Call the cops or let her continue on her path? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 01-12-2010, 04:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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To make a very long story short my mother is going through an acute schizophrenic episode. This has been going on for about 12 years with the last 10 being the worst.

She drinks heavily, is on and off her meds, somehow finds a job after losing her last from a stay in the hospital or she takes too much time off and they fire her. She has isolated herself and has finally come to the point where she is afraid to leave her house but, she is still going to work, most of the time.

Do we call the cops again or should we just let it get so bad she loses her apartment, job, all friends and family? I'm afraid she is going to have to really hit rock bottom before she realizes (or never) what she has to do to stay healthy and to visit us. We are thousands of miles away and I can't have her out here around my children when she is sick. It has happened several times before.

For me, I'm at a major turning point and am taking charge of my depression and BPD. Part of that process is to learn how to cope with my mother better and get to some really hard realizations.

wife to DH 2/03, mama to DS 3/03 & DD 1/09
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#2 of 10 Old 01-12-2010, 04:12 PM
 
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Calling the cops is the real thing that one must do in these situations, they will have her committed and her brain chemistry can get settled with medical help.

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#3 of 10 Old 01-12-2010, 05:11 PM
 
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I am just not sure if the Police and do anything. Unless she is a danger to herself, I don't know how you can get her in the hospital.



Good for you for taking care of yourself. I am greatful everyday that my husband is cooperative with his BPDII. Now, I have to remind him to take his meds because he forgets. But he goes to therapy and he does willing take the meds.

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#4 of 10 Old 01-13-2010, 12:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Unfortunately this is not a new situation for us. The cops have been called many times and she has been in and out of the hospital just as many, once she actually went willingly and on her own.

She herself has called the cops so many times that when my Grandmother called today to talk to the Health and Wellfare Check people they knew who she was talking about

We decided to wait a little longer since she is still working and hopefully I can convince her to go in herself.

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#5 of 10 Old 01-14-2010, 01:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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An update- she called the cops about noise at 4AM and they decided to take her to the hospital. These people have dealt with my mother even when she moves to different apartments.

In two weeks I will attend my first family support NAMI group and I'm actually really excited about it. Nervous, of course but, about time.

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#6 of 10 Old 01-14-2010, 01:37 AM
 
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if she is having active delusions right now, call the police hun, that way they can get her to the hospital, keep her safe, and adjust her meds. You won't be the "bad guy" I'm glad she has someone to look out for her and make sure she's safe. You're doing a good job ((hugs))
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Originally Posted by Jojo F. View Post
To make a very long story short my mother is going through an acute schizophrenic episode. This has been going on for about 12 years with the last 10 being the worst.

She drinks heavily, is on and off her meds, somehow finds a job after losing her last from a stay in the hospital or she takes too much time off and they fire her. She has isolated herself and has finally come to the point where she is afraid to leave her house but, she is still going to work, most of the time.

Do we call the cops again or should we just let it get so bad she loses her apartment, job, all friends and family? I'm afraid she is going to have to really hit rock bottom before she realizes (or never) what she has to do to stay healthy and to visit us. We are thousands of miles away and I can't have her out here around my children when she is sick. It has happened several times before.

For me, I'm at a major turning point and am taking charge of my depression and BPD. Part of that process is to learn how to cope with my mother better and get to some really hard realizations.

familybed1.gifnovaxnocirc.gif nut.gifMommy to my amazing 6 yr old dd, we homeschool.gif, and  27 weeks belly.gifpuke.gifand have been sick the whole time so far, grrrrr!!!!!!!

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#7 of 10 Old 01-14-2010, 01:38 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jojo F. View Post
An update- she called the cops about noise at 4AM and they decided to take her to the hospital. These people have dealt with my mother even when she moves to different apartments.

In two weeks I will attend my first family support NAMI group and I'm actually really excited about it. Nervous, of course but, about time.
I've been to a few NAMI meetings, and they are great I'm glad to hear you are getting some help too. It's hard having a family member with a severe mental illness.

familybed1.gifnovaxnocirc.gif nut.gifMommy to my amazing 6 yr old dd, we homeschool.gif, and  27 weeks belly.gifpuke.gifand have been sick the whole time so far, grrrrr!!!!!!!

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#8 of 10 Old 01-14-2010, 10:06 AM
 
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I need to get myself to a NAMI meeting.

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#9 of 10 Old 01-14-2010, 10:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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KatWrangler- Let this be the push you need I'll post about how it went after I go

Oh if this just couldn't get anymore difficult. She was realeased today and was home cleaning and will hopefully return to work Saturday. Even if they couldn't get her back on her meds I wished they would have kept her longer so she could have *atleast* detoxed from the booze. I have no idea if they gave her more meds or what, I didn't dare ask.

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#10 of 10 Old 01-17-2010, 11:00 AM
 
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Having a person that you love, especially your mother, with these problems is heart-breaking. Having them refuse to seek treatment is even more heart-breaking. My mother is addicted to narcotics. I lost my illusions about it when I realized that she used around my 6 year old and 4 year old. I understood that my mother doesn't love me enough to quit for me, but I don't for the life of me understand that my mother doesn't love her grandchildren enough to at least not use when she is around them. She doesn't see them anymore. I will not raise my kids with an addict in their lives. If she chooses to be addict, she cannot be in their lives.

(I'm not advocating you cut off contact with your mother, BTW. I had to because my mother was dangerous around my kids.)

Besides my mother, I have multiple adults with severe mental health disorders and/or addiction problems in my family. I've developed some boundaries about knowing what I can do and what I can't do and pretty much stick to that.

If an adult is not a danger to herself or others, there isn't much you can do. "Danger to self" pretty much means an imminent danger of suicide, death or injury. It's doesn't mean killing her liver. "Danger to others" means much the same thing.

As long as my family members have a means of income and are living indoors, I let them go. They're adults. They know they should take their meds and they don't. It's a choice that they get to make. Just because I think their life is better on meds doesn't mean that they agree, and they're the ones who get to make the decision.

On the other hand, I don't shy away from the discussion. If they share any of their delusions, depressive convictions or manic episodes, I tell them flatly that they are showing symptoms of their mental illness and should go see a doctor, preferably at the emergency room, right now. I don't yell at them about it, I just give them my opinions in a very matter-of-fact way.

If their issue is drug or alcohol use, I tell them the same thing. "You're drinking too much. I think you are an addict. I think you need to stop completely, and go to rehab or AA." I tell them why. I don't nag, though. If it comes up, I share my opinion and that is it. I don't chase them around and beg them to seek treatment. I don't yell at them. It's not my choice to make, and that means it's not my problem.

I also tell the addicts that I won't clean up their mess. I will not lie to the ER if they overdose, and I will tell the ER doctor that I believe that he/she is an addict and should be admitted for detox and rehab. I will call the police if there are drunken threats of suicide. I will call the police if I see the person driving drunk. I will call the Children and Family Services if the person is a parent. If an addict steals from me, I will call the police, even if he/she is a family member.

I've been called lots of names by my family members with these problems. This is what lets me live with their chaos and stay reasonably sane, though.

I've been flamed by people on message boards, too. When that happens I usually find out that the flamer is a mother who has an addiction and can't believe I'm such an evil person that I won't "forgive my mother." Forgiveness has nothing to do with it. It's about the amount of chaos I'm willing to put up with in my life.
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