Going through a lot right now..... - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-04-2011, 12:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I finally got a restraining order against my exh,and I'm not sure how I feel about it.The kids are on it as well.I'm relieved that he can't come and bother us anymore,but at the same time I still care about him and wonder how he is doing.He's a homeless alcoholic.3 times between last tues and weds the cops took him to the hospital because he was so drunk.He was at my door just banging and banging on tues.The cops picked him up(if I let him in my house when drunk,he will get violent) after my mom and I called.They brought him to the hospital.By midnight the same night he was back,just screaming and screaming out in the yard.We called the police again,and they took him to the hospital again.Weds morning he was back,passed out drunk on my porch.He scared me,I thought he was dead as I couldn't see him breathing and he wouldn't move when I touched him.Finally I heard him snore and knew he was extremely drunk.I called the police again,and they took him yet again to the hospital.I wasn't here when they took him,my neighbors said he had a pint of vodka under him,and he had peed himself.The police were nudging him with their feet,and it took them a while to get him to even move a little.The hospital called me and told me they were keeping him for 24 hours.Thurs morning I went out and got the restraining order.He called my cell phone and was very upset,crying and saying they were taking him to a rehab and he wanted me to see him first.I told him I couldn't do that,and told him i got the restraining order and could no longer talk to him.He kept saying why are you doing this to me.Because you are an abusive person when you are drunk,which is all the time lately.I don't know if he actually went to the rehab or not,but I have not heard from him since thurs.

 

I'm going crazy right now.My kids are upset that they can't see daddy,and I can't even tell them where he is,since I don't know.I did explain how daddy is very sick right now,and that we can't see him until he gets better.Which may never happen,as I think he was trying to kill himself.How would I ever explain that to our kids?I'm having a very hard time coping with this,and I feel like I may go back to my old ways of coping,which are not good.I see my therapist on weds.My anxiety is throught the roof,everytime I hear any type of noise I'm afraid he's back and has come in through the window upstairs(he's done this before,and broke the locks).I can't enjoy anything right now.My dad lives downstairs and was fixing something and banging in a nail,and I thought exh was back and started freaking out.I called dad and made sure exh was not at my downstairs door.I'm very depressed,thinking I'm a horrible person to do this to him when he needs help the most.But at the same time I know I can't help him,and he is a danger to us right now.I just don't know what to feel.I feel numb really,which is why I want to go back to my old coping skills(self injury) because at least I feel something that way.I know it won't help.I need to have a good cry and I just cannot.I'm on a ton of meds,maybe that's why,I don't know.Thanks for reading.

 

 


Student mama to one awesome,talented and unique dd,15 and one amazing, sweet and strong ds,12(born with heart defect Tetralogy of Fallot,also on the autism spectrum),9 cats,and 2 gerbils.
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