sooo where to start? i feel like i have a million issues right now.
btw i am still nursing DD (just for info if there is herbal/med advice)
also do not have health insurance and am very low income but apparently too rich for help with health insurance...
first and foremost EVERY month one week before and the one week during AF i am a monster. absolute monster i fly off the handle, i get morbidly depressed to the point i can barely function, im a complete b*tch period. its 2 weeks a month we are talking here and is is way more than pms. i hate the way i act and feel i feel like im going to explode all day long. its ruining my life...
idk what the heck to do about it. hormonal birth control makes me worse, im like that all month...
i tried zoloft...helped with anger but made me more depressed overall and i started compulsively shopping like crazy.
i get stressed...really incredibly stressed over everything. it consumes me.
i get mad really downright angry to the point i *feel* i will become violent but hold it back b/c i was abused as a child and do not want that in my house. i *have* hit DH a few times in our 8 yr relationship and never in front of my DD (1 y/o)...im ashamed of this and disgusted with myself
i feel guilty. im not perfect or even close to it. i try to be a good mom and do whats best yet i do plop the baby in front of the tv at least once a day...and i sometimes feed her stuff i said i never would. then i feel horrible for doing it and beat myself up about it.
my house is a disaster. i used to have an impeccably clean home. now its a constant mess which makes me so much more depressed, angry, and stressed.
i despise my "new" body... have lost 75 lbs but still am way out of shape and my stomach is gross.
i always feel like im just going to fall apart idk what to do about anything anymore. i used to be so strong...i have always pushed my way through the pain and now its a losing battle, i want help. i started getting help and then my insurance got canceled. now im screwed, as always. every time i try to pick up the pieces something always seems to stand in my way. im so sick of it...i feel so hopeless for the first time in my life, and trust me you would think i would have given up a long time ago. im 23 and have been [email protected]
twice...witnessed my mother commit suicide and she died in my arms, dad abandoned me, was in foster care, on my own at 17, was homeless, was an addict...i been through alot. now my life is SOOOOOOO much better but i feel so depressed. idk why i feel like this, idk why im doing this to myself, to my family. i have no determination anymore.
my daughter IS my greatest blessing and i really do thank God for her every single day. DH is the love of my life. so what is my problem? why do i feel so badly when things are finally in a good place for me? i need help