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#31 of 58 Old 07-22-2010, 10:39 PM
 
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So... here are a couple of my quirks, lest anyone think that I'm falsely self-diagnosing (which is sort of a catch-22 anyhow, because that would help prove the hypochondriac part, at least): when i see a dead animal on the road i have to apologize for it. but sometimes i can't help but apologize to random things that i momentarily think are dead animals. i've apologized to a lot of chunks of tire. if i touch one side of my body i usually have to touch the other. i have to blow kisses to everyone in my house before i leave or else something bad will happen. i can't stop bad thoughts and the more i try to stop them the more intrusive they become. i'm fairly certain i have any number of horrible illnesses (and when i was pregnant i self-diagnosed cholestasis and was right... so now i have that fact looming over my head). At certain points I get overwhelmingly terrified that someone close to me is going to die. When a friend's mom died I lay in bed and went through EVERY person I could think of, hoping to myself that nothing bad would happen to them, because if I forgot them then something bad might happen to them.

*sigh*
Almost all of my obsessions have a root in a fear of my loved ones dying if I do (or don't do) certain things. My brother took his life when he was 15 and I was 19. That was what triggered my fear of losing other loved ones. Death became real all of a sudden. Medicine has helped me so much. But it doesn't "cure" OCD, so I still struggle sometimes. When I am really tired, I obsess more. When I just wake up and am still disoriented, I have less "control" and I obsess more. Good sleep and a low stress life help me to obsess less. I really feel compassion for those of you who have obsessions about taking medication.

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#32 of 58 Old 07-22-2010, 10:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Do any of you neat-nut OCDers have a cleaning lady? Has it helped your mental health, or do you just look for more things to nitpick? With one in diapers and the other regressing in the potty learning process , I'm REALLY tempted to hire somebody.

I used to think this option was only for working parents. Then I realized that as a SAHM, I'm a working parent.

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I used both the top two therapies and they worked. Also, my therapist told me to list my fears- then do the then what, then LOOK UP ON THE INTERNET the statistics of when that happens. It is supposed to deter you because the chore is too tedious.
Nope. Sorry. That won't deter me. I'll be up all night googling it. Does that mean my case is extra bad?

I never EXPECTED such a flood of responses! I realize that it's just my monitor screen that I'm looking at, but you are real people going through what I am, and that's so encouraging.

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#33 of 58 Old 07-22-2010, 10:45 PM
 
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I really have a feeling that I will be struggling with high anxiety again after this babe arrives. I'm terrified of going on anything pharmaceutical while nursing, but just don't know if I can do it again without something to help me through it.

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#34 of 58 Old 07-23-2010, 11:49 AM
 
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ReadingMama, your poor kiddo, I can so understand where he is. I think I was always OCD, but it really exploded at 10 years old. Hopefully, since he is being treated so early for it, he can conquer it. Maybe his brain will reconfigure by the time he hits adulthood.

RhiOrion: I think the image of you apologizing to the roadkill is quite beautiful. And funny, too, when you throw in the apologies to the tires.

What really helps me is keeping a sense of humour about it all. Not easy, I know, but some of it really is funny. When I think about how much time I spent as a child worrying about spontaneous combustion -- I mean, what? Who *does* that??? -- I have to laugh. I also wonder whether there's any link to creativity. I'm a pretty artistic person. When my thoughts go off on a catastrophic tangent, that's some pretty good story telling there, you know? You really do need an imagination to think these types of thoughts. Anyone else see that link?
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#35 of 58 Old 07-23-2010, 06:03 PM
 
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I cannot believe I haven't seen this thread or thought to look it up until now!

My OCD became apparent at 10 years of age. Through my teenage years, I lived alone with my father who worked 12 hour shifts. I was often alone and expected to maintain the household, including his laundry, dishes and bathroom.

After my molestation, I suppose my brain coped with the trauma by giving myself something else to focus on.

I haven't been "diagnosed" with OCD from a therapist. But I have spoken with a few professionals (doctors and therapist friends) who diagnosed me.

At age 19, I finally went to a college "counselor" who told me I had a problem. But didn't recommend medication.

After I had my daughter, things changed for me. I seemed to lose focus on the obsessive thoughts and refocused on my daughter.

Lately though, with a lot of home-stress and a failing relationship, my OCD seems to have come back to haunt me. Or maybe it is my birth control. I cannot say for certain.

Anyways, here I am.

