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#61 of 71 Old 05-17-2005, 09:30 PM
 
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terms for obsessive skin/ scab picking:

dermatotillomania (correct spelling)
neurotic excoriation
obsessive skin picking
psychogenic excoriation
compulsive skin picking


if you want to do a google search
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#62 of 71 Old 05-20-2005, 12:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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well i fell of the perverbial wagon. I kinda fell into a depression and just started beating myself up (emotionally) and hating on myself. you know how it goes,"cant do anything right","dont make enough money","Im miserable in my life, and yet I feel like Im being ungrateful for having a wonderful life and not appreciating it". So I cut myself. I wish I could say it didnt help but it did pull me out of the depths for almost 2 days. It was such a release of all the negative shit I was putting on myself, and now I can 'see' the pain that was inside me, and it feels real. and it feels like its ok to be in pain. Course it also feels like Im a complete f-ing idiot for doing it, and I dont want to deal with DH finding out. Im actually glad the weathers shitty this week so I dont have to explain my long sleeves.
Im glad that this isnt something I urge to do everyday. Im glad I feel bad about doing it cause it means I know its an unhealthy way to deal with my pain. Im glad I can come here and let go of what happened without being judged.
no flames please
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#63 of 71 Old 05-20-2005, 01:00 PM
 
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I noticed I was just as addicted to the shame as I was to the release of negative feelings, which started off the pattern. I'd feel bad about something, cut, feel the relief, but then the next day I'd feel even worse than before. I was just as hooked on emotionally beating myself up for cutting...
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#64 of 71 Old 05-20-2005, 06:47 PM
 
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awww, rowantree, sorry that happened. No flames here!

I do have a question for those who are still cutting though-- this is completely for my own information, and is absolutely not meant to be judgemental.

Do you ever fear that if it is discovered that you are still cutting, that your DP or someone else might notify DSS or otherwise try to intervene in your relationship with your children?

The reason I asked is, when I was still cutting, when I was a teen, I was in a mental hospital and remember there was a woman there who was depressed and was cutting. She was at risk of losing her children because of this. That always stayed with me and put a real fear in me. I always told myself that I wouldn't have children unless I had stopped cutting for a year, because I was so frightened by her situation and it stayed with me.

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#65 of 71 Old 05-21-2005, 11:30 PM
 
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I do still cut, too, and yes, I am paranoid that if anyone finds out, my children might be taken from me. Even subscribing to this topic has made me worry that *someone* might be watching me.

I have only once hurt myself badly, and I meant to do it - I was hospitalized then; that was when I had three children. During my hospitalization, no one ever mentioned me losing my children. I was afraid it would be brought up, but it wasn't.

When I self-injure now, I only cause myself to have scratches - they may bleed a little, but basically it could be explained away if I were ever questioned. You know, like - the cat scratched me, or I scraped my arm on the barbed wire fence.

Anyway, that's me.

~Wendy~
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#66 of 71 Old 05-22-2005, 09:45 PM
 
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hey wendy, I think that's great that no one brought up the issue of your children. I remember this woman from the mental hospital clearly-- her hubby was a control freak, it could have been *him* who was trying to take the children away.

There have been a few times that I would have self injured if I didn't have kids. They "keep me in line," but my urges to do it are not as strong as they used to be. I did obsessively scab pick for many years after cutting (see above), but seem to have snapped out of that too.
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#67 of 71 Old 06-06-2005, 10:46 AM
 
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Wow...
I'm surprised to see so many familiar 'faces' here, and to realize how much more common this is than I thought. I used to cut....don't anymore. In the last few months there were a couple of occasions where I fought with dh and was so frustrated and upset I clawed and punched myself. But somehow, thinking about my kids takes all the momentum out of it, like I'm hurting them too.
Mostly, i just want to pretend this part of me doesn't exist, stay out of the mental health forum, and put on a .
People that haven't gone through this probably see it as totally nuts. No one wants to feel judged like that.
I recently saw a lovely film about a self-cutter called 'The Secretary'. Unusual, a bit kinky, with a happy ending, too.

Someone mentioned drug-free births possibly being connected to self-harm.
For me, both were homebirths, and painful, but I don't think there was a connection. I just wanted what was best for the babies and hate hopitals and hospital routines.

Scarred but functioning,
Snowy
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#68 of 71 Old 06-06-2005, 12:28 PM
 
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Heh, my ex husband was given the power to monitor my mental well being and if he sees that I'm "not stable" then he can refuse me to see my daughter. Nice huh? Thats what they decided to do when we were fighting over custody of her. Because I was Bipolar, I didn't get custody of her even though I had her for 4 years by myself. My ex took her from me, and he successfully used my self harm against me.

So DHS is a real issue there. I will never cut again because of that.

treehugger.gifAutistic pagan mama with five kiddos on the spectrum, learning through living life. autismribbon.gif  computergeek2.gif

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#69 of 71 Old 06-08-2005, 03:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WitchyMama2
Heh, my ex husband was given the power to monitor my mental well being and if he sees that I'm "not stable" then he can refuse me to see my daughter. Nice huh? Thats what they decided to do when we were fighting over custody of her. Because I was Bipolar, I didn't get custody of her even though I had her for 4 years by myself. My ex took her from me, and he successfully used my self harm against me.

So DHS is a real issue there. I will never cut again because of that.
thats terrifying - Im so so sorry for you. I cant begin to say anything that would sound right. I am filled with wory and sorrow for you!
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#70 of 71 Old 06-24-2005, 01:03 AM
 
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I lied about my scars today.

Some stupid, stupid, idiot teenage cashier thought it appropriate to ask me how I got them as he was ringing me up! How in the world is that ever OK?! Why do people think they can ask strangers to explain personal things about themselves?!

I said I got burned on a grill.

It was so insensitive I could just cry.
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#71 of 71 Old 06-24-2005, 02:36 AM
 
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Greaseball, I empathize.
I think he asked because, maybe it never occured to him what they actually are. It's not that common for males, isn't that right? but I wonder how he would have reacted if you simply and casually told him the truth.
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