bi-polar sociopath daughter - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 59 Old 10-06-2012, 09:47 AM
 
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I've spent today reading as much as I can about this. I have recently realized that my daughter is a sociopath, and my story is almost identical to the original post. Although my son and I have expressed that we both feel relief and happiness at knowing that there really is nothing we can do, and that we are correct in cutting her out of our lives, I am also struggling with the grief of having lost my daughter. For the past year I have felt that my daughter, the one I see in pictures from years ago, is dead. This other person is just a monster in her body. Obviously that's a difficult thing for people who are unfamiliar with the situation to understand, but it's so freeing and healing to say it to people who do get it. It's a loss. In fact, I wish she would die, because then I could stop worrying that she's going to die. And then I could grieve and move past it.

 

It's also hard to stay strong when the natural tendency is to help your child. But I read on another site today that people who are sociopaths are not suffering. That brought me some relief.

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#32 of 59 Old 11-08-2012, 05:11 PM
 
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Hi, i'm am new here. Reading all about you all I don't feel so alone any more. My child and I have bipolar. I never new I had it until my daughter came along. My baby was intense as the doctor who delivered her said. The first night of her life she screamed for hours. And not just cried  and screamed like other babies screamed like she was pissed off or in danger for her life. She screamed like that along with temper tantrums until we found out and put her on meds at the age of 4 yrs. old. I always knew something wasn't right. I wrote on a calendar evert day her mood and behavior. And figured her cycle out. Responding to kmomma, I think maybe for some people they are not born with it. Probably have a mild case that can be treated with nature herbs and a cleaned diet but I believe in my heart and sole my daughter was born with it. She now is 12 yrs. old and Dr. tried to increase meds and take away some. And she's now lying and stealing. Last week she found the key to the med cabinet and over dosed on meds,  A few days later she had her first psychotic episode. She's was hospitalized 2 years ago and was sent home manic. We don't know what to do. She does have a great relationship with her phsycitrist who also sees her for therepy. but we are trying to not put her on multiple meds. shes already is on a lot. We don't know what to do with her behavior.

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#33 of 59 Old 11-17-2012, 07:37 AM
 
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These stories are so painful. I'm so sorry I could not read this thread through. I have been dealing w my 10 yo son's mental illness and it hurts so much. No mom wants to call the police on their child or tell them they are not welcome. My son's current therapist recommended the books 'An Unchanged Mind' and 'Chaning a Mind' to help me understand my narcissistic (x)-husband and ds1. The author's last name is McKinnon. I couldn't stop reading last night. I hope you find peace with your dd. Big hugs. I'm so sorry. xo
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#34 of 59 Old 11-17-2012, 08:27 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Mylie View Post

This is a slower thread but I had to post because your posts are my life...My son is almost 23..he is bi-polar and a whole bunch of other diagnosis..He refuses to take his meds,go to his therapies and be responsible.He blames everything bad that happens to him on anyone and everything but himself.He can't control his temper,wont shower,flits from place to place till they kick him out.He is all about partying and having a good time with anything that will make him feel good.He started having bad problems when he was a teen..it was horrible..I couldn't control him.He was nasty,rude,vilent and destructive..and he honestly didn't care how he talked to you,me or anyone..He is invincible..I had more holes in my walls that I care to tell about.I have been called every filthy name out there.I have been threatened with injury and even death.When he was almost 17 he got his girlfriend pregnant.It was rough as she was just as unstable as he.By the time the baby was 2 months old the state was involved and I was awarded permanent sole custody of her..She is now 5 and still with me.He is not allowed to live with me for my safety,his safety and L's safety.He is constantly suicidal..It is horrible..he gets angry all the time and threatens you and then when he calms down days later calls like it has never happened..Very emotionally draining..He is not any kind of father to L but when he does see her he is fine with her for a few minutes but then can't stand her and within minutes you can see that he wants to hit her so bad..He is never left alone with her at all...The last year has been so bad (not just with him but with her mom too..they aren't together but they both have problems)that I made the decision to move back home..We are now 600 miles away and he is so angry that I won't send him money and that I left that he keeps threatening me with L..From going to court and getting her back(which will never happen)to just taking her..He has made posts with his current girlfriend)that when they go they will all go together kids and all(girl friend has 2 small children her parents have custody of).

