Feel isolated by the country... love hate relationship - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 04-16-2012, 06:24 PM - Thread Starter
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I moved back out to the a country rental home about 4 years ago after me and my ex husband divorced. My main reason for picking the out in the middle of nowhere location was because he is a police man in the county next to this one and wasn't able to stalk me when he was working. Although in the next county the school district remained the same for the children. But since then fast forward, 4 years I'm still living here, with my new dh of 6 months and my 3 kids, and his 1.  He loves it out here, and so did I when i still had the kids that needed me at home... well now i'm a full time online student and stay at home wife/ mama. I am home usually 8 hours a day every day with out anyone but the dog... lol just a little vent i guess!  Town is a 10 mile drive, and town is only town of 3,000 people lol.

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#2 of 8 Old 04-16-2012, 11:14 PM
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My dh works from home, we have ten kids and I homeschool them, so at first glance 8 hours a day to myself sounds AWESOME!!!!.....lol....I know I would get bored and lonely, oh, about day 2, but right now I'd love some time to myself!!!!   And we are a good 45 minutes from any town, so I never get a little sneak into town by myself....sigh.  Maybe you will adjust in time, or maybe we should swap lives for a couple of days!!

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#3 of 8 Old 04-19-2012, 05:01 PM
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Well what would you be doing if you lived in town?  I grew up in the country and my parents never went to town socially other than for church. So when I got married and moved to the farm with DH it was pretty natural for me- although we do go to the tiny town frequently and to the big town 45 miles away about twice a week- for church I guess :)  Anyway- when I feel isolated I try to remember all that I can do here- and that really helps.  I also text.  a lot...  and Facebook..  a lot.  I try to remember that if I lived in town or at least closer I would spend so much more $$ than I do here- just because everything would be so close!  Do you have any neighbors to coffee with?  If you don't know them- I find that making a plate of cookies and delivering them with an introduction works very well.

Iowaorganic- mama to DD (1/5/06), DS1 (4/9/07), DS2 (1/22/09), DS3 (12/10/10), DD2 (7/6/12) and a new kid due in early 2014

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#4 of 8 Old 04-19-2012, 06:30 PM
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I don't live in the country but I don't really like where I live.  Would it help if you 'planned' things to do.  Like a day to the 'city'. A trip to the 'big' library?  A weekend trip to the mall?  I know I feel better when DS and I have a plan or something to look forward to.  Sometimes its just the zoo - 20 mins away or the science center again 20 mins, but other times its the observatory -2 hrs away.


We are moving cross country to my moms and honestly her town is worse than where I currently live so I am making all sorts of plans to 'get out' LOL.



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#5 of 8 Old 04-20-2012, 07:38 AM - Thread Starter
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Well to be able to plan a day away and go anywhere with a zoo, or big library, or mall, or kohl's (fav place to shop lol) it would be an hour drive one way... my job is to save $ so i feel like that is being wasteful to me. I usually make a trip into my small town to go to the over priced local store 1 time a week or so ... considered cutting that out and maybe going an hour every other week for groceries, I know i would spend less on food if i went somewhere with a discount type store... 


Neighbors I have my land lord across the road who is a widower and about 90 years old. He likes to keep to himself and said that when we moved here 4 years ago. lol there are some more houses about 2-3 miles away but i'm funny about just popping in on someone. But thanks so much everyone for the suggestions. I do text a lot and actually the place we live is so middle of nowhere we had no cell service with out having to buy a service mini tower that was about $300 but you know what my cell phone finally works everywhere in the house and not just the windows like it use to

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#6 of 8 Old 04-21-2012, 03:40 PM
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Yep.  {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


Is there maybe something you could volunteer with in "town"?

Resistance is futile Matey
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#7 of 8 Old 04-25-2012, 07:48 AM
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My mom and I were just talking about this subject last night.  She grew up "in the country" and then after marriage and kid, stayed "in the country."  By "in the country", we were far from any town of measurable size (more than a couple hundred residents) and more than 35 minutes from the closest grocery store.  Trips to "town" were never without advance planning, trips were never made for fun or because someone was bored. 


Most kids rode the bus over an hour each way to get to school and parents (the ones that didn't farm) generally commuted over an hour each way.  It can be a very isolated way to live, especially if you don't have things, like small children, gardening or animals, to keep you busy.   I know it drove my mom and grandmother stir crazy after the kids were grown and gone.  The men, on the other hand, never tired of it.  I think it was because they worked either on the farm or at an outside job and at the end of the day were either too tired to want activities or were just glad to be at home relaxing.


My mom made the comment about how the only social interaction available was church.  I remember church (and friends from church) being the center of the social life.  It was a good thing at the time (I have fond memories) but we have pulled away from that as adults.  Now, we both live in towns of different sizes where, if one wanted, the "country" is a 5 minute driveway, so different from the rural living of my childhood!


I was going to suggest checking into volunteer activities.  And what about free activities on the days you can get to bigger city?  When we would "go to town" it was an all day event - banking, grocery store, library, visit to extending family, etc.  There was always a cooler or two in trunk so the groceries "kept" while we ran around.  Is there a college or university in your area?  That can be a source of free and stimulating activities.

Mom to DS, born fall 05 after ,,, wife/best friend to DH We have
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#8 of 8 Old 04-25-2012, 01:52 PM
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We are an hour away from a town and 15 minutes from a village of a couple of hundred people with one coffee shop, one small grocery, one library, one drugstore and one hardware store.  What we do so that we can save money on driving and still see "town stuff" once in a while is we plan the big grocery trip (the every two weeks at a cheaper than our local store type) as a multitasking to also enjoy some town stuff.  Same for appointments like eye doctor, dentist, etc.  We make a trip out of it and go have coffee, see something at the university or theatre, etc. 


Also, reading the OP's post, it could have just as easily been from a stay at home mom of school age kids living in a city.  Sometimes, staying home isn't as self fulfilling once the kids are older.  Maybe a job (even part time), volunteering, having a home business, homesteading, etc is the ticket.  I love where I live and don't feel isolated, but I work part time, go to church, volunteer, spend time in the garden and with the chickens, sell my craft items on Etsy, etc.  Eight  empty hours would drive me crazy.

Busy keeping up with three children and an awful lot of chickens!

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