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#121 of 186 Old 07-05-2009, 09:11 PM
 
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thanks, surfacing, for the hugs and kind words.

dh is a recovering alcoholic, active in a 12-step program; he thinks his depression is a healthy thing at this stage in his recover (7 years in the program) -- it means, to him, that he is finally able to feel the things he repressed and drowned in drinking. he has told me several times in the last year that he needs space and love from me in weathering the moods - but that he welcomes feeling them (except, of course, when he's in the midst of feeling them!).

i go to my therapist for the first time tomorrow. i can't wait. i am so glad that i was able to find childcare so I could go!

I get to go to yoga tomorrow, too.

-rainy32
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#122 of 186 Old 07-05-2009, 09:25 PM
 
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Mama~Love - please don't worry about whether there's a "right" way for you to "do" therapy... if you are going to just go and cry, then do that! At least in the beginning anyway. Hopefully the counsellor will have ways of helping you feel supported, understood, listened to, not judged and safe in communicating. Hopefully with time you will feel more comfortable with talking about your feelings. I hope you are feeling better soon. I'm sorry you're feeling low about yourself. You are a good person. Just because you have that feeling doesn't mean that it is true. That feeling will pass. It won't always be this way.
Thank you, sorry I haven't replied sooner. Therapy is going well so far, we go again tomorrow. I think it will really do some good.

I hope I can feel better about myself. It's really ahrdliving like this.

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#123 of 186 Old 07-09-2009, 11:17 AM
 
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I had my first therapy appointment this Monday. It was really LONG - a true intake appointment, I guess, and interesting. We did the whole crazy family history stuff, and talked about my concerns for dh, my disappointment with the fact that we moved 3 years ago and I still really really miss our old home (CA), and my panic attacks.

She said I certainly seem to have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and we can work on that, and the panic attacks.

Then, just as it was almost time to go, she made a kind off off-the-cuff comment about schedules, and I mentioned that I have ... ahem ... several datebooks, and very strange/compulsive scheduling issues :-) so she started asking things like "do you count everything?" "spell compulsively?" etc. etc. and diagnosed me on the spot with OCD. For me, the OCD is long-term (since early childhood), nearly all consuming (I have rules for nearly every aspect of my behavior).

And she said the OCD was likely *causing* the panic and anxiety, more than it was helping.

That shocked me because I thought all my little rules helped control uncertainty, and thus reduced panic/anxiety!

This isn't a huge suprise to me, on the one hand, because I've known since I was 8 or so that I have very strange and compulsive counting/spelling/randomization "rules" -- but I am suprised that my therapist from NYC didn't diagnose it. I mean, I went to therapy for 3 years with her, and was very honest and open, and she never ONCE suggested that I had pretty strong OCD!

Well, I'm not sure what I"m going to do with any of this knowledge .... the therapist said medication would really help, at least short term until I can figure out some non-medicinal coping strategies. But then, as we spoke, and as I answered her questions, I started to realize my motivations for continuing OCD behavior, and EVEN MORE, I realized that part of what I miss MOST about California was this sense of calm and peace I had -- for about 3 1/2 years, I didn't have panic attacks, and upon reflection, I realize that I didn't engage in most of my compulsive thinking .... in part, I think, because I was doing yoga daily, walking daily, praying daily, journaling ... taking lots of time to take care of myself in healthier ways. Oh, and that ENTIRE time, I wasn't drinking coffee (year prior to pregnancy, pregnant year, nursing years....).

Anyway ... I'm sipping coffee right now!

I'm going to keep talking to her about all of that - but I've not had a mini panic attack in three days, which is better than the 3 a day I was getting last week.

Do any of you have experience with OCD/GAD and alternative therapies??
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#124 of 186 Old 07-09-2009, 06:15 PM
 
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Wow Rainy, that appointment gave you a lot to think about. My experience with alternative therapies -- for GAD I found Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to be veeeery good. Doing this workbook religiously when I felt panicked helped stop my anxiety and panic attacks over time. It's called: Overcoming Panic, Anxiety & Phobias - New Strategies to Free Yourself from Worry and Fear by Shirley Babior and Carol Goldman. This book was life changing for me. But it took years literally for the thinking exercises in it to become second nature. The good news is I haven't had any doozie attacks in years. :

For OCD I've heard about a book called Brain Lock. I wish I could tell you more about it, I haven't read it, but have been meaning to check it out since dh has it mildly and so does his mother (moderately).

