Like my gypsy self I am getting antsy now. I've changed so much throughout this pregnancy... I was hoping my fiance would change with me. This isn't really the case and I find myself judging him and mad at him most of the day. We're certainly doing the best we can to get through pregnancy, but I feel I want to go stay with my parents in another state. They have more money and I'm used to that comfort when I need it. My fiance just got fired from his job and took a job for less money and it makes me feel like he's not maturing in this process with me. Anyway, just needing to vent. Feeling lonely in the mountains lately, I'm so used to snowboarding and dancing all the time to get my mind off things but I'm too big now. I know I can't continue to run away from everything, so I guess I should stay put. I'm just learning how important family really is to me, want to be near my parents even though we see nearly everything differently. I used to trust my man so much, and now I feel unsupported. Sex has been extremely uncomfortable for months, and I feel disconnected from him now that I have no interest in being sexual.
I'm so excited for my first born child, why can't I just pep up and find some faith?!
Annie. Pregnancy is such a time of change and isn't always easy. And having the challenge of change in a time when you are not feeling supported by your partner and are away from your other support people must be so hard. It's possible you might have antepartum depression; here are a few links about it: http://www.postpartum.net/Get-the-Facts/Depression-During-Pregnancy-Postpartum.aspx and http://www.ppda.ca/ppd-related-disorders/antepartum-depression. As you can see in the links, antepartum depression affects about ten percent of women, so if this is something you are dealing with, you're not alone! Do you have a midwife or ob who might be able to help support you and connect you to other resources? Talking to someone might be very helpful in terms of both the blues, but also in terms of thinking about your path forward and whether you want to stay where you are or move back with your parents. I'm sending good wishes your way!
Thank you so much for your sweet response. I didn't realize keeping all of my emotions pent up was causing so much extra struggle this week. Thankfully I did vent sufficiently to my step mother and a woman I trust this week, and with a huge house clean I feel renewed. With my birthday and Thanksgiving this week, I'm surprised how much more free I feel to trust myself right now. I can at least look at the big picture right now and take it day by day. I've been through a lot of anxiety and depression throughout my life, somewhat of a result of the lack of love and compassion between my mother and I believe. But now is certainly the time to work through that history of fear yes? Thanks for the links, I knew something had to be building up, I'll go through them today.
Anyway, I sure appreciate your response. Thankfully I think I've found some light and communication skills this week. <3
I'm so glad to hear that your stepmother was supportive and that things are looking up. Hang in there!