It's going to be a beautiful spring! Please join! (Depression support) - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 217 Old 03-31-2006, 11:20 PM
 
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CherylAnn,

I'm so glad you felt what I wrote Every time you hear yourself saying "I stink", remember that lady saying "I just love your wife!"

Rock On!

Warmly,
Lauren
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#62 of 217 Old 04-02-2006, 12:47 PM
 
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Now I'm stuck at home with a sick child. DS thew up all over the bed this morning- so I gave him a bath, dressed him, and then he fell back to sleep on the floor. I did manage to get a towel underneath him before he fell asleep (just in case he throws up again it won't be on the carpet!!)

So much for the birthday party he was going to attend today. I also guess I won't get to see my friend's DD in the school play- I can't find anybody to watch DS. The girls can still go, since the school is about 1/2 mile away and they can walk there without me.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#63 of 217 Old 04-03-2006, 01:48 PM
 
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I'm having a really awful day. I was so mean to the kids today while trying to get ready for school that afterwards I just wanted to cry. I am sort of paralyzed on making the call to find a therapist since there are so many to choose from and I have no idea where to start. I'm really not sure about meds, and I worry that if I see a MFT they might take weeks and weeks to get to know me before they offer meds, but if I need them, I'd rather do it sooner. OTOH, I worry that if I see an MD, they'll be writing an rx 5 min. into the appointment. Everyone tells me that the relationship is the most important thing, yet my insurance company only offers a certain number of visits per year, and what if I use half of those trying to find someone I like? Plus I took a huge, embarrassing leap by admitting that I need help, started asking online, friends, and my local AP/LLL/"support" groups and I have not had ONE single referral. I am just so frustrated right now, and it is still raining, which seems to make everything worse.
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#64 of 217 Old 04-03-2006, 03:19 PM
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Lousli, PICK ANYONE! Just start! You aren't going to know if you like them or not till you GO.


As my aunt says, "Just start anywhere!" If you don't like the first person, THEN worry about what to do next. Good luck!


Ruthla, you need airplane sickness bags at your house! Haven't your kids been sick alot this year? When that happens here, I use a little bleach in some rinse water on the dishes, esp silverware, just to be sure we aren't just passing it about.
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#65 of 217 Old 04-03-2006, 04:33 PM
 
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Yesterday, I really felt like I was coming out of my slump, but now I'm all messed up again. Anxiety has set in. This week I have 2 interviews. Both were really impulsive applications-Board of Directors for the local library & online teaching. Now I'm in a panic as to how I'll handle the interviews and what'll happen if I actually get something offered. Since I've been a sahm for 8 years I'm in need of something new but I'm so afraid of the consequences to myself and my family.

THen I looked at the calendar and realized that the dc start a 2wk vacation next week. What am I going to do with them? I'm at such a loss for ideas that will appeal to all their ages (2, 4, & 8). Oh, I just want to run away sometimes. But I won't . . .I will get through it with minimal damage.

Red, thanks for the advice--I'm going to check into that.
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#66 of 217 Old 04-03-2006, 08:37 PM
 
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Red, you're right. I called 9 people and left messages on 3 of their voicemails (no one was answering their phones it seems).

Vamp, it sounds like working outside the home is something you want to do, so I think if you go to the interviews, you'll do fine. If it were me, I'd smile and go on autopilot, If you get one of the jobs (or both!) you can decide what to do then, you don't have to decide right now.

Ruth, I'm so sorry you have a sick kiddo. That is the hardest. Now that both of mine are getting well, it is getting a little easier, especially since dd1 can go to preschool. At least when mine are sick they don't have a lot of energy, just want to lay around and I can be more patient with them it seems, and enjoy babying them (especially my older daughter).

Hugs to everyone. Trying to get to know you all and respond a little at a time...
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#67 of 217 Old 04-03-2006, 09:15 PM
 
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As a champion "what iffer" I saw a lot of "what ifs" in the previous posts. Cognitive Behavioral therapy really helped me zoom in on the catastrophic-style, anxiety producing thought habits I had formed. You cannot control the future. It will happen, but also know that you will know how to function, that it will be ok.

I can really relate to the mind-numbing anxiety.

