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#121 of 275 Old 03-21-2008, 09:22 PM
 
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Thanks so much for all of the support. It means so much to know that there are others out there struggling with this as well.

I had another non-functioning day, but luckily I had planned for it with daycare available. I just hope this doesn't happen tomorrow or Sunday as we have things planned in the morning both days and I really don't want to miss them.

This whole disease boggles my mind completely. How can I be so delusional for a couple of hours and then come back to my right mind and figure out the decisions I just made are not good ones.

Right now I'm reading "The Unquiet Mind", or at least trying to (as I can't seem to focus for longer than 10 minutes at a time). Very interesting. Anyone else read it?
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#122 of 275 Old 03-22-2008, 01:00 AM
 
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Ugh....this new med is horrible. I can't function at all on it for the first half of the day. Called my dad to come over cause I couldn't even take care of the basic needs of the kids. It is so weird as it makes me so sleepy I can't keep my eyes open in the morning but at night I'm awake/manic for hours. I'm so done with meds. I feel like just tossing all of them and just dealing with the manic/depression. But then I remember how bad it got and take my meds like a good girl. I don't want to be hospitalized again.
I had a similar experience when I was taking Trileptal and Neurontin (for pain). If I would even sit down for a few minutes I would fall asleep. It was like being narcoleptic! I was amazed when I got off of it how much better I felt. But it might pass in a few weeks, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
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#123 of 275 Old 03-22-2008, 03:36 PM
 
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Right now I'm reading "The Unquiet Mind", or at least trying to (as I can't seem to focus for longer than 10 minutes at a time). Very interesting. Anyone else read it?
I plan on it, it's on my list for the next library go 'round .
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#124 of 275 Old 03-23-2008, 09:37 AM
 
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It's hard to be so tired. I spent a couple months falling asleep like that, anytime I was sitting still for more than 5 minutes. which of course, you're lucky to get as a mom anyway, but then you spend all day on your feet, and can't stay awake past their bedtime. I missed my husband then!

sounds like a good book.

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#125 of 275 Old 03-24-2008, 12:30 PM
 
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Hello!! I hope it's ok to just jump right in on this thread. Glad to find it actually.

I saw a psychologist last week and she thinks I may be bipolar. This is somewhat difficult for me to swallow.

Anyone with bipolar also suffer PPD? I feel that even though I may be bipolar (which actually makes alot of sense when I think about it), I'm also having major post partum issues. Will the PPD go away once I treat the Bipolar?

Thanks mamas!!

Andrea

Andi - roller derby, slave to the hoop, birth junkie, lover of love, single mama of 4
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#126 of 275 Old 03-24-2008, 02:03 PM
 
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Hello!! I hope it's ok to just jump right in on this thread. Glad to find it actually.

I saw a psychologist last week and she thinks I may be bipolar. This is somewhat difficult for me to swallow.

Anyone with bipolar also suffer PPD? I feel that even though I may be bipolar (which actually makes alot of sense when I think about it), I'm also having major post partum issues. Will the PPD go away once I treat the Bipolar?

Thanks mamas!!

Andrea
I'm fairly new to the whole BP issue, having just recently been diagnosed myself, but I would think that with medication the PPD would go away as well. Most of the med cocktails for BP, from what my doctor explained, are a combo of a mood stabilizer and an antidepressant, so I think that would probably take care of the BP and the PPD.

Welcome to the forum, this is a nice place for information and knowing you're not alone.
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#127 of 275 Old 03-25-2008, 10:45 AM
 
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A friend of mine is BPII and has had PPD.

I would probably do some talk therapy for the PPD, and if need be treat the BP w/ medication.

A mood stabilizer might help the depression, but that isn't always the case.