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#36 of 58 Old 07-28-2010, 11:39 AM
 
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I cannot believe I haven't seen this thread or thought to look it up until now!

My OCD became apparent at 10 years of age. Through my teenage years, I lived alone with my father who worked 12 hour shifts. I was often alone and expected to maintain the household, including his laundry, dishes and bathroom.

After my molestation, I suppose my brain coped with the trauma by giving myself something else to focus on.

I haven't been "diagnosed" with OCD from a therapist. But I have spoken with a few professionals (doctors and therapist friends) who diagnosed me.

At age 19, I finally went to a college "counselor" who told me I had a problem. But didn't recommend medication.

After I had my daughter, things changed for me. I seemed to lose focus on the obsessive thoughts and refocused on my daughter.

Lately though, with a lot of home-stress and a failing relationship, my OCD seems to have come back to haunt me. Or maybe it is my birth control. I cannot say for certain.

Anyways, here I am.
It does sound like you're going through a stressful time. My neurotic ways definitely flare when there is turmoil in my life. I hope you get through it soon

It is interesting, I've heard the age 10 now from several people, and in my own life, it is when things got really bad for me too. I wonder if there is some sort of brain growth spurt or hormonal dump or something that happens around age 10. I always thought that, in my case, it was because we moved that year, but maybe there's more to it than that. I do recall it was around that time that life suddenly seemed to hold a whole lot more threat than before.

And the birth control idea. Hmm. I don't see why that couldn't affect it, I mean hormones definitely have effects on our bodies, so why not?

Right now I'm just trying to sort of what is valid new mommy protect the baby worry and what is crazy catastrophizing. They sort of overlap.
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#37 of 58 Old 07-28-2010, 12:32 PM
 
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Thanks Annie!

I was dealing with a LOT of depression last week and it's still trickling down But my house is CLEAN. Spent the entire weekend scrubbing, vacuuming, gardening, organizing and throwing so much JUNK away! And I couldn't be happier about it. But my relationship is failing. And I have no motivation to fix my mothering problems It's either have a clean home or happy kids. NEVER both.

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#38 of 58 Old 07-31-2010, 12:18 PM
 
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I think I might be having a little bit of success with my diet modifications. I am trying an increased serotonin diet. I've been eating more turkey, more eggs, more good fats and trying to decrease the amount of white flour I eat (I read that simple carbs like these spike the serotonin, which is great, but then you crash, which is not so great). I switched the flour products (all of them, whole wheat too) for sprouted grain breads. I've been doing this for about 6 weeks or so now. I've noticed that while I still have these horrible thoughts, they are more susceptible to logic. I can actually talk myself out of them before they turn into full blown panic attacks. Like anything, I'm not sure if it's just the diet. It's summer, so I'm getting more sun than normal which always makes me feel better. Nursing also helps, but on the flip side, protecting a baby and attendant stresses of a changing family dynamic does trigger it.
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#39 of 58 Old 08-07-2010, 11:54 AM
 
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Oh Goodness, is it ever nice to find this thread... I was diagnosed with OCD and Social Anxiety when I was 17 years old. I have never taken any meds for it but we have tried lots of behavioral therapies. The 2 biggest problems I can't seem to overcome are my obsessive list making and the cleanliness of our home. DH gets frustrated that I can't walk out of the house without some type of list. No matter where we go or what we do, I have to make a list before we do it. He gets so annoyed that we can't just go somewhere on the drop of a dime sometimes. We tried to go camping last summer and he was so overwhelmed by all of my lists, he canceled the trip because as he said "He couldn't keep up with all the to-do lists and supplies"

His other issue is how we can't sit down to dinner, a movie, a conversation unless everything in the house is in it's place (and sometimes with 4 kids in the house that is near impossible and I go in to freak-out mode and shut down completely.) This stems from growing up in a house of squalor.

These things are actually affecting my marriage but I also don't think I could ever take meds for it because as another poster said, I get into an obsession cycle about how the drugs will affect me.

I also see my tendencies starting to come out in my son... it scares me. He obsesses in different ways then I do but it's definitely there and it makes me sad that he will have to deal with it too. My daughter, so far, seems to have escaped it ... but my husband has his own issues too (bipolar, social anxiety, PTSD) so I wonder how much she will escape by the time she is an adult. Sometimes I worry that it wasn't fair for us to have children with as many mental disorders we have between us...