One thing I've been working on is trying to be in the moment. To really experience it, good or bad.

Cheers
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#68 of 217 Old 04-03-2006, 09:29 PM
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Oooh, I love planning other people's vacations, vamp127. Do you mind if I give you some thoughts? (5 kids, all older teens and 20's now. Vacations I just drive the younger ones where they want to go and drop them off. Not so much fun.)

Any childrens Museums close by? Call. THey often have specials for vacations. Ours used to offer "science on Sundays" for older kids, and the little ones had a great time with bubbles and climbing structures, and toy kitchens and stores. (I loved it too!)

THe playgroudn is great for the older two, but not so great for the 2yo. COuld you take bubbles for the little ones to chase while the older one ran around? Does the little one like the swing?

How about a kite?


A day at the beach. Not to swim, but to picnic, pplay in the sand, build a sand castle. You get cold so it's fun to bring hot cocoa, or soup, or something. State parks are great for this, you can even have a BBQ.


Clean up Day. Yep, you wanna plan these fun days? THen ya gotta help out. Everyone does an extra chore or two!

The public library. As my 23ds says, "I dont' know why EVERYONE doesn't go to the library! All the books, even the videos are free!" They also offer programs during vacation weeks. And videos to watch later! You could get one to watch with just your older child, with popcorn after the little ones were in bed.


A picnic anywhere is fun. You could take lunch to the playground, kids even like eating in the car.


A day in the city is always fun. Go to your local big city (even small cities are fun) to explore, walk, check out history, get lunch (or picnic!), buy roasted peanuts or popcorn from a vendor.


Write down what days you're doing what things, so the kids aren't constantly asking WHEN. It also keeps me from putting it all off till it's too late! LEt them know you have stuff planned. Stuff to do at home? Jigsaw puzzles, playdoh (you could get your older child Fimo), Make-your-own-Pizza night, (in fact, we used to have cereal for dinner on occassion, or oatmeal, and watch tv.) building intricate towers with blocks for the little one to knock over is good for a few minutes.

If you have some money, but the 8 yo the American Boys Handybook, even if it's a girl. The book is FULL of old fashioned stuff kids used to do. SOme of it is dangerous, so use care! (hot air balloons with burning rags to heat the air!) Just reading it is fun, actually doing something from it is great.



Ok, you weren't even asking. Maybe I got carried away. I always LOVED the kids vacations, loved hanging out and doing stuff. Now I need a graandchild!
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#69 of 217 Old 04-04-2006, 04:13 AM
 
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s Lousli, I agree with Red! You have to start somewhere.

s vamp127, exciting about the job possibilities!!

Ruthla, I hope your ds is feeling better!!

boomingranny, those are such wise words!! I don't know if I am EVER "in the moment."

I'm feeling strangely good today. Just normal, good...like it must feel to feel normal, I mean. I had a period of anxiety on Saturday due to a frustrating situation with dh. But, it was solved by him being understanding and apologetic. Then I took one of my little chill pills. We were having a big group of people over for book club and he took off in the middle of the day and didn't tell me when he'd be returning. This was after he told me I could leave and be by myself for a while. He did have all the kids with him, but we only had one car because the other was getting the snow tires removed...I was stuck, missing my real alone time (because I couldn't appreciate the alone time I was having at home???), stressed out about the messiness of our kids' spaces and the food I needed to prepare with guests coming over. I went for a run and on the last half mile I just started weeping!! I arrived home the same time as my family and poor dh was completley befuddled. I took a nice long bath, went to the store by myself to buy the ingredients I needed, and when I got back home, he had gotten the kids to do their chores and had vacuumed. It wasn't a big deal, but I could feel myself working into a frenzy over it. I'm really starting to recognize my patterns, triggers, and the warning signs of impending depression or anxiety. One of the things I'm working on the most is staying busy, but not too busy. I need to be really balanced because if I don't have something to throw myself into, I start to check out...disappear inside myself, the computer, a book, etc. in a way that is unhealthy. This is going to be my healthiest year ever!
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#70 of 217 Old 04-04-2006, 10:35 AM
 
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Hi all,

Vamp 127: I think pre-interview stress is a special form of torture The important thing to realize, IMO, is that this type of anxiety is totally normal. It doesn't mean you're free-falling, just that you need to take extra care with yourself. Be sure to do stuff that makes you happy in the midst of your job prep. And best of luck with your interviews!!

