Divorce, Depression, and Mothering - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 09-25-2013, 05:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It has been a long while since I've been here on the mothering forums.  I've felt like this part of my life is over with :/  I use to be a unschooling SAHM.  I took so much (maybe too much) pride in my parenting style.  Now that I think about it, I devoted myself to motherhood so extremely in an attempt to retreat from life.  I'm very shy. socially anxious, and have a very low self-esteem. Sacrificing myself to motherhood seemed like the best us of my life. 

Now, eight years later, I am divorced from my husband and all my ways have changed.  The kids are in school and stay with their father half the time and living with my ex-MIL who is controlling things as much as see can now that I am no longer in the picture 24/7.  I really not sad about the divorce.  It's been a long time coming.  

Now, my parenting style has completely changed.  I'm *extremely irritable* :( all the time.  I cannot smile at my children.  I feel totally overwhelmed by their energy and needs.  Then I feel a huge amount of guilt for my feelings.  Most of the time I just want to run away. 

I find myself crying unexpectedly and uncontrollably.  I've cried while driving.  I've cried while brushing my teeth.  My youngest has said matter-of-factly "Mama's crying" like its her new normal :(

I hate my behavior and I am so ashamed of how un-motherly I have become.  My mother and sister are the only friends I have in real life.  I can tell they are losing respect for me because I am not "powering through" or "buckle down"  They tell me I really need to just be there for the children, like I don't know this.  

I do see a counselor every two weeks.  I pay out of pocket and the cost adds to my stress.  Right now I am unemployed and living on the $240 my ex gives me every other week.  I am unable to get on anti-depressants because I have no insurance.

I want so badly to see the light at the end of the tunnel and get it together but most of the time I just feel crushed.  Today we went to court and I was given custody of the children, something I was prepared to need to fight for but now that it will be a reality I wonder if it is what is best for the children.

I would love any advice, support or stories of anyone has been through anything similar.  It means so much.  I hate who I am anymore.  


Kymberly, Mama to DD (08/22/05) DS (08/10/08) and
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#2 of 6 Old 09-26-2013, 11:21 AM
 
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Oh, mama, it's ok. This is the roughest time in your life. Be gentle with yourself. You're not always going to be so emotioanlly fragile. Come join us in the single parenting lounge. So many of us have gone or are going through the same things as you. We get it. Divorce, no matter how much you wanted it, is the most excruciating experience you will ever go through. And to have his 'team' so against you is devastating and makes coping all that much harder. 

 

Be gentle. Take care. Cry. It's ok. You will get through it all. 

 

When did you separate? How old are your kids? Is there no medical aid for unemployed people like you? (sorry, I'm in Canada and ignorant) Are there services for unmeployed people that you can look into - such as free counselling? Please do join the single parenting lounge, because I am sure other mamas there will have some better btdt advice of who to see and where to get help. 

 

I'm sending you so many hugs. Try to go for a walk every day. If you can do something that will make you sweat and give you a good cardio workout, that will help too. But I know how often it's just too much to even get out of bed. I know. I know it very well. xo

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#3 of 6 Old 09-26-2013, 02:06 PM
 
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I wanted to add that, like you suggest, it really does sound like you are sick (eg. depression). You are not you - that's why you are able to see yourself from the outside and hate the way you are with your kids. You need to get more help. There must be something, but again, I'm sadly at a loss for suggestions/advice/guidance.

 

You're going to be ok. You will get through this and life will get better. 

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#4 of 6 Old 09-28-2013, 05:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilgreen View Post
 

When did you separate? How old are your kids? Is there no medical aid for unemployed people like you? (sorry, I'm in Canada and ignorant) Are there services for unmeployed people that you can look into - such as free counselling? Please do join the single parenting lounge, because I am sure other mamas there will have some better btdt advice of who to see and where to get help. 

 

 

We separated in May. STBXH took our paper work with him when he left and I am having trouble getting my DL without other documents.   (I didn't drive much before now and my DL expired 3 yrs ago!)  Still, I think government assistance only covers the children and pregnancy women.  

 

Thank you so much for your kids words!  Since writing that I have been focusing on doing whatever I can do to pull myself out of this.  I'm looking for support groups.  I will definitely head over to the single mom section.  


Kymberly, Mama to DD (08/22/05) DS (08/10/08) and
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#5 of 6 Old 10-08-2013, 07:25 AM
 
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There is light at end of the tunnel. Do you have a state issued id? You should be able to use that to get assistance. Praying for you and kids

Mom to K(7)M(4)and baby J(2)cold.gifhh2.gif
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#6 of 6 Old 12-15-2013, 04:12 PM
 
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Oh honey, I'm right there with you. Such a loss of identity now that I can't claim "good at being a mother" in the same way that I used to. Then I get more depressed, and my mothering goes downhill more, and it spirals...


Mom to ds 10/12 and dd 2/05 ribbonrainbow.gif

Blogging about living with xeroderma pigmentosum at www.pacificnights.org/ and about life in general at http://livingavibrantlife.blogspot.com/
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