Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem After Abuse? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 12-31-2010, 06:25 AM - Thread Starter
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My husband grew up in a very verbally/emotionally abusive household. His parents constantly told him that he was worthless, was a disappointment to them, that he was "full of s**t" when he said he liked something or had an opinion.


He says that he has no confidence to do things, that it's difficult for him to make decisions, that he feels worthless. I think he might struggle with depression, and he's working with a counselor and a doctor.


Can you offer suggestions to help me help him build self-confidence/esteem? I want him to feel good about himself and the choices he makes. I know it's got to come from him, but I want to create a supportive, nurturing environment. Thank you!

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#2 of 5 Old 12-31-2010, 06:52 AM
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Hi I am going through the same thing with DH and my post is here


I also was physically and mentally abused....for some reason I feel like (maybe b/c I am a woman) I went the route of strength and independence and DH was more crippled by it...

 Young born-again mama and loving wife peace.gif to DH jammin.gif and SAHP to two crazy girls dust.gifwehomebirth.jpgfly-by-nursing2.gifslinggirl.giffamilybed1.gif and believe gd.giflactivist.gif  signcirc1.gif !

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#3 of 5 Old 12-31-2010, 08:03 AM - Thread Starter
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Thank you, sosurreal09. I am headed over to you linked thread right now.

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#4 of 5 Old 12-31-2010, 08:09 PM
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I struggled with some simliar issues, that of low self-esteem. The Bach flower essence Larch was awesome to help me with this! I tried counseling, read lots of books, prayer, etc. I was able to aleviate a lot of my problems but the flower essences really helped me get over the self-esteem that I just could not get a handle on.


Larch is for self-confidence

If he has guilty feelings (always apologizing or feeling guilty) then Pine would be great too

I also took Oak which is for stress


Some good ones for depression are wild rose, sweet chestnut or gentian.


Kimberly DH of 8 years DS 08/2002 DS 04/2005 DD 11/2007
Holistic consultations, supplements, herbs, flower essences
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#5 of 5 Old 03-18-2011, 03:43 PM
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The best thing you can do is give him as much love and support that you can while still honoring yourself.  Your husband is dealing with a lot of internal thoughts and beliefs that need to be cleared  and reprogrammed.  He is playing the part of the victim which is very common and what humans do when these type of things happen. We have all played this part at some point in our lives. I am going to refer you to a website where you may be able to get some relief.  It has helped me in dealing with lots of clients when they are going through these situations.

You can also go to my website if you like and read some of blogs.  Hope this helps


Love and Light


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