 

We have been here in Michigan for 3 weeks and my anxiety levels have already gotten better..I love my son but I can't handle him anymore.I have tried to help him over the years..He doesn't want help.He thinks he is fine.I just can't do it anymore.And I have to think of L.She is only 5 and needs stabilitl\y and a normal childhood..I feel like crap for it but I choose her over him..I love him with all my heart but forgive me for saying this but I don't like my son..He scares me..I Have learned through family(yes we have had therapy)therapy that I can't help him anymore.He doesn't want my help(unless he gets something out of it like money) that I have to go on living and raising L..All I can do ....

 

That is my story...Currently my son is again threatening me..he doesn't have money,a licence or a way so I don't think he would ever make the 600 mile trip to try and take her but I don't take any chances ..Everyone is aware..But it continues to break my heart:(((

 


This story is so familiar to someone I know extremely well... And after many many painful years, we find that he is now finally stable, calm and responsible because we helped him find a right spouse for him and thats what he's been wanting for years. We hope and pray that things will go on great for them. :)

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#35 of 59 Old 11-19-2012, 05:26 PM
 
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So sorry for your pain.. it is very hard some days just to be the parent of an adult child and watch them struggle, but this..  this is a whole other level. 

My heart goes out to you, mother to mother..  you must care for yourself and your home and other family members as well as loving your troubled child.  Sometimes that means creating difficult, yet necessary boundaries.

Prayers and love to you, mama.  I don't have a bipolar child, but I was raised by an addict, whom I also loved and wanted all the best for as I watched him crumble, treat us horribly, lash out, and create destruction..  it has only been very late in his life that he himself has found reasons to get help and take better care of himself.  I believe these must come from within for the person to truly heal. 

You sound like a loving Mom, and I am sure it has been a very long and painful road.  I wish you peace and strength.

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#36 of 59 Old 11-25-2012, 12:54 AM
 
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I have tears In my eyes. My oldest child who is 14 has been nothing but problems for me since she was an infant. She was healthy but it was her murderous screaming fits starting at 3 months that gave me pause. She has lied to and on me to teachers, causing cps to come to my home, I had my Cna licence suspended due to her lies of abuse at the age 7, which were unfounded. She beat up her principal in 3rd grade and had no remorse. She has been beyond violent her entire life. Kicking me in my stomach when I was 8months pregnant, calling police trying to put me in jail for taking her toys away, writing stories about killing me and my husband, hitting my grandmother, etc she had been in counseling and had case workers and social workers for 7 years, and it always ends with "she is such a wonderful child who is having a hard time" or "she says you don't love h
er", or "you treat her sisters better" or "im a bad mother to her be side i hate her father". She manipulates everyone and everything, she NEVER accepts responsibility for any of her actions. She has had over 70 school referrals sent home from school in less than a year for being violent towards students and staff, and keep in mind she only spent 6 out of the 10 months in school because she was suspended and hospitalized for her manic behavior. Even then the psychiatrist stated she was just sad and didn't need any help, and I was her biggest problem. I haven't even begun yet, for that is only a third of the issues with this child. She hurts me so, I feel like I'm losing my mind! I have nightmares of her trying to kill me or one of her siblings, I cry constantly and I hate myself more and more everyday because of the way u feel about this child. I love her and want her to be safe and happy, but I don't want her here. Someone is going to be seriously hurt and I don't know who. I count the days until she is old enough to leave. She lies, manipulates, threatens, fights, disrespects, she is too fresh, she says she wants me to die,
. I have tried EVERYTHING. NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING HELPS. Ishe is 5'8 240lbs to my 5'3 200lbs and I cannot restrain her. What do I do with this beautiful intelligent monster I've given birth to?? I am so angry because I've reached out for help and before I get a word in she has manipulated the situation and convinced then that I AM CRAZY!! I know I'm not a wonderful person, and I am a b****, I have never had an issue with anyones child or my own other than her and I have been dealing with kids full time since the age of 12. I am scared as hell for me and my kids and if something happens to me nobody will believe who caused it. I hate when people judge me for the feelings u have toward my daughter, because at least I'm honestly reaching for a hand!! I get told u should have unconditional love... I DO!! Love and like are not the same! I love her to death, but u don't like her ways. GOD help us before its too late... Thanks for listening to me...


