I don't know what is going on with me lately. I have always been kind of a moody person, but it wasn't really a big deal. I also had PPD after my second child, but with medication it passed and I was off of it in a manner of months.
Lately (the past 5 months or so) I just feel like I am between feeling 'nothing' or 'anger'. It is not such a good place to be. There have been some wonderful 'happy' moments happening in my life - and I can think to myself 'wow this is cool/great/neat' but I don't feel the happiness. Does that make any sense. It has gotton so bad that I can't even seem to feel that happy/deeply in love feeling toward my children....whom I know I do love very much. It is like they simply exist and I exist with them.
It isn't like I don't like/love them - I know I do. And it isn't like I am sad all the time....I am simply...nothing. That is except when I get angry. That seems to be the only emotion that I can feel. And I get angry/frustrated/mean alot lately. I don't know how to stop myself from getting that way. The littlest things seem to set me off and all the things I wanted to be as a wife/mother seem to get throw out the door.
When I am in public or with other people I am fine. I would say people think I am a friendly outgoing good person, nice mother, ect. But at home I just feel like I want to be alone and not deal with the kids. Even when things are going well.
So, after a REALLY bad night last night I think I should see someone. This can't be normal can it? Does anyone have any thoughts as to what is wrong with me?
Also what type of person should I see? A councler, doctor, psyc, ???? I really have no clue. I just want to be fixed.