Okay, i'm a first time momma (19yrs old)and basically a single mom. (boyfriend works all the time and we live together) So i'm usually alone with my 4 1/2 month old daughter.I have really bad ppd. the meds i was on, my insurance stopped covering it, of coarse. Oh yeah can't forget my fibromyalgia. So i go to my fibro doc and i tell him i need different anti depressants. SO he gives me these ones that you take at night and it's suppose to knock you out, but you can be woken up. I told him i cant be taking anything like that because i have to get up in the middle of the night with my babe. He says ill be able to wake up. So i haven;t taken it (and im not on any anti-depressants now), becuase any other time he doesnt listen to me and gives me meds that ive already been on that doesnt help for my pain. Im not about to listen to him for me being able to be woken up.
Now that, that's out of the way..
My depression gets so bad. I can't believe some of the things that are in my head. WTF is wrong with me. Is anyone else having some of these kinds of problems. I mean hear me out, I would Never harm my daughter. Ever. When im on meds im great. No bad thoughts AT ALL. What i was on was like a miracle drug. however i cant afford the medication i need :( i feel so alone and no one understand. i love my daughter so much how could i ever think these things. I feel like such a terrible mom.