Are there any other moms living with bipolar husbands who'd like to form a support group? - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-13-2010, 02:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm REALLY struggling with how to make marriage work for dh & I. His bipolar illness is just sucking the life out of me and yet I don't want to leave. He is a good man but his behaviors just drive me nuts and I really need other women who understand to talk with, share with, come up with ideas/solutions with, etc. Anyone???

Sara: Separated Mom to , DD (9), , DS (5), DD (3), , & 4/5/10 + 2 & 1
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Old 06-13-2010, 03:26 PM
 
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My exish husband was diagnosed bipolar in October last year. We've been separated since October 1st but are dating now. I definitely understand the life-sucking of bipolar. Right now dh is on meds & is in counselling so things are better than before diagnosis/treatment.

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Old 06-14-2010, 04:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I hear you. We were separated back in 2007 but that was because of his sexual addiction. He's 2 1/2 yrs sober from that and that is when the mental health issues began being addressed. He also was diagnosed with the hardest to treat type of sleep disorder. Between all of it he's been on about 15 different meds in the last 2 1/2 years. SO, I know it's been hard for him but it's also hard for me.

I think I'm struggling the most with feeling like he's irresponsible and lazy. It just seems like he doesn't care enough to do what he needs to do for himself and our family. I just get tired of it. I want to support him but he rebels so much or just doesn't think it's important, etc, etc. I'm weary.

Sara: Separated Mom to , DD (9), , DS (5), DD (3), , & 4/5/10 + 2 & 1
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Old 06-14-2010, 01:44 PM
 
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Oh man I hear ya. My husband was diagnosed as having BPII last June. That was after he ended up in lockdown. In fact it happened a year ago this week. The most heartbreaking time of my life. It was h*ll.

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Old 06-15-2010, 01:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So sorry Anne. Mine got diagnosed after calling 911. He got released right away but he'd gone catatonic and both the psychologist and pastor thought I needed to call 911. They released him because he said he was fine & wasn't suicidal but he told me later he was (he doesn't speak when he's depressed). He has thanked me for calling. I'm glad he's been diagnosed & is getting treatment but I still feel like punching him.

Do you find yours doesn't seem to live in reality? He always seems so shocked when things get to the breaking point like he had no clue anything was wrong. Even with our financial situation (BAD) he doesn't seem concerned. The psychologist (who's Really good by the way) has said the same thing-it's like he lives in his own little world most of the time.

And yet, I love him and he's the father of my 4 beautiful children. I don't want to leave. I want this to work but it's so dang hard.

Sara: Separated Mom to , DD (9), , DS (5), DD (3), , & 4/5/10 + 2 & 1
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:58 AM
 
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I hope I can post here. My boyfriend (so not married yet, but we plan on it) has bipolar. He fell into a downswing recently after having a pretty upbeat, productive couple of months. I really hate how his confidence and self-worth plummets when he is depressed, that upsets me the most. He recently talked to me about not feeling good enough for our son (well, technically my son from my ex-H but we consider him "ours"), not contributing enough to the family, etc. and it breaks my heart. He is so intelligent, creative, and fun to be around, I really love him. I wish he could see things the way I do. But I know from having depression myself that it can really make you feel like the scum of the earth, no matter how much a loved one tries to reassure you.

Does anyone with a bipolar SO also have mental health issues themselves? I'm also in treatment for depression, anxiety, OCD, and EDs.

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Old 06-16-2010, 01:00 PM
 
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I will come back when I can get my thoughts together. Right now I have a toddler climbing me.

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Old 06-17-2010, 07:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Does anyone with a bipolar SO also have mental health issues themselves? I'm also in treatment for depression, anxiety, OCD, and EDs.
I'm on Lexapro for anxiety/depression-runs in our family. We've actually been seeing the bipolar getting diagnosed in dh's family now-1 brother and a cousin were recently in the hospital and 2 family members have committed suicide. There seems to be a definate genetic link on both sides. I'm so grateful to my mom for raising me in a home that is pro-counseling, etc. She made it so I was never afraid to seek help whereas dh comes from a family that would prefer living in denial.

Anne-I hope you're doing okay. I understand the baby/toddler thing!

I'm okay. Frustrated cause dh has been napping every day. I mean, I'm the one up with the baby-he even sleeps in a different bed so he doesn't get woken and the last 2 days I've been up early and yet he needs a nap. It's just irritating.