Scared to Death
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#37 of 59 Old 12-21-2012, 01:27 AM
 
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Hi I'm new here but I think my 17 year old step daughter is a sociopath. She has had a stable home life as far as I know but the last 4 years she has created hell for her mom and stepfather. She constantly lies about everything. Her mom has tried everything and has told me on numerous occasions she doesn't know what to do because step daughter doesn't care. So finally in July she sent step daughter to live my husband and I. We live in a small town were hoping that maybe a change would be good for her. She did good for a while or so I thought but now I realize she was just manipulating me. She has been lying and I've caught her numerous times. Lying about her grades, her whereabouts not coming home after school ect. She was also really mean to my 1 and year old yelling at her calling her names ect. Also very Violent towards our dog. Anyways yesterday her mom came to pick her up and she got caught in another lie. Well her mom got mad at me because I ripped her ass. So
I'm the bad guy ok whatever she's going to be gone for two weeks. So I was talking to my mother about the situation because I was still upset that step daughters mother would believe her even after that was the reason she sent her up to live with us because she couldn't handle it anymore, and my mother told me that one time she saw stepdaughter slap my 1 year old. I lost it and called step daughters mom and told her that step daughter can't live here anymore. So I can't stop thinking about it what's wrong with step daughter and came across sociopath and it totally describes her behavior. I want to tell her mom that I think that she should be tested shell be 18 next month but I don't want more drama. Her mom and I where actually close friends before yesterday and she has 4 other children and I'm afraid step daughter might hurt them. Should I tell her I think her daughter might be a sociopath?
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#38 of 59 Old 12-21-2012, 01:37 AM
 
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She also takes no accountability for her actions feels no remorse and views herself as a constant victim. Her father and stopped listening to the lies about her mom and step dad a long time ago but she tells everyone horror stories about being mistreated by everyone that are lies. I recently found out she was sneaking guys into my house and having sex with them, ditching school to do drugs, but at home she put on a totally fake persona for us. At first I thought she was just a rebellious teen but no I think that she is mentally ill, because who does that? I was a rebellious teen but I never did anything like that. My 1 year is terrified of her so I wonder besides slapping her what else stepdaughter did to get? I just feel sickened by this whole situation.
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#39 of 59 Old 12-22-2012, 08:23 AM
 
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I just read this. You all have likely read it, but just in case: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/13/magazine/can-you-call-a-9-year-old-a-psychopath.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

I thought it might offer some kind of direction, people to contact, etc

Your stories are heartbreaking. xo
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#40 of 59 Old 01-11-2013, 01:49 PM
 
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These last few stories are absolutely HEARTBREAKING. I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this. hug2.gif


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#41 of 59 Old 02-22-2013, 04:01 PM
 
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I came across this site when I Googled Christian with bipolar daughter.  As I read through the thread, I can see most of my experiences in the posts.

 

My daughter is now 22.  Her first psychotic break came when she was about 15 or so, just into her freshman year of high school.  At first, it was hard to see it as anything other than a teenage rebellion.  Unfortunately, things rapidly got much worse than just rebellion.

 

I won't go into all the details because most of that has already been described here..the stealing, the lying, etc etc., add in 2 suicide attempts which hospitalized her, but since she was over 18, she walked away, unmedicated again.

 

I have basically estranged myself from her, not a proud thing to admit, but when it came down to the safety and sanity of me and my other daughter, the choice was clear. 

 

I found out about 2 months ago that she is pregnant by a man who already has children by other girls and who is also abusive.  I have encouraged her to seriously consider adoption.  The way it stands now, she has every intention of keeping this baby and raising it, supposedly with him, although he has kicked her out twice already and my guess is that she will not only give birth alone, he will be MIA permanently after the baby is born.

 

She is on the verge of homelessness, am pretty sure is not getting the prenatal attention she needs, and does not take care of herself.  Prayer is my life support right now.

 

Thanks for listening.
 

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#42 of 59 Old 03-01-2013, 11:00 PM
 
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 I think perhaps you should read up on "SOCIOPATHS" there are common traits that they share like killing animals and using people for their own twisted little schemes. Trust me I was married to a "SOCIOPATH" and they are usually very congenial although always plotting to move in for the kill! Many Sociopaths keep friends for quite a while to manipulate them .There are a number of anti-depressants that will keep a -"true sociopath" from turning into a soul-less monster.Sounds like you have a definate pathological liar on your hands but true "SOCIOS"are usually more the serial murder type.I watch alot of Cold Case and Criminal Minds and the Psychopaths and Sociopaths can sometimes even pass lie detection. These people think they are GODS and they are merciless

monsters.It is a good idea to stay away from your daughter if she is just a bitch too. Female hormone imbalances have made women do horrible things Plz. try starting there. Cuz trust me the last diagnosis you want is a "SOCIOPATH" If you would someday like to hear my story of being married to a "SOCIO" I can find the time to briefly recap it,if you write back.