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#40 of 58 Old 08-07-2010, 03:01 PM
 
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Here's what I know: Stress plays a major part in my OCD. The lower the stress level in my life, the fewer OCD behaviors. That's the obvious thing. But I wonder too about diet and am glad to see it being discussed here. Does anyone have any good sources for reading more about the connection?

I found the following on Go Ask Alice, and frankly I'm more confused after reading it than before. Does this mean carbs are good? Or bad? Or that protein is good? Or bad? Argh!

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In the brain, serotonin's main effects include improving mood and giving you that "satisfied" feeling from food. It's also thought to help promote sleep and relaxation.

Carbohydrate-rich meals often increase serotonin levels. However, manipulating serotonin levels through food may be very difficult to achieve because serotonin's properties may have varying effects in different people. Some people may experience a temporary lift in mood after a carbohydrate-rich meal, while others may become relaxed or sleepy. Certain foods that increase serotonin levels aren't the healthiest choices either. Believe it or not, candy and sweets, which are simple carbohydrates, have the greatest impact, but the effect will only last 1 to 2 hours. Complex carbohydrates (rice, potato, pasta) may increase serotonin levels, but not to the same extent because the protein content of these foods might actually inhibit serotonin production.

Here's a brief explanation of the mechanism behind the effect of food on serotonin levels: after consumption of a carbohydrate-rich meal, the hormone insulin is secreted. Insulin lowers the blood levels of most amino acids (the building blocks of protein), except for tryptophan (a precursor to serotonin). Amino acids compete for transportation across the blood-brain barrier, and when there is a larger proportion of tryptophan, it enters the brain at a higher rate, thus boosting serotonin production. To make matters more interesting, tryptophan is present in many protein-rich foods, which have been found to prevent serotonin production. So, you can see how intricate and complex this system is.
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#41 of 58 Old 08-08-2010, 12:50 AM
 
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Sometimes I worry that it wasn't fair for us to have children with as many mental disorders we have between us...
Awww. You know, being a parent with mental disorders makes you able to understand any disorders your kids might develop. You walked the path first, so you will be able to offer awareness and help based on your experiences. Lots of kids are raised in families with undiagnosed and untreated mental issues. They are just as likely to develop mental illnesses as your kids, but their parents are less likely than you are to recognize them and proactively treat them. Every family has some kind of issue--this just happens to be yours.

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#42 of 58 Old 08-10-2010, 10:01 PM
 
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Hi Everyone,

Very happy to have found the thread but I am having a really hard time. Sorry this is long but I really need some help right now

I am a bit of a mess now and feeling so lonely, stuck and scared!!!
I have had OCD most of my life-took meds in my 20's but haven't taken them for about 14 yrs of so.
My main issue is hypochondria-fear of illnesses/dying and catastrophes happening to me or my loved ones. I basically get worried about my son having an illness and then compulsively watch to see what "symptoms" he has-sometimes I get so anxious and worked up I cannot tell what's real anymore and every little thing he does(breath or walk funny, for example) seems like the proof that he has the dreaded disease. It feels morbid and sick -and of course terrifying.
Since my DS was born 21 months ago, I have been worried about him and his health. I am doing CBT although I don't love my therapist (I feel she does not understand me-she is not a mom and doesn't get co-sleeping, nursing etc...) so I constantly feel unsupported and having to defend my position.
I have been ok on and off but I am hitting bottom since my DS has been sick a lot lately-first a cold, then bad croup(with a trip to ER), then upper respiratory bug and now Cocsakie(and another trip to ER before we knew what he had and he had a 104.5 fever-all this in 6 weeks!!!and so for someone like me-who worries about him and diseases this tipped me over the edge. It also doesn't help that I haven't slept more that a couple hrs at a time for 21 months and that I don't have one minute to myself (I don't have any help during the week at all) so I am emotionally and physically exhausted. My periods are a mess, just turned 40 last month so A LOT going on.
My husband is a wonderful man but he's had enough with my OCD and I am feeling terribly alone and scared-

I feel like my life is falling apart and not sure how to proceed. I haven;t been this bad for a while and feel I am hurting my family. I feel like I have to make soem hard decisions but none of them feel right.
I haven't wanted to take meds because it really scares me to pass it on to him while nursing but I don't want to wean him-He and I are not ready!
To top it all off We were planning on trying to get pregnant since I am 40 and don't have much time left and it was really hard to conceive in the first place...It really feels like I have to give up everything that's really important to me right now and I am feeling pretty sad and confused.
Anybody have any natural treatment/herbs, etc to recommend? Anything that worked for you?