Other alternative strategies: self-care stuff like you mentioned -- healthy diet, yoga, exercise, journalling, talking with friends, taking vitamins, etc. But all this stuff wasn't helpful enough anymore after dd1 was born. Perhaps when the kids get older I can get off the meds and have more time to take care of myself again. We'll see.

Anyhow, this is an exciting time for you. It's like you're the grey baby swan, about to grow into a gorgeous white swan. Ripe with opportunity for growth and change and better health!

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#125 of 186 Old 08-02-2009, 12:48 AM
 
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How's everyone doing?

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#126 of 186 Old 08-03-2009, 11:11 AM
 
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Hi Everyone:

Sorry I've been away from here and haven't been able to be supportive of anyone. Anxiety has taken over all summer and I've been pretty ill with it.

But I'd like to participate again, so I'll read up on all the posts I've missed.

I hope you all are doing okay.
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#127 of 186 Old 08-03-2009, 02:07 PM
 
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Ok, I've never posted here before but I am looking for some support today.
My depression has been getting worse and worse lately for 1.
Now today my anxiety has me on the verge of tears and puking.
I can't deal with stress What. So. Ever. and things have been really rough the past 3 months. Mostly money related and work related. The thing is I know what has triggered the anxiety today also... my coworker was let go, the one who is causing most of the stress at work. So, I don't know why I am such a nervous wreck about it. But here I am sitting at work with 4 hours left to go feeling nautous and shaking and exhausted and hoping that I will be able to hold it together at work and when I get home tonight.

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#128 of 186 Old 08-03-2009, 03:09 PM
 
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Hi EarthMommy80:

How are you managing now? Are you done work for the day? What's going on? My dh always tells me "the clock only goes one way." For some reason, I've always found myself repeating that phrase when it gets really bad. Also, for me once anxiety gets going, it doesn't matter if there's a "reason" or if it's rational. It just runs its course and it's awful. But it will stop. I promise.
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#129 of 186 Old 08-03-2009, 03:17 PM
 
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Hi EarthMommy80:

How are you managing now? Are you done work for the day? What's going on? My dh always tells me "the clock only goes one way." For some reason, I've always found myself repeating that phrase when it gets really bad. Also, for me once anxiety gets going, it doesn't matter if there's a "reason" or if it's rational. It just runs its course and it's awful. But it will stop. I promise.
Thanks carfreemama, that's a great saying! I have a little less than 3 hours to go now. I still feel about the same. The giant lump in my throat is a bit irritating, but it happens when I am about to cry at the drop of a dime. I know I will get through it, it just sucks.

LeeAnn )O( Earth mama treehugger.gif and mother to DD Leela (9), DSD Ari (9), DD Zen (7), DS Gabrael Riot (4!)
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#130 of 186 Old 08-04-2009, 12:54 AM
 
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Geez LeeAnn, it sounds like a really stressful work situation. (I'm glad the person creating most of the stress was let go though.)

Carfreemama - sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with anxiety this summer.

Anybody out there doing cognitive behavioural therapy (either worksheets or with a live therapist)? How is our self-care protocol? Good nutritious food, exercise (take a walk), vitamins, friends, adequate sleep, stress control, meditation (even if it's 5 mins).

Over here, I've had quite a rollercoaster since realizing that my gma, dad and bro probably all have a personality disorder. It puts so much into perspective. I've been really researching and trying to understand all the family illnesses, and how they express themselves in me. Kinda depressing. I've had to take a little break from it now but will be seeing my pdoc tomorrow. I really wonder what she's going to have to say about all of it.

Not really quite sure why, but I've had the WEIRDEST depersonalization/out of body stuff in the past couple of weeks. There were days when I swear I felt like I couldn't feel my body. Or when I felt like my body wasn't mine, I was as small as the space behind my eyes, and I was just watching everyone and everything.

It's hard walking around not being present in your body. I've got to take more ownership of the things I want to do at home and be present.

Group hugs to all who need them!

