Do You Ask Your Guests To Remove Their Shoes - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 87 Old 01-25-2008, 08:17 PM
 
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Well, I posted in the other thread, but was clearly in the minority. MommyErin seems to have a similar perspective as me.

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Originally Posted by MommyErin View Post
Taking off your shoes is also a sign of extreme relaxation and comfort level. I don't want to take off my shoes and be exposed in someone's house unless it's someone I'm really close to.
In my area, if I were at a person's house that I wasn't very familiar with, I might feel very uncomfortable removing my shoes.

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#62 of 87 Old 01-25-2008, 09:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Crayfish View Post

That's the problem. In some areas it's _rude_ to wear your shoes, and in some areas, it's _rude_ to remove your shoes. It's often not just OK to do one or the other - you're supposed to do one or the other or you're flat-out rude.
I think you just summed up this who thread in three sentences.
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#63 of 87 Old 01-26-2008, 02:23 AM
 
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I rent, and we have white carpet (still white in places, anyway, ha ha, that's life w a toddler). Yes, I have an unspoken no show rule. People comply without me asking. It's nice.

I have the no shoe rule mostly because my son spends most of his day on the floor, mouthing and chewing many things that have been lying on the floor.

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#64 of 87 Old 01-26-2008, 02:45 AM
 
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That's kinda funny that you put it that way. Where I come from, it's very rude to ask people to take off their shoes. You can set the example, if that's what you want to encourage guest to do, but having been raised to be a "Southern Lady", one would never ask a guest to take off their shoes simply to keep one's house cleaner.

On the other hand, where I come from, no lady or gentleman would ever light up a cigarette in someone else's house without being invited to light up. If you aren't invited to, you step outside. I was raised in KY, south but not the deep south, so I never really thought of these being strictly southern mores. This is particularly funny as KY is still a completely smoking state -- you can still smoke in restaurants even!

*I* get particularly incensed when someone asks me to take off my shoes in their house and their floors are so dirty that my socks get so dirty and crusty that I don't want to put my shoes back on. Now *that's* rude! And it's happened to me more than once!
it must be a southern thing, because that's how I feel too. we don't have snow to deal with here, and there usually isn't mud everywhere.

we don't ask guests to remove their shoes - we don't wear shoes upstairs in the living areas, but down stairs we have hardwoods and tile it's not a big deal if shoes are worn. my mother would say that you aren't dressed if you don't have your shoes on - she sees it one step closer to naked and you aren't fit to be in polite company unless your feet are dressed.

I'm a bit grossed out to think of swapping foot germs with someone else. what if you have a plantar wart or some kind of fungus. gross.
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#65 of 87 Old 01-26-2008, 03:36 AM
 
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Its the norm here to not wear OUTDOOR footwear inside (ie winter boots, rubber boots) but people do sometimes wear shoes inside. They tend to be straight indoor shoes though.
I would have no problem with someone wearing clean indoor shoes, but I would get upset if they wore outdoor shoes, inside.

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#66 of 87 Old 01-26-2008, 01:04 PM
 
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Its the norm here to not wear OUTDOOR footwear inside (ie winter boots, rubber boots) but people do sometimes wear shoes inside. They tend to be straight indoor shoes though.
I would have no problem with someone wearing clean indoor shoes, but I would get upset if they wore outdoor shoes, inside.
ITA. My husband has sandals that he wears inside sometimes. They do not go outside yet they are shoes he wears inside. That is not a problem IMO.

I also wanted to add that where I come from it's very normal to bring over slippers when you visit someone. Every time we went to my grandma's, aunts, friends, etc....we would bring our slippers. You walk inside, take you shoes off and put your slippers on. People even had slipper bags just for the purpose of carrying their slippers to others houses.
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#67 of 87 Old 01-26-2008, 01:13 PM
 
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Its the norm here to not wear OUTDOOR footwear inside (ie winter boots, rubber boots) but people do sometimes wear shoes inside. They tend to be straight indoor shoes though.
I would have no problem with someone wearing clean indoor shoes, but I would get upset if they wore outdoor shoes, inside.
I am not sure how I feel about regular outdoor shoes being used as indoor shoes (slippers or Crocs/Dawgs are a different story). Some may be just fine, but others make black scuff marks on the floor and high heels dent hardwood, heck they apparently can even make dents in concrete! http://emeraldfloors.com/index.asp?C...CategoryID=995

I know the black scuff marks from experience as DD had got new shoes and wanted to test them out around the house before she wore them outside. There were black scuffs all over the floor which were a pain to get out.

