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#1 of 43 Old 07-06-2010, 11:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Is there a group for moms dealing with their own eating disorders? My food addiction is quite private and I'm not emotionally ready to bring it public. I now know that I have no control over food and that in itself is begining to consume me both mentally and physically. I'm not obsessed with having a certain body type I just need to gain control of this situation. Way too much to go into...especially if I'm the only one here. Just wondering if anyone else is dealing with food issues/eating disorders. By the way, I have been treated for depression several times and I've been trying to avoid taking meds this time around.
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#2 of 43 Old 07-07-2010, 03:02 PM
 
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I noticed there seems to be very few of us here dealing with EDs. I tried to find a tribe or other on going thread about it but I haven't seen one. I've been in treatment for...three-ish months now but I'm still losing weight, severely restricting with the occasional binge, etc etc... I hate it because I'm really feeling it lately, like all of a sudden I have no muscles/strength. I carried my sleeping son in from the car a few nights ago and my whole body was burning and shaking and after I laid him down, I had to lay in bed to catch my breath. It makes my boyfriend and I worry a lot...I worry about what muscle loss is doing to my heart.

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#3 of 43 Old 07-07-2010, 03:04 PM
 
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to you both.

I'm a recovering bulimic. Sometimes stress makes me look at food as an enemy...even while pregnant.

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#4 of 43 Old 07-07-2010, 04:43 PM
 
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I'm a recovered anorexic.

The darkest period of my life was when I was suffering from my eating disorder. It was horrendous. I would not wish it on anyone.


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#5 of 43 Old 07-08-2010, 09:51 AM
 
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I have a co-worker who frequently says she wishes she could have an ED to lose weight easily, and I really have to supress the urge to punch her in the face when she says that. She knows about my issues too and I tell her that she doesn't know what she's talking about but she still says "Just for a month..." and I think, "Yep, still want to punch you in the face." But I guess since the media does glamourize EDs and extreme thinness/weight loss, it is kind of understandable that people have thoughts like that...

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#6 of 43 Old 07-08-2010, 10:41 AM
 
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I have a co-worker who frequently says she wishes she could have an ED to lose weight easily, and I really have to supress the urge to punch her in the face when she says that. She knows about my issues too and I tell her that she doesn't know what she's talking about but she still says "Just for a month..." and I think, "Yep, still want to punch you in the face." But I guess since the media does glamourize EDs and extreme thinness/weight loss, it is kind of understandable that people have thoughts like that...
The biggest rant I ever went on was when a close friend (who knew about my ED) said that she wanted to be anorexic for a few months to lose weight.

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#7 of 43 Old 07-08-2010, 12:22 PM
 
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I noticed there seems to be very few of us here dealing with EDs. I tried to find a tribe or other on going thread about it but I haven't seen one.
I think maybe the reason you don't see people talking about it is that it is very hard to talk about. There is a lot of shame associated with eating disorders and mental health and I have a hard time myself talking about. I actually started a thread a while back concerning this and I regretted it so much!

I've been dealing with an eating disorder for approximately 25 years. 25 years! (I'm old by MDC standards). Some years have been easier than others. The hardest part is maintaining an appearance of normalcy when things really aren't "normal" at all. It is a very isolating condition. I do admit that prior to DD, it was a form of suicide. Now with DD here, I want to live and be here for her more than anything in the world, I just don't know how to stop the insanity of this condition.

Edited to say that a huge reason it is so hard to talk about is that the public perception of eating disorders is still so skewed. Like many mental health issues, people (without the disorder) feel that you can just snap out of it. In reality, it is really not about food at all, but things much deeper.

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#8 of 43 Old 07-08-2010, 12:46 PM
 
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I think maybe the reason you don't see people talking about it is that it is very hard to talk about. There is a lot of shame associated with eating disorders and mental health and I have a hard time myself talking about. I actually started a thread a while back concerning this and I regretted it so much!
I think that you hit it with this. It's SO hard to talk about...even though I'm recovered I have trouble saying, "Oh, I was bulimic." People judge SO MUCH. Especially those that have never been there.

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#9 of 43 Old 07-08-2010, 01:09 PM
 
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I think maybe the reason you don't see people talking about it is that it is very hard to talk about. There is a lot of shame associated with eating disorders and mental health and I have a hard time myself talking about. I actually started a thread a while back concerning this and I regretted it so much!

I've been dealing with an eating disorder for approximately 25 years. 25 years! (I'm old by MDC standards). Some years have been easier than others. The hardest part is maintaining an appearance of normalcy when things really aren't "normal" at all. It is a very isolating condition. I do admit that prior to DD, it was a form of suicide. Now with DD here, I want to live and be here for her more than anything in the world, I just don't know how to stop the insanity of this condition.