Sorry ladies to be such a downer-Thanks again for listening!
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#43 of 58 Old 08-11-2010, 12:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Debbie, are you in a position where you can therapist-shop, or are you bound and gagged by limitations like insurance or lack of choices? Also, a support group may give you the validation that you're clearly not getting at home.

ETA: My therapist is the bomb, and CBT has helped immensely. Ongoing therapy will be particularly important for you since you're TTC, as pregnancy and the post-partum period can be such a vulnerable time. I had more thoughts on this issue, but I need to put my LOs to bed.

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#44 of 58 Old 08-11-2010, 09:18 PM
 
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Thanks Turquesa!
Yes, I am looking for someone else who I feel more comfortable with-I imagine that chemistry between patient therapist is important- I feel we are philosophically soooooo different and the truth is I don't think I like her much as a person so I don't trust her.
I live in a big city so I think it won't be too hard to find someone I like better.
I pay out of pocket and then get reinbursed so luckily I have more choices. I would love to find someone who takes my insurance but with CBT is virtually impossible!

Thanks again!
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#45 of 58 Old 08-13-2010, 08:10 PM
 
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I am not sure why I feel the need to be 100% honest at times. Last night, I went to a dinner at this woman's house. I don't know her very well. Every dish she made had something I couldn't eat in it. Well, it's not that I can't eat it. I'm not actually allergic to anything (I've been tested) but I *worry* that I am. I have certain trigger foods -- mostly things that other people are allergic to. If I eat them, I freak out. Quietly, in my head. It's really not fun & I wish I didn't, but there you go. When I said I couldn't eat the food, she apologized and tried to feed me something else and so, trying to make her feel better, I explained that I was actually just frightened of eating the food. Not really allergic. Not her fault at all. The panic attack that would inevitably ensue just wasn't worth eating for. I'm not sure she really understood. Later, just to cement my Crazy Lady status, I happened to mention that the baby sleeps in the bed with us. Oh my. That went over like a ton of bricks. Sometimes it's just easier to lie.
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#46 of 58 Old 08-14-2010, 01:32 AM
 
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I am not sure why I feel the need to be 100% honest at times.....Sometimes it's just easier to lie.
Yeah, Howie Mandel has to deal with the consequence of his openness all the time. He has made it clear that he does not want to be touched. That he's serious about it. That he has to spend hours decontaminating. And people still think it's just so funny and cute to come up to him and hug him.

Perhaps you could say that your belly is acting up, or that you have heartburn to get through uncomfortable social situations. Or even that your TMJ is bothering you, but that you are so happy to be there for the company.

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#47 of 58 Old 08-14-2010, 11:32 AM
 
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Yeah, Howie Mandel has to deal with the consequence of his openness all the time. He has made it clear that he does not want to be touched. That he's serious about it. That he has to spend hours decontaminating. And people still think it's just so funny and cute to come up to him and hug him.

Perhaps you could say that your belly is acting up, or that you have heartburn to get through uncomfortable social situations. Or even that your TMJ is bothering you, but that you are so happy to be there for the company.
I find that this is a double edged sword. For a long time, I just made up excuses like this. Now though, for some reason, I feel the lie kind of burdens me somehow. Makes it worse. My decision to be honest has brought about some good on occasion. Twice, recently, I have had someone come up to me and talk about their OCD/panic stuff after I have admitted to mine. Not a big long conversation, but just an acknowledgement that they too go through something similar. I guess you learn about people when you open yourself up like that.
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#48 of 58 Old 08-23-2010, 04:07 AM
 
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I'm right here with you. My therapist posted something for me a while back and it was an article about how many many mothers have OCD that is somehow induced by pregnancy. Or if they already had OCD before pregnancy, it gets worse after. It was very interesting. For me, it got worse after ds1 was born, and MUCH worse after ds2. I did take meds for 2 years or more, and now I am considering them again after being off them for a year.

I am here to offer support, to say "I've been there, I am here," and just to learn how others are dealing with it.

For me, I'm dealing with it with therapy, vitamins, fish oil, and a very supportive husband.
I'm late to this party, but this was so true for me. I took meds for my OCD in high school and haven't needed them since. (Though I do accept that there are things I will always have to do, it was no longer hugely affecting my life)

It all came back in a huge way when I got pregnant with our oldest. I got pregnant again when DD1 was 7 months old, so I never got to cycle out of it. Our 3rd child is now 3 and I am getting back to a normal (for me) state again.