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#131 of 186 Old 08-04-2009, 02:39 PM
 
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hey there ladies! I am so glad to see this thread! A few weeks ago I went to the OB thinking I had some PPD, she refered me to a prog specializing in postpartum issues. I went in expecting to be told I had PPD (I already had a diagnosis of GAD) and came out with a diagnosis of severe OCD. its been a very emotional few weeks since. It's funny, most of my severe compulsions, obsessions I either didn't realize were 'abnormal behaviors' or have been doing for so long it's scary to think of letting go of. I the more I realize how much OCD is a part of me the more sad and angry I feel. I totally went to through the denial stage (i still go there sometimes) and feel like I'm mourning somethiing. lol, send me good vibes mama
peace (says the woman with severe Ocd having panic attacks )
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#132 of 186 Old 08-04-2009, 05:09 PM
 
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Hey mamas!
Today has been a much better day. It started rough, but I've been so busy at work today that I haven't allowed myself to start overthinking anything & everything. I'm not able to see a dr. right now, but I do have some self help books that have collected dust that I dusted off last night in a last ditch effort to do SOMETHING to help myself. I've decided that my first step will to be doing some journaling, and having open dialogue like this and allowing myself to have the support that I know is there and I'm never willing to use.

So, hopefully I will be around here more to give and recieve support.
Thank you all, and I apologize in advance for any confusing and/or run on sentences

LeeAnn )O( Earth mama treehugger.gif and mother to DD Leela (9), DSD Ari (9), DD Zen (7), DS Gabrael Riot (4!)
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#133 of 186 Old 08-04-2009, 10:20 PM
 
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Hey this is the place for letting it hang out! : Bring on the run on sentences and the contradictions (like being severe OCD and saying peace! )

Faithsstuff - have you had OCD before in your life, or did it just rear it's head this postpartum? What helps?

EarthMommy80 - sounds like a step in the right direction.

It won't always be like this Mamas. Depression and anxiety are treatable illnesses.

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#134 of 186 Old 08-05-2009, 11:30 AM
 
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good morning all!
Surfacing: this is the first time OCD (I think I need to name it, like Francis), has very clearly kept me from living my life. Looking back, Francis and I have been buddies since high school- at least.

I have to admit, I knew I wasn't like everyone else, but I had no clue about all this.


Updates ppl! Is it wrong to start complsively checking this thread?

peace
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#135 of 186 Old 08-05-2009, 12:25 PM
 
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good morning all!
Updates ppl! Is it wrong to start complsively checking this thread?

peace
If it's wrong, then I'm in trouble!

My anxiety is a little better, but the depression seems to be getting worse. My mood swings are out of control, and so I feel out of control. I'm journaling, but yeah, I can see the things AFTER that I should have done differently, but I have no impulse control. I'm feeling paranoid too, and the racing thougths are back. ugh, and I can't get ahold of my caseworker to find out if I am going to be approved for healthcare, this really sucks... it always get worse and I end up in the hospital. I see it headed that way again.

Why can't I just get it together?

LeeAnn )O( Earth mama treehugger.gif and mother to DD Leela (9), DSD Ari (9), DD Zen (7), DS Gabrael Riot (4!)
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#136 of 186 Old 08-05-2009, 08:34 PM
 
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Looking back, Francis and I have been buddies since high school- at least. [...] Updates ppl! Is it wrong to start complsively checking this thread?
Oh faithsstuff, I like you.

ETA - I also found that I had my depression/anxiety stuff earlier in life. But after I had my first child... it was a WHOLE OTHER BALLGAME. Interesting. Those dang hormones!

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Why can't I just get it together?
Because you have an illness. No one tells someone who needs kidney dialysis to just get it together. They go for treatment. You don't tell a person with a broken arm to just stop whining, get on with it, and hand them a box to carry. You put a cast on that arm and let them rest. If you end up needing hospitalization and get the help you need : then good.

What is your history with hospitalizations? I'm assuming they've helped before. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling right now. It will pass, it won't always be like this.

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#137 of 186 Old 08-05-2009, 10:26 PM
 
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Hi all.

Surfacing, how did your appointment go? Did you tell your therapist about the family illness stuff? What did she/he think? I do think piecing the family puzzle together is enlightening. Since I found out OCD runs in families, I've had less room to be in denial at least.

