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It's going to be a beautiful spring! Please join! (Depression support)

9K views 216 replies 21 participants last post by  frowningfrog 
#1 ·
Welcome to our new beautiful spring!!!

I saw we were chatting over on the "I ain't going to get depressed this winter" thread (http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=387694) about starting a new one. So I thought I'd start with a positive title!

But I need some major hugs. Last night I put DD to bed, read her stories and then told her she should go to sleep and I'd come back to check on her in 10 minutes. Well, I went downstairs, heard DS crying, nursed him back to sleep, then checked on DD who looked like she was asleep, so I went downstairs. Apparently DH heard DD over the monitor and went up and she told him "Mommy doesn't like me"
I'm so sad about this - I don't know why she would think that, I think maybe she was awake when I checked on her, but didn't move or say anything. I feel like such a bad mom right now.
 
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#128 ·
If only I WAS feeling better. I'm just feeling so down again. As much as I didn't want to be pg right now, I'm still dissapointed that I'm not. Then I got chewed out in PM for expressing that sense of sadness, claiming I was being "insensitive" to another member who recently suffered a miscarriage. I'm being insensitive by saying that I share her pain?

I'm just feeling so lost, so empty right now.
 
#130 ·
This morning I left a message with my therapist- hopefully I'll start regular therapy again soon. Also left my lawyer 2 messages (voice mail and email) to try and get this divorce started already. Still need to call my PCP and talk to her about my liver.

Red- what's frustrating for me is that I AM taking EPO- I've been taking 1 (1300 mg) capsule daily- today I took an extra one, but it's frustrating that I'm already doing what I'm supposed to as far as supplements and meds are concerned, but I still get hormonal and depressed and out of control.
 
#131 ·
Ruthla, Control is so important to me. Without it, I'm lost.

Tell me three of your favorite things. Thre of mine are a hot cup of tea, collecting/selling my chickens eggs, and one of those fancy cakes, chocolate cake with fudgey frosting and curls of chocolate on top. A side of caramel would be okay,. too!

So, three of YOUR favorites.
 
#132 ·
Can I join?

I've been doing really well the last year or so, feeling fairly stable and more or less like a competent human being for the first time in my adult life.

Life's been crazy the past 5 months, and I think it's starting to catch up with me.

It's just been a difficult week. Nothing worse than usual, all the same old shit, but it all hurts much more today than, say, two weeks ago.

I moved at the beginning of the year, and can I just say I miss my therapist? And my acupuncturist. And just at the moment, I REALLY miss my massage therapist.

I will breathe through this pain. I will breathe into this pain, and bring it new life and new hope and destroy the darkness that is trying to claw its way back into my heart and my life.

Right?
 
#133 ·
Arwyn, I moved in october, it has been hard. I'm closer to family now but no friends. It will get better - just think of all the opportunities to discover cool new things you have! The funny thing is I spent the first 4 years living on the west coast, missing the east coast, now I'm on the east coast missing the west.


My recent "victory" is that I realized that I need to take a shower every morning. I've been neglecting myself, it seems to hard to shower and get dressed with the toddler and the baby and I don't go anywhere anyway, etc. I realized it was just dragging me down - I've resolved that every morning, I will get up and take a shower, even if it means doing it while the kids fight on the other side of the curtain!
I definitely feel better all day long for it.
 
#134 ·
I'm very glad we've moved (back to Portland!
) as being stuck in the middle of nowhere, Indiana was not helping my mental health. But my life is majorly in flux - we still don't have our stuff out here! and it's MAY! we moved in JANUARY! - but what I really miss in moving is moving away from my support system I had set up. I was doing weekly therapy with a groovycool guy, and alternating weeks of acupuncture and massage therapy. I really was in a place, even with everything going on in my life, where I was OK without all that (although never will I not miss massages
), but when the darkness starts creeping back, I have no support system set up to help me. That scares me.

I totally hear you on the showers - one of the things I love about the new place is the masterbath - it's super tiny, but there's something about having a shower stall basically in the bedroom that really helps remind me to shower everyday. And that totally is part of my health plan!

Speaking of, I just took one, and I'm already feeling just a smidge better.
 
#135 ·
Arwyn, can you join? Aren't you a member of the club???


If you follow this thread and the one before it, there were LOTS of good ideas for helping to turn things around before they got tough. I can think of a few off-hand, and maybe some of the others will throw aout a few.

Time for yourself, as mightymoo mentioned about showering, is a biggie. A favorite ritual, a cup of coffee, or tea, a snack or a long walk. Lots of exercise, again, walking, cause you can do it with the kids.

