My name is Lee-Anne and i recently came out of hospital after falling very mentally ill during pregnancy due to my emetaphobia.
I was so unwell (mentally aswell as nausia and sickness) i had to have a termination and i am now living with the devestation that i may never have another baby as this was my 2nd attemp and 2nd termination, my heart is breaking everyday that i never had the strength to get through and may never as i could not take the risk on another poor baby that i may get it again?
It rules my life, how and what i eat, drink, what i do, where i go, how little i eat and living in fear every day of my life that i could get sick with a bug, virus or food poisoning. I do everything in my power to try have control over it and always carry anti emetics, avoid all meat, fish, eggs, rice and more.
I am having therapy but im not confident it will cure me, i have anxiety dissorder, depression and pannick attacks.
Everyday it feels like someone has died and i long for the baby i terminated and hate myself for bring so weak and not strong enough to do it. It got so bad i lost my mind and was in a mental health hospital because i just lost touch with reality.
Is there anyone out there who has experienced lost pregnancies due to this awful phobia or anyone with a possitive story about having the phobia and getting through pregnancy and how? please help me i am so desperate to hold a baby of mine again one day xxx
Hey, I don't have any answers, just and I hope that your therapies really help you a lot. Have you considered nutritional therapy as well? Since some mental health imbalances are related to nutrition. Also, I don't know where you live, but you might search for an abortion doula (yes, they are out there) to help you through this. Have you considered taking an anti-nausea med while pg? and lots of b vitamins stave off nausea as well. I really don't know anything about your condition, but I just hope that you make it through this rough time and come out on the other side shining.
Couldn't read and not reply. Hugs, mama.
This is not.your.fault. It's okay to grieve, and guilt is a part of that grief. But the fact that you had to terminate was the same as needing to terminate because of an acute illness of any other kind.
Be gentle with yourself. Is adoption and option? Surrogacy? Pre-emptive diclectin? Like the pp, I don't know what you've tried before. However, I do know that diclectin was magic for me during my second pregnancy.
Take care of yourself, mama.
I've dealt with this since I was a young child and having kids seems to make it worse--I see my son as a little germ vector, not a lovable child. I have gone through therapy (cognitive-behavioral therapy, as well as talk therapy) and taken anti-anxiety medications. I'm starting to think about doing hypnosis as well. I could go through my list of all the things and situations I avoid and all the thoughts that occupy my mind, but that's probably familiar territory to you and I don't want to add any anxiety to your list if you aren't already anxious about it Just saying, I have been there, I am still there, and I have been able to get my life manageable but not enjoyable, and I go through spells of doing really bad...CBT was helpful especially as far as reducing panic attacks and making them manageable, the anti-anxiety medication helped a lot at the time as well.
This pregnancy I had really bad ALL-DAY nausea from about week 4 to now (week 18 and counting). I did find some supplements that have helped wonders: milk thistle (an herb that helps the liver function and process all of the hormones that cause early pregnancy nausea) twice a day, Vitamin B6 twice a day, Unisom at night (I am taking 1.5 pills at night and that gets me through most of the day, with occasional mild nausea in the evenings). The combo of these three made my nausea so much better, from basically never leaving the house (or my bed) to being a normal person again and enjoying food. There are also prescription medications that your doctor can prescribe (Zofran, and I think some others) if those don't work. I know you aren't pregnant now, but finding this information was, for me, a miracle and has made thinking about getting pregnant again a real possibility, not something to DREAD. Adoption is another option I seriously considered.
My heart really goes out to you. It's such a hard thing to deal with. My last therapist was like, "well, this phobia is one of the most difficult to treat"...and it IS, but I can say that things can get better, your life can become manageable again, and therapy can definitely ease things up. Right now, it's most important for you to focus on getting your mind better again. Grieve as much as you need for your baby--you made the best decision you could for your mental health, but that doesn't make it easy or not hurt. Therapy can be a great place to work out all of the feelings of guilt and anger and sadness.
If you need to talk, PM me anytime.
raising my two sunshine children.
I had hyperemesis with all three pregnancies...pretty severely. I get very anxious at the thought of vomitting. I have got support at the hyperemesis.org boards and there is a section for people that had to terminate.
I am so sorry for your losses, and hope you find a path to healing....
Mi vida loca: full-time WOHM, frugalista, foodie wannabe, 10+ years of TCOYF
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