EarthMommy80, how are you? Have you been able to find out anything about your health care? I have those "why can't I just get it together" frustrations a lot, too. It's anger, I think. This takes so much out of and from us.

Faithsstuff, how about you? BTW, hearing "peace" from people who are struggling to find it means much more to me than from those who don't struggle...I have a new diagnosis of OCD, too, along with GAD and PTSD. From different docs, though; which is also frustrating.

rainy32, I'm trying to find alternative therapies for GAD and OCD. Right now I'm on niacinamide, an adrenal support called Vegan One, Omega 3s and vitamin D. I have also tried acupuncture. I think all this helps, just like intense physical activity like running does.

However, my big problem is that when the anxiety/OCD/panic start to get bad and spiral, I can't keep any of these things up. I get paralyzed when I need them most. I basically shut down. I know the things that will help me but I stop believing in them or something. It's been my biggest hurdle. That and the fact that ALL the remotely Western docs I've seen say you cannot cure OCD with anything other than drugs. My rx for clomipramine is waiting for me at the drugstore and I still haven't picked it up.

Once again, hugs to all. And Surfacing especially, thank you for your committment and compassion here. I hope you are finding some answers, or at least support and comfort.
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#138 of 186 Old 08-07-2009, 09:20 PM
 
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Surfacing, how did your appointment go? Did you tell your therapist about the family illness stuff? What did she/he think? I do think piecing the family puzzle together is enlightening.
[...]
I'm trying to find alternative therapies for GAD and OCD. Right now I'm on niacinamide, an adrenal support called Vegan One, Omega 3s and vitamin D. I have also tried acupuncture. I think all this helps, just like intense physical activity like running does.

However, my big problem is that when the anxiety/OCD/panic start to get bad and spiral, I can't keep any of these things up. I get paralyzed when I need them most. I basically shut down. I know the things that will help me but I stop believing in them or something. It's been my biggest hurdle. That and the fact that ALL the remotely Western docs I've seen say you cannot cure OCD with anything other than drugs. My rx for clomipramine is waiting for me at the drugstore and I still haven't picked it up.

Once again, hugs to all. And Surfacing especially, thank you for your committment and compassion here. I hope you are finding some answers, or at least support and comfort.
Hi Carfreemama, my appointment was alright, thanks for asking. My pdoc asked me, "Do you think you have borderline personality disorder?" and I said no... but... and this opened up a big discussion. She just took a lot of notes. When I mentioned that the BPD book recommended a med treatment similar to what she suggested for me, I said I wondered if she thought I had BPD. She said absolutely not. Well certainly judging by the way I present myself to her. The truth of the matter is, I don't show my "ugliest" side to her. My kids get that. : I just come in and talk in a very reflective third party way about things kind of vaguely... improvements, backslides. Anyway, she lent me a clinical book of hers for BPD treatment which is basically a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) workbook.

If you're trying non-med stuff for GAD (which I have too, incidentally) I can recommend getting yourself an anxiety related CBT workbook. It basically breaks down the way we thinks about things, puts them into perspective, and helps us calm down and get control of ourselves. It has been lifesaving for me. I hope those other things work for you.

As for forgetting your routine when your OCD/GAD hit hard -- perhaps this is something your therapist can help you with. Reminding you of your routine. My pdoc says she does that for her clients.

I guess we can remind each other here too! As we remember.

Okay I have my 4 y.o. munchkin here must run Be well!

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#139 of 186 Old 08-08-2009, 03:51 PM
 
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Fiathstuff! oh I know what you mean about mourning and wondering how exactly you'll live without the OCD behaviors! I have spent the last month just watching how often I go into OCD behavior - and its stunning how much of my life is taken up with it. It doesn't often get in my way - it just *is* my way. Does that make sense???

Part of me is really curious what life would be like if I could quiet my mind from these behaviors. And part of me thinks they are unique and wonderful responses to stress, and simply a part of me to embrace (and occasionally mange). I can't decide how I want to deal with the diagnosis.