Edited to say that a huge reason it is so hard to talk about is that the public perception of eating disorders is still so skewed. Like many mental health issues, people (without the disorder) feel that you can just snap out of it. In reality, it is really not about food at all, but things much deeper.
This! So well said, and reminds me of my darkest days as a bulimic and sometimes even now it rears its ugly head. It is not a condition you can snap out of, you have to live with it every day and have the right tools to manage.

I'm Kate, I'm a recovering bulimic and have been for 12 years, but there are days and self-hatred where I slip and have to begin again.

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#10 of 43 Old 07-08-2010, 05:48 PM
 
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In reality, it is really not about food at all, but things much deeper.
Totally.

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#11 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 10:33 AM
 
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In reality, it is really not about food at all, but things much deeper.
YES. This is what people just do NOT get when they make the ignorant "I wish I had an ED for a little while to lose weight" comments. It is definitely an outward sign of a bigger issue...which can vary for everyone. I know what mine is, and it makes me really sad, along the lines of needing to be perfect to be loved, etc etc...not helped by lots of bad relationships. Blah.

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Like many mental health issues, people (without the disorder) feel that you can just snap out of it.
My mom is just now getting this. Recently she advised me to "just" get a milk shake or something like that every day to get calories in and was like, "Why can't you just do that?" And it is so hard to try to explain to someone why that is not going to happen.

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I think maybe the reason you don't see people talking about it is that it is very hard to talk about. There is a lot of shame associated with eating disorders and mental health and I have a hard time myself talking about.
I agree, which is why I poke around here periodically to see if there's an ongoing thread or tribe...I don't like talking about it in person, but online where I'm anonymous it is much easier. While I wouldn't wish this on anyone, it is somewhat comforting to know I'm not alone.

Ahh, today is going to be a day...

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#12 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 10:55 AM
 
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I think that you hit it with this. It's SO hard to talk about...even though I'm recovered I have trouble saying, "Oh, I was bulimic." People judge SO MUCH. Especially those that have never been there.
I have trouble just saying it too... I was anorexic... from about age 16 on... had emotional issues gaining weight during pregnancy almost 10 years later even though I was not actively anorexic anymore... but DS's birth kind of cleared my mind of that kind of thinking. I mentioned once before on another thread that becoming vegan really helped me with my ED... I guess for me I was able to control my food in a healthier, more socially acceptable way, and I can literally eat as much as I want without gaining a pound this way, and all the really 'bad' foods are off-limits & I have a perfect excuse... now it has evolved into a more "normal" thing & I just remain vegan because I enjoy it & feel it's healthy, but I am embarrassed to admit that I started out going vegan through an eating disorder & would never share that with anyone in real life. Arghhh I'm wondering if I should even post this actually.

I have so much trouble talking about it, maybe because I spent so many years trying to hide it...

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#13 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 11:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I started writing when my 2 y/o needed me and I lost my thoughts. Anyway, sadly I'm a little glad that I'm not alone. My issues are deep rooted and I want to explain more since I now feel more free to "talk" . But I'll need to check in later after my Little One's are down for their naps.

Thanks for sharing. By the way, I did join Over Eaters Annom. Does anyone have any feed back on working with them or other eating disorders ( binge/purge ) groups?
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#14 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 11:29 AM
 
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Thanks for sharing. By the way, I did join Over Eaters Annom. Does anyone have any feed back on working with them or other eating disorders ( binge/purge ) groups?
Don't most groups like that use the AA steps and mentality? I've heard good things about those kinds of groups. I've never been (I've never sought professional help of any kind) so I can't speak from experience.

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#15 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 01:36 PM
 
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I didn't work with OE, and went through about 6 months of weekly therapy with a therapist who specialized in eating disorders. I eat my emotions - sadness, anger, frustration to keep a "happy" face on to the world, then I purge 'em.
She was great, but what I walked away with was, I'll never be "cured" of this its just giving me tools to avoid or redirecting engaging in my destructive behavior and I have to be honest about my behaviors. That's the hard part... the honesty.

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#16 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 03:06 PM
 
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I appreciate everyone's comments and honesty here. Thank you Gerlassie for starting this thread.