                                                                  I was you peace and love!      Linda Kay

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#43 of 59 Old 03-07-2013, 07:07 PM
 
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I thought I'd reply even though I don't know exactly know what the OP is going through. However, I was diagnosed  as bipolar at 15, and labeled borderline sociopath at 18. I have had attempted suicide a few times, and done alot of things I'm not proud of, I was a very challenging child I have no doubt of that. I guess my point is that it doesn't have to be horrible forever. My family supported me, and got me help (they didn't put up with my crap either though). But at a certain point I had to choose to that I wanted to be better - to take meds, have a better life. Which I did. Things aren't perfect. I'm rambling, but I'm just saying - it can get better. I hope that gives you some encouragement. 


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#44 of 59 Old 04-02-2013, 06:14 PM
 
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I just don't know what to say. I am in tears reading all of these awful stories. My heart is breaking for all of you in these absolutely terrible situations. hug2.gif


There are three things I learned about life. It goes on. -Longfellow

 

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#45 of 59 Old 04-03-2013, 01:54 PM
 
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Usually just a lurker, but I feel compelled to speak up on this post. As the child of a mentally ill parent, a mentally ill mother myself, and as the parent of a child with mental illness; I politely (as possible) and respectfully disagree with the suggestion to cut ties and run. It's not just this thread either, there was another one requarding a narcissitic mother that the mama was encouraged to stop contact with.... My heart is just aching for you all!!

Mamas, it's first and foremost your job to care for yourselves. This is imperative to your ability to care for your child(ren). There is a lot of variance in how we parent, but most all of us agree on this-- it is our job to raise our children up to responsible young adults, and that we should do so with UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

What message are we sending our mental ill children by turning our backs to them? It comes across to me as rather harsh to say to someone who is rapidly spiraling out of control that you love them -but- since they cannot act in good health they cannot be a part of your lives. It is in those situations that a.mentally ill child MOST needs unconditional love! When everything is wrong they need to have the constant reassurance that someone who loves them is standing by to help.You don't have to approve, and can even voice dissapproval; but for goodness sake Be There! I am not advocating enabling or asking you to endure abuse. I am asking you to consider firmly stating your boundaries to your child and encouraging you to remind them of your love and willingness to help them in any way you are able. Offer your support. Give them your honesty. Be real with your chid. Teach them that mental illness can be managed and treat them with empathy.

Mental illness itself can create some really scary home situations, which children absorb. I know, all the more reason to want to segregate the ill child if there are other siblings in the home, right? But,.again, what is that teaching your famiy? Will they learn how to gently correct and address problems? Are they learning to have compassion and respect for another's dignity when handling family matters? Or are they learning that unconditional love is reserved for those who are whole and facing the sting of rejection everywhere they turn?

I'm choosing love. I will respond with compassion and try to respect my child while standing firm that the help needed is sought out. I will refuse to give up on my child because I have been there myself. Never underestimate the power of acceptance! If you consider that the alternative to accepting is rejection, does it help you to understand why your child would choose to ignore your parenting in this crucial moment when they need you more than ever? So rarely in life do I feel bullied, threatened, belittled, devalued, etc enough to change some major part of me. I can't imagine many others would either, our children included.

Now, changes made for love...many sucess stories to be found there!

I don't mean to imply guilt. Each of us has a different road to walk down, and cannot know the feelings and hearts of others.Each of our own minds have their limitations. What works for our family may not work for yours, and vice versa. But, I would really like to encourage you all to think if there may be another way possible to handle an out of control child. If you truely, honestly, believe with your heart that your child is so very ill that they cannot be entrusted their own care you can petition the courts to get them the help theu need. Obviously, long term treatment has to be wanted and maintained by the child themselves. Problem is that majority of these illnesses are hallmarked by the inability of the person affected to actually see their problems. At the very least I feel obligated to see to it that my child would receive care if they were not able to seek it of their own accord and in THAT desprate of need of it, yk?

food for thought (idk about the rest of you, but someday when I'm too old and infirm to be on my own I'll be calling I'm one of my children...i can only hope that should dementia set in and I become confused and angry that my child will not toss me into a home, but handle me with the same love and care I gave to them!)
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#46 of 59 Old 04-03-2013, 02:11 PM
 