I shouldn't have to clean black scuffs off of my floor when they are easily prevented and I shouldn't have to risk damage to my floor when easily prevented. I also don't want to have monitor everyone's indoor shoes...so I think I'd prefer that people stuck to a soft-soled shoe for indoors.

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#68 of 87 Old 01-26-2008, 02:44 PM
 
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I am uncomfortable without shoes on. I feel uncomfortable at someone's house if they want me to take them off.

In my home, you can take them off or wipe your feet on the welcome mat on the way in. I am more concerned with the comfort of my guests than the condition of my carpet. YMMV.

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#69 of 87 Old 01-26-2008, 06:45 PM
 
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In my home, you can take them off or wipe your feet on the welcome mat on the way in. I am more concerned with the comfort of my guests than the condition of my carpet. YMMV.
You make a point there with the carpet...carpet is a LOT cheaper and easier to replace than hardwood flooring. Although I still value my family's comfort, cleanliness, and right to an undamaged floor over my guests, I can see where people with carpet might not be as concerned.

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#70 of 87 Old 01-26-2008, 09:28 PM
 
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The "right to an undamaged floor" thing has me giggling.
It's hard to imagine that the houses where you live are older than the houses in Lancaster, PA, where we have a LOT of ancient softwood. Not hardwood, softwood. Life here can't be THAT different than it is up there, can it? Some of you surely have dogs. Some of those dogs, surely, are large. I'm having trouble imagining masses of high-heeled Canadian women tromping through your home, night and day. How often do you have cocktail parties up there? Maybe I need to move! We may have a cocktail party invitation once a year, and we've never hosted one. Heels just aren't part of the day to day uniform.

Our floors seem to hold up, somehow.
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#71 of 87 Old 01-26-2008, 09:31 PM
 
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No I don't but my carpet already looks like crap. If I had new nice carpet and it was muddy or snowy out I would.
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#72 of 87 Old 01-26-2008, 09:35 PM
 
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I think everyone should do what is the norm for their social circle or geographic area. There's certainly no harm in that
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#73 of 87 Old 01-27-2008, 12:33 AM
 
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The "right to an undamaged floor" thing has me giggling.
It's hard to imagine that the houses where you live are older than the houses in Lancaster, PA, where we have a LOT of ancient softwood. Not hardwood, softwood. Life here can't be THAT different than it is up there, can it? Some of you surely have dogs. Some of those dogs, surely, are large. I'm having trouble imagining masses of high-heeled Canadian women tromping through your home, night and day. How often do you have cocktail parties up there? Maybe I need to move! We may have a cocktail party invitation once a year, and we've never hosted one. Heels just aren't part of the day to day uniform.

Our floors seem to hold up, somehow.
My house isn't old, it's brand new. And we worked hard and saved to buy nice bamboo flooring. Small rocks get caught in shoes and scratch up the finish on floors. I have felt protectors under the legs of my kitchen chairs so they don't scratch up the floor too. I don't have dogs, and one reason is that I don't want my floors all scratched up by a pet (well and I'm really allergic to dogs as well!). If I was to have a dog, it would be a small dog anyway because I think big dogs belong where they have room to roam/run and my city house and small yard doesn't provide that room.

I am not sure what cocktail parties have to do with anything? Women in the U.S. don't wear boots with heels or other heeled shoes unless they are going to a cocktail party? I find that hard to believe. I love boots and I wear boots daily, even with jeans, and every pair has a heel.

That's fine if a person doesn't mind their floors all scratched up or dirty, but I DO mind. Our floors also have a dark finish and scratches are way more noticeable than in a light coloured wood floor. And, because our house is new, the character of an old beat up floor, just wouldn't suit it. Besides that, I don't want to clean up the dirt and remnants of animal poop that people may have stepped in, or the remnants of gum or spit from the bums panhandling downtown, etc. My floors, inside my home, where everybody lies down to watch a movie, is not the place for it.

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#74 of 87 Old 01-27-2008, 12:51 AM
 
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I'm a bit grossed out to think of swapping foot germs with someone else. what if you have a plantar wart or some kind of fungus. gross.
Sometimes people get these thing because their feet area always cooped in shoes that don't breathe and synthetic socks that don't breathe. Besides, people can have warts on their hands, which is much more gross in my opinion because they are easier to spread with nothing covering them. At least feet have socks on them! (okay, not all the time but I am sure that someone with a fungus or warts would wear socks).