Lousli: Totally agree with pps and glad to hear that you made some phone calls. I hope you've heard back from some by now. I've had to change docs several times due to moves, unhappiness with treatment, etc...but its always worth it to have someone you can call.

Ruthlas: How's that sick kiddo?

Hope everyone is enjoying the sun!!

Lauren
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#71 of 217 Old 04-04-2006, 03:57 PM
 
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Thank you everyone, a quick update:

I decided actually to split the difference between a MFT and a MD and go with a pyschologist (but I might still see a MFT, we'll see). I got the list, there were only 9. Yay! Manageable for me. I called 3 yesterday, 1 returned my call and she was SO NICE, but really booked up for the next 4-6 weeks. She suggested if I'm having trouble getting in to see someone I call her back and she'd see what she could do. Today I called 4 more, since one is no longer in service and one is too far away. So now I've called 7 people, and I'm going to wait and hope that someone calls me back. If not, I'll call back the doc from yesterday. I liked her on the phone, she put me at ease. I'm feeling better about this process, it isn't as scary as I thought.

Also, I have started St. John's Wort and fish oil supplements, to see if those help. Is anyone else doing supplements of any kind? Any luck with them now or in the past?
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#72 of 217 Old 04-04-2006, 09:05 PM
 
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Just checking in after a busy day- we moved the bedrooms around so the 3 kids have the big bedroom and I have the little bedroom all to myself!! Previously, I shared the big bedroom with DS and the girls shared the little one, then DD11 moved into the big room and DD9 had the little room to herself (that didn't work too well for me, we tried it for about a week.) Hopefully this setup will work in the long term.

Also busy with passover cleaning. Ugh, so much work to do, so little time. DS is nearly better- eating again, but threw up when I stupidly gave him cereal with milk. He had diarhea this evening as well.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#73 of 217 Old 04-04-2006, 10:41 PM
 
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Hi Mama's
Things are pretty smooth here. I've been off of meds for 6 months now and so far so good. Only had two days of anxiety,and it was mild at that. Years ago I was the queen of panic attacks. I think I posted before that no sugar/no caffeine really works for me. Along with taking walks. Of course Spring makes all the difference in the world.
One thing I've noticed since being off meds is that I can cry at the drop of a pin.
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#74 of 217 Old 04-05-2006, 11:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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CherylAnn - Those kinds of days are really hard I think - when my wonderful DH is trying to help me out, take away my stress, give me time to myself and yet it doesn't seem to lift the fog or somehow something is just not right and DH doesn't get why.

LouisLi - That first step is the hardest I think - I'm glad you found someone who seemed nice and I hope things go well from there!

oldermamato5 - I go through months where I just cry at the drop of a hat too. It's really silly when its at some sappy commercial, but I somehow really take it to heart.

Overall I've been doing pretty well lately - lots of people mentioned trying to keep themselves busy - that won't be a problem for me! We have my uncle's trailer and 'estate' to clean out and deal with, I have been at that trailer every chance I get (just to vent this place is so disturbingly disgusting, he never cleaned it - years worth of dust, floor being eaten away by carpenter ants, etc - disturbing to think he could have lived that way). Since we now own our house too I'm over there all the time trying to clean that.

My uncles death really brought out my anxiety and fear about death - other people dying mostly and specifically my husband. There is this country song 'I probably wouldn't be this way' that I keep hearing and I bawl every time. My husband is such a rock for me, It scares the bejesus out of me that I might have to go this alone, you know? This is really not helped by the fact that DH just moved offices to the 40 something floor of the tallest building in Boston.

Okay, I'd be doing pretty well if I could stop myself from eating every comfort food that comes in front of my face and a few I seek out. I guess that's my way of coping!

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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#75 of 217 Old 04-05-2006, 03:40 PM
 
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Mightymoo, I've been doing the eating thing too. Since I broke my toe and can't go to the gym, I've just been sitting around and eating. Ugh. Now the dc will have 2 weeks off and I won't be able to go to the gym until it's all over. In my attempt to be healthier, I'm snacking on baby carrots and almond butter.

