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#1 of 11 Old 12-02-2008, 05:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I honestly don't know if this is the right place but it seemed like it so if no just move it.

Anyway...I don't know where to begin. So I suppose I'll just pick a place and start. I really don't share this with many people so I'm a bit nervous. I grew up differently then most people. I am one of seven (1 half sister and 1 whole and 4 brothers), we (my whole siblings, and my parents) moved alot when I was a kid. Not because of a job or military service but because my dad always got paraniod about people trying to kill him or threatening him. I can't count the times there was "some man" who threatened his life and we had to moved because of it. To him the threats were real, I know. And being a kid I they were to me as well, after all I was always told the world was out to do me harm. Trust no one was what we lived by. By the time I was in 1st grade I had gotten so use to moving that I didn't bother trying to make friends or connections because I knew that it would just hurt me the next time we left.


I don't really know where this is head...I'm sorry for rambling. I guess I'm just missing the things I never had (close friendships, being able to trust) and needed someone who might understand. Anyhow, a few months back I asked my mom if there had ever been a paranoid schizophrenia diognoisis and she said there had been. And she believes that there was also either a bipolar or depression one as well. He's never taken any meds for it.

I'm still dealing with and trying to work through the issues I developed as a kid. I trying to sort out the thing that are learned from things I should be worried about. I have anxiety, I don't know how to interact with people or how to deal with alot of normal situations. I have trust issues and don't develop bonds easily and because of all of it sometimes I get depressed.

I'm just wanting some support, advice and experinces. Mostly to know that I'm not a total freak...ya know.

TIA

Israel, mom to  DD, Ivy, 4-27-06 :and DS, Kai, 12-29-07 and DD, Lilith 2-1-10 and always remembering Alice fullterm stillborn 08/31/11 (unexplained placental abruption) 

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#2 of 11 Old 12-02-2008, 06:22 PM
 
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Well, I can sort of sympathize--my dad has a rage disorder, and it really skewed the way I grew up.

Do you have access to any kind of counseling? I have found over the last year that there are so many places in my life where my childhood fears have bled over, and I am realizing how much it is hampering my own personal growth and happiness.

(((HUGS))) to you. You are a strong person to have survived this--in some ways you had a trial by fire at a very young age, and I know from my own experience that it is really, really hard to learn to let your guard down.
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#3 of 11 Old 12-02-2008, 07:42 PM
 
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Oh mama!
My uncle is paranoid schizophrenic. His disorder "came out" when he was in his early 20's and he has no family. I can't imagine what life would have been like if he had. I can only imagine how hard your growing up years were. It makes me sad to read your post because I get very sad about my uncle. He had such a bright future ahead of him and it will never happen. He may be more severe than your dad. He spends his time in and out of the hospital.
You're not alone mama and certainly not a freak.

If there are any mamas on here who have this disorder, and love to you as well.

 
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#4 of 11 Old 12-02-2008, 08:40 PM
 
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I don't have much experience with this but I wanted to send lots of your way.
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#5 of 11 Old 12-03-2008, 10:45 PM
 
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First of all . Although neither of my parents were diagnosed with schizophrenia, they did have some serious mental health/ drug issues that affect me and my younger brother. My life was very chaotic as a child. After they divorced, we were often shuffled back and forth between my parents and grandparents many times. Also, my parents struggled with depression/bipolar and adhd(?), and maybe some other mental issues. They often kept a terribly cluttered and dirty home and didn't take care of their hygiene, or keeping a job (father). I never was able to bring friends home because of the embarrassment. This affected my ability to make friends and trust others. These issues have affected my personal relationships and career. I have some trouble bonding with friends. Sometimes my friendships feel superficial on my part. I've been called "phony" in the past. I just have so trouble relating to others.

Please know that you are not alone.

SAHM to a set of beautiful twins :, one beautiful angel baby (baby c), and one crazy furbaby :
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#6 of 11 Old 12-05-2008, 01:00 PM
 
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I saw your post and wanted to send

I'm amazed at how clearly you're able to articulate what you went through. Sorting that much out is a MAJOR step forward. If you were interested, you'd probably do really well with a therapist, because of that ability.

What you grew up with sounds pretty unusual in its particulars, but I think a lot of us did grow up with parents who distorted our reality and can probably relate a bit on that level.
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#7 of 11 Old 12-05-2008, 04:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carfreemama View Post
I saw your post and wanted to send

I'm amazed at how clearly you're able to articulate what you went through. Sorting that much out is a MAJOR step forward. If you were interested, you'd probably do really well with a therapist, because of that ability.

What you grew up with sounds pretty unusual in its particulars, but I think a lot of us did grow up with parents who distorted our reality and can probably relate a bit on that level.
:

You do sound very strong but it is absolutely okay to feel a lot of sadness and anger too. I think there are self helps books for adults who grew up with parents with serious mental illness. Depending on where you live there might be group counseling too. I know that in Denmark there are different kinds of groups - I've heard of one for adults who were raised by a schizophrenic parent. Individual counseling is a must in my opinion. If you look into that option make sure you find someone you really really like.

I haven't dealt with your issues but I do know what it is like to feel different. I was raped when I was 14 and spent the next 15 years feeling different and and disconnected from other people and of course I had a lot of problems with trust too.

Many hugs and good luck.
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#8 of 11 Old 12-06-2008, 01:18 AM
 
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I moved alot as a child too! my mother is/was an alcholic, pLus I belive, she had some undiagnoised depresion. I also have a hard time trusting and developing friendships.
That said, in the last year I have been going to conselling and getiing some help for me and my children. it has been so hard but very worth it.
I agree with the other mom's here it really does feel better to talk to someone.
big HUG your way!!
from another mom

mama to Alex 20 Briana 16 Cory 10 and Jade 3Tubes tied and regret it
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#9 of 11 Old 12-08-2008, 03:49 PM
 
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I can't say I know exactly what you went through, but my dad has struggled with depression and anxiety since I was little. It affected the whole family. I now have it too.

My therapist specializes in EMDR therapy. It's really quite effective. You don't sit for years in talk therapy. You can actually clear up issues in single sessions somtimes. It's very interesting. But I think it would help you.

http://www.emdr.com/index.htm

http://emdria.org/
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#10 of 11 Old 12-08-2008, 03:57 PM
 
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I saw your post and I wanted to give you a hug. I don't have experience with paranoid schizophrenia but I've read about it. It's not easy for loved ones to live through it, I imagine.

The best thing a mother can do is to love the children.
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#11 of 11 Old 12-12-2008, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for repling. I have considered consuling but really haven't known where to start. A part of me (still) feels that it would be disloyal to talk to someone, ya know. But I'm working through it.

Thanks again (I've got to go the little people are wanting some atention)

Israel, mom to  DD, Ivy, 4-27-06 :and DS, Kai, 12-29-07 and DD, Lilith 2-1-10 and always remembering Alice fullterm stillborn 08/31/11 (unexplained placental abruption) 

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