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#128 of 275 Old 03-26-2008, 02:55 PM
 
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Hello all
I am new to this thread and am in need of some support and insight.
DH was diagnosed as being bipolar 71/2 years ago and I really don't think something is right.His pdoc is a UAV whom I have no use for and he has never had a second opinion. Some back ground is that around 19 DH started experimented with drugs other than pot(coke, mushrooms,not sure what else) . At exactly that time he started what is assumed to be a manic episode. Strange behavior paraniod increased spending habits thinking poeple were out to get him. IL's called the police and placed him on a 72 hr hold.
Voila! bipolar diagnosis 500 mg of divalproex ( depacote) and lorazepam stopped doing any recreational drugs and was completely stable ( zombie)
We requested to stop the lorazepam because all he did was sleep helped a little but he was still tired all the time put on weight and wanted to sleep all of the time literally. In the last 7 years he has only had one episode of " manic " behavior when he was put on heavy duty pain killers for a broken leg. I suggested to him carefully about 10 mos ago that I thought it was too much meds for him and thats why he felt tired all the time. He cut down to 250 mg of divalproex and things have greatly improved. ( He did not have the approval of his Pdoc to do this as he said the meds would be less effective if he had to go higher again?) He still feels tired all the time though. I have been reading and have thoughts that this may be drug induced phycosis and not bipolar.
Any thoughts?

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#129 of 275 Old 03-26-2008, 03:47 PM
 
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Pain medications can induce a manic episode, but if he's a zombie when medicated then perhaps he not only needs to find a new pdoc, but see what said new pdoc thinks about weaning off medications and reevaluating to see if it was because of the recreational drug use, or a natural chemical imbalance.

And ativan (lorazepam) is highly additive and basically makes you feel like a zombie, it's a sedative so yeah, that's what it's supposed to do. Thankfully my dose is small, and if I'm manic or having enough anxiety to take one, I don't become a zombie, but I become able to function, and continue on with my day until I can get the kids in bed and unwind some way.

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#130 of 275 Old 03-26-2008, 03:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AutumnBreeze View Post
Pain medications can induce a manic episode, but if he's a zombie when medicated then perhaps he not only needs to find a new pdoc, but see what said new pdoc thinks about weaning off medications and reevaluating to see if it was because of the recreational drug use, or a natural chemical imbalance.
Couldn't have put it better myself!
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#131 of 275 Old 03-26-2008, 06:15 PM
 
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Thanks I would really like to get a second opinion and wean him off his meds to see but at the same time it scares the heck out of both of us too.
I have tried to get a referal to another doctor but they are so busy that they only accept patients who do not currently have a Pdoc. The loarazepam script is one reason I don't like this doc. Hedoesn't seem to care if his patients are zombies as long as they are doscile. I didn't know that pain med could induce a manic state but you would think the docs that perscribed it to him would
Thanks I am glad to find this thread

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#132 of 275 Old 03-26-2008, 06:55 PM
 
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you'd be surprised. It kind of goes along the line of general practice docs prescribing anti-depressants...they don't have the same understanding of mental health as a psychiatrist, like OB's know almost nothing about breastfeeding.

but for someone who is bipolar, even undiagnosed an anti-depressant can induce a mania.

and I've lost my train of thought....sorry

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#133 of 275 Old 03-26-2008, 07:46 PM
 
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Yep, an antidepressant prescribed by a general doc brought on my first full blown episode of mania back in October. Never would have thought I could sink as far into this disease as I have since then.

I hope you and your husband find the answers you need.
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#134 of 275 Old 03-27-2008, 05:56 PM
 
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(Eclipse) Thankfully my episode was only hypomania, still destructive

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#135 of 275 Old 03-28-2008, 01:13 AM
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Hey everyone.. I need some others to talk to. I haven't been feeling well lately.. off sort of. Im in a very depressed state lately, although I am functioning. I had some rapid cycling last month, and have leveled off, but in a very low way. They are wanting to cahnge up my medication again.. increasing my wellbutrin and adding lithium or valproic acid in.
I am waiting to get to to see the psychiatrist (sp?) and I wont see her til May. In the meantime I have been being bad with my meds. I dont take them regularily, I havent been taking one of them for a week or two cuz I am convinced its making me fat, but by going off the med it makes me crave sugar and I binge and get fat.
sigh

This is really sucking lately.
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#136 of 275 Old 03-28-2008, 10:03 AM
 
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I am sorry Nym I hope you are feeling better soon.