A little food for thought for anyone who is interested: I sometimes compulsively poke around on the web and within the last year I found some articles by scientists/researchers who have found that there are striking similarities between those with eating disorders and those who have been diagnosed somewhere on the autism spectrum. I don't have time to post any links right now, but all you have to do is goggle "eating disorders and autism spectrum" and you'll get a lot of chatter. They have found that those with eating disorders display many of the same cognitive and behavioral patterns as those on the autism spectrum. In other words, there may be a disconnect in the brain, or (more positively than the term "disconnect") the person reacts to certain anxiety or duress through behaviors that don't make sense to "normal" folks. It all may have less to do with environmental factors (i.e. media and family dynamic) and more to do with brain function. I feel that they may be onto something.

Of course this is all relatively new research, but I find this interesting because for the 30 plus odd years that the medical community has been addressing eating disorders, it seems the focus has been on behavioral modification and/or "talking it out." What is interesting (or tragic, depending on how you look at it) is that eating disorders, which were commonly thought to affect only teens or young adults, are reoccuring in the same women in their 30s, 40s 50s and so on. This leads me to believe that despite concerted effort on the part of many well-intentioned people, there is not a "cure." Positively speaking, however, it appears that more research is being done to try and understand all this.

Sorry for my rather lame attempt to try to explain this...I'm not a scientist but I think it is fascinating.

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#17 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 03:38 PM
 
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That's really interesting. I wouldn't call myself autistic by any stretch but I have read a TON on autism (I am just fascinated by it) and I definitely have many similar traits... I have always though that autism & OCD had many similar traits and that OCD & eating disorders shared many traits as well, so I am not surprised at the suspected link

I feel horrible for my family having to go through what they (WE) did when I was in ED treatment, they really do take a "blame the parents" (especially mom) approach to it. Makes me so sad that my mom had to bear guilt for something that I don't believe was in any way her fault.

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#18 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 03:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That's interesting about the Autism link. My 9 y/o is on the Spectrum Scale and we had many years of mealtime battles. He would eat, just really unusual things. I finally threw in the towel and figured at least he's eating. Today he's more adventuresome and willing to try new foods but I've learned not to push the food issue.

The last time I had professional help I did learn a lot about myself and my parents. When I was younger my mother and aunts thought nothing of openly commenting on my weight ( I'm bottom heavy no matter what way the scale leans ) and laughing. That hurt and I was always told that I was being overly sensitive. My dad died when I was very young and I really don't remember anything about him and my mom was a social butterfly. So, I spent a great deal of time alone. I don't think I have separation issues because I actually prefer my own company ( w/ the exception of my kids...they're my life ) but I learned very early on the difference between being alone and feeling lonely. And I was a terribly lonely child/teenager. I'm seeing history repeat itself with the way my mom treats my children. Almost if she has more important things to do than spend time with them. That hurts! I've worked through that pain but now I'm reliving it with my kids.

Anyway, I grew up turning to food as my non judgemental friend and thus the vicious cycle began. I enjoy eating but often I don't or can't stop. They have been times when I have eaten so much I have become physically ill and vomited without trying. I now know that I'm on a very self destructive path and I need to gain control. I can't pass this behavior to my children. I'm not trying to be a size 6 again I just want to be a size healthier!

I checked out " Overeaters" as a last resort before going back to my doctor and admitting something that I have been hiding. Yes, they do operate with the same principals as AA and 12 Steps but it's not the weight mamagement approach which I found extremely embarrassing. I'm starting with an online group and if I feel it's a good fit then I'll consider going to actual meetings. My other battles have been with depression...for years. Oddly, I don't have bouts when I'm pregnant or nursing but once I wean it comes back with a vengence. I would like to avoid being medicated this time around and that may or may not be a good thing but we'll see. So far B50 Complex recommended by my Midwife for my short periods seems to be helping...has a calming effect.

Thanks!!!
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#19 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 03:41 PM
 
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I feel horrible for my family having to go through what they (WE) did when I was in ED treatment, they really do take a "blame the parents" (especially mom) approach to it. Makes me so sad that my mom had to bear guilt for something that I don't believe was in any way her fault.
They do that in therapy? Hell, my mother did that herself! She accused me of doing it to hurt HER (especially when I got deep into self-harm/cutting) I was like, "Oh thanks. A disorder that's all about guilt and self-hatred and you're putting MORE on me??"

Which is part of the reason I got the hell out of dodge as soon as I could...which included getting married at 19. (Thankfully it's been a healthy road)

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#20 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 03:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My mom is a retired social worker and she is very good at manipulating people and situations. She's also one of those people who has to know everything and if you try to keep any part of your life private then you're hiding something. She wants to control everything and if she can't then she'll tell me that I don't make her feel welcome. I think that's very twisted but it may be a generational thing. My husband's mom does the same thing but she uses food to weigh her love..." show grandma how much you love her by finishing everything on your plate".

