I am Afraid of the Dark!! I Want to Stop Feeling this Way! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 21 Old 08-16-2004, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi, My name is Nicholas'Mom and I am AFRAID OF THE DARK ! :

AND I want it to STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There I said it.

We co-sleep with my ds and when he goes to sleep at night, I usually stay up to do things. When ds starts to cry, I run up to nurse back to sleep, I have to go into a dark room to do it. I have a nightlight in there and will put it on FIRST, but not before I have a terrified feeling of somethiing in the dark scaring me, the devil or evil monster under the bed. I keep envisioning a BIG, hairy hand coming out of under the bed. (ok I am also laughing as I read this :LOL Let's stay focused!)

It gets so bad I think someone is behind me all the time while in the room. My fear as always been around on and off throughout my life BUT has gotten MUCH worse since having a baby. Everytime I hear DS cry in the dark at night alone, my fear intensifies, my chest gets tight but too tight. Sometimes I get scared I don't want to go in the room when he cries, but I ALWAYS suck up my fear and run in!

My mother followed Dr. Spock's advice and I wondered if she used CIO on me. She said she didn't and that I slept through the night without waking (I was also in a crib) without any help. So, how come I remember crying alone alot in a crib?

I am afraid that ds will start being afraid of the dark because he will pick on my fears, as well. I am 38 years old and I want this fear to stop!

Thanks for reading this!

Any advice support or anyone else out there like me?
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#2 of 21 Old 08-17-2004, 02:37 PM
 
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#3 of 21 Old 08-17-2004, 04:33 PM
 
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Just wanted to let you know that I am afraid of the dark as well I have experienced the same feelings you described when it comes to going into calm my dd before I go to bed. I have to turn on every light in the house on my way there (except for the bedroom), but there have even been times when I've made my husband come with me. My wonderful husband even tucks me in a night, and then goes to turn off the hall light before coming to bed. I hate feeling this way, especialy since I'm a mom! I'm even more scared of going into basements. I always feel like something/someone is behind me, or lurking around the corner. I even run past things like my grandmother's old rocking chair because I'm scared of seeing her in it. In fact, when my cat died a few months ago, I was even more scared of going into our room to check on my daughter. I was always scared of seeing her in there (even if it was just my imagination). I can't explain it. I just didn't want it to happen
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#4 of 21 Old 08-17-2004, 05:22 PM
 
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Same here! I have been afraid of the dark as long as I can remember. I have tried to put on a strong front when the kids are there but I know they pick up on it. My dh works late so I am home with the kids at night by myself all the time. I will say I am not petrified anymore - I used to freak if I had to walk out to the trash can at night or go into a dark room - you know the run as fast as you can and jump into the bed before something can grab you move :LOL Now I can somewhat calmly walk into a dark room. I don't know what changed though so I am of no help - just sympathizing.

Larissa, mom to my 3 girls (07/10), (05/02), and (09/98)
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#5 of 21 Old 08-17-2004, 10:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh Thank you, thank you ladies for coming out with me. Atleast I know I am not Alone

Tarakey......I think you are right about the fear of the unknown associated with the fear of the dark. I think I will think about this alittle more. Motherhood is defintely the unknown for me especially my mother was NOT I want to repeat. I do the opposite what my mother did, hence attachment parenting is opposite than my mother. Hmmmmmmmmmm

Veganmomma....
Quote:
I even run past things like my grandmother's old rocking chair because I'm scared of seeing her in it. In fact, when my cat died a few months ago, I was even more scared of going into our room to check on my daughter. I was always scared of seeing her in there (even if it was just my imagination). I can't explain it.
Yes, oddly enough, I completely know what you are talking about.

chiromommy...........
Quote:
you know the run as fast as you can and jump into the bed before something can grab you move
Yep, BTDT! I do this every night :LOL
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#6 of 21 Old 08-18-2004, 09:03 AM
 
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Hi, my name is Patty and I too am afraid of the dark.

