with setting a timer.
By the time I get the 15 mintue job done the boys have made a 20 minute mess somewhere else....why bother!
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