i suffer post traumatic stress disorder,,ocd,,generalized anxiety disorder,,major depressive disorder,,all diagnosed,,i am a mother of four pregnant with my 5th due in july,,july 30th to be excact...i suffer a wide range of all these mixed together which me my therapist psychologist,,psychiatrist call episodes which occur maybe once a year and EVERYTIME IM PREGNANT,,and is very debilatating and stops my life completly panic attacks everyday severe depression,,I can almost say its like post partum depression the thoughts i get are intrusive SCARY HORRIBLE and i actually physically gag and get disgusted when the thoughts occur,,i have only read a little about post partum depression,,i never got it thankfully,,but from books ive read about it my thought are very similar,,thoughts that you are going to harm your children...I have always been completly honest about these thoughts that i get with my mental health professionals that i have seen,,they were never concerned for my kids safety or mine,,which was always a relief,,i would like support from HOPEFULLY more mothers out their who have these similar issues i feel alone and scared i want support i NEED it,,i dont want to hear im psycho and any negative responses,,it will completly put me into a donward nosedive I DONT NEED that,,i have been having an episode for a month now with barely ay improvemet i started prozac in therapy once a week also joined a group on an emergency therapy dbt.cbt group which was helpfull..i Have been dealing with this excact situation thoughts n such for ten years now ever since the traumatic event which is why i have ptsd,,a close family friend killed his wife and tried to kill his son then killed his self,,his son was able to escape thru a window,,i heard about it while it was happening me and family went to the hoouse this occured at we still werent aware the wife was dead we juss knew there was a shooting at their home,,when we got there to our complete HORROR we truly found out the extent of the event,,i thought he was an awesome man he was funny cool and outgoing who seemingly loved his wife and their only son,,i was SHOCKED he did this to them,,i couldnt comprehend how any one could hurt their family their children,,any way,,im sure my thoughts have something to do with that situation...i need help i want to know i am not alone..PLEASE IM REACHING OUT I NEED WOMEN/MOTHERS so we can help eachother...all i see is TO ME,,petty anxiety issues of worrying about deadlines public speaking, getting panic attacks from small things like that,,to me its so small compared to why i have panic and worry my kids are my life my world my air the reaon i awake every morning,,why me?? i want this to stop...
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. My sister had similar issues when she was pregnant as well. Mine were only postpartum. However, prenatal issues are pretty common because of all the hormone shifts.
you sound like you have "classic" symptoms of anxiety+OCD (that's where those intrusive thoughts come from). It sounds like you're doing good things to help yourself:
Therapy (CBT is great for intrusive thoughts)
A couple of things to think about:
Is your dose of medication high enough? Due to the increased blood volume of pregnancy, women often need a pretty high dose of SSRI. Are you seeing a psychiatrist? If not, I think you should be. Given that family doctors/midwives are often not up on the latest issues for meds and pregnancy, I think it's good to be monitored for this. It's also good for your gestating baby to have mom have fewer stress hormones in her body.
Do you have help at home? You've got a busy, stressful life with 4 kids, even without PTSD. You're going to need time/space to get well.
Do you need therapy more than 1x a week? Sometimes people in crisis need to be seen more often.
Finally, I'd suggest that you reach out to Postpartum Support International: http://www.postpartum.net/. I know it says "postpartum" but the women who volunteer with this organization are amazing and have seen a lot. Intrusive thoughts + anxiety are pretty common in women who are pregnant/postpartum, and I think there you might be able to find people who have been through what you are. They have local chapters and coordinators and you can often call up someone in your state for local resources.
Hang in there, you will come through this!
i want to get my story out their,,i want help i want to know im not alone...i have gotten plenty of professional advice but id like to meet mothers who have similar issues i know this is a very strange situation and most mothers are probably very hesitant to share their stories of these thoughts...i admit i was very afriad to tell a professional my thoughts in fear of my kids being taken from me saying i was a dnager to them,,that never happened,,my dr./psychologist smiled at me while i was sobbing my eyes out talking bout these thoughts to him and scooted his chair close to me and said to me "ifi had any inkling or feeling you were going to harm yourself or your children i would not let you walk out this clinic,,you are going to be ok..your kids are going to be okay and i know you would never hurt them" i was crying tears from the pit of despair in fear i would ever get well after he said this to me i cried harder which i didnt think was possible ,lol, and my tears were tears of joy and happiness to hear him say this to me,,i got better,, very shortly after that,,my brain what drs call it "shifted" and i was well all my fears phobias thoughts had no more power over me...however this happens to me maybe once a year,,its happening now actually,,and i always fear this time is worse than before and i fear this time i will not get better...of course i have these thoughts every episode i get,,i cannot overcomme these fears,,ive never tried to reach out to other mothers before so im hoping i will find support and that i am not alone...my wish is that more awareness will come of this and more women can openly speak up about this as easily as they can speak up about post partum depression,,we togetther as mothers need to stick togetther...PLEASE SUPPORT POSTITIVITY ONLY...my unstable mind cannot take any negative UNsupportive comments...
thank you LynS6 i do need therapy more than once a week i have no other support,,well what id call true love and support..all my family is giving me is facebook posts of less than a sentence of juss get well thinking of you,,not one single phone call to ask how im doing,,which saddens me,,all my family knows of the thoughts i have and none of them have been here for me... :(
you're not alone. In fact, I felt relieved to read your story, because although I know that other women experience these symptoms i've never encountered anyone who had them to the extreme that I do. I can relate to everything that you're saying, from the icky intrusive thoughts to the horrifying fears of never getting out of the depression. I've also experienced a traumatic event that I think is linked to the ocd thoughts. I wish I had some great advice for dealing with it. All I can say is that you are not alone and that I'm so glad you're getting help and doing better. Actually, there are few things that have been helpful to me. One was getting diagnosed with a thyroid disorder and getting medication for it. Another is EMDR therapy. The third is Celexa which, I've found effective in very small dose.
Wishing the best to you.