I understand depression but can someone explain mania to me?
Thanks

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#137 of 275 Old 03-28-2008, 12:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nym View Post
Hey everyone.. I need some others to talk to. I haven't been feeling well lately.. off sort of. Im in a very depressed state lately, although I am functioning. I had some rapid cycling last month, and have leveled off, but in a very low way. They are wanting to cahnge up my medication again.. increasing my wellbutrin and adding lithium or valproic acid in.
I am waiting to get to to see the psychiatrist (sp?) and I wont see her til May. In the meantime I have been being bad with my meds. I dont take them regularily, I havent been taking one of them for a week or two cuz I am convinced its making me fat, but by going off the med it makes me crave sugar and I binge and get fat.
sigh

This is really sucking lately.
Hi Nym! I am so sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it lately. I think we can all relate. Have you ever thought of going natural with your BP? I know it's not for everyone. If you'd like more info just tell me! The nice thing is, no horrible side effects! Hang in there, that rapid cycling business stinks .

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2twobabes
I understand depression but can someone explain mania to me?
Thanks
Mania is the "high" of BP. It can be feelings of severe happiness, unable to hold still, think you're going to burst or it can be irratibility and anger. When you're in a manic state, you basically feel you can do no wrong, you make bad decisions you normally wouldn't, lash out at people for no reason, have rapid thoughts you can't control, and basically act slightly psychotic . Most of the time you don't need as much sleep during these cycles either. Personally, I will feel on top of the world, like money and feelings don't matter, and I'll buy things I normally wouldn't or say things I normally wouldn't. Then suddenly I'll be fuming mad. I remember one night not long ago when I was laying in bed, I'd been shopping that day and all happy, then when it came time for bed I was so restless, my legs felt so nervous, I felt jerky all over and I was SO ANGRY! I just started hitting the bed and thrashing my legs around, basically throwing an adult temper tantrum. Sounds laughable, but at the time I was so mad about not being able to go to sleep that it wasn't.

And now for my one week report on the natural lineup. I'm feeling pretty darn good, in spite of the fact that we're building a garage and my life is more hectic right now than I can ever remember it being! I still have the highs and lows creep in at certain moments, but it seems I have more of a sense of how it should be handled levelly. Example: my husband washed our pocket dipes with some newly dyed pink prefolds I told him needed to be washed seperatly. My entire diaper stash now sports lovely shades of pink. When I pulled them out, I was SO MAD, but when I called him and told him, I found myself saying, it's ok, I should have made sure you heard me. No big deal. A few days later he told me that was the first time in months he can remember me not freaking out about something, especially such a big something (I love my dipes). Only time will tell if this is a permanent levelling or not, but I'm remaining hopeful, which in and of itself is a miracle. My routine, for those who may be curious:

Wake up at the same time every morning, in my case, 6.
Shower, then take 500 mg Tyrosine, 500 mg Taurine, and 1000 mg Essential Fatty Acids.
Breakfast about an hour later, with my daily vitamin (no cholene), 1000 mcg B-12, and 120 mg lithium orotate.
About a half hour before lunch, I repeat the first dose of Tyrosine, Taurine, and EFAs.
With dinner I take another dose of lithium orotate, 120 mg.
Before bed, I take the Tyrosine, Taurine, EFA cocktail again.
Go to bed close to same time every night.

I also have cut down on sugar and gluten. I'd like to cut out caffeine, but I just can't give up my morning coffee! It seems like a lot of pills when I look at it, but just in this week it's become almost second nature to remember to down them at the right times, and if it means that I can stay somewhere in the middle, even if I still go slightly off at times, then it's worth it.

I'll keep up with the updates, although I'll make it a lot shorter next time, I got a little carried away in my excitement I think.
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#138 of 275 Old 03-29-2008, 02:59 AM
 
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Hello Mamas! Just checking in here with everyone. Last week was spring break, so it was hectic and busy, but a lot of fun.

A few of you mentioned the sleepy part of trileptal. I remember that! My previous pdoc had warned me to take it right before bed, and I remember the first night I took it. About 10 minutes after I had slurred speech and couldn't walk to bed without assistance. It took a few weeks, but I got used to it, and the effects wore off. I actually started to really like it, because even though it wouldn't make me nearly so sleepy I still slept so well! I had always suffered inability to make my brain slow down to fall asleep, if not full on insomnia, and I was sleeping better than ever before.