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Old 06-18-2010, 01:26 PM
 
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Hi, I would like to join but, honestly, I feel I am dangerously close to my breaking point with my SO. It is so hard and draining and it makes me so sad and angry and I can't be there for my children that need a functional parent and deserve a peaceful home.

We have been together for almost 8 yrs and have 3 children together. I also have a son 7 yrs older than our oldest. I am immensely grateful for all my children and I do love my SO, but he has had trouble with depression forever, and pretty much throughout our relationship.

I finally got to the point where I was totally miserable and realized that I had put myself in that position. I grew up in a dysfunctional household with a depressed/bipolar(?) mother and I really felt I should have known better. I also wanted better for my children, both now and in future relationships. I also didn't want to break up the family and like I said, I do love him. I feel i tried everything and everything just made it worse. I tried being angry, being passive, ignoring him, indulging him, researching everything I could in terms of treatment, meds diet...'t interested and it only fueled his resentment. I finally decided I needed some therapy to deal with it and I started setting some limits. This has led to SO living with his parents for the past 6 months. It is just ridiculous.

I have so much more I could write but life is busy with 4 children and I have to go deal with more bs concerning SO and a fairly serious incident we had yesterday

I am trying to keep in mind the saying "to accept the things that I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
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Old 06-18-2010, 03:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by momto4plus4 View Post
I'm so grateful to my mom for raising me in a home that is pro-counseling, etc. She made it so I was never afraid to seek help whereas dh comes from a family that would prefer living in denial.
I understand that quite well. My boyfriend and I are the opposite -- his family was pro-counseling and he's been in treatment for a long time. My family is the one with serious denial issues.

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Old 06-19-2010, 02:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi, I would like to join but, honestly, I feel I am dangerously close to my breaking point with my SO. It is so hard and draining and it makes me so sad and angry and I can't be there for my children that need a functional parent and deserve a peaceful home.

We have been together for almost 8 yrs and have 3 children together. I also have a son 7 yrs older than our oldest. I am immensely grateful for all my children and I do love my SO, but he has had trouble with depression forever, and pretty much throughout our relationship.

I finally got to the point where I was totally miserable and realized that I had put myself in that position. I grew up in a dysfunctional household with a depressed/bipolar(?) mother and I really felt I should have known better. I also wanted better for my children, both now and in future relationships. I also didn't want to break up the family and like I said, I do love him. I feel i tried everything and everything just made it worse. I tried being angry, being passive, ignoring him, indulging him, researching everything I could in terms of treatment, meds diet...'t interested and it only fueled his resentment. I finally decided I needed some therapy to deal with it and I started setting some limits. This has led to SO living with his parents for the past 6 months. It is just ridiculous.

I have so much more I could write but life is busy with 4 children and I have to go deal with more bs concerning SO and a fairly serious incident we had yesterday

I am trying to keep in mind the saying "to accept the things that I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
I've SO been there. We were separted 2 1/2 yrs ago and I made him leave for a few days in December just to get a break. I really struggle with feeling like myself and the kids would be better off without him vs not wanting to take the kids away from their dad. It's so hard to know what is best. I totally hate having to even be in this place, having to deal with this issue, having to even think these thoughts. It's not how it was supposed to be. But it is and I have NO IDEA what is best. For now, I'm trying my hardest to make it work. I'm trusting God to let me know if it's ever time to leave but I'm praying my heart out that this family doesn't have to be broken apart.

Pariah-it's hard no matter which family struggles with it. My mom was so pro-counseling but not my dad and dh's dad just doesn't get it at all. I've been learning boundaries of what I can/can't say and to whom I can/can't say things. That has helped although I've been literally cornered a couple of times. I thank God for some good friends who've helped me through these times but most of them just don't understand and it helps to talk to others who get the every day stuff.

Sara: Separated Mom to , DD (9), , DS (5), DD (3), , & 4/5/10 + 2 & 1
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Old 06-28-2010, 12:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Told dh and my kids that the kids and I will have to leave at the beginning of Sept. Dh went into his silent woe-is-me mode. 9 year old Dd is a wreck. 5 year old ds cried a little yesterday. 3 yr old dd doesn't understand. I feel so sad. Sad that leaving seems to be the only option left. Sad to take my kids away from their dad and friends (we'll move to a different state with my parents). Sad about the whole thing.

Sara: Separated Mom to , DD (9), , DS (5), DD (3), , & 4/5/10 + 2 & 1
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