Sorry, but I can't remember how many kdis you have. Can you go to the gym, a museum, a coffee shop? Or are you more at the blowing bubbles at hte park, and flying kites stage?Visit the library and get a big pile of books and videos. Dance, do a video work out, move.

If you're new ot the area, how about exploring? Ask everyone what neat thigns there are to do and see. Talke long drives.

Sing. Loudly. Esp in the car where no one can see you.

And start looking for a new massage place, a new accupuncturist. Make it an adventure! What new thing can you discover to day?

I hope you feel better soon!
 
#137 ·
Ah yes, but which club?


Ruth. I know the feeling. No words of wisdom, just lots of sympathy.

I'm bipolar, so when I start getting anxiety and depression I tend to attempt self-medication through inducing mania - staying up too late, going out too much, playing too much, etc. Which is, y'know, not exactly good either. What I've found helps me best is to put one foot in front of the other. Just do the next best thing.

Which isn't always easy, but what is?

I'm doing better - I had been feeling on the verge of a panic attack, now I'm one step away from being on the verge of a panic attack, which is a definite improvement.

Lessee, one good thing... I'm an aunt! My very first niece is one week and one day old today.
Nieces are good.

Anyone else have a good thing to share? Like having the awesomest kids in the world? (btw, I have none yet, Red) Or getting out of bed this morning? Those are good things.
 
#138 ·
Um, 3 good things?

I have a new air conditioner in my bedroom- XH came by today, bought it for me on the way over, and installed it. He's still 3.5m behind on child support payments, but he bought the A/C on a credit card- he couldn't have given me the cash today regardless.

I'm wearing a "new" blouse today- it's actually about 15 years old, and I've had it for over 10 years, but I haven't worn it in over a year because it was missing some buttons- I sewed the buttons on this morning and now I have a "new" shirt!

I have food in myt house, and plenty of food stamps so I can buy more.
 
#139 ·
I was looking for a place to post my excitement about this, and then I thought this thread would be a good place. We are going to have little baby robins! Right outside our house is a big Rodedendron (or however its spelled) and I noticed the other day there was a nest in the middle of it. I peeked in and there are 4 bright blue robins eggs there. I showed them to DD and she is really excited to see the baby robins. Last night we came home late and I peered into the bush and I could even see Mommy Robin sleeping there. I think we ended up waking her up though


It looks like Robins hatch in about 2 weeks, not sure how old the eggs are, so we'll keep an eye out, but I've never gotten to observe something like that before up close and I know DD is excited about it. She said to me this morning 'Mommy! I can hear the baby birds singing!'. It is just so uplifting.
 
#140 ·
That is so cool! I love getting to watch baby birds grow up.


Ruth - I just realized I never responded to your last post. Those are three really good things.
Where abouts do you live? I'm in Oregon, and we haven't really needed AC yet, although we might next week.

I want to go swimming. Went to the zoo with a supercool toddler and her mom this week, and we watched the otters and the sea lions, and I am now dying to get in the water. I miss my parents' pool. Le sigh.

In good news, I survived my ASL midterm, which was one of the things freaking me out. Not that it really matters, 'cause when I'm feeling anxious, I can worry about anything
but still. I can say "I survived" which is always nice. I even think I did pretty well, although it was harder than I thought.

How's everyone else doing?
 
#141 ·
I'm doing OK. I'm on Long Island and the weather's been unpredictable- cold and rainy the last few days but before that it was really hot, and anyway I breathe (and sleep) better in the air conditioning because of my seasonal allergies.

I just started a new way of eating yesterday- my copy of Eat Fat Lose Fat finally arrived and I'm mostly following the plan in the book- no processed grains, lots of saturated fats, any grains or beans I eat are soaked before cooking. What I'm not doing is having all the coconut oil before meals as recomended- it made me sick to my stomach, but I am cooking with coconut oil and using coconut milk in breakfast smoothies. So far I'm feeling more energetic and more satisfied (so less snacking between meals) so we'll see what happens in the long term. I'm hoping I'll finally lose those extra 50 lbs I've been toting around!
 
#142 ·
Hey all! How is every one doing?

I've been OK, except for a few meltdowns. I have decided to supplement the meds with therapy and have an appointment for Wednesday. I'm very nervous. I've been to therapy so many times through my life and have always felt that I never really accomplished much. Right now, I am just feeling like the meds aren't enough. I'm afraid of rehashing everything again and having it all churn up again.
 