I switched to lamictal when I got pregnant, and it works fine, though it took a bit longer to really kick in.

Gosh, what AidynElyMama said was so true in my experience as well, about being able to choose your response to your emotional reaction in a way you cannot with BP that is unmanaged. Yikes.
My mania was always in the form of rage and anger.

I plan to go back on to trileptal as soon as the baby is born, since I know just how well it works and how high of a risk for PPD I have. I do also take Lexapro and fortunately have not had any ill side effects from it, either. Before Lexapro I took Effexor, and while it worked fine, I would highly recommend to anyone to AVOID IT! The side effects of stepping off of it is AWFUL. It's well documented online that it is a really terrible experience. I would not want anyone to suffer through that. It was nearly a month of stepping off and feeling like I had motion sickness and dizziness all of the time. Blech.

I am still struggling somewhat with the idea of missing out on the breastfeeding relationship with this baby. That is such a completely foreign thought. I have never even given a bottle to a baby before. I know things will be ok, and my ability to function as a mother is the most important, but it's still a hard thing to deal with.
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#139 of 275 Old 04-16-2008, 09:22 AM
 
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Just wanted to bump this thread back up.

spring has sprung, but it's 34 degrees at my house now. I'm a tad annoyed. should be 73 this afternoon though. If my son has a good behavior report when he gets home, after his homework, we'll be going outside.

I'm getting really tired again....and I'm hoping that it's just the changes in my schedule. Last time I was tired like this I was quite depressed.

cthulhugrrl - super big hugs on your struggle with your pregnancy, and breastfeeding. A very good friend of mine, well, I haven't talked to her in forever, but she nursed her first daughter for a little while, and enjoyed it, wanted to nurse her next two. The 2nd one, she ended up in the psych ward after birth because 4 days of labor threw her into a manic episode (she's BP1) and she was immediately started on her typical dose of Lithium and was unable to breastfeed. When her 3rd daughter was born, they put her on a 'new' med (new for her) and said she COULD breastfeed. She found out a couple weeks later that it was contridicated, and she had to wean her dd. She was very upset that they'd created this bond, and in order to preserve her mental health, she had to find new ways to bond with her daughter. But they got through it.

And there is always bottle nursing. You can still remove your shirt, or wear a button down, and you can get skin to skin contact. And look often into your babys eyes as he or she nurses the bottle. Get the slowest flow nipple you can find too.

And let yourself off the hook. You are 100% right in that you being able to function is most important.

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#140 of 275 Old 04-19-2008, 12:06 AM
 
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Aw, thanks AutumnBreeze

I'm coming to terms with it, even though it will hit me kinda hard sometimes.

Thanks for the reminders that bottle nursing can still be a very close experience. I can't imagine how much less sleep I'll get actually having to do the bottle thing instead of just rolling over and putting a boob in her mouth, though! :yawning: I've never had to deal with sleep deprivation before, really. I'm sure I'll survive it, and stick to the "sleep when she sleeps" thing for as long as it takes

Anyway, I can't believe how well I have been feeling mentally this pregnancy! It's really great. Of course I'll get moody on rare occasion and just warn dh not to try to cuddle, hehe. But at least I give him fair warning!

Anyway, how are all of the rest of you doing?
AidynElyMama, how are things going for you?
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#141 of 275 Old 04-19-2008, 10:11 AM
 
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Little tip I learned when bottle feeding my son. Just make up a couple bottles before bed, have them ready in the fridge and leave a pot of water on the stove. Then both you and dh get up, one of you change and hold the baby while the other heats the bottle.

And you can let daddy do some night feedings!!! Not that my husband ever did LOL. And daddy can bottle nurse too.