My story is complicated though, by the fact that I feel that I have valid reasons for it, I have been to counseling about it, and am no better. I would tell what triggered my fear, but I think that would make people here more scared, sigh....

I want to be over the fear, and just be a cautious person, yk? I am not afraid of ghosts, or monsters, I am afraid of there being an actual person there who wants to hurt me.

I have no idea how to get past this. In my counseling, I was told to try to meditate (like when home alone at night), well- I am too scared to calm down, every noise scared me more.

I don't want to pass this on to my kids, and so far they seem to be ok with it, thank God.

So- what do we do?

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#7 of 21 Old 08-18-2004, 10:49 AM
 
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Get several flashlights and put them through out the house so one will always be handy. I have a feeling that my fear of the dark comes from being abused as a child. I also have some food allergies and when I eat the offending food I am more afraid than normal. Personally, I think lots of people are afraid of the dark, don't feel bad about it.
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#8 of 21 Old 08-20-2004, 12:41 PM
 
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Just ignore if not your speed


The Lords of the Light Be With Me,
Remove the Darkness From Me,
Be the Strength within me,
And all their wisdoms guide me.


It was something the mom and her kids say that have a fear of the dark...
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#9 of 21 Old 08-20-2004, 01:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Peppermint......I can't even begin to imagine......

CerridwenLorelei I actually do something similiar....think of white light but say the Hail Mary instead...... I like your saying, though. I should try that.


Quote:
So- what do we do?
I thought there was a 12 step program for this :LOL
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#10 of 21 Old 08-20-2004, 08:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Lindy
Get several flashlights and put them through out the house so one will always be handy. .
Unfortunately, something about flashlights in the dark scare me more. They make things so creepy!
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#11 of 21 Old 08-21-2004, 02:35 AM
 
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My father used to hide in the dark, in closets, behind doors and jump out of nowhere and snarl at me. It was so scary and I never expected it because he would only do it every so often. Everytime I would just cry and cry.
I think he got a big kick out of it, but still to this day I am very, very nervous about the dark. Im always afriad of someone jumping out at me...

So I am here with you.... not so much afraid of the dark, but afraid of what may be hiding in the dark.
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#12 of 21 Old 08-21-2004, 08:18 AM
 
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I'm right there with you, mama. I am TERRIFIED of the dark! I especially hate being outside at night ..
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#13 of 21 Old 08-21-2004, 10:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Unfortunately, something about flashlights in the dark scare me more. They make things so creepy!
Oh yeah....My brother would put a flashlight under his chin and made scary sounds. It made me laugh because I knew it was him but IF he jumped out behind a door and do it, and that could freak me out...

Andrea I think I would cry all the time, too, if my father did that.

Weebitty ...I love your signature. I thought at first you used the glow worm to walk in the dark and it made me : I really thought this was a great idea :

Quote:
I also have some food allergies and when I eat the offending food I am more afraid than normal.
Lindy....this is very interesting. I think my dh has weird dreams from some foods he eats.


I really did think that my sister and I were like the only ones who were adults who were afraid of the dark. Thank you ladies for letting me feel normal. I wonder if there are any adult males who are afraid of the dark. :LOL

So, dh is asking me what I am doing. I tell him about this thread. Dh is a therapist. He says "I didn't know you din't want to be afraid of the dark I thought you liked it."

Anyway, I tell of what I am afraid of the dark from...dark forces or ghost like things coming after me. I remember having dreams as a kid where something would come out of nowhere but it never had a form. He says he thinks it from birth memories, suddenly being taken out of the womb possibly........hmmmmmmmmmmm. Must ponder that. Any insights for yourselves ladies?
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#14 of 21 Old 08-22-2004, 01:35 PM
 
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Well, I'm not so much afraid of the dark anymore now that I'm older. I don't know what changed, I just got older and wiser or I got meaner so those boogie men should be afraid of me.!!!
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#15 of 21 Old 08-25-2004, 03:11 PM
 
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Count me in as a member of this club! (As long as there's decent lighting.)

