I did not want to go this route, but I'm considering an UC. Dh is open to a hospital or midwives team, but I doubt he would ever knowingly approve of me going it alone. For one, I have healed over fractured ribs and coccyx. Also, I will be almost 36 by the EDD and this is our first child.
My doctors have been wonderful but they are still doctors and have their protocols, kwim? I have written to several midwives and none of them responded. I found someone who may be a potentially good fit as a Doula. I just don't know if one person beside Dh is enough to advocate for me and ensure that neither the baby nor I are ever left alone (especially if medication is involved).
I'm so petrified of having to trust again. I just don't think I can let anybody other than Dh that close to me. I know this is common for SA survivors, but I can't even picture a revolving door of strangers being near me.
I'm so thrilled to be a new mommy, but I already feel hypervigilant about everything. I feel helpless to protect my baby in a hospital and I feel lost in finding a midwife to help me at home. Is it possible to do this alone? Did anybody out there feel this way? Is this normal expectant mother anxiety?
Does anyone have any spare hugs they can share?
Thanks for reading,