i wish I could summarize my codependency in a single sentence. It took 10 years to get here. I am only 28 right now, but after self-examination, I realized it started at 18, with the birth of my first daughter. Slowly, I started becoming what other people wanted, pushing aside my needs and wants, myself, to please others. Do what I thought I SHOULD be doing instead of what I wanted. Now, with two divorces and a new relationship, I am struggling. I am, for the first time, really by myself. I have been to a CODA meeting and plan to go back. I have nearly finished " Codependent No More". And I am struggling. I became a stay at home mom, because that's what I was told a "good mother" does. I lost my will to get a degree, because it wasn't making my partners happy. Now, I have no prospects for independence. I am still staying with my recent ex husband with our daughter. I have been applying like crazy to jobs with no experience. I have no transportation of my own, no finances of my own. Everyday, I attempt to busy myself, with caretaking, my own wants and needs, and my daughters. I am starting a difficult road that has no beginning or end. And I am doing it 100% alone. True, I have a supportive BF, a small circle of "friends" and myself. I want to feel hopeful, optimistic even. I want to feel in control of myself and where my path goes. But at this point, I cannot even see a path.
I suppose I posted to see who else shares my experience, who else has been through a period of recovery, while trying to get independence.
Codependancy is no joke...my mother raised me to be very much that way and it's something I struggle to hold back, that tendency. I don't have a lot of words right now, but I feel you, have BTDT and can attest to the fact that on the other side of that mode of living, a new life really is waiting for you. You can do it.
Me and DH ...lovin' DD (6/08) and DS (11/09) Plus NEW BABY!! DD (UC-5/12) We Water Birth/Homebirth/No Vax or Circ/BF/BW/Country Livin'!
I am a codependent to hon. I have read the books and also have BPD. ... oh joy it is.
I have been to one codependent meeting but it was in another town and I really don't have the gas money or childcare to travel like that.
Hugs. I hope you can get the assistance you need. You should apply for housing or section 8 where you live. GO check out the single mom forum here those ladies will help you to know how to get on your feet. These diagnosis are not a death or life sentence.
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