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Check out Dr. Greene on youtube lectures, or his book, The Explosive Child if you are interested in learning some new ways of approaching your difficult to discipline, or reason with, child. He offers some wonderful insight into what's going on in the mind of children in the middle of a meltdown. I found it especially helpful with my child to acknowledge and validate that their feelings and concerns are real and adressing them, as opposed to just dismissively telling a child he has nothing to worry over, or she has no reason to feel a certain way.
If nothing else, maybe by speaking in a language they understand (emotions, basically. You are asking them to share with you the feeling that caused the outburst.) communication can be restored and you can begin to get them the help they need. It's not about dealing with bipolar, but it applies nicely to it.
Pardon the typos, please. My device is giving me difficulties today.
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#47 of 59 Old 04-04-2013, 07:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by wild violet View Post

? Will they learn how to gently correct and address problems? Are they learning to have compassion and respect for another's dignity when handling family matters? Or are they learning that unconditional love is reserved for those who are whole and facing the sting of rejection everywhere they turn?

I'm choosing love.!)

Well said, wild violet, and I agree. When I was diagnosed bipolar as a teen, I felt like an misunderstood, out of control monster that no one could ever love. Bipolar feels very scary and confusing- that's not excuse for unacceptable behavior, but it's an insight maybe.

I don't want this to come off as judgmental, I think we all do the best we can. Just sharing an "insider's perspective"

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#48 of 59 Old 04-05-2013, 12:31 AM
 
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I'm sorry if that came acrossed as though I didn't think someone was doing the best she can. I respect a mother's need to protect herself, and her whole family (even if it means from another family member) but maintain that a parent, even one at wits ends needs to consider the needs of their very ill child. Perhaps some other mother on mdc stumbles onto this post and is in desprate need of venting some awful feelings and receiving some support, should she now also assume that he child has a hopeless outcome and just begin the grieving process? Or would you rather she realize that it's normal to feel strong emotions when dealing with someone who is mentally ill and that it's okay to walk away as you please? If she's feeling it is that bad for the child she owes the poor kids at least the effort to place a call or two on her behalf as the mother. Idk, I have btdt and I do respect the need to step back at times but I'm appalled at how many ppl think ignoring mental illness will help. When my kids are sick it doesn't matter how old they are 5, 15, 25....still my child! I still respect them & their decisions, but maintain that parenting is a lifelong job.
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#49 of 59 Old 04-05-2013, 12:58 PM
 
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One thing that I have come to realize through all this is I cannot want for her more than she wants for herself.  I can lead her to water, can't make her drink.  Can support her in every way possible, but short of "doing" it for her, there is nothing else. 

 

Every single one of us is responsible for the decisions we make, and yes that even means those suffering with a mental illness, because those decisions always reap a consequence, good bad or indifferent.

 

I cannot tolerate being put into situations that jeopardize my own well being, and that had been done far too many times.  I do maintain communication with her, but I keep my distance also. 

 

Until she advocates for herself, nothing changes.  Loving her enough isn't enough until she loves herself more.

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#50 of 59 Old 04-06-2013, 01:25 PM
 
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Karen, I understand. It is such a brutally painful situation you're in. Loving detachment, that's what I call it. I've had hints of such a future with my son and through my journey dealing with his problems, I've heard many stories like yours. It happens and it's not your fault. We can be the most perfect loving parents but it still happens and decisions need to be made or else the entire system (family) crumbles. Hugs and love to you and your daughter.
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#51 of 59 Old 05-21-2013, 04:58 PM
 