I think moms who impose their baggage on their children do hold some responsibility for their kids self destructive behaviors. I don't completely blame my mom but I do feel that "maybe" she could have tried to make more of an effort to be there and to be a little more receptive. I do remember her telling me that she loved me but I don't ever remember feeling it. About the time I started high school I started to hide foods. She would put me down, I would eat. She would punish me, I would eat. Looking back, food was all I really had that was a constant.
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#21 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 04:00 PM
 
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I think moms who impose their baggage on their children do hold some responsibility for their kids self destructive behaviors. I don't completely blame my mom but I do feel that "maybe" she could have tried to make more of an effort to be there and to be a little more receptive. I do remember her telling me that she loved me but I don't ever remember feeling it. About the time I started high school I started to hide foods. She would put me down, I would eat. She would punish me, I would eat. Looking back, food was all I really had that was a constant.
I only start blaming my parents (mom and Sdad) AFTER they found out about my ED and SI stuff...they got WORSE and did the whole shaming thing. My BF at the time did it too...it was a horrible situation.

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#22 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 04:11 PM
 
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They do that in therapy? Hell, my mother did that herself! She accused me of doing it to hurt HER (especially when I got deep into self-harm/cutting) I was like, "Oh thanks. A disorder that's all about guilt and self-hatred and you're putting MORE on me??"

Which is part of the reason I got the hell out of dodge as soon as I could...which included getting married at 19. (Thankfully it's been a healthy road)
Well I guess some of the good that came out of it was that my mom learned to back off & have a healthier relationship with us. She was always overprotective (I was never allowed to walk/ride my bike alone until I was 16!!!) and she projected a lot of her own anxieties onto me. I don't think that's why I became anorexic, but it was good for her (and me) that she recognized some of the traits that she needed to work on. But I left home at age 16 and only came back for a couple weeks here & there until I got married at 23. I think getting out of the house was critical for me despite having an objectively good home life.

I'm sorry you got into cutting too, and that your family reacted that way. I found self-harm in many ways harder to recover from than my ED, in fact when I have a bad day that's still always my first thought, to cut.... although having DS has made it easier to resist

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#23 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 04:58 PM
 
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I'm sorry you got into cutting too, and that your family reacted that way. I found self-harm in many ways harder to recover from than my ED, in fact when I have a bad day that's still always my first thought, to cut.... although having DS has made it easier to resist
I haven't purged in at least 3 years...but I'm under a year on cutting. It is SO MUCH harder to overcome, IME. I also think of it first when I'm overwhelmed.

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#24 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 08:46 PM
 
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Recovering bulimic, here. So happy to see this thread!

I first wanted to comment on OE. I tried them without any success. The addiction model for eating disorders is really controversial and not fully supported by research. My own therapist doesn’t buy it. You need food to live (unlike other substances), so it isn’t entirely fair to call it an addiction. The only thing that has worked for me is cognitive-behavioral therapy.

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I noticed there seems to be very few of us here dealing with EDs. I tried to find a tribe or other on going thread about it but I haven't seen one.
I’ve thought about starting one but hesitated because it would have to be really well moderated….that or we’d have to swear to self-moderate. I’m concerned about people sharing tips and tricks to encourage the ED behavior. It looks like I can trust everybody who’s posted so far, though.

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I have a co-worker who frequently says she wishes she could have an ED to lose weight easily....
By the time she's saying that, she probably DOES. It’s still sad to hear, though. I wouldn’t wish this hell on anybody.

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Edited to say that a huge reason it is so hard to talk about is that the public perception of eating disorders is still so skewed. Like many mental health issues, people (without the disorder) feel that you can just snap out of it. In reality, it is really not about food at all, but things much deeper.
I completely agree! What’s more is that well-intentioned people can make things worse. It does NOT work to monitor people with ED; it just makes us more resentful. I had a boyfriend in college who used to follow me around after meals in order to police what I was doing. Did it help? Over a decade later, I can assure you that it didn’t.


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I feel horrible for my family having to go through what they (WE) did when I was in ED treatment, they really do take a "blame the parents" (especially mom) approach to it. Makes me so sad that my mom had to bear guilt for something that I don't believe was in any way her fault.
It drives me crazy to know that there are therapists out there who do that. My sister is seeing the same type of therapist right now, and it’s “inspiring” her to “confront” all of us. Sure, we’re affected by family patterns. But you can point your finger all the way up the family tree, and it still won’t do any good. Most people don’t mean to hurt us; they just don’t always know what the heck they’re doing. In my mind, therapy should be present-oriented and not take such a counter-productive approach.