Fortunately - my dh takes my fear seriously, and he's always telling me that if I don't want to get up to pee by myself during the night, I can ALWAYS wake him up and he'll get up with me. I never do, because I feel so ridiculous.

My fears are usually images from movies. Images from The Ring, The Village, or even something stupid and corny like a bad SciFi monster movie. I think I need to use Weebitty's sig as a relaxation chant next time I have to get up to go to the bathroom at night!
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#16 of 21 Old 08-30-2004, 10:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome Kamilla626. Your dh is so sweet
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#17 of 21 Old 09-01-2004, 04:47 AM
 
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I'm afraid of the dark too...

there is always a light on at my house. I also have to check all the windows and doors before I go to bed. Or what my dh lovingly refers to as lock-down. My sister is the same way. I don't know where it comes from though.

mum to a crew...
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#18 of 21 Old 09-01-2004, 04:35 PM
 
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I'm afraid of the dark, too. Mine mainly stems from the fact that several years ago I was attacked in my home at night. Not hurt, miraculously, but terrified beyond all reason.

So, like others here, my fear is not monsters but someone in the house. When evening starts to approach, I start to feel anxious and it just increases as the sun goes down. We recently moved into a new house with a creepy unfinished basement so you can imagine what that has been like for me .

I speak with God about it regularly and it's actually helping. When I'm lying in bed at night and my ears are wide open for sounds of someone coming up the stairs and my heart is pounding, I surrender my fear to God and ask God to heal my heart. Sometimes I get an immediate peaceful effect. Sometimes I calm down enough to go to sleep. Sigh.

It sucks.
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#19 of 21 Old 09-06-2004, 05:50 AM
 
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Well, I guess I knew I wasn't the only one, but it's still nice to read all your responses. I'm afeard' of the dark, too. These days I'm afraid of the bad guys from the evening news. But when I was a kid I was afraid of the monsters and unreal things. I think when I was 4 or 5 y.o. there was a witch who lived under my bed, who'd cut off my fingers and elbows and bbq them on a mini bbq if I didn't sleep on my stomach, legs and arms straight, hands under my body. I'd stifle under the covers rather than have my face exposed, some nights.

Then I saw the Exorsist, and, well, I was a mess for quite a while after that.

Being afraid of the dark is very primal. It's a basic instinct and it kept our ancient ancestors alive long enough to get us here.

BUT, in my not so humble opinion, if your fear is making you miserable, you deserve help. Don't minimize it because of some unrealistic notion that only children are allowed to be afraid of the dark. I am being treated for a mood disorder and clinical (debilitating) anxiety. Well, after I started treatment, among other things I noticed my fear of the dark deminished quite a bit. I was fearful and anxious regardless of what was going on prior, and it's not so bad anymore.

Dh is going out of town for 3 days at the end of September. I soooo look forward to having the whole bed to myself! But I know the nights are going to be a little difficult.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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#20 of 21 Old 09-07-2004, 10:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Need more lighting around here

Welcome bluey, nataliekat, journeymom!

For a while there the fear of the dark was so intense but it has since lessen.

Quote:
if your fear is making you miserable, you deserve help.
It was making me miserable until I started this thread. Now I feel normal and ok about it
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#21 of 21 Old 09-07-2004, 11:09 PM
 
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After I got divorced and started being alone 50% of the time, I too was terrified at night. What I finally did was this:

I got a sage stick for serenity, and lit it. I walked through every single room of my house, every single corner, and thought to myself *safe* *calm* and sort of whisked any bad scary thoughts towards the door. I pushed it all out, and let the stick finish burning on my altar.

It worked! Might be worth a try. I literally would not sleep more than 3-4 hours per night before, now i'm fine.
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