#143 ·
Therapy is such a crapshoot - I got really really lucky (not entirely luck - I had someone who knew practically every therapist in Indiana and Ohio get to know me then give me a really solid recommendation. of course, that was just luck, too!
) with my very first therapist, so I always think more positively of therapy than someone who's been burned. I did get so much out of my 3+ years of therapy that I do recommend sticking it out until you find someone good!

And yea, there were weeks when that was the least fun hour of the whole week, and weeks where I went "what is this supposed to be doing for me, again?", but they were more than balanced out by the weeks where I spent the next 6 days just trying to digest and learn as much as I could from that one hour, and it literally changed my life.

Do I sound like I'm bragging? Ugh, sorry. I think I'm just reminiscing - when I moved to Oregon (yay!) I moved away from my therapist (boo!) and I'm still missing him.


Me, I'm doing a bit better. I'm freaking out about an ASL assignment tonight, but not unreasonably so, so I think it's all OK. I'm trying to figure out a way to get some massage or acupuncture or something - I really need at least one regular self-care activity to help me stay balanced.

How was everyone's Mother's Day? (she asks wistfully - I was supposed to be pregnant by now, dangit. the best laid plans, and all that...)
 
#145 ·
Our mother's day was pretty good - laid back. I got to sleep until noon, then we hung out and watched home videos of my daughter as a baby because she wanted to see them, then we headed over to my grandmother's house for dinner, since it is also her birthday on Tuesday. Then I got to dump the kids on DH (who took them home and put them to bed) and hung out at my parents house with my brother and watch the survivor finale and grey's anatomy. Very nice.

I've decided I have to start turning around my eating and exercise habits. I ran into a post about sparkpeople.com and decided to give it a try. I'm taking it easy, decided I would do a 5/2 diet - monday through friday I will do my best to be 'good', do a little exercise each day, etc and on the weekends I won't sweat it. Considering how terrible I was eating before and how I wasn't exercising at all, this should be a big improvement.
 
#147 ·
Aw, Ruth.
I could spout all kind of glib one liners like "this too shall pass" and some of them even manage to not piss me off when I'm feeling like crap, but really the best thing I can offer you is to be here and listen. You will survive, and whatever you're able to do right now, is, right now, good enough.


My therapist did CBT, although not labelled as such (that is, he didn't say "I am a cognitive behavior therapist, and now we will practice cognitive behavioral therapy!"), and I agree, it definitely is great - much more useful in my opinion than Freudian psychoanalysis!

Sounds like an awesome day, mightymoo. Part of our backyard is shared by a family with at least a couple kids (and a huge trampoline!), and yesterday they had a TON of kids over, having a huge party, and I kept thinking "OK, I know one doesn't become a mother without the children, but boy, that better be a barbeque with all the dads and kids outside and the moms lounging on the couch being pampered inside!"
 
#149 ·
Hi.. My first post on this thread..

I just went to the dr. today and she is changing my meds. Hopefully this one will work a little better.. I'm supposed to start it tomorrow.

My DS(4 yr. old) walked up to me in the kitchen y'day and said "mommy, don't be sad".. I told him I wasn't sad.. I guess he's been noticing that I have been sad lately. Stuff w/dh and where we are living is really getting to me. We have a beautiful home and everything, but it's an hour from people I know and an hour and 40 min. from dh's job, which means we don't do anything together. DS and I are going to FL next month(only 22 more days!) w/my parents. We'll be seeing my sister, BIL and their 3 kids and doing family pictures. I figure I'll try to super-impose a pic. of my dh in there and make it look like he's actually part of my family.... Excuse my while I...
 
#151 ·
Thanks.. We're currently getting our house ready to sell, but seeing as there are 3-4 other houses on our small street alone that are also for sale(plus the the other dozen or so in our subdivision), I'm not exactly hopeful that it'll sell soon.
But as soon as it sells we're moving closer to dh's work again. we lived there from 2001-03 and then bought a house here b/c the houses there were way to expensive. We didn't realize how aweful it would be here though. Boring, nearest Target is 50 min. away.
Nothing for kids to do. Thankfully I did find an awesome day/care preschool that my DS goes to in the mornings. We got very lucky w/the preschool.

Yeah, the commute is killing poor dh. He sits all day at work too, so he's too sore to sit by the time he gets home. He actually bought a laptop so he can lay on the bed and work ont he computer. Poor guy.. And with gas being $3.49 here, UGH... It's slightly cheaper a half hour down the road..

sorry, didn't mean to complain so much....
 
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