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#142 of 275 Old 04-20-2008, 01:01 PM
 
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LOL, we were WAY lazier about bottles- we would make up a couple and put them in one of those little portable (soft) coolers next to the bed. I also had a bottle warmer on the night stand. When my ds woke up, I would pop a bottle in the warmer for a minute, and then into his little mouth! I actually kept a stack of diapers and a pad next to the bed as well, and would literally just sit up in bed and do the change (assuming he was only wet, of course...). I think it's important to remember the role of sleep in regulating mood. Not getting enough sleep or having your schedule out of whack can really mess with your whole emotional system. Do whatever it takes to preserve your sleep! My .02
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#143 of 275 Old 04-20-2008, 03:38 PM
 
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Hi, I have been wanting to join you all here. I am bipolar. I am still having a hard time being ok with it but I am trying. I was off meds for a while but just went back on them. I am taking Lamictal and Gabitril and it is helping alot. But it is still hard. I have two more weeks before I get to up the lamictal to 150mg, it is helping alot at 100mg but it is not quite enought. But is is so nice to not feel like suck a crappy mother! I can see such a diffrence in my ability to be a mother to my daughter, it feels so good. I am starting to think that someday I might even, deep down inside, think I am a good mother. I hope so.

Well I hope that everyone it doing ok
I am glad to have this thread, being bipolar and the mood swings and feelings that come with it are not something that I feel comfortable doing outside of here.
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#144 of 275 Old 04-21-2008, 11:51 AM
 
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Anyway, how are all of the rest of you doing?
AidynElyMama, how are things going for you?
Thanks for asking, I'm actually doing pretty well. I had a busy couple of days and started to go back into the irritated and anxiety mode and suddenly realized I had forgotten to take my meds for like three days. Two days later, after I had gotten back on them, I started to even back out. That combo must be doing something right for me.

Cthulhugrrl, I agree with Autumn, you can still do so much to make bottle feeding a bonding exerience. Try not to let it get you down too much, although I completely understand your feelings. It sounds like you're feeling a little better, and that's GREAT!

Welcome questionable! Hope you are able to find some support here, I sure have!
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#145 of 275 Old 04-21-2008, 03:13 PM
 
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LOL, we were WAY lazier about bottles- we would make up a couple and put them in one of those little portable (soft) coolers next to the bed. I also had a bottle warmer on the night stand. When my ds woke up, I would pop a bottle in the warmer for a minute, and then into his little mouth! I actually kept a stack of diapers and a pad next to the bed as well, and would literally just sit up in bed and do the change (assuming he was only wet, of course...). I think it's important to remember the role of sleep in regulating mood. Not getting enough sleep or having your schedule out of whack can really mess with your whole emotional system. Do whatever it takes to preserve your sleep! My .02
That's an ever better idea. We couldn't afford a bottle warmer, and didn't have a cooler, or I'm 100% certain I would have chosen that. Not lazy, SMART.

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#146 of 275 Old 04-24-2008, 10:57 PM
 
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At the same time that things in my life are getting so much better, my marriage is still having problems. I find myself wondering alot if it has just been through too much, the chaos of me over the last few years has been alot and we are under a lot of other stress too.
Plus my husband has been kinda writing me off as delusional everytime I say something that he does not agree with. I dont like being treated like I am crazy. I am finally sane again. I know this.
I dont know, I was really just wondering if anyone else has had problems in their relationships due to bipolar disorder?
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#147 of 275 Old 04-25-2008, 01:36 AM
 
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At the same time that things in my life are getting so much better, my marriage is still having problems. I find myself wondering alot if it has just been through too much, the chaos of me over the last few years has been alot and we are under a lot of other stress too.
Plus my husband has been kinda writing me off as delusional everytime I say something that he does not agree with. I dont like being treated like I am crazy. I am finally sane again. I know this.
I dont know, I was really just wondering if anyone else has had problems in their relationships due to bipolar disorder?
]

Oh my gosh yes! The emotional swings alone are enough to drive anyone grumpy! The unpredictability.... the crying for "no reason".... The just plain "brain bad" episodes I have when I'm manic... the world doesn't make sense.... its VERY trying on the relationship. This is my DBF, not DH, btw.
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#148 of 275 Old 04-25-2008, 03:03 AM
 
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questionable, I don't know if there is anything in this world that will make me so angry so fast as someone daring to try to silence someone's emotions by minimizing them in that way. Wow.