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#25 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 09:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Turquesa, what's involved in starting a safe support group for us? If I can help in some way could you let me know? I would really appreciate any ideas?

Anyone else interested???
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#26 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 10:39 PM
 
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Gerlassie, I'm thinking it's as easy as going in and editing the title of your first post to add the word "tribe." I'd be all for it. I'll flag a mod to address my concern about the off-chance of pro-ED posts.

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#27 of 43 Old 07-10-2010, 10:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Turquesa View Post
Gerlassie, I'm thinking it's as easy as going in and editing the title of your first post to add the word "tribe." I'd be all for it. I'll flag a mod to address my concern about the off-chance of pro-ED posts.
I think we can monitor ourselves. I mean, we're all adults right? We just need to make a flat rule of NO TIPS for ANYTHING on the thread. What people do by PM is their business.

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#28 of 43 Old 07-10-2010, 11:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That would be great! Safe, support and talk for those dealing with current or recovery issues associated with Eating Disorders. I strongly agree that it should be a positive environment since it's such a sensitive issue.

I have some ideas I'll post later. I promised my kids a special day out...we've been cooped up since the heatwave.

Thanks again everyone! I really do appreciate the fact that you've responded and that there's interest in supporting each other...please forgive me if that sounds insanely needy but I don't have anyone to talk to about this.
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#29 of 43 Old 07-10-2010, 11:19 AM
 
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I had anorexia for 2 1/2 years. I've been in therapy twice; and I finally was able to maintain a very health weight for a year...now I'm gaining weight, because I'm pregnant! Yay--considering the total amenorrhea that came with ED, I sometimes wondered if we'd ever be able to. But, gaining weight is really tough...I feel like I need to weigh myself every week to make sure that I am gaining weight, because I might subconsciously restrict my caloric intake...but I hate seeing the numbers. And before we got pregnant, I hadn't weighed myself in 3 months!

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I have trouble just saying it too... I was anorexic... from about age 16 on... had emotional issues gaining weight during pregnancy almost 10 years later even though I was not actively anorexic anymore... but DS's birth kind of cleared my mind of that kind of thinking. I mentioned once before on another thread that becoming vegan really helped me with my ED... I guess for me I was able to control my food in a healthier, more socially acceptable way, and I can literally eat as much as I want without gaining a pound this way, and all the really 'bad' foods are off-limits & I have a perfect excuse... now it has evolved into a more "normal" thing & I just remain vegan because I enjoy it & feel it's healthy, but I am embarrassed to admit that I started out going vegan through an eating disorder & would never share that with anyone in real life. Arghhh I'm wondering if I should even post this actually.

I have so much trouble talking about it, maybe because I spent so many years trying to hide it...
I am glad for you that you have been able to stay vegan and "talk down" ED at the same time. I, too, became hardcore vegetarian, and then vegan, because of the ED. I finally realized that the vegan part of it was a complete reaction to ED, and not something that I actually really enjoyed. So, now I am back to being veggie + fish...but wow, that was so hard to admit, and so scary to change! For me, I have found that a vegetarian diet works so well for me, I love the way I eat now, and it makes it easy me for to maintain my weight. My therapist really wanted me to start eating meat, but I told her that was a non-negotiable.


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I have a co-worker who frequently says she wishes she could have an ED to lose weight easily, and I really have to supress the urge to punch her in the face when she says that. She knows about my issues too and I tell her that she doesn't know what she's talking about but she still says "Just for a month..." and I think, "Yep, still want to punch you in the face." But I guess since the media does glamourize EDs and extreme thinness/weight loss, it is kind of understandable that people have thoughts like that...
The BEST response I ever saw/heard to this was "Anorexia isn't a diet; it's a disease." Because yes, I have received the same comments, and it makes me so, so, so angry and sad. Because people just don't GET it.

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#30 of 43 Old 07-10-2010, 11:29 PM
 
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I think we can monitor ourselves. I mean, we're all adults right? We just need to make a flat rule of NO TIPS for ANYTHING on the thread. What people do by PM is their business.
Agreed. Sorry--just projecting some past negative online experience onto an otherwise positive thread.

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Thanks again everyone! I really do appreciate the fact that you've responded and that there's interest in supporting each other...please forgive me if that sounds insanely needy but I don't have anyone to talk to about this.
Is there an ED support group in your area? I know you said that you’re not feeling ready yet, but even just going there to lurk can be educational and quite validating! We have a local therapist who does a weekly group for free.

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