UC due to SA survivor anxiety? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 03-03-2005, 09:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,

I did not want to go this route, but I'm considering an UC. Dh is open to a hospital or midwives team, but I doubt he would ever knowingly approve of me going it alone. For one, I have healed over fractured ribs and coccyx. Also, I will be almost 36 by the EDD and this is our first child.

My doctors have been wonderful but they are still doctors and have their protocols, kwim? I have written to several midwives and none of them responded. I found someone who may be a potentially good fit as a Doula. I just don't know if one person beside Dh is enough to advocate for me and ensure that neither the baby nor I are ever left alone (especially if medication is involved).

I'm so petrified of having to trust again. I just don't think I can let anybody other than Dh that close to me. I know this is common for SA survivors, but I can't even picture a revolving door of strangers being near me.

I'm so thrilled to be a new mommy, but I already feel hypervigilant about everything. I feel helpless to protect my baby in a hospital and I feel lost in finding a midwife to help me at home. Is it possible to do this alone? Did anybody out there feel this way? Is this normal expectant mother anxiety?

Does anyone have any spare hugs they can share?

Thanks for reading,
Margaret
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#2 of 14 Old 03-03-2005, 09:15 AM
 
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I don't have any advice, but I do have hugs.
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#3 of 14 Old 03-03-2005, 09:42 AM
 
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When are you due? Why have those several midwives not responded? Are they nearby? Can you phone instead?

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#4 of 14 Old 03-03-2005, 10:01 AM
 
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Big Hugs for you mama!! I highly suggest you get your hands on the book "When Survivors Give Birth: Understanding and Healing the Effects of Early Sexual Abuse on Childbearing Women" by Penny Simkin and Phyllis Klaus. I am reading it right now to help a client of mine. (I am a postpartum doula). It is an amazing book, I think it will help you immensely, especially with finding the right birth team and to help you form a plan for your birth. Your feelings are so normal. The book is $28 on amazon.com (the cheapest I found) and counts for free shipping. It will be worth every penny for you. You may even be able to get it through your library. Best wishes!

Amy

Doula, Wife and mom to A (11/23/01) and O (5/7/09)
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#5 of 14 Old 03-04-2005, 12:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,

Katie Bugs Mama, you give the best hugs! Thank you. :-)

DaryLLL, I'm due in late July. I've emailed some and called some. I don't know why none have responded unless they don't have anything available. Even the midwife who presents a seminar at our hospital hasn't responded about the next session. I would think that is almost a guaranteed client for her since hers is the only one presented at that hospital. :-(

Amy, I ordered it when we discussed it before. I'm just waiting for it. My library doesn't have it and the reciprocating one won't release it to neighborhing card holders because they only have one. btw, I never ask questions without truly needing/wanting advice so please know your comments (today and the earlier thread) did not fall on deaf ears.

Thank you ladies,
Margaret
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#6 of 14 Old 03-04-2005, 01:11 PM
 
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I am sorry, I didn't mean AT ALL to offend, just trying to help. I respond to so many posts on so many discussion boards that I didn't remember that I had already given that suggestion to you.

Amy

Doula, Wife and mom to A (11/23/01) and O (5/7/09)
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#7 of 14 Old 03-04-2005, 01:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Amy,

You didn't offend me. I was and am appreciative that you took the time to respond to both my posts regarding this issue. I don't do very well conveying my feelings and I guess that is why my family and in-laws dislike me so much. My apologies for not being able to express my sincere appreciation.

All the best,
Margaret
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#8 of 14 Old 03-04-2005, 02:19 PM
 
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I am so sorry about your family situation! That must be very hard. Maybe you could find a good therapist in your area to work through all of this? I love therapy and feel it has really helped a lot. Just something to consider

Amy

Doula, Wife and mom to A (11/23/01) and O (5/7/09)
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#9 of 14 Old 03-04-2005, 02:22 PM
 
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Where do you live?
If you post in the Homebirth section, and/or Finding Your Tribe for your area, we'll be happy to help you find a midwife for a homebirth!
Also, wherever you birth, hiring a doula could be a great idea. Many of us are especially trained and experienced in assisting SA survivors. If you want to meet more doulas before you decide, see ALACE.org for a listing of doulas in your area. DONA also has a site, and there are others, too! (help, anyone?)

Your post reminded me of a series of posts from a woman who went through the process of finding a care provider who would accomodate her need for extreme privacy, then choosing the midwife to attend her homebirth.
Here are links to those conversations:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ad.php?t=18920

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=217796

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=222838

It is so difficult to surrender to the birth process when feeling safe is so tentative... but finding people you can communicate with who respect you and your needs can be a terrific help.

Best of luck to you and your family.

DIYer mama to DD 11/00 and DS 6/05- both intact, naturally!
...missing Mothering Magazine...
 
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#10 of 14 Old 03-04-2005, 04:14 PM
 
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Ramlah,
Where are you in VT? I am in eastern NY just over the border from Bennington,VT.

Amy

Doula, Wife and mom to A (11/23/01) and O (5/7/09)
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#11 of 14 Old 03-04-2005, 04:40 PM
 
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I'm in ---------, rather southerly, but on the eastern border.

Are you part of the yahoo doula group for the area? I'm searching for the link...

DIYer mama to DD 11/00 and DS 6/05- both intact, naturally!
...missing Mothering Magazine...
 
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#12 of 14 Old 03-04-2005, 07:41 PM
 
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It's great you have some time before your baby is born. Read all you can about SA survivors and parenting. It would be a good time to find a therapist who works with SA survivors and establish a relationship with her now - you may find you need that kind of specialized support post-partum. I don't have a lot of time to write now, but PM me if you would like to talk more.

peace,
Shantimama
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#13 of 14 Old 03-04-2005, 10:12 PM
 
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Ramlah,
I would love the link to that group, thanks.

Amy

Doula, Wife and mom to A (11/23/01) and O (5/7/09)
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#14 of 14 Old 03-09-2005, 02:49 PM
 
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Amy, I finally found it!

I learned recently that I shouldn't have kept so much info in my Inbox-
I lost the whole thing during a switch-over...

PMing you with address...

DIYer mama to DD 11/00 and DS 6/05- both intact, naturally!
...missing Mothering Magazine...
 
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