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My son fits most of the criteria for sociopath, but also for bipolar ll and he is definitely ADD. ( no H ) I have spent the last decade trying to help him, keep him out of jail and steer him rights and what I get are lies, lots of lies, lots of apologies and lots of manipulating his spineless father. He distrusts all forms of mental health services and will not see a therapist.
I have been to many Alanon meetings - he is a recovering heroin addict- and they preach the gospel of loving detachment. Very difficult. Do not know what to do. He is about to turn 23. Recently left a job he had had for 5 years because he lost his drivers license because of many unpaid tickets. He is smart. He has no history of violence. He lies, thinks he is smarter than everyone else and always has an excuse for his failure to do most things he has promised to do. He is truly the most unreliable person I know. I think he kept his job because his managers were Moms who felt sorry for him.
I am 60 years old. I have been living on the edge of my seat for about 10 years - he barely made it out of HS, spent 10k of his college fund on a criminal defense lawyer- possession of marijuana over 4 oz, smashed a car, been arrested many times for petty offenses, has to be nagged and bribed to do ordinary things.
I am just exhausted. We have been trying compassion and support for 10 years with no improvement. I feel like I am killing myself with anxiety. So why not...cut him off from all financial support. I am thinking of taking a break, asking him to not ask anything of us for at least a few months, maybe simply no contact. He has never been fully self- supporting and I want to spend some money on myself before I die. Neither of my parents made it to 70. My expectations are low.
So I ask ---- what do you think? He is so self-defeating I ache every day.
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#52 of 59 Old 09-15-2013, 10:03 PM
 
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I am so glad I found this forum . I too, am a mother of a sociopathic daughter.  I am heartbroken. She has stolen from me , stolen from boutiques where I took her on vacations, stolen from guests in my home, promiscuous , pathological lying , diagnosed with ADHD and other psychosis, forged checks, drug abuse , alcohol abuse, sold her medication, manipulates, taunts. The very worst thing is she got pregnant and now I worry and fear for my grandchild .  She is living with the father of my grandchild who has had numerous run in's with the law , drug and alcohol abuse, jail, numerous dui's ..  I know I need to have "no contact" at this point , but it is hard because of my grandchild. I don't know what to do . I love my daughter  but I am afraid of her.

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#53 of 59 Old 01-03-2014, 05:42 PM
 
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With all due respect......It sounds like you talk about your daughter as if she weren't your daughter, but some growth that was removed from you and raised by thieves. Only to return home and change her underwear like she changes her friends. Considering she steals and lies and lives under your roof. Why is it important that she has new friends all the time. Considering she's in school and had a job, it would seem healthy to have new friends. Just my opinion. Hope things start looking up for you.;)

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#54 of 59 Old 01-05-2014, 07:36 AM
 
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With all due respect......It sounds like you talk about your daughter as if she weren't your daughter, but some growth that was removed from you and raised by thieves. Only to return home and change her underwear like she changes her friends. Considering she steals and lies and lives under your roof. Why is it important that she has new friends all the time. Considering she's in school and had a job, it would seem healthy to have new friends. Just my opinion. Hope things start looking up for you.;)

 

That's not respectful at all! That's horrible of you to say! You are not in her shoes at all. A lot of parents of untreated, now adult children are this way because they are untreated. I tend to act similarly when not treated. Lying, cheating, sometimes stealing and I've run off a few times only to return like nothing happened. This is why it's an illness that needs treated and managed.


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#55 of 59 Old 01-05-2014, 10:54 AM
 
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I agree wholly w Becky. You simply can't judge if you haven't been there. I've only had glimpses of what it is like for such parents, but that is enough for me to understand the detachment. You do all you can but it will never be enough and if you keep at it everyone gets destroyed too. There is so much pain and heartache involved in such a journey that no one else can understand. Just please don't judge those with mental illness and their families. It reminds me how misunderstood we who suffer and we who have children with extremely disruptive mental illnesses are.... And that is an added pain that makes everything hurt even more.
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#56 of 59 Old 10-10-2014, 03:08 PM
 
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I am in an incredible amount of pain. I have a bipolar sociopath daughter who has gone to unimaginable lengths to destroy relationships in my life as well as others. She uses my grandchildren as pawns for manipulating others to get what she wants. Currently she is withholding my grandchildren again. I have been searching for answers about this; ways to cope. It's so terrible & unimaginable that most people don't understand; even family and friends whom I've known all my life. I'm so tired of trying to defend myself. I can see by reading the posts that there are others who have had similar experiences. I am disturbed and angered that there are several people posting judgements; who like most people in the world, have no idea what it's like to be related to a sociopath. I would like to write pages of details of my experience; I know it would only be misunderstood and subject to various judgements and criticisms. The only people who can truly understand are those who have experienced it. The hurt, shame & humiliation is so deep; I can't see healing from it a possibility. I would like to be able to cope; to find the strength to look after myself and stay healthy; to be a healthy haven for my grandchildren should they need me.
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#57 of 59 Old 10-10-2014, 08:23 PM
 