I triggered hard for germs when our first child was born. Having clean hands is something I'll never get rid of (and frankly I think that's okay)

My kids can get sick and I won't panic now, unless it's something truly worth panicking over.

My MIL coughed in DD2's face when she was a week old. The OCD and postpartum hormones were rampant. My husband almost had to restrain me while I clenched my teeth and had to tell her NOT to cough on the newborn. (seriously though, no one should have to be told that)
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#49 of 58 Old 08-23-2010, 12:23 PM
 
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I find that this is a double edged sword. For a long time, I just made up excuses like this. Now though, for some reason, I feel the lie kind of burdens me somehow. Makes it worse. My decision to be honest has brought about some good on occasion. Twice, recently, I have had someone come up to me and talk about their OCD/panic stuff after I have admitted to mine. Not a big long conversation, but just an acknowledgement that they too go through something similar. I guess you learn about people when you open yourself up like that.
Well if it's working for you, there's no reason to do anything different. I'm honest about my OCD stuff too. I try to have a sense of humor about my OCD and that sets the tone for how others around me see it. But not every situation requires a medical history. Meeting new people, for example. I don't want OCD stuff to be the first thing people know about me. I'd rather they know and like me first and THEN know about my quirks.

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#50 of 58 Old 08-24-2010, 03:53 PM
 
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Annie Mac, I am SO with you on the food thing. I don't know what it is, but since having children, I have convinced myself that I am allergic to many foods, medicines, etc. OCD does get worse after pregnancy for many, and I guess this is what I am going through. It's awful. No more eating at family parties, no more eating out with friends, and I'm always on edge at the grocery store or during meal times, even at home with food that *I* bought and *I* prepared. I have a short list of "safe" foods, but they are processed and not very good for me, which means I have gained a LOT of weight in the last few years. It's awful.

I've been tested, too, but still will not eat anything that has peanuts or was made in a facility with peanuts. I had a reaction while pregnant but apparently whatever caused that reaction (hormones?) has passed. I also am afraid of taking antibiotics and pain killers, which is not very fun when I get a migraine EVERY week.

It's awful, the tricks your brain can play on you and the lies your brain can tell you. I hate it.

I'm back to debating whether or not to take meds, but I am afraid of medication so there you go. I'm stuck. And isn't that the definition of having OCD? Stuck.

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#51 of 58 Old 08-25-2010, 02:39 PM
 
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Mom0810: Oh, the self-imposed allergies. And it does get more complicated when you have had a reaction to something in the past. I definitely (for real) have chemical sensitivities, and I for real have hay fever (they only thing I tested positive for on my allergy screening was grass), but it's hard to convince myself that anaphylaxis and death is not the ONLY (or even the most likely) allergic type of reaction. I wish I never knew about anaphylaxis, because for a while (during my teen years) I was reassured by the fact that others could eat whatever was in question and survive. Now that piece of sanity is wiped out. It's funny about the pregnancy: during my pregnancy I was scarfing down peanut butter toast like no tomorrow, but now I'm back to being scared of it. And I really LIKE peanut butter. On the other hand, there were some things in my pregnancy that I would normally deem safe that my body didn't like with a baby inside. Like honey. Couldn't eat it. Would make me vomit within minutes. Now? It's on the scary food list & I don't know how to get it off. Same with flax and sunflower seeds.

However, it's nice to know there are a few other people out there with the same crazy relationship with food. And life

HOw much of it is about control, I wonder? Because I do not like the feeling of being out of control. Of anything. I do not do well with uncertainty. My husband thinks the OCD is kind of like an eating disorder in this way. That the only thing I can actually control is what I put into my body, so I do it to the nines to make up for all I can not control.
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#52 of 58 Old 08-27-2010, 10:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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HOw much of it is about control, I wonder? Because I do not like the feeling of being out of control. Of anything. I do not do well with uncertainty. My husband thinks the OCD is kind of like an eating disorder in this way. That the only thing I can actually control is what I put into my body, so I do it to the nines to make up for all I can not control.
Ah, that's the whole paradox! The more we can recognize how OUT of control we are, the more genuinely in control we feel. I can preach those wise words, but believe me, I struggle to live them.

Yes, control plays a HUGE role in our condition. We commonly have difficulty discerning what we can control from what we can't control. I'll have some more examples when I'm less tired and more lucid. It's been a loooooong day....