That's why I've not been around on this thread, because I just can't decide what to do. I'd rather get rid of panic attacks and anxiety than the OCD - but have been told that the OCD contributes to the panic ...

anyway, I've committed to a daily kundalini practice, and have begun long walks again. those practices have really helped the panic.

hugs and peace to all of you - i hope to check back in soon.
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#140 of 186 Old 08-11-2009, 04:42 PM
 
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yo yo yo, where is everyone?!?! YOu know for so many of us havin OCD/ish "issues" we 're sure droppin the ball on this thread.

So I'm reading a book my dr assigned, it's 'Getting Control' I had to order it from Amazon. I haven't gotten far (I've put it off for weeks(I have severe OCD and am a HUGE procrastinator-i think the shrink calls it avoidance(how many times can you use parenthesis inside parenthesis?))) and I thnk it may be pretty helpfull. Hubby and I are working on communicating, I'm sure we could prob use some couples therapy. God, my heads reeling from all the work ahead.

Anyone have any suggestions for insomnia? I've had it since I was pregnant and now a side effect of the meds is insomia, so I'm screwed all 'round. I've tried chammomile, baths, no caffeine, and over the counter meds. My 8 month old is in bed with us by 2 AM and I fall asleep around 4 then up at 7. I am so tired I'm buzzing.

O.k., hope you ladies are doing well and remember, you're not the only one. Live long and prosper.

*I crack me up when I get delirious
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#141 of 186 Old 08-12-2009, 11:45 AM
 
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Hey everyone! How are you all doing?

Surfacing: I know that I have an illness, but I find myself constantly beating myself up about everything! I have been (seriously) battling this since 2003 when it got really bad. I have had nothing but S*** doctors who tell me I need to get a grip! (Yeah, not just one or two, SEVERAL doctors have said that). So, when you are told by the people who are suppose to help that you should just get over it, then that's how you start looking at things.

Carefreemama: I can't get any update on my medicaid status. They won't answer the phones and they won't return my phone calls. This is really putting soooo much stress on me at the moment. I also have Graves disease that is going untreated on top of all the mental health issues I am dealing with.

On the subject of BPD, has anyone got that diagnosis and found that it fit, and found a pdoc supportive of that diagnosis? About 4 years ago, that was a diagnosis that I got (on top of GAD, dysthymia, & attatchment disorder) and it finally clicked! It felt good to finaly have a direction to head in, but have found myself butting my head with doctors over this diagnosis. I guess many see it as a catch all. I've never done CBT because of insurance reasons, and because I have a serious problems with following through with ANY treatment.

I hope all of you mamas are feeling good today.
Peace!

LeeAnn )O( Earth mama treehugger.gif and mother to DD Leela (9), DSD Ari (9), DD Zen (7), DS Gabrael Riot (4!)
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#142 of 186 Old 08-20-2009, 08:35 PM
 
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Just checking the board to see how the mamas are doing.

We'll be going to Ontario on Saturday to visit my mom. I'm really looking forward to the trip. It's the first time I've been back since my sister died in December. My brother-in-law is not from the area, but he's bought a house and has decided to stay!: I love him and he's been very committed to my mom. So I'm hoping this will be a break/relief for me after a really, really rough summer.

As far as the bipolar diagnosis, I haven't had that particular one, but I know the phenomenon of multiple diagnoses from different (supposedly qualified) health professionals. I got to the point, too, where I just started to "try them on" to see which one fit the best! For me, it's mainly OCD that rings the truest. But I've been diagnosed with major depression, PTSD, possibly ADD, definitely GAD. There may be others I'm forgetting.

Faithsstuff, I SUCK at these support threads, because when my anxiety gets bad I stop functioning (other than work and kid, somehow). I'll try and think about the insomnia thing. That's EXACTLY what happened to me when I became pregnant. I had heard about "nap when she naps." I've never been able to nap, but I thought I'd be so exhausted that would change. Unfortunately, all the interruptions in sleep at night exponentially magnified my tendency towards light sleeping. It was awful and disgusting. Dd was one of those 24/7 nursers, too. So I'll try and think about if anything helped; but the truth is, I don't think anything did!!! And for me, anxiety is SO much worse when I'm "stupid tired."

I'm another vote for getting rid of anxiety over OCD. In my own mind at least, OCD SOOTHES my anxiety. It's so hard to hear that it contributes to it. It's absolutely terrifying to think about being without my controls. Rainy 32, what exactly is kundalini? I've committed to signing up for Taoist Tai Chi, since there's a beautiful place that teaches it near me.