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Usually just a lurker, but I feel compelled to speak up on this post. As the child of a mentally ill parent, a mentally ill mother myself, and as the parent of a child with mental illness; I politely (as possible) and respectfully disagree with the suggestion to cut ties and run. It's not just this thread either, there was another one requarding a narcissitic mother that the mama was encouraged to stop contact with.... My heart is just aching for you all!!<br><br>
Mamas, it's first and foremost your job to care for yourselves. This is imperative to your ability to care for your child(ren). There is a lot of variance in how we parent, but most all of us agree on this-- it is our job to raise our children up to responsible young adults, and that we should do so with UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.<br><br>
What message are we sending our mental ill children by turning our backs to them? It comes across to me as rather harsh to say to someone who is rapidly spiraling out of control that you love them -but- since they cannot act in good health they cannot be a part of your lives. It is in those situations that a.mentally ill child MOST needs unconditional love! When everything is wrong they need to have the constant reassurance that someone who loves them is standing by to help.You don't have to approve, and can even voice dissapproval; but for goodness sake Be There! I am not advocating enabling or asking you to endure abuse. I am asking you to consider firmly stating your boundaries to your child and encouraging you to remind them of your love and willingness to help them in any way you are able. Offer your support. Give them your honesty. Be real with your chid. Teach them that mental illness can be managed and treat them with empathy.<br><br>
Mental illness itself can create some really scary home situations, which children absorb. I know, all the more reason to want to segregate the ill child if there are other siblings in the home, right? But,.again, what is that teaching your famiy? Will they learn how to gently correct and address problems? Are they learning to have compassion and respect for another's dignity when handling family matters? Or are they learning that unconditional love is reserved for those who are whole and facing the sting of rejection everywhere they turn?<br><br>
I'm choosing love. I will respond with compassion and try to respect my child while standing firm that the help needed is sought out. I will refuse to give up on my child because I have been there myself. Never underestimate the power of acceptance! If you consider that the alternative to accepting is rejection, does it help you to understand why your child would choose to ignore your parenting in this crucial moment when they need you more than ever? So rarely in life do I feel bullied, threatened, belittled, devalued, etc enough to change some major part of me. I can't imagine many others would either, our children included.<br><br>
Now, changes made for love...many sucess stories to be found there!<br><br>
I don't mean to imply guilt. Each of us has a different road to walk down, and cannot know the feelings and hearts of others.Each of our own minds have their limitations. What works for our family may not work for yours, and vice versa. But, I would really like to encourage you all to think if there may be another way possible to handle an out of control child. If you truely, honestly, believe with your heart that your child is so very ill that they cannot be entrusted their own care you can petition the courts to get them the help theu need. Obviously, long term treatment has to be wanted and maintained by the child themselves. Problem is that majority of these illnesses are hallmarked by the inability of the person affected to actually see their problems. At the very least I feel obligated to see to it that my child would receive care if they were not able to seek it of their own accord and in THAT desprate of need of it, yk?<br><br>
food for thought (idk about the rest of you, but someday when I'm too old and infirm to be on my own I'll be calling I'm one of my children...i can only hope that should dementia set in and I become confused and angry that my child will not toss me into a home, but handle me with the same love and care I gave to them!)
Sounds lovely for anyone that has no experience with a sociopath. I am so sick & tired of people who judge others who actually live with sociopathic children. I would LOVE TO CHOOSE LOVE, only that isn't an option for me.
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#58 of 59 Old 10-10-2014, 08:38 PM
 
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<p>I came across this site when I Googled Christian with bipolar daughter.  As I read through the thread, I can see most of my experiences in the posts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My daughter is now 22.  Her first psychotic break came when she was about 15 or so, just into her freshman year of high school.  At first, it was hard to see it as anything other than a teenage rebellion.  Unfortunately, things rapidly got much worse than just rebellion.</p>
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<p>I won't go into all the details because most of that has already been described here..the stealing, the lying, etc etc., add in 2 suicide attempts which hospitalized her, but since she was over 18, she walked away, unmedicated again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I have basically estranged myself from her, not a proud thing to admit, but when it came down to the safety and sanity of me and my other daughter, the choice was clear. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I found out about 2 months ago that she is pregnant by a man who already has children by other girls and who is also abusive.  I have encouraged her to seriously consider adoption.  The way it stands now, she has every intention of keeping this baby and raising it, supposedly with him, although he has kicked her out twice already and my guess is that she will not only give birth alone, he will be MIA permanently after the baby is born.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She is on the verge of homelessness, am pretty sure is not getting the prenatal attention she needs, and does not take care of herself.  Prayer is my life support right now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thanks for listening.<br>
 </p>
I feel terrible offering more darkness to this situation. My daughter uses her children as pawns to manipulate others and get what she wants. Grandchildren are the ultimate weapon. I have been through a roller coaster with my granddaughter who is 12; she has lived with me 4 times while Children Services took her away from my daughter for one reason or another. My granddaughter and I were present at my Grandsons' birth....I got to cut the cord and everything. Now that I'm not complying to my sociopaths' (daughters') wishes, she is withholding contact from my grandchildren. It's old news but excruciatingly painful. I cry & worry all the time....silently & privately.
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#59 of 59 Old 10-10-2014, 09:00 PM
 