Last night, I found out that my ils from he** are coming for easter. I'm not looking forward to this visit-not that I ever look forward to their visits. They never ask, just announce they are coming. MIL thinks I'm nuts and hates me.

When I get over the anxiety from the interviews, I'll start with the ILs anxiety. I wish I knew how I could get it to stop. I've tried therapy to deal with the MIL, but there isn't any resolution since she makes no effort to improve the situation. I just try to ignore her, but that doesn't work either because then she calls DH and complains. Even though she never talks directly to me except to make rude remarks.

OK, I see myself going off on a rant here, so I'll stop. I have to get focused for the library interview anyway.
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#76 of 217 Old 04-05-2006, 08:35 PM
 
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Ugh, vamp, that sounds hard with the IL's. I so lucked out with mine, it's my own parents that drive me up the wall. I hope the whole thing doesn't make you too anxious. The library job sounds awesome. Probably my dream job, tbh. Hope it goes well, keep us posted!

Ruthla, it sounds nice to have the bedroom to yourself. I like having a place to sit and relax and be away from the stresses of the day. Are you having a big thing for Passover? My family is pretty much non-practicing, so my mom really surprised me this year by telling me that she wanted a Seder.

As for me, I saw the therapist this morning, and she was really cool! Not even a tiny blink when I told her that Melanie weaned at age 4 and that we sleep with our kids. She was really open and friendly, and told me that she thought she could help a lot with talk therapy, and we would wait a few weeks before deciding if Ithought I needed meds. Very cool.

She told me that it is totally normal to be irritable and depressed when you have 2 kids under 5 and chronic sleep deprivation to boot. She thinks getting more sleep is going to help a lot, as will learning to deal with the anger and impatience with Mel pushing my buttons (it makes me yell, which makes me feel guilty and like a crappy mom). She made me feel good about going to see her because she said that she thought it was admirable that I was trying to find better, healthier ways to deal with my kids than just yelling at them. Overall, a really good experience, and I'm so glad I swallowed my pride and took this step.
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#77 of 217 Old 04-06-2006, 07:41 PM
 
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My kids are driving me crazy today!! I've been busy cleaning for Passover, which is quite a bit of work, and I'm getting frustrated with the lack of co-operation from my daughters.

Anyway, my kids are mad at me. They're not happy with the new sleeping arrangements (the 3 kids in one room and me by myself.) My stuff is neatly put away, they haven't even attempted to unpack the laundry baskets into their drawers. Now DD9 is crying because I won't let her bake (the last few times she baked, she left a huge mess in my kitchen. We just did the Pesach cleaning this afternoon- nobody's doing any baking right now!!!) I'm angry that whenever I'm not feeling well, the entire house falls apart- last night DD11 promised she'd load and run the dishwasher after I went to bed, and I ended up doing it myself this morning. I'm absolutely fed up with them not cleaning up after themselves!!! They don't have any homework from their school, so why can't they put away laundry and put their dishes in the sink after meals? They'd rather watch TV and/or play on the computer all afternoon and evening.

Am I being unreasonable here? I don't think so, but my girls do. I'm sure they'll be pissed when they realize that I've deleted all their favorite TV shows from the digital cable thingie!! (they can still watch live TV, but they used to have hours and hours worth of TV shows recorded.)

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#78 of 217 Old 04-06-2006, 10:17 PM
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Ruthla, while it's maddening, I think it's normal. My kids are all the same way.


The way I get things done is simple. There is no putting things off. "Later" means never.

So, if they need to clean their rooms, it's better to say, in advance, "If your room isn't clean, don't plan on watching any tv or using the computer after noon on Saturday." (This is our every week rule. They also can't GO anywhere ) You have to decide what will work best with your kids, maybe time out with their friends? Also, any daily chores are done immediately after supper, before they do homework, watch tv or anythign else. (family first!) After school I always treeated as 'their' time, mental health, relaxation, etc. But once I've freaking fed them......

My mother always posted jobs on the fridge, she said, "Can't argue with the fridge" Haha We ahve used chore jars or lists. Or, my favorite, "I need everyone to spend 5 minutes cleaning the living room. " Me included.