Can anyone give me a list of things that help you when you just start losing your grip? All my self-care practices just die when I start getting that rise-in-the-gorge feeling. I know that:

Lighting incense (though DH hates it) or aromatherapy
Petting the dog
Planning something that implies a (pleasant) future, like a party
Rest
Running
A big, yummy salad/veggie juice/green smoothy
Sex
Laughter
Breathing really, really deeply

All help. But I have to do them for a long time, until the feeling passes and I get a grip. Instead I tend to:
Drink coffee
Stop eating/drinking
Not sleep
Isolate myself
Stop breathing
Obsess
Pull my hair
Waste time (and I mean waste, not "relax")
Sit on the couch
Feed the hopeless feelings until they're the only thing that's real.

Restart button, repeat cycle.
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#143 of 186 Old 08-21-2009, 03:02 PM
 
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I'm still here. Not as depressed as I was, but not 100% either. Therapy has REALLY helped with some mental blocks I've been having. I don't feel worthless or not good enough for anything anymore : . Still working on raising my self-esteem and self-confidence more.

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#144 of 186 Old 08-26-2009, 03:32 PM
 
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carefree-enjoy your trip! I totally relate almost your entire post. the dr prescribed trazadone for slpp nd it's horrible. i still don't fall sleep until almost four except now I have a horrible headche and at times nasea. When I finally sleep it's not refreshing and it's like being dead, I didn't know the baby was in bed with us, I didn't know hubby and baby left etc. I have to find something to reduce my anxiety. it looks like my mom has had a relapse this time with a tumor in her lungs. best scenrio is the remove the tumor followed by chemo, worst is they take the lung and in her words "give her as much time as possible". THere is no way I'm working on OCD right now, it's sad but I need it to deal with the anxiety! ugh,, sometimes life is just....rough.
peace (hahaha)
faith
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#145 of 186 Old 08-27-2009, 04:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by EarthMommy80 View Post
Carefreemama: I can't get any update on my medicaid status. They won't answer the phones and they won't return my phone calls. This is really putting soooo much stress on me at the moment. I also have Graves disease that is going untreated on top of all the mental health issues I am dealing with.

On the subject of BPD, has anyone got that diagnosis and found that it fit, and found a pdoc supportive of that diagnosis?
EarthMommy80 - I also have undiagnosed Graves disease. What are you doing to feel "ok" and "function"? I feel like I'm totally going crazy. I was so underweight my PPD counsellor referred me to an eating disorder specialist, and he's the one who said I have Graves (not an eating disorder). I'm trying to go back to see him because my regular doctor just wants to "wait and see." She thought I had Hashi's, and then postpartum thyroiditis. Graves seems a much better fit.

Anywho, the eating disorder specialist also gave me a test for BPD. I don't have it, but I still feel crazy and my DH is getting tired of living with me. I just want to fix this somehow because I feel my life is falling apart!

I see this doctor on Monday, so I have my fingers crossed he can help. Sorry to blab away here, I needed to vent.

ETA~ I have tried Acupuncture for my anxiety and depression. My anxiety seems to be gone, but I still feel a bit depressed.

Carly BFing Mom to DS and loving wife to DH
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#146 of 186 Old 08-27-2009, 11:29 PM
 
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On the subject of BPD, has anyone got that diagnosis and found that it fit, and found a pdoc supportive of that diagnosis? About 4 years ago, that was a diagnosis that I got (on top of GAD, dysthymia, & attatchment disorder) and it finally clicked! It felt good to finaly have a direction to head in, but have found myself butting my head with doctors over this diagnosis. I guess many see it as a catch all. I've never done CBT because of insurance reasons, and because I have a serious problems with following through with ANY treatment.
Hey EarthMommy - about BPD, my pdoc says she has one client who has it. Yeah, there's a mixed bag response to it. My pdoc says she doesn't think it'll get removed from the next DSM as some have suggested because there's just too much research about it. It may be renamed. I have found this book to be very interesting: http://www.amazon.ca/Essential-Famil...1426469&sr=8-1
Reading the comments are helpful in understanding the scope of the book. It talks about ways to cope, therapies such as DBT.

