Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Somewhere between here & there
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Severe health-related anxiety
I don't deal well with change & one thing that happens is very challenging health-related anxiety & depression.
Well, I've had a lot of change recently: new house, pregnancy then miscarriage, new (& stressful) responsibility at work. The anxiety & depression are way cranked up.
I don't know what to do about it. I'm not sure if I should seek professional help or deal with it on my own (with support from my spouse & family).
The thing is, I have a lot of tools in my toolbox. I've been through therapy twice now & done a lot of work myself. I have meditation techniques, I have a mantra, I know how to breathe for relaxation.
But none of it will shake me out of the darkest moments, when my chest tightens & I can't stop by self from googling a list of horribles & fixating on every (minor or non-existent) problem. I can see these moments coming & I have an awareness of what's going on but I can't shake it.
This anxiety used to be focused on my own health but since the miscarriage I am also fixated on my son (every bruise, every mark, every report of pain, etc). He's a healthy, active 5 yo. I know that is not good for him & I need to get this under control for his sake.
I also can't make clear health-related decisions for him (or myself) in these moments. I'm willing to subject myself to poking & prodding for peace of mind but I can't do that to him.
At heart I believe I fear cancer & death. And also, change is really really hard for me. My fears surface in challenging times, with even small amounts of change. I really want to come to a philosophical or spiritual understanding that will allow me to live my short life with as much joy as is possible. I feel like new-age-y stuff is great but doesn't go deep enough for me to really heal. (For example, I've tried Jon Kabat Zinn with some temporary success but it doesn't last).
Thank you to anyone who reads this. Any & all ideas welcome.
Mama to my little busy bee.