Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Southern California
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Missionary, birth-worker, midwifery student
Mama to DD (9yr), DS (3yr), & UC twin DDs (5yr)
I didn't think that you had feces in your house but got the idea that it was more than peeing in a bottle from your anecdote about the storage locker. We actually have had a storage unit for years and I have never found human waste on the property, ever. If I saw someone defecating in a pie pan (of all things!) I would call the police, there is a bathroom available, as there is at yours. Urinating in public is against the law, by the way, regardless of his beliefs, it is a public health issue. If he is urinating and defecating in a bottle or pie pan, ie, places other than in the toilet, that is not "regularly" using the toilet. Just because he uses the toilet sometimes doesn't mean that his other behavior is normal. I am really concerned for you and your kids that you have such a strong need to minimize how abnormal and serious his behavior is. The fact that he frequently chooses to not use a toilet when there is one readily accessible, as you point out, is NOT normal. There is no way to rationalize, minimize or justify it, it is NOT normal and if CPS were to get involved, as others have pointed out, you would be responsible for choosing to keep your children in a home where this is going on. No matter what he or you choose to think about his behavior, you need to understand that society views it as seriously abnormal and, as others have pointed out, it could be GROUNDS FOR LOSING YOUR CHILDREN. I am sorry that you are in this position, it's a crappy (pun intended) thing to have to deal with, but you do have to deal with it or live knowing that your kids could end up in foster care. No matter how much you clean, try to hide it, etc, your kids could still end up in foster care because of their father's bizzare behavior and your choice to do nothing effective about it. Whatever is underlying his behavior (people have guessed trauma, mental illness, you mentioned strange beliefs about how it is somehow beneficial) the behavior needs to STOP or you need to get your kids into a different environment. I really want to be supportive but you need a serious reality check. Do you think that foster care would be likely to keep your kids unvaxxed, vegetarian, together? How can that risk possibly be worth it?
Originally Posted by Ahappymel;12315258 QUOTE
Just to keep this straight, he only pees in the bottle or bedpan at night. He says he has sleep problems and then if gets up, then he fully awakens and has a hard time going back to sleep.
It's not always either...it's sometimes. Or if we are out in public and he doesn't want to stop to use the restroom. He says he hates public restrooms. He prefers to pee outside. I cannot tell how many times I have seen him pee in bushes/on trees when a public restroom was very accessible.
He is very much the "naturalist"...he believes that peeing outside deposits minerals into the soil too.
Let me set the record straight about feces...we DO NOT have feces in the house!
THERE IS NO FECES IN THE HOUSE.
I don't like the pee in the bottle issues when it happens and I will take the advice to absolutely verbalize that it is totally unacceptable.