adult children of alcoholics? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 03-25-2015, 07:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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adult children of alcoholics?

Anyone dealing with this?

A lot my relationship problems led me to co dependency which led to me reading up on this issue and I have since grabbed a copy of the book by Woititz from the library. While I knew my mom liked to drink I never really considered her an alcoholic because she didn't drink every night. I am currently confronting many many childhood issues but in a nutshell:

My mom had me at 23, I was a product of a one night stand. I had an older sibling in the exact same situation. We lived poor, dirt poor. I grew up around my huge extended family that was poor and dysfunctional. There was sexual abuse but not directly toward me, however my mother would leave me with the pediphile so she could go out drinking. I don't have any memories of abuse. Pedophile died when I was 7. Extended family fought and drank a lot. While my mom was not a mean drunk she was carefree and I hated her for it. I am very serious by nature and have always been since I can remember. I stress about money all the time, even when there is money in the bank.

As a child there were times there was no heat, no water, no electricity. I remember cockroaches crawling out of my bags at school a time or two. There was usually some amount of food but never healthy food.

I grew up never meeting my father or having a stepfather. I never saw my mom in a relationship with a man. She died at 44. She didn't take care of herself and didn't get paps and died of cervical cancer. She loved me but by the time I was school age she would never show love, hug me or say I love you unless she was wasted drunk. I resented her for it. One of my aunts would rage a lot yell and scream and favor certain kids. I see that side in my sometimes. She was my babysitter from 7-10 years. She would drink all night and then wouldn't wake up to watch my cousins. I was able to make formula bottles and change diapers like a champ at 7 years. My mom eventually kicked her out because she was tired of paying her for me and my sister doing her work.

I was awoken by many of fist fights, I was almost crushed by a fight my aunts had around 10 years. I was often left wherever (we lived on the same block of 3-4 family members of houses)

At 13 my mom moved her and I out of the neighborhood most people had left. She dialed her drinking and only did it once every few months. She worked a lot though most my life we didn't have a car. I didn't go to the dr or dentist regularly. I was fed lots of junk food and developed crappy habits like not going to the dentist for the first time until 14. I had 7 cavities the first time and my teeth are horrible even though I brush them.


As it is today, I realized I have this problem. I am an adult child of an alcoholic. I have already been divorced. I have problems in my relationships. I have a great man now that I rage on. i am not an alcoholic, but as I have learned I have picked up habits in my childhood. Just like I picked up biting my nails I picked up my aunts rage.

I get so angry inside sometimes I cannot figure out why.

I recently figured out who my biological father is, which has brought up so many emotions. He is exactly what i thought he would be. He is normal. His family is the poster family for middle class. He doesnt know my existence. I always wanted my normal father to come in and swoop me up from my childhood and all its dysfunction. Now I am embarrassed and ashamed of the life I had, so crappy.

My family loved me. They still do, but all the chaos has helped shape me. As an adult and as a mother I have to heal myself because there has been so much damage even when I try hard it seeps through to people I love and care about.

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#2 of 8 Old 10-28-2015, 12:55 PM
 
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hi,
i think you suggest any experience doctor.Adult children of alcoholics maintain control over their behaviour and feelings. They also try to control the behaviour and feelings of others.
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#3 of 8 Old 12-07-2015, 01:25 PM
 
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hi,
i think you suggest any experience doctor.Adult children of alcoholics maintain control over their behaviour and feelings. They also try to control the behaviour and feelings of others.
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#4 of 8 Old 12-15-2015, 03:31 AM
 
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hi,
I think you suggest any experience doctor.Adult children of alcoholics maintain control over their behaviour and feelings. They also try to control the behaviour and feelings of others.Dr. Janet Woititz published her national bestselling book, Adult Children of Alcoholics in 1983.
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#5 of 8 Old 12-15-2015, 06:55 PM
 
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Hi-
I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. I am also the child of an alcoholic, but from what you describe it sounds to me like the violence and instability in your childhood shaped the anger issues you have now. I recommend finding an anger management specialist to help you learn how to manage your anger before things get out of control/ turn into rage.

Try to not be too hard on yourself. It's not your fault.
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#6 of 8 Old 01-08-2016, 04:50 PM
 
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I am also an ACOA. In college, I started a downward spiral and decided to get help for all the trauma I experienced. I started seeing a therapist and attending ACOA meetings. Both of those things helped immensely. I was finally able to discuss all the terrible things that happened in my childhood, and it was very freeing. Loved both of these books:

Amazon Amazon

Amazon Amazon

The other thing that helped was learning to let go. I was never going to get the apology I wanted/needed and I was never going to get my childhood back.

It's hard, and sometimes I still get angry, but I have mostly moved on. It's a long journey, but well worth it.
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#7 of 8 Old 03-13-2017, 12:02 AM
 
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Sorry to hear that. It's actually not your fault.
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#8 of 8 Old 07-21-2017, 12:34 AM
 
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I'm sorry to hear about this. I think you should learn how to manage your anger. It's better to take some professional help.
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