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#75 of 87 Old 01-27-2008, 03:13 PM
 
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That's fine if a person doesn't mind their floors all scratched up or dirty, but I DO mind.

It's this tone that keeps the color high in this 'debate'. Really, most of us can agree that's it's a regional issue and what might seem rude here would be considered standard elsewhere, and vice versa. And then just as we're all holding hands and passing the peace pipe, we gut a little dig like the one above.

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That's fine if a person doesn't mind their floors all scratched up or dirty, but I DO mind.
Come on. You can't see how nasty and superior that sounds?
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#76 of 87 Old 01-27-2008, 03:52 PM
 
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It's this tone that keeps the color high in this 'debate'. Really, most of us can agree that's it's a regional issue and what might seem rude here would be considered standard elsewhere, and vice versa. And then just as we're all holding hands and passing the peace pipe, we gut a little dig like the one above.



Come on. You can't see how nasty and superior that sounds?
Oh come on, don't read more into my statement than is there! It is not nasty or superior. Some people don't mind scratches and dents on their floor, they feel it builds character into the floor. That's not my personal style so it doesn't suit me.

Some people are also not as worried about dirt in the house as I am. I am overly picky about it, that's just my personality. No matter where I lived, I wouldn't allow shoes in my house, I am just too picky about dirt and I also HATE to clean so don't want to do it anymore than necessary. I also don't allow outdoor riding toys in the house (once they've been outside) or riding toys with scratchy, plastic wheels. I choose items that specifically won't scratch the floor.

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#77 of 87 Old 01-27-2008, 06:28 PM
 
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I actually have a prescription for orthopedics due to foot issues, I also am completely freaked out by naked feet and still wear socks with sandals (I still haven't gotten used to the change in fashion where people now go barefoot everywhere, even weddings -yikes, I mean wearing shoes without at least nylons), but honestly THIS attitude is being overly picky, worrying about the dirt carried in by outdoor shoes is NOT.

I have all hard surface flooring with just a few small washable rugs. One is in the entry way and since we don't use the front door it only sees an occasional guest shoe -and never an obviously dirty one!- and I wash that rug every month, twice, and I double rinse and it is full of dirty, filthy gunk every time although you would never know just looking at it. On the other hand the other rugs around the house get washed very rarely, maybe once a year at most, and the water always looks clean the first wash through (and we are rubbing our subway hineys all over 'em).

Let's face it, people put their shoes where they would never dream of sitting or touching, that's the whole point of shoes, because, eew, wouldn't want to have to come into contact with *that*!... that's even the argument some have for wanting to wear shoes in other peoples homes! And the bottoms of shoes never see the sun, never get washed and scrubbed on a regular basis (if ever!) and have all sorts of nice little crevices for loads of gunk to get into (there's just no comparison to hands and clothes here, not even slightly close)... even if you are putting your hands or bums into filth and then rubbing them all over someone else's home you just can't physically smear it around in the same manner as the feet we are shuffling around on. And personally I would rather someone walk on my kitchen table with their outdoor shoes than my floors because at least with the table I can contain it and easily scrub and sanitize it rather than having it tracked all over and then repicked up and further spread (plus many floors just can't tolerate the type of cleaning that would be necessary to really get all that stuff up without causing further damage).... and with regards to the pesticide issue, unless you are actually spraying something and getting it all over yourself this really is solely an outdoor shoe issue and it's not as simple as cleaning up after your guests leave because we are all walking through it all and it has to break down over a long time and just ends up concentrated in the dust in your homes.

This isn't a regional issue or about customs or comfort or whatever else, it's just about a very simple, easy, no brainer way to make things a little bit safer for our children in their own homes... if you've got a problem with it, I say get over it, if I can, so can you.

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/rem...-entering.html

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0427045111.htm

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art29826.asp
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#78 of 87 Old 01-27-2008, 06:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well Put
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#79 of 87 Old 01-27-2008, 09:23 PM
 
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if you've got a problem with it, I say get over it, if I can, so can you.
<SIGH>

I do have a problem with it. And no, I won't get over it.

I usually don't get angry over things posted here but your comment, Ygle, was over the top. Attitudes like the one you displayed with your comment are what drive people seeking to live a healthier, greener life back to the other side. Fortunately, I won't let comments like yours drive me away as I'm secure in the knowledge that I'm doing a pretty good job at keeping my kids healthy and safe. I just hope no one else is offended and gives up.