Quote:
They'd rather watch TV and/or play on the computer all afternoon and evening.
Wouldn't we all???? (man it's tough with NO smilies!)
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#79 of 217 Old 04-06-2006, 11:41 PM
 
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mightymoo, your husband sounds really wonderful. I can relate on eating comfort foods!!!

Vamp, oh no about your ils!! How long have you been married?

Ruthla, how are you liking your new digs? I don't think you are being unreasonable in your expectations of your kids. My kids would spend all their time playing, watching TV or playing on the computer, too, if they were allowed to, but that doesn't happen until they have finished their chores. If they choose not to follow that rule, they lose the privelege of doing whatever it was that was keeping them from their responsibility. I love Love and Logic. Without it, I'd be a mean old ogre of a mom, but L&L has given me standard statements to use that keep me from saying what my dad or mom would have said. Plus, it's taught me to teach them that the consequences they suffer when they aren't doing what they are supposed to be doing are theirs alone...They can only blame themselves. Anytime I get out of the L&L habit and start yelling and nagging at them, they can blame me for their consequences. It really transformed our home. I'm not saying it's great for everyone...your post just sounded so familiar and I wanted to share what has worked for us.

Lousli, sounds like you found a great therapist!!!

Red, "Can't argue with the fridge." That's perfect! Once again, it puts the responsibility squarely on their shoulders, not on yours.
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#80 of 217 Old 04-06-2006, 11:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CherylAnn
Ruthla, how are you liking your new digs?
I'm having trouble getting used to it- we haven't yet settled into a new routine with the new bedrooms and it's kind of hard to feel settled in with my own space when the kids end up staying up so late!! I'm thinking it might take a few weeks to really settle in- between Passover preparation, then a 2 week break from school for Passover itself, we might not feel really "at home" until the holiday is over.

This evening I put away all of DD9's laundry, which included figuring out where everything should go. It seemed like a reasonable compromise to me- I'm getting my own space, I can help her get settled into her new space. Interestingly enough, DS put away all of his own laundry without any arguments! I simply put his stuff in a pile (separated from other family members' stuff) and he did the rest.
Quote:
I don't think you are being unreasonable in your expectations of your kids. My kids would spend all their time playing, watching TV or playing on the computer, too, if they were allowed to, but that doesn't happen until they have finished their chores. If they choose not to follow that rule, they lose the privelege of doing whatever it was that was keeping them from their responsibility. I love Love and Logic. Without it, I'd be a mean old ogre of a mom, but L&L has given me standard statements to use that keep me from saying what my dad or mom would have said. Plus, it's taught me to teach them that the consequences they suffer when they aren't doing what they are supposed to be doing are theirs alone...They can only blame themselves. Anytime I get out of the L&L habit and start yelling and nagging at them, they can blame me for their consequences. It really transformed our home. I'm not saying it's great for everyone...your post just sounded so familiar and I wanted to share what has worked for us.
I should see if my library has that book.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#81 of 217 Old 04-07-2006, 01:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, I'm just going to post to this thread and quickly and then go to bed because I'm up too late already!

Vamp - yuk about MIL - don't write off therapy for it though - sometimes just having someone to vent to is nice! (and its always tough to vent to DH about his own parents, kwim?)

Lousli - cool about the therapist! It's so nice when you can find someone you feel comfortable with right away!

Ruthla - my sympathy on the kid sitaution - I am not looking forward to that part of having older children! I don't have real experience to offer except to say you might just leave them on their own to figure out they have to pull their own weight - tell them you aren't going to wash any more laundry until the clean stuff they have is put away, etc?

Oh and a little side rant - does anyone else every mention to people IRL conversations on message boards? AKA - 'I was reading this thread about blah and I found this interesting, etc'? I made a comment like that to my brother's girlfriend the other day and I saw a distinct 'get a life' look on her face which just made me depressed - damn, its not my fault I have no friends IRL I just moved here and I have two babies, how am I supposed to meet people? Okay, just had to get that out.

BED BED BED BED BED (I miss the hammering on the head smiley)

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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#82 of 217 Old 04-07-2006, 02:47 AM
 
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Where are the smilies?

