I try to only dump on one person at a time so no one gets overwhelmed by my mental state. I just feel like I've run out of people to talk to... And I'm all depressed and super anxious and the buspirone that I was taking turned me into a zombie. The reasons are many--school, financial status, panic about the future, probably a chemical imbalance.
What it all comes down to is that I don't know how to survive on my own acceptance of myself. I keep feeling this need to be accepted by other people or groups. Every time I try something new, I feel paralyzed by memories of past failures. I'm not sure how to fix it. I've been through several therapists, lots of different meds (none of them are worth the side effects) and I'm trying herbs and things. I'll probably get over it and I'm just burned out and need a vacation.
I'm just really really messed up today and I want today to be over and also I want to hibernate for a while. Or cry or something. I don't know. I just feel at a loss. Thanks for listening.
Some folks are accepted and loved while young. A parent or grandparent or aunt or uncle, some relative that really understood and related well. They carry that acceptance around with themselves, all the time, without even being aware of it. They are lucky and have self confidence.
Some folks are less fortunate. They are generally accepted by their families, but don't have that ideal connection. They have a fair amount if self confidence.
Some folks get a mighty challenge. They are rejected or abused when young. This leaves the need to be accepted completely unfilled. They struggle, looking for acceptance as adults, and struggle in the area of self confidence, as well.
So,step one, forgive yourself for being human and needing acceptance, just like everyone else. Step two, finding acceptance. Maybe there is a support group you can join, or can create. Or look for an online group.
Past failures. They weren't really failures if you learned something.
On the practical side, make sure you are taking care of yourself. Fresh air, sunshine and exercise, along with good food and drink, good sleep conditions and enough time for sleep, all will help your mood. By good food, I mean variety for getting all nutrients, and even organic, as much as possible. Keep yourself as a priority. You deserve that, because you are valuable.