As for it bringing pollutants into the home, you can't tell me that every single person here who removes their shoes in the house for health reasons also has a home without an attached garage (another, far more serious source of pollutants in the home). Or that they have no toys or household items or dishes with lead paint. Or that they have all organic matresses. Or that there recently build homes have no chemicals in the materials used to build them. Or that their older homes don't have lead paint. Or that they never use non-stick cookware. Or, in fact, that they are doing the "perfect" thing in regards to any of the thousands of other ways pollutants can enter the home.

I'm working so hard on so many other parts of making an environmentally safe and responsible home that the little bit of dirt and pesticides that come in on my shoes just isn't at the top of my priority worry list.
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#80 of 87 Old 01-27-2008, 09:39 PM
 
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I think you are way, way misinterpreting my post. I really wonder why people are so hostile about this? Have you not read the studies on this issue? And yeah, if you have all those other issues to deal with in your home, why not do something so simple... I just don't see the logic that because we have so many pollutant issues to deal with we shouldn't bother with one that is so easily managed, if anything it is all the MORE reason to bother with one that IS so easily managed...??

To me, this is no different than the issue of people being uncomfortable with mothers breastfeeding in public. It's the whole same psychology of my comfort level trumps your concerns about your child... now I understand that you don't see this an issue, but if I don't see lead levels in plates as an issue is alright for me to force it on your children in your home and if you don't I get to be angry with you and call you rude??? It just doesn't make any sense to me...

I sincerely believe we all just need to get over the whole foot fetish thing, it just doesn't make logical sense. The research proves it makes a difference and just because I'm not comfortable with it doesn't really matter... that is my point about getting over it and I'm telling you if *I* can get over it, you can to... or maybe you just aren't truly as uncomfortable about it as I was (and truthfully, still am), I don't know. I was trying to be helpful, it's possible to get past that discomfort I'm saying.

I just don't understand why people are so gosh darn mean about this..???
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#81 of 87 Old 01-27-2008, 10:01 PM
 
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As for it bringing pollutants into the home, you can't tell me that every single person here who removes their shoes in the house for health reasons also has a home without an attached garage (another, far more serious source of pollutants in the home). Or that they have no toys or household items or dishes with lead paint. Or that they have all organic matresses. Or that there recently build homes have no chemicals in the materials used to build them. Or that their older homes don't have lead paint. Or that they never use non-stick cookware. Or, in fact, that they are doing the "perfect" thing in regards to any of the thousands of other ways pollutants can enter the home.

I'm working so hard on so many other parts of making an environmentally safe and responsible home that the little bit of dirt and pesticides that come in on my shoes just isn't at the top of my priority worry list.
On the flip side, if a person is trying to lead a green lifestyle and removing shoes does reduce the dirt, pesticides, animal feces, etc. brought into your home, why not do it? It's an easy way to move to the greener side (if we're using a greener lifestyle as an argument for removing shoes). It's cheaper and easier than moving to a new, greener home. Cheaper than replacing all the mattresses or cookware in home. Not that people can't do those things as well (and I've done a good chunk of everything on your list), but sometimes it's easiest to start with the simple things.

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#82 of 87 Old 01-27-2008, 10:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow , this post is getting quite heated. Don't you think that regardless of what everyone elses policy is on this topic - you have the right to enforce it in your own home!!

I don't think it matters weather its Canadian or Cultural or even Generational.

If I came knocking at YOUR door and you had your street shoes on - I wouldn't dream of telling you that you were wrong and you should remove them -- because its YOUR HOME !

If I came knocking at your door and I was smoking *(which I don't) and you asked me not to come in with my cigarette - of course - becasue its YOUR HOME !

So -- when you come knocking at MY door and you have your street shoes on and I kindly ask you if you wouldn't mind removing them before entering my home -- why is that an issue -- its MY HOME!!

I don't get too many strangers at my door who want to come in -- so most visitors already know before they arrive -- so they are going to make sure they have clean socks on and/or arrive with their own slippers-- and they also know there are more than 12 pairs of slippers in my entranace closet if they would prefer. But ultimately its MY HOME and if you are coming into MY HOME you should respect me and my family.



That is my opinion anyway
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#83 of 87 Old 01-27-2008, 10:32 PM
 
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Wow , this post is getting quite heated. Don't you think that regardless of what everyone elses policy is on this topic - you have the right to enforce it in your own home!!

I don't think it matters weather its Canadian or Cultural or even Generational.