I hope you are feeling better soon with all the stuff you have going on!

wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
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#147 of 186 Old 08-27-2009, 11:37 PM
 
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And for me, anxiety is SO much worse when I'm "stupid tired."

I'm another vote for getting rid of anxiety over OCD. In my own mind at least, OCD SOOTHES my anxiety. It's so hard to hear that it contributes to it. It's absolutely terrifying to think about being without my controls. Rainy 32, what exactly is kundalini? I've committed to signing up for Taoist Tai Chi, since there's a beautiful place that teaches it near me.

Can anyone give me a list of things that help you when you just start losing your grip? All my self-care practices just die when I start getting that rise-in-the-gorge feeling.
Self-care when the anxiety flares up:

Meditation, yoga, breathing. Forward bend movements and exhalation give the body the message to relax. Breath is very much connected to how we are feeling.

Listening to guided relaxation tapes. I have a wonderful script that I tape
recorded over classical music that I listen to when the anxiety symptoms start. Over the years it has helped me short circuit that anxiety attacks and just learn to calm down. PM me if you'd like an email of it.

Warm cup of chamomile tea, lighting a candle.

Immerse yourself in water.

Talk to a friend.

Eat something nutritious every 3 hours - banana, a yogurt, small handful of seeds. Hydrate. Feeling thirsty can make you feel irritable and short tempered.

Self-talk: I am safe. Nothing terrible will happen. I notice the sensations in my body. I notice any scary thoughts. They cannot harm me. My body will take care of itself. This will pass. Just because I feel these sensations does not mean anything terrible will happen. This will pass. I take a gentle slow breath... hold it... and exhale.

Just some ideas.

wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
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#148 of 186 Old 08-27-2009, 11:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mama~Love View Post
I'm still here. Not as depressed as I was, but not 100% either. Therapy has REALLY helped with some mental blocks I've been having. I don't feel worthless or not good enough for anything anymore : . Still working on raising my self-esteem and self-confidence more.
This is a really great update!!! What has helped to improve your self-esteem? How are you still working on raising it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by faithsstuff View Post
the dr prescribed trazadone for slpp nd it's horrible. i still don't fall sleep until almost four except now I have a horrible headche and at times nasea. When I finally sleep it's not refreshing and it's like being dead, I didn't know the baby was in bed with us, I didn't know hubby and baby left etc. I have to find something to reduce my anxiety. it looks like my mom has had a relapse this time with a tumor in her lungs. best scenrio is the remove the tumor followed by chemo, worst is they take the lung and in her words "give her as much time as possible". THere is no way I'm working on OCD right now, it's sad but I need it to deal with the anxiety! ugh,, sometimes life is just....rough.
peace (hahaha)
faith
So sorry to hear about your mom Faith. Yeah, this is NOT the time to be doing major overhauls on your life. This is "tie a knot and hang on" time. I tried Traz in the past too and didn't like the drugged-to-sleep feeling it gave me, esp. with co-sleeping. Never took more than one pill. But these drugs affect people differently, so you don't know until you try. Hang in there, lady. Have you and your doc talked about some strategies to deal with anxiety?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CHoney View Post
Anywho, the eating disorder specialist also gave me a test for BPD. I don't have it, but I still feel crazy and my DH is getting tired of living with me. I just want to fix this somehow because I feel my life is falling apart!

I see this doctor on Monday, so I have my fingers crossed he can help. Sorry to blab away here, I needed to vent.

ETA~ I have tried Acupuncture for my anxiety and depression. My anxiety seems to be gone, but I still feel a bit depressed.
CHoney

wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
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#149 of 186 Old 09-02-2009, 12:12 AM
 
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Just checking in.

Faithsstuff, how is your mom?!? Totally time to go into survival mode around anxiety. The one med that has always worked for me is Ativan at 0.5 mg. It's a last resort and I don't take it often, but it ALWAYS works. I get good sleep mileage from it, too. I know how hard it is when you're co-sleeping. that's a big part of the reason I felt I couldn't take meds for a long time, since dh is such a deep sleeper himself. I felt I had to be on alert all the time. I hope you're getting some rest.

