Possible Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Relationships
I've had this ever since I was a teen, before I even had my first child. I hated the way I looked and there were certain parts of my body that I really hated. I didn't know about BDD, but now that I do, I'm pretty sure it's what I'm suffering from. I had my first child when I was 16. I was 108 lbs and kind of petite when I got pregnant. She was 8lbs 14oz and the birth ended in a csection. My belly stretched so much that I was left with slight diastasis recti, a small hernia right above my belly button and several stretch marks all around my belly button. I've since had two more kids and now the stretch marks look worse and wrinkly. Plus have them on my butt. It really bothers me and I know it shouldn't.
I used to only worry about them occasionally and felt slightly sad about it. I thought I could try to get over it by forcing myself to look at my naked body everyday. That has only made me feel worse. Now it's interfering with so much in my life. Anytime I see a girl with her stomach showing, I feel so horrible. The other night my fiance and I were watching a television show and they showed several naked women. I felt more and more insecure each time and by the end of it I was in a horrible self-hating mood. It ended in my fiance and I having an argument. He kept calling me vain and superficial, which only made me feel worse. I hate feeling this way about my appearance because I know it's stupid and there is so much more to life, but I'm having a really tough time trying to stop the obsessing. Yesterday I tried to explain it to him and he still wasn't very understanding. He made a suggestion that I know wouldn't work. He also said he felt insulted and unloved because he thinks I'm beautiful and I "don't care" about his opinion. I'm not sure what to do :-(. I know I probably need help from a therapist, but I don't want this to interfere with my relationship in the meantime and just want him to understand that it's more of a psychological issue.