Hello everyone. My name is Tayler, I'm 15, and I found out I was pregnant in late February. I have recently been experiencing EXTREME anger outbursts. I have 2 younger siblings and at this point just drive me insane! I've always been known to be kind of violent with my anger but it hasn't been this bad since I was about 12. I want to contact my doctor and see if there is anything they can put me on to help me relax but I'm afraid the answer is going to b there isn't anything they can do. My parents tell me I don't need anything and I just need to think before I speak. In my opinion I don't think that just "thinking before I speak" is going to work. I just want to hear your guy's advice!
Hi Tayler. Congratulations and welcome!
I found pregnancy hormones to make my level of frustration and anger go way up. I had to warn friends and family about this so they could give me a gentle and kind check-in when they noticed me reacting badly. I appreciated the check in and opportunity to stop and see if I needed anything to feel better.
Most often I would get wacky when I went too long without food. For several months 2 hours was too long to go without food. I had to carry snacks at all times and increase the amount if fats and protein.
Take care of yourself.
Something to think about: parenting will bring many many opportunities to practice being kind and loving while feeling angry and frustrated, not to mention hungry and sleep deprived. This could be an opportunity to practice with your siblings before your little one arrives.
In our area we have great parenting classes that help parents learn and
Oops. Bumped the submit button too soon!
Anyway, parenting classes, individual counseling, good nutrition, learning stress reduction techniques could all be helpful.
Most important, in my opinion, is to learn to recognize what you really need in a moment of anger and then state that. "I just need space right now to think my own thoughts and not talk with you!" That is truthful and comes across a lot better than "stop being so annoying!"
If you have any specific examples to share I'm sure you will get some great ideas. This is an amazing community to tap into.
Welcome and congratulations!
I totally understand where you are coming from. I already have some anger management issues that I have been discovering in the last year especially and pregnancy has also seemed to exacerbate them a great deal.
I definitely agree with the PP: inform at least those you are living with that you are having some problems in that department and if they notice you getting amped up, flying off the handle, etc. give them permission to step in and warn you or if it's bad enough, to step in and diffuse the situation. Embarassing but better than destroying a relationship.
Pay close attention to your triggers: for me, my MIL spends far more time talking and explaining what she did than actually answering the question. I have learned to simply shush until she's done and then nicely (mostly anyhow) ask the question again. In many situations, if it's not an issue that NEEDS to be dealt with I try and shut my mouth and/or leave.
I have been working very hard to model proper behavior for my young ones such as speaking in nice words all the time and if the argument isn't resolved with nice words to go get someone else for assistance.
And also like the PP said: recognizing what you need in the moment like walking away for a little while and stating such can be an invaluable tool.
Something else that my husband taught me (alas I'm still learning it) that he learned from his own anger management classes years ago: laugh at it/them/their words/etc. Mostly in your head when dealing with adults, ok sometimes with children to actually laugh a little and treat the whole incident with your child while disciplining as if you find it funny. It puts them off enough that they simply cannot get onto an anger role and the hormones your body generates while finding something funny counteract the anger hormones. Can be challenging to deploy this tactic while still seeming as if you are actively engaged and treating the issue as serious as you should be when talking with another adult but effective. May become extremely useful for you when you are putting your little on on at time out for what seems to be the 100th time by breakfast. (mine seemed worst at 3-4 years old but yours will probably be different! )
lastly, my personal favorite for regaining some measure of control is another we teach our children: we call them "Birdy breaths" When our child is out of control, doing a Birdy Breath (raise arms from sides up above your head with an inhale, exhale slowly while you lower your arms, repeat as needed) can help you lower all those terrible stress hormones enough to go back to using your nice words.
I'm so glad that you have recognized your challenges and are reaching out for help! It's an important but very scary step.
Wishing you the very best of luck!
Hi Taylor! Pregnancy does a number on me, my hormones, moods and patience, etc. I had some warning signs in my first pregnancy that I was headed into depression and anxiety but it took me 2 years to find a counselor! It doesn't matter if there is "nothing wrong with you." If you feel out of control or balance, talk to a good counselor. You should be able to find one for free. Try a few and look for someone who does not patronize you or try to diagnose you too quickly. You may just need to talk a while and learn some tools.
This might be a little left field, but look into your diet a little closer. Are you eating a lot of sugar and fast food? I had an anger/rage problem that I had a hard time controlling for a lot of years, and after my second child I found out that it was part of a gluten intolerance/sensitivity. Once I stopped eating it many of my emotional problems went away, and the ones that didn't I was able to learn how to manage and support through therapy and nutrition. You have a lot on your plate now and comparatively fast, find an adult IRL who will support you in your efforts because you will need that, a lot if you are making any sort of lifestyle changes.
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