I left my mom in jail.. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 11-13-2011, 07:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, that's even worse when I see it in print. I'm really just looking for some support and an outlet to vent. If someone could just tell me that I did the right thing, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Here's the story- my mother has a history of alcohol abuse. It often gets her in trouble (police called to house, dwi, etc) and she moved back in with my father last year because he's in poor health and needed to have someone around. They'd be separated for 10 years. I know she drinks almost every night and gets so drunk that she can barely walk or talk. My dad said this happened again last night and she was making noise while he was trying to sleep and he asked her to be quiet. She apparently flew into a rage and called the police saying he hit her. The police show up and she has a mark on her face so they arrested both of them for disorderly conduct. I got a call from my dad saying he needed $20 for bail and could I come pick him up. I left to go get him and while on my way, I got a call from my mother. She was incredibly intoxicated and said "Are you coming to get us?" and I said "I don't think I can take care of you tonight" and she got hostile and kept saying "I don't think so!" It was terrible. I hung up on her. My dad isn't allowed to go home until the issue is resolved in court. He's looking to get a restraining order and be done with her. He's staying at my house with my dh, and I, which we're not thrilled about. I never had a great relationship with either of my parents. So, I never bailed her out and to my knowledge, she's still there- about 24 hours later. The court date is tomorrow at 9am. Am I terrible for leaving her there? It seemed like the best place for her- to stay out of trouble and for her to not cause me problems. I obviously couldn't have them both stay here. My dh is supporting me but keeps saying "this is their problem, not ours". I really wish I didn't have to be a part of it at all, but this is how it is for now. I'm 22 years old and should NEVER have to bail my parents out of jail. This is a ridiculous situation and I really want no part in it. My mother may not forgive me for leaving her there, but I really wish I had a better mother. I'm to a point where I might feel better if I cut ties with her. It stresses me out so badly and it's something I want to shield my son from at all costs. I'm at a loss here. Anyone have any input? I have a knot in the pit of my stomach and just don't know what to do. I'd like to wash my hands of the whole thing but neither of them will have any where else to go and for right now, my father is asleep on my couch. Ugh. Please offer some support. Thanks for reading my long post. 


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#2 of 12 Old 11-13-2011, 07:54 PM
 
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I think you did the right thing. You aren't responsible for your mother. And if she stresses you out too much because of her bad behavior, cutting ties with her may just be the best bet.

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in love with and married to my best friend ♥ snuggling my baby girl Ari Grace, 12-4-11

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#3 of 12 Old 11-13-2011, 08:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much for your reply. I mean, she is my mother, and it pains me to even consider cutting ties, but for my own sanity, I think it's for the best. Hopefully things blow over and I can have some peace away from them. Thanks again for responding. 


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#4 of 12 Old 11-13-2011, 08:06 PM
 
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I know it's a really hard thing...but you really shouldn't have to put up with that kind of stuff!! Perhaps in a few years things will be different and you can reopen that line of communication, but you've got a small son and your own life to be living right now. :)


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#5 of 12 Old 11-13-2011, 09:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You're right- I do have my own life to live and need to give my son my full attention.  Hopefully she'll wake up and address her problem so we can have a relationship someday. Thank you again for your reply and understanding. 

 

I see you're expecting- Congratulations! 


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#6 of 12 Old 11-13-2011, 10:48 PM
 
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Exactly :) Hopefully sometime you'll be able to have a relationship, but really...life is wayy to short to have to deal with the stress of toxic relationships :)

 

Thanks!!


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#7 of 12 Old 11-14-2011, 12:46 AM
 
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There are a few mama's around who cut ties with family on here I have heard them speak.  Good luck.


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#8 of 12 Old 11-15-2011, 07:23 AM
 
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Yup cut ties with my alcoholic drug abusing, gambling dad.  I couldn't continue with the roller coaster.  I think you did the right thing.  She was drunk she can't expect you to take care of her, your dad and your son.  That's BS.

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#9 of 12 Old 11-15-2011, 08:46 AM
 
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I'm a tie cutter. Havent spoken to my mother in almost 16 months. Its not because of substance abuse, its because of verbal abuse, but its still 100% better for me.

I wont even bail DH out of jail if the thing that put him there was alcohol. Sorry. You can stay there until you sober up, that's my rule. (not that Dh has ever gone to jail for alcohol related things, but he does sometimes drive over the limit and know my rule that he will stay there if he gets a dui)

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#10 of 12 Old 11-15-2011, 08:48 AM
 
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Here's something I just saw today:

 

"Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go."

in love with and married to my best friend ♥ snuggling my baby girl Ari Grace, 12-4-11

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#11 of 12 Old 11-15-2011, 09:05 AM
 
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I  am so glad these mama's posted for you I was hoping they would!


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#12 of 12 Old 11-16-2011, 07:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your replies! It's comforting to know I'm not the only one in a difficult position. I haven't decided how I want to handle the situation yet, but I appreciate the support ladies! 


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