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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Mylie</strong> <a href="/community/t/1309115/bi-polar-sociopath-daughter/20#post_17111954"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p>This is a slower thread but I had to post because your posts are my life...My son is almost 23..he is bi-polar and a whole bunch of other diagnosis..He refuses to take his meds,go to his therapies and be responsible.He blames everything bad that happens to him on anyone and everything but himself.He can't control his temper,wont shower,flits from place to place till they kick him out.He is all about partying and having a good time with anything that will make him feel good.He started having bad problems when he was a teen..it was horrible..I couldn't control him.He was nasty,rude,vilent and destructive..and he honestly didn't care how he talked to you,me or anyone..He is invincible..I had more holes in my walls that I care to tell about.I have been called every filthy name out there.I have been threatened with injury and even death.When he was almost 17 he got his girlfriend pregnant.It was rough as she was just as unstable as he.By the time the baby was 2 months old the state was involved and I was awarded permanent sole custody of her..She is now 5 and still with me.He is not allowed to live with me for my safety,his safety and L's safety.He is constantly suicidal..It is horrible..he gets angry all the time and threatens you and then when he calms down days later calls like it has never happened..Very emotionally draining..He is not any kind of father to L but when he does see her he is fine with her for a few minutes but then can't stand her and within minutes you can see that he wants to hit her so bad..He is never left alone with her at all...The last year has been so bad (not just with him but with her mom too..they aren't together but they both have problems)that I made the decision to move back home..We are now 600 miles away and he is so angry that I won't send him money and that I left that he keeps threatening me with L..From going to court and getting her back(which will never happen)to just taking her..He has made posts with his current girlfriend)that when they go they will all go together kids and all(girl friend has 2 small children her parents have custody of).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We have been here in Michigan for 3 weeks and my anxiety levels have already gotten better..I love my son but I can't handle him anymore.I have tried to help him over the years..He doesn't want help.He thinks he is fine.I just can't do it anymore.And I have to think of L.She is only 5 and needs stabilitl\y and a normal childhood..I feel like crap for it but I choose her over him..I love him with all my heart but forgive me for saying this but I don't like my son..He scares me..I Have learned through family(yes we have had therapy)therapy that I can't help him anymore.He doesn't want my help(unless he gets something out of it like money) that I have to go on living and raising L..All I can do ....</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That is my story...Currently my son is again threatening me..he doesn't have money,a licence or a way so I don't think he would ever make the 600 mile trip to try and take her but I don't take any chances ..Everyone is aware..But it continues to break my heart((</p>
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<p> </p>
<p><br>
This story is so familiar to someone I know extremely well... And after many many painful years, we find that he is now finally stable, calm and responsible because we helped him find a right spouse for him and thats what he's been wanting for years. We hope and pray that things will go on great for them. </p>
The above comment is the worst thing someone could say. To offer false hope encourages a person to stay in the dance of sickness.....helping noyone. That would be the most hopeful goal after a long arduous trail of boundary setting.
It is so incredibly difficult....impossible most times.....to set boundaries with your child that you want the best for. Sociopaths are incredible at drawing you in.....especially when you already love them unconditionally. Once you realize you're simply a pawn to them; they've already corrupted your life-long friends & family. They're so charming & fun....noyone seems to be able to resist them. They're family!!!!! You know how that goes?! Any issue you've ever had, even though you admit it will clearly be cause for suspect. I can only compare having a sociopath daughter to the days of the witches. If someone in your community claimed you were a witch, you were hung; it didn't matter if you knew everyone in the town for your entire life......fear changed them and you became an outcast. Exactly like a sociopath does to their victims.
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