If I came knocking at YOUR door and you had your street shoes on - I wouldn't dream of telling you that you were wrong and you should remove them -- because its YOUR HOME !

If I came knocking at your door and I was smoking *(which I don't) and you asked me not to come in with my cigarette - of course - becasue its YOUR HOME !

So -- when you come knocking at MY door and you have your street shoes on and I kindly ask you if you wouldn't mind removing them before entering my home -- why is that an issue -- its MY HOME!!

I don't get too many strangers at my door who want to come in -- so most visitors already know before they arrive -- so they are going to make sure they have clean socks on and/or arrive with their own slippers-- and they also know there are more than 12 pairs of slippers in my entranace closet if they would prefer. But ultimately its MY HOME and if you are coming into MY HOME you should respect me and my family.



That is my opinion anyway

I totally agree here. For me it comes down to hygiene. Shoes that have been worn outside in parking lots covered in spit, gum, transmission and brake fluid, gasoline, oil, hepatitis etc. etc. absolutely do not belong on the floors where my children play. I'd never let my toddler play on the dirty streets of downtown so I'll not let people's shoes bring it into my home. to me it's common sense.
I can sort of see the point of those who think it's rude to not wear shoes in the house...but..I wonder what miss manners has to say?
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#84 of 87 Old 01-28-2008, 12:11 PM
 
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I live in South Australia, and- in the circles I move in anyway- it is not the norm to remove your shoes when visiting someone. I've only been to one or two homes in my life where people have done this- they had shoes by the door, so we did it out of respect, but it was unusual.

I often don't wear shoes at home, for comfort more than anything. Neither does my son. My husband wears shoes most of the time, once he's fully dressed and ready for the day. But when we visit someone, it would only be in houses where we felt really at home that I would take my shoes off, and I doubt my husband would anywhere else... he'd just feel too uncomfortable. My son often does with friends or relatives... as kids do. But even he wouldn't at the home of someone we didn't know well. I think most people would be taken aback if we took our shoes off... think it was weird and a bit "off colour".

I agree and understand the idea behind it though... I'd love to not have stuff walked in on my floor! The hygiene isn't as much a problem as the grit, these days, as my son is 13 years old, and not crawling as much as he once did.

However, we have a housemate who lives with us and I would not want him to take his shoes off!!! He has atrocious foot odour, and his jogger type shoes make his socks/feet stink even later on on a day he has a shower. So I'd much rather have them covered!!

We have hardwood polished floors, but don't seem to have much of a problem with marks on the floor from shoes, dogs, or anything. We all just basically wear joggers or flat shoes in our household anyway. And we don't have a lot of visitors, and those we do have don't generally wear high heels either just to visit us.

If I ever did think we'd be better off with a "no shoes policy" I'd never ask a guest to take them off though. I realise most would be very uncomfortable with the idea. I'd just leave an obvious pile by the door and leave it up to them. (I would ask them not to smoke though, however I don't think many people would here these days when they visit our home- not without asking first. This is a strong enough issue for me to do this, while shoes would not be.)
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#85 of 87 Old 01-28-2008, 06:45 PM
 
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I posted in the other thread, but didn't explain myself. We take off our shoes but it is more a cultural/ respect issue. We also take off our shoes at temples. I'm surprised that so many people consider it a matter of the floor getting dirty.

I wouldn't put my floor above my guests comfort. (And yes, we have people/family over quite often). The most I have had to do is say " Would you like to take off your shoes." Then if they wanted to leave them on I wouldn't say anything after that. Nor would I consider it any more rude than me not eating a meal at someones house because I'm a vegetarian. or just plain picky. :-)

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#86 of 87 Old 01-29-2008, 04:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Here is Emily Post's take on it:

Removing Shoes in the House
By Peggy Post


My clean-freak friend makes visitors take off their shoes before entering her home. Can I refuse if I know I won't track anything in?

A hostess is within her rights to ask guests to remove their shoes -- especially if it's snowing or raining outside. If it makes you uncomfortable, bring an extra pair of your own shoes so you won't have to go barefoot. In fact, she should offer slippers so you won't be cold or embarrassed. That said, a good hostess should be flexible. If she doesn't know her guests well or is having a big party, she should suspend the no-shoes rule, at least for one night.
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#87 of 87 Old 01-29-2008, 09:08 PM
 
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If I'm having one or two guests, yes, I ask. If it's a group or a party (which I don't have often!), then no I don't. I just know I'll need to mop and vacuum well the next day!
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