It sounds like you both have some physical health stuff to get sorted out, CHoney and EarthMommy80. I know that can be frustrating. I've wondered about my thyroid, too. Is there a chance that with thyroid disease, maybe you can at least look forward to some solid relief once it's treated? Also, CHoney, you made a comment about your dh "getting tired of living with you." I feel that way sometimes too! Dh is patient with my anxiety, to a point. But it wears on him and I feel bad as a partner for putting him through this. How do we maintain our own role as partners while dealing with mental illness? Sometimes I feel like I don't have much left to give and I just have this huge need. I try really hard to give back, give breaks, not let him bear the brunt. As soon as it relents at all, I try to back off. But still.

Thank you for your list, Surfacing. I especially found the self-talk helpful, the part about "I am safe." I wish I could feel safe, even for 5 minutes sometimes. I know that's at the absolute core of everything for me. How are you???

Dd starts school tomorrow and I am just sick. I'm terrified of H1N1 and have begged dh to let me keep her home. I DO NOT want to send her to school. She really wants to go, though and dh refuses to even discuss keeping her home. This is my health anxiety worst nightmare, so any reassurances that she'll be okay and we can get through this would be welcome! I have my anafranil (clomipramine) prescription filled, but I still haven't taken it. I guess I'm afraid it will lower my own immunity or something. I feel like I'm just asking for a deadly dose of this flu because I'm depleting my immune system with worry. It's hard to eat and I'm already skinny. It's like someone telling me a dog could "smell my fear" when I was already afraid. I know my immune system is taking a beating because I'm afraid my immune system is taking a beating...My obsessive thoughts are in overdrive and I can feel no joy in what is supposed to be an exciting day for my girl.
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#150 of 186 Old 09-02-2009, 03:42 AM
 
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Carfreemama, your question about how to parent and be a partner when you have mental illness is a question I've had too. I found the thing that worked the absolute best was me getting on meds , on top of self-care stuff, being aware, communicating and trying to balance needs. It's hard for sure though . I think taking the strain off of our partners and getting supports elsewhere can help too. It can be a constant challenge though.

I hear you about the H1N1. Dd2 just had a fever of 101F for a couple of days and we've all had the flu symptoms. When she first had the fever I got struck with a wave of panic (dh too actually, he has mild OCD and GAD). In our case, it helped to get information and write it down so we could read over it again when we started our worry cycle. For example, a fever is a good thing that means the child's immune system is kicking in and fighting a virus in the body. Under 102F tylenol isn't necessary, but at 102F you can give some just to help the child feel more comfortable (we gave her some anyway as she was clearly physically uncomfortable from the flu symptoms).

I read about H1N1 on our province's Ministry health website and reminded myself: just because a pandemic was declared doesn't mean it is a severe flu - it just means it's spreading from person to person widely. This is just like any other flu season. In most cases the flu is mild, just like in any other flu season. (Self-talk: We've gotten through flus before, we'll get through it again.) People who have had problems from H1N1 have other underlying conditions - just like any other flu season. Dd2 doesn't have any underlying conditions. What things are in my control to help her feel better? I can make nutritious chicken soup and feed her the broth with noodles. I can give her OJ. I can help her get good sleep and lots of TLC. This will pass. She will be okay. I had to keep reminding myself of these things and take a leap of faith that all will be well. And it was.

The thing about panic/anxiety is that we are over-estimating the threat and under-estimating our ability to deal with it. So we have to put it down, name our fear, look at what is the most terrible thing that would happen, how would we deal, what are the chances of that really happening, compare it to other evidence that is out there, put it into perspective. It could be very helpful to you to write it down so you can remind yourself of the soothing, helpful things.

In the meantime, you can take good care of yourself to support your immune system: adequate sleep, nutritious eating, daily short walks, sun on your face, try to get a laugh (what movies or shows do you love?). Can you try this? A mini-vacation meditation (five minutes of breathing quietly in a chair with your eyes closed, hand placed on your belly, letting your belly expand with the breath like a baby's does when he/she breathes), watching your thoughts and letting them go, not trying to control your breath, not trying to control your thoughts, but noting them, observing them and letting them go, returning your attention to your breath. Every time your thoughts go away from the breath, return your attention to the breath. Observe. Breathe.

This will pass Carfreemama.

Just some thoughts, hope they help some.

wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
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