Ruthla, take the book with a grain of salt! It was written a long time ago and the authors' philosophy has changed slightly. Eg. There is a chapter on spanking. If I remember right the entire chapter is 1 or 2 paragraphs long. They no longer approve of spanking under any circumstances. One of the children referred to in the book is now the guy who seems to be in charge of the whole thing and was the lead writer on most of their newer stuff. The books are alive and well, but under a different publisher now. Here is the website. Someone from the institute comes to our town every couple years to do a class at the public school. I can't say enough good stuff about it. I don't want to push it, either.

MightyMoo, I rarely share with my IRL friends anything from my online life. But, they see the value and depth of these relationships when I leave for my annual camping trip with a couple families I've been posting with for 8 years.
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#83 of 217 Old 04-07-2006, 10:39 AM
 
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Hi ruth,

It'll be easier to follow through on consequences once the routine is established. I like to use the word "guidelines" as opposed to "rules". My dd knows that she is supposed to contribute to the care of the household. I also give her a small allowance for setting the table, making her lunch, helping with dinner (she snaps the beans, and does easy cutting). however, she is only 8 and I anticipate a lot more resistance as she nears the teen years.

Enjoy Passover

mazel tov
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#84 of 217 Old 04-07-2006, 12:08 PM
 
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Lousli, it sounds like you've made a good connection with the therapist. It seems promising that she doesn't want to rush into anything without getting to know you first and letting you have a say.

Well, I had my interviews. And I already found out about the online teaching job . . .




I got it!!!!! (Insert happy dancing carrot here) LOL


I'll be starting training to get used to the computer system and then I'll be up and running with 2 classes. It seems like a really great opportunity in that I can do my dream career without woh. Since the dc are used to me spending hours on the computer for school as a student, very little will change. And I'll get paid for it.

Now I just need to wait for an answer from the library. That's not a paying job, it's to be a Trustee. I think it would be a great opportunity to get involved in the community in a way that I could actually contribute something.

Things are looking up! And my mil will choke on her words when I tell her as FIL has been a guest instructor at their local college. Now I will technically outrank him. LOL
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#85 of 217 Old 04-07-2006, 12:22 PM
 
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Vamp! Congrats on the new job! How did you find it? It sounds great. I'll cross my fingers for you on the library job.
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#86 of 217 Old 04-07-2006, 02:12 PM
 
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Congrats on the new job vamp!!

I did a lot of Passover shopping today- it's the last day DS had school before vacation, so I wanted to get stuff done ALONE!!!! We'll see what things are like this afternoon when the girls get home. I'm feeling pretty good about the way I handled things so far- I told them I'd reconsider the sleeping arrangements after we've given this a try for about a month, but they have to give it until then. I was also very calm about the TV stuff- they spent too much time watching, I deleted their stuff- ok, that's it.

Bus is here! gotta go!

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#87 of 217 Old 04-07-2006, 05:24 PM
 
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Congratulations, Vamp!!! That's great!!!

Ruthla, sounds like you did a great job!
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#88 of 217 Old 04-12-2006, 08:38 PM
 
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I'm leaving pretty soon to see my therapist. I'm really glad because today was horrible. I guess I had expectations about what I wanted to do today but didn't voice them, so they didn't happen. The baby napped (on my lap with my boob in her mouth) for a couple hours, which felt like it was my only down time all day, even though it is dh's day off. Not that he didn't help with the kids, he did. But i just wanted to do something fun today, and it didn't happen. i don't know what's going on with the baby, she seems grumpy all the time lately. I know she's getting teeth, but she is worse than she has ever been about teeth before.

Ugh, sorry to vent. I really could go on forever, so i think I should sign off before I end up writing a novel,

Hopefully we'll get some better weather here soon and everyone will cheer up a bit...
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#89 of 217 Old 04-12-2006, 08:54 PM
 
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s Lousli, you'll have to let us know how it goes at the therapist's.
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#90 of 217 Old 04-12-2006, 10:17 PM
 
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Well, on the plus side, I am not imagining it, I am depressed. On the down side, after two visits, she feels that I should think about antidepressants. I'm not totally opposed to medication, and I really don't know much about it. I don't know if she's jumping the gun, or if they really could help me...I'm left feeling confused and nervous about taking a whole new leap right now. I'll keep you posted.
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