In God we trust; all others must show data. selectivevax.gifsurf.gifteapot2.GIFintactivist.gif
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I am a hypochondriac big time ever since my Mom became terribily ill with Colon Cancer 3 years ago! She is better now!
I have been so scared of diseases and dying. I had a horrible tooth infection once that made my face swell up on one side, I was scared I was dying.
When I get a cold with a fever, I am scared I am dying!
When my son had Pneumonia, I thought he was dying!
When I get a tummy ache, I think its Colon Cancer!
When I get a headache, I think its brain cancer. Etc etc etc!

I google symptoms, and this makes it worse. Its like a merry go round!
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#54 of 58 Old 08-31-2010, 11:23 AM
 
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I am a hypochondriac big time ever since my Mom became terribily ill with Colon Cancer 3 years ago! She is better now!
I have been so scared of diseases and dying. I had a horrible tooth infection once that made my face swell up on one side, I was scared I was dying.
When I get a cold with a fever, I am scared I am dying!
When my son had Pneumonia, I thought he was dying!
When I get a tummy ache, I think its Colon Cancer!
When I get a headache, I think its brain cancer. Etc etc etc!

I google symptoms, and this makes it worse. Its like a merry go round!
Google is NOT your friend In cases like ours, ignorance is truly bliss. Or, if not bliss, at least a little easier. I've even stopped watching medical dramas because they give me too many crazy ideas.

I am glad your mom got better. How scary!
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#55 of 58 Old 08-31-2010, 11:48 AM
 
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Google is NOT your friend In cases like ours, ignorance is truly bliss. Or, if not bliss, at least a little easier. I've even stopped watching medical dramas because they give me too many crazy ideas.

I am glad your mom got better. How scary!
Google is the devil to me! I can't watch Dr Oz, no House etc!

I have a cold right now, with maybe a low grade fever... maybe... because my MIL hid my thermonitor because I was THAT obsessed with taking my temp.

I am thinking of talking to someone. At first it started when I became a Mom, but not to this extreme. Then Mom got sick and I had full blown panic attacks convinced I was having a heart attack. I even had a ECG done to be sure!

I am so happy she is better, it was the scariest times of our lives as I was also an ocean away. She is in europe and I am in the states!
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#56 of 58 Old 08-31-2010, 11:52 AM
 
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Google is NOT your friend In cases like ours, ignorance is truly bliss. Or, if not bliss, at least a little easier. I've even stopped watching medical dramas because they give me too many crazy ideas.

I am glad your mom got better. How scary!
By the way, my name is Annie also.
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#57 of 58 Old 09-01-2010, 10:51 AM
 
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Google is the devil to me! I can't watch Dr Oz, no House etc!

I have a cold right now, with maybe a low grade fever... maybe... because my MIL hid my thermonitor because I was THAT obsessed with taking my temp.

I am thinking of talking to someone. At first it started when I became a Mom, but not to this extreme. Then Mom got sick and I had full blown panic attacks convinced I was having a heart attack. I even had a ECG done to be sure!

I am so happy she is better, it was the scariest times of our lives as I was also an ocean away. She is in europe and I am in the states!
I did counseling for a while. It does help, especially with understanding the panic attacks. There are counselors with specialties in anxiety/OCD disorders. The first thing the one I went to did was to explain the physiology of a panic attack -- what your body is doing and why it feels the way it does. She gave me a workbook with exercises and a relaxation CD. I also journalled because I found that helped me. I would definitely encourage you to talk to someone. At the very least, you get a better understanding.

I am sorry you are obsessing over your fever & cold. I've definitely BTDT. Hope you feel better soon!
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#58 of 58 Old 09-23-2010, 11:51 AM
 
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Not sure if anyone's reading this anymore, but I wanted to share my decision to "get better." I have a long list of foods that I consider unsafe. Yesterday, I ate bread with seeds. I didn't die. Then I had salmon for dinner. Still here. Half an hour ago, I had a handful of walnuts. I am slightly nauseated, but have no symptoms of impending fatal anaphylaxis. Enough is enough! I KNOW I am not allergic to these foods. Maybe other people are, but not me. Oddly enough, what spurred me into action was another phobia: the fear of heart disease (which, btw, does not run in my family). I realized that I was only eating saturated fats because of my OCDness about nuts and fish, and it was pretty hard to get enough protein in me to feel and stay healthy. So whether that's a victory or not, I don't know, but at least I've decided to expand my food vocabulary. Tomorrow: peanut butter, if I'm brave enough.
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