Do you ever feel unworthy to be a mom? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 01-19-2010, 08:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm feeling really low today. I often wonder, because of my anxiety, if I should even have kids. I want them more than anything, but sometimes I wonder if it would be fair to them, and how awful I would feel if I passed my mental illness on to them.

What are your thoughts? Am I being selfish in TTC?

(For the record, I deal with anxiety, including social anxiety, panic attacks, and a few phobias. I've been dealing with anxiety for almost my entire life, and it goes in cycles. Sometimes I've got a much better handle on it than others. Now is not that time.)

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#2 of 4 Old 01-26-2010, 01:21 AM
 
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*hugs*

Sometimes I worry the same sort of things. I want kids more than anything, and truely to me, not having kids, is even an option, its unimaginable. but sometimes I worry I'll be a horrible mother.

I deal with depression, and anxiety and while usually I'm pretty together, somedays, I can't even make it to the grocery store.

I don't know what the answer is, except to do your best as a parent, because I can accept no other answer. I could not live with the idea that I can't have kids because I'm too emotionally disabled, so I will do my best to heal myself from my depression, and do what I can to try to keep from affecting my kids by it. I pray for help and strength, and pray that my children will inspire the strength to keep moving no matter how depressed and anxious, and am comforted by the fact that my partner will be there to help me and the kids.

However, sometimes it scares me, the idea that I might be a horrible mom. Then again, I imagine people without mental illness deal with anxiety over having kids too, and honestly, it could also be a manifestation of anxiety itself.


Caroline, partner to J, post partum doula, kitchen manager, aspiring midwife, soon to be nursing student, mama to my furbaby, someday a mama to not so furry munchkins, G-d willing
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#3 of 4 Old 01-26-2010, 04:32 AM
 
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I have felt like this many times before due to my trouble with depression and anxiety. The thing about being a Mom is that there are soo many emotions associated with our children. I never could have predicted exactly how much I would love my kids or how hard parenting was and the guilt that comes with that etc. I think as Mama's we just can do our best, love our kids and try to come to terms with the fact that we are not perfect. I have a lot of ups and downs with my anxiety and it has seemed to flare up more since I have had kids I think because of the hormonal upset that comes with pregnancy, postpartum etc. and then with the stress of being tired and busy raising kids.

No one is perfect though. Whenever I feel like I am not worthy I look into my kids adoring eyes and see the enormous love they have for me...I am their rock and to them I am the best Mommy in the world. They make me want to be a better person, to be a good role model for them and to work through my issues so that I can be as happy and productive as possible. They make it all feel worth it.

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#4 of 4 Old 02-04-2010, 05:41 PM
 
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I have felt like this many times before due to my trouble with depression and anxiety. The thing about being a Mom is that there are soo many emotions associated with our children. I never could have predicted exactly how much I would love my kids or how hard parenting was and the guilt that comes with that etc. I think as Mama's we just can do our best, love our kids and try to come to terms with the fact that we are not perfect. I have a lot of ups and downs with my anxiety and it has seemed to flare up more since I have had kids I think because of the hormonal upset that comes with pregnancy, postpartum etc. and then with the stress of being tired and busy raising kids.

No one is perfect though. Whenever I feel like I am not worthy I look into my kids adoring eyes and see the enormous love they have for me...I am their rock and to them I am the best Mommy in the world. They make me want to be a better person, to be a good role model for them and to work through my issues so that I can be as happy and productive as possible. They make it all feel worth it.
Amen to all the above.

I was already diagnosed (bipolar) when I had my daughter. I wasn't planning on having a child when I found out I was pregnant, but thank God every day for her. It's not just because I love her so much (and it's slightly selfish) but having my dd in my life forced me to stay in line.
Then on the other hand I had sever PPD issues with her, and panic attacks that kept me in my home for 3 months once.

I had a lot of guilt off and on because I didn't feel worthy to be somebodies mother, even if I knew I was doing my personal best. Now that my daughter is 9 years old I feel much stronger as a Mom. I might not be the typical mom, but I know I am a good solid Mom. I talk a lot to my daughter about some of my issues. She knows that Mama takes medication, and it has to do with my brain. She knows that sometimes my moods are low, and that I need quiet time sometimes.

She's turned into this amazing child who is quite sympathetic to peoples emotions. I think for myself and my daughter, communication was the key. My Mom had very sever depression all my life, and I always thought I could change it, or that it was my fault that my Mom sometimes didn't want to engage with me. I wanted to make clear to my daughter that my moods are controlled by myself, and my brain. That she can put a smile on my face, and make me laugh, but she can not cause my anxiety or depression.

Being a Mom is awesome and if you feel a calling to it you need to keep trying. Parents aren't perfect, and it's okay.

-Janna, independent mother of dd, Ms. Mattie Sky born on my 25th birthday, 06*23*2000. My Mama Feb.21,1938-Sept.10,2006
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