I'm posting in here, because I'm not sure where else to post. I made a similar post about 5 years ago. But I'm at the same cross roads again. We have a 4.5 year old DD. and I'm about to be 37 years old.
Do I have another baby with a depressed husband? I decided to have a baby the first time. But it put a lot of stress on our marriage in the first year. Recently we went through marriage therapy (a lot of our problems stem from DH's depression and anger) and it has helped a lot, but just a few months ago, DH was talking divorce. We REALLY are so much better now, but still his depression looms. He is on meds, but hasn't done any real therapy to help himself.
After DD, my DH felt like he didn't have enough of my time, and that we couldn't do anything, and that our sex life was lacking.
NOW, he wants the all important BOY. Really?? yes He feels like he's always wanted two children, a girl and a boy. And he wants HIS biological boy, to carry on his whatever. Its SO.... Grrr... I've asked him, what if we DON"T have a boy?? What if it turns out to be a girl?? And he has no real answer. All I know is, he ONLY wants two kids, he wants them to be his biologically, and he wants a boy and a girl. (we have the girl)
I'm worried about what if its not a boy... how will he deal?
And worried about all the same stress a baby can put on our marriage, even if it is a boy.
And I'm worried about being on my own with two kids if he later decides he does want a divorce.
Also, we moved away from family, with DD my mom was a HUGE help, here we'd (I'd) be mostly on our own.
He feels if he doesn't have two kids, he'll look back on his life with regret. He's very depressed about the prospect of only having our one child.
Personally, I'm on the fence. I could be happy with just DD, and I think I could be happy with another baby. But I wouldn't be happy with a stressed out marriage and divorce. I would love for DD to have a sibling, even if they are 6 years apart. Part of me says, F it, just have the baby and let the pieces fall where they may. But my mom has me scared to death about raising two kids on my own, if we end up in divorce. I do think we're pretty solid in our marriage and our commitment to it, else I wouldn't be considering another baby. On the bad side I don't see DH getting any REAL help for his depression.
I just felt like getting this out there... Any advice would be appreciated!
Empower him by strengthening your connection to each other & tap into his natural drives http://takeninhand.com/.
Get to the roots of the depression try http://www.theemotioncode.com/ , EMDR other similar methods.
Plan to conceive together (life & trust affirming), defer to his priorities while holding him accountable for responsible decision making.
This is between you and him, unless you plan on living with your mother (and even then) .
Also, it's miserable having a parent who's chronically depressed (I speak from personal experience). And then, on top of that, to constantly witness the healthier parent make excuses for him, condone his behavior and/or constantly argue about it is pure hell.