Hubby and I have been married 8 years, together 10 and we have two kids, 4 and 1. He had ADHD and I don't. Before we had kids, he was definitely ADHD, but not nearly as bad as he is now. He takes his meds during the week (90 mg Adderal XR) to help him focus at work, but he doesn’t like taking it on the weekends to give his body a break from the meds. But I feel like he seems like he goes through withdrawal symptoms because of it.He becomes manic, especially around family.. He’s still a bit like that around friends but not nearly as much as he is around my family and his. I think the reason it’s bothering me so much now is that he’s teaching our son that it’s okay to pick on people until they yell at you. Where as during the week when he’s on his meds, he is constantly telling him to stop picking on his sister. TOTAL double standard and very hypocritical. I tried to point this out to him last night about what an jerk he was being the previous weekend, but he didn’t seem to understand, I don’t know how to talk to him because if I get into it with him, it’s like he just starts to zone out or tune me out. He tries to be the center of attention to the point of yelling at people and butting into conversations, and is just downright mean to me when he’s not taking the meds. I feel like the adderall is making his ADHD worse, especially when he’s off the meds. I don’t want my children growing up thinking it’s okay to be an jerk to people. And that’s exactly what he’s teaching our son. My question is, how can I help him get a reign on this? I try and give him articles to read, books etc, and he can’t keep focus enough to read them..he reads the same paragraph over and over again and doesn’t retain it. So, talking doesn’t help, reading doesn’t help. Should I tell him I want to talk to his doctor with him to see if we can figure out another course of treatment? When do you decide you’ve done enough and just give up and leave? I don’t want this, because he’ll still be an influence on our childrens lives if I leave, and I do love him, but the way things are right now, I’m mostly frustrated all the time and their father is a bad example to them. That and I have no financial way to support us. I could move in with my family for awhile, and they would support me for awhile but I have no college education or much of a work history. I’d have to start over. It’s overwhelming. I’d rather him just get his act together and deal with his disorder, than using it as a crutch. He was truly unbearable last weekend. I dont feel like I have a loving husband who cares about my feelings or a partner in parenting. I feel like his mother. I'm constantly managing his life and our time and our children's time. I can't even rely on him to get the kids to bed or on time or do anything he says he will do without nagging because he cannot manage his own time or I have to set reminders, write notes, and hell if I want a date night with him, I have to plan everything. He doesn't even bring up date nights with me.. It's like he doesn't even care about spending time with me. I am getting tired of it all. please help!
Couldn't read and not respond. It doesn't sound like he feels the need to change his behavior so I'd move straight to ultimatum. Some things I would consider if I was in your shoes-- when he's on the drug during the week, is he more caring and loving toward you? Are there other things you aren't satisfied with in the relationship, or did the issues start when he went on adderal?
From personal experience with adderal, I know what withdrawal feels like. I cannot imagine going through that every weekend. If he's on a correct dose (this means NOT feeling too jazzed up if you know what I mean) there is absolutely no reason he needs to go off of it every weekend. It sounds to me like he shouldn't be on extended release and should instead take a lower dosage every day. Not a doctor, just my two cents!
Jean, feminist mama raising three boys: W (7), E (5) and L (2.15.13)