It's like someone asking a woman if she has PMS and writing her off as "bitchy" when she tries to say something.

Oh hell no.

I don't have anything of wisdom to say here, just that I would probably punch him Sorry I can't be more useful, but don't let him do that to you!!

Anyway, this is the only safe space I feel like I have to just wah about this for a minute. AAM moment: So today I got to go hang out with one of my friends and she had her nephew while her sister was at work, He is ADORABLE, 4 months old. Her sister got home and I was holding him for her for a little bit while she got settled in, and the baby turned to me and tried to latch on through my shirt It was adorable, and I handed him over to mom to nurse, but sigh.... That was kinda really a bummer when I thought about missing that

It's not soul crushing or anything, it was just a sad moment for me, to think of not having that again.
I have been mildly depressed this week, but I could see it and I think I'm coming out of it. I was just processing some oogy feelings about having to birth in the hospital instead of home this time, and having some minor issues with dh. dh is AWESOME and all, but I had some stuff I needed to get out to him about needing him to pick up more slack around the house, etc, and how much it scared me to think of not having a fully invested partner in all of this after the baby gets here. I know that's residual stuff from my first marriage and the horrible experience of ppd and feeling so alone. I was able to talk to him about some of it last night and I feel a lot better today

AidynElyMama, I'm glad to hear things are going well!
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#149 of 275 Old 04-25-2008, 01:49 PM
 
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Anyway, this is the only safe space I feel like I have to just wah about this for a minute. AAM moment: So today I got to go hang out with one of my friends and she had her nephew while her sister was at work, He is ADORABLE, 4 months old. Her sister got home and I was holding him for her for a little bit while she got settled in, and the baby turned to me and tried to latch on through my shirt It was adorable, and I handed him over to mom to nurse, but sigh.... That was kinda really a bummer when I thought about missing that

It's not soul crushing or anything, it was just a sad moment for me, to think of not having that again.
I have been mildly depressed this week, but I could see it and I think I'm coming out of it. I was just processing some oogy feelings about having to birth in the hospital instead of home this time, and having some minor issues with dh. dh is AWESOME and all, but I had some stuff I needed to get out to him about needing him to pick up more slack around the house, etc, and how much it scared me to think of not having a fully invested partner in all of this after the baby gets here. I know that's residual stuff from my first marriage and the horrible experience of ppd and feeling so alone. I was able to talk to him about some of it last night and I feel a lot better today

AidynElyMama, I'm glad to hear things are going well!
I'm sorry you're feeling blue, I know it can't be easy to think about missing out on the breastfeeding, but at least you're taking care of yourself, and it's more important that the baby has a healthy, in her own mind mom to take care of her.

Questionable, I hope that DH starts treating you better, he has no right to do that, no matter how much you've been through. It's belittling, and marriages shouldn't include that in any way. Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel, and hopefully he'll realize how derogatory and hurtful that kind of behavior is.
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#150 of 275 Old 04-28-2008, 06:37 AM
 
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Totally OT to AidynElyMama: checked out your blog and added it to my rss, I like it! Your birthday post to your dh was the sweetest thing ever. That last picture on there of the two of you! Eeee! Adorable!


Back on topic now.

How was the weekend for all of you? It was great for me. I have had a very good few days since talking stuff out with my most wonderful dh.

Do any of you get tired of the commonly held misconceptions regarding mental illness, especially bipolar disorder?

I don't have a specific instance right now or anything, but just over the years I've noticed that many people tend to have skewed beliefs about it. And those beliefs are harmful misrepresentations of this and many other mental illnesses most of the time. Also, something that really upsets me is when someone does something stupid, like, say, is a teacher that sleeps with their middle school student several times, and then tries to pin it on bipolar. Argh.

I know that I had some things to get through to accept mental illness as part of my basic physiology. I don't think I would have done that being diagnosed with any other chronic issue, you know?

Anyway, just something I was wondering about, since it seems like there are many people coming here who are newly diagnosed, and I've seen mention of having a hard time with acceptance, which I think is really necessary to be able to take care of yourself well. And I understand that struggle.

Hope all of you are well!
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