*Warning, Read at own risk. This may turn into a dissertation.
Hi guys. First off, I'm new here. I signed up because I literally had nowhere else to go. My husband is stationed on a remote base, and the nearest psychotherapy anything is over 50 miles away, and impossible to get into. I don't trust the people here on base anymore. I feel paranoid, and anxious, and I don't want to leave the house except when I know no one is going to be around.
Back story on this. DH and I live in base housing. The oldest houses on base, renovated, but still crummy as far as code compliance. The upstairs windows are removable, because the stairs are too narrow to move furniture up. And the removable windows are held in place by flimsy plastic clips. I have complained to housing that the windows either need to be lockable, or we need to be moved to a single story housing unit. Apparently neither one is feasible. My children (5 in May, 4 in May, and 2 this month), broke those plastic clips and climbed out on the roof. We were told we were going to reported to CPS. DH's CoC steps in, and says "I'll come over as an impartial party to see if we can't stop the CPS call".
2 days later CPS comes by. DH's Chief said go ahead and call CPS and inspect their housing unit weekly because it's completely filthy and it reeks. The only thing that was wrong with my house when he came by is a: we were finishing dinner up so there were dishes on the sink, and b: I hadn't vacuumed in a couple of days because its a damn work out to haul the vacuum up and down the stairs on a daily basis so I do it on Saturdays only.
His chief even admitted to having an OCD wife with no job and all she does day in and day out is clean. And they do not have young kids.
I feel like his chief stabbed us in the back. I feel paranoid now that CPS was on base and with the base so small of course everyone knows, that everyone is smirking behind our backs about how crappy of parents we are. You know like they can point a finger and say, I may beat my kid daily, but at least Im not as bad as THEY are, ya know? Im embaressed, and anxious, and terrified that my children are going to be taken away from me.
The CPS lady came in and said our house was no where near as bad as anything that should have them called out. But she was still threatening me before my husband got home. I have laundry (I can only do one load at a time and not when the dryer is going, because the house pipe doesnt accept that much water and backflows up into the house on the spin). She said well you need to buy a new washing machine, when I told her it floods. I told her (probably less politely than I should have) to check with housing, because theyve been over, and its a problem with the outtake pipe. And all they did was duct tape it (to give you an idea of how they "fix" things around here).
Anyhow, after all that I feel paranoid, anxious, and depressed. I cry nightly, I sleep poorly or not at all. I could use some help here. I have little to no access to mental health care and would prefer not to take medication anyway if I can help it. Are there any herbal supplements that may help anxiety and depression? Sleep problems? Should I just drive the 50 miles to see a specialist? What are your opinions on medication? Sorry for so many questions. Thanks for any help.
honestly when I stop sleeping and I am crying daily I am kind of beyond the scope of natural help. I would recommend you def. talk to someone - even your OBGYN could help you out. Hugs. Anxiety is a horrible animal - I can't imagine if my hubby was stationed how bad it would be for me!
do you have any proof of when you've complained to housing? i'm sorry about what you're going through. my kids don't let me type much or i'd write you more :( Its completely uunderstandable to feel/act how you are after facing such a thing. all I can say is I hope it blows over, keep your head up as much as you can and good luck. Remind yourself that you are a good mother and that it is ridiculous that you're being investigated. and if you can afford to move look into it.
SAHM, military wife, momma to DSD 2004, 2007, DS 2008, DD 2011
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