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Old 03-15-2006, 03:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Has anyone had fears of hurting people with OCD? and intrusive thoughts? I have been diagnosed with severe OCD and have fears of hurting my children. I know it is completely irrational.

I used to have fears of someone else hurting them and of germs (though they were pretty sickly until recently with asthma) and now I am worried that I may "go crazy" (One of my fears is of going crazy) and hurt them or hurt them in my sleep. Or that I will get in a car accident and accidently kill them.

Adding that I didn't get my license until I was 24 because I was afraid I would hurt someone in a car accident.

It all started as a bad reaction to a combo of meds that I was on. (Topamax and Wellbutrin) and an article I read about Andrea Yates.

I just got a book from the library Stop Obsessing (uses cognitive behavioral techniques) and there are case studies that completely parallel what is going on so I guess I am pretty textbook.

Has anyone had success breaking the OCD cycle?
I am in therapy but not specifically for OCD.
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Old 03-15-2006, 04:04 PM
 
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Oh my word I swear to god I could have just written this thread. I am so simaler to you it's pathetic I just wrote a pm to Malaya and I said almost the exact thing. I do have these intrusive thoughts I went to a Dr spilled it out on the table and was diagnosed with ocd. I'm on Zoloft much better but there's still lurking. I recently tried Zoloft and welbutrin made me horrible sick. If you need someone to relate I'm so here. I also was pretty honest in the ppd forum I wrote a thread As time goes by with ppd. I know now that wasn't my case I was actually dealing with severe ocd....
lots of love
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Old 03-15-2006, 05:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh thank goodness!
I read your story and I had problems with PPD also specifically a fear of smothering dd #1. I never told my dr. thinking they would hospitalize me!
My kids are older now 5 and 8.

My thoughts have only been happening for a few weeks but I have had similiar thoughts before when changing to a new med or when stressed. I take a mood stabilizer Abilify because I have been (mis)diagnosed as bipolar also.

I really don't think I am.

My mom told me that when I was a kid I worried a lot about accidently hurting my animals, like what if I fell down the stairs while holding the cat.

My oldest daughter has SID, mild autism, and likely OCD.
She was afraid to go to sleep the other night because she thought a mosquito MIGHT have bit her and it might have given her West Nile Virus.

Also my dad and his family (mom, aunt, cousins) appear to have OCD or another anxiety disorder.
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Old 03-15-2006, 08:30 PM
 
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Ooh, is that the book by Edna Foa and someone else? If so, that's the one my shrink gave me to read! I've read a few chapters and skimmed through others. Seems to be pretty good. Aforementioned shrink specializes in anxiety disorders so if he recommends the book he's probably had success with patients using it. I haven't had thoughts really about hurting DS, but I have these OCD-induced "evil" thoughts. Like if DS starts coughing while he's eating, I think "I hope he chokes and dies!" It's so, so horrible. Luckily I realize that it's OCD ("it's not me, it's my ocd!" ) and that I only have those thoughts in relation to those that I really, really, really care about. So if I am thinking those things about DS, I must really love him. Ain't OCD an evil SOB?
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Old 03-16-2006, 01:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yep that is the one.

I have to make food for a bunch of people tonight and am obsessing on how I might accidently give them food poisoning agh! I hate OCD!
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Old 03-19-2006, 04:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I got permission to go off my meds. The mood stabilizer but it is also used as an anti-psychotic in schizophrenics, which I am not...schizophrenic or psychotic, but I have a big fear of going crazy (here goes those obsessions again) being off of it. Tell me I am being irrational.

Mostly I have been sleeping a lot.

Also I went to dd's IEP /OT meeting and they think dd has OCD/anxiety disorder.
Her therapist and therapist's daughter have OCD and that is how the therapist rexognized it. dd fears contamination...A LOT, at least one episode a day and West Nile Virus.
How do I help her with this? I am not keen to go the med route with her seeing as how I have had such crappy luck.
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Old 03-19-2006, 04:34 PM
 
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nak

I've never been officially diagnosed OCD but it's there. I know it. One of my fears is getting diagnosed with it. The whole, "what will they do to me?" type fears. Plus, there is something comforting to me about my obssesions, like I feel I have control (I know I don't though. ). My mom has bi-polar with OCD tendencies and her dad has OCD so it runs in my family.

I have the fear/intrusive thoughts of hurting people. I think all the time about running people over and accidentally pushing them down the stairs etc. It's horrible. I know it's not me but I can't help but feel mortified that I would think those things. What sane person does right?

My obssessions lie in other things most of the time but those type thoughts do happen. I noticed them more in the PP period as well. I also got them during pregnancy (depression kicked it in. I get prepartum depression.).

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Old 03-20-2006, 06:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What do you all do when you get intrusive thoughts?

One of the suggestions in the book is to sing your obsessions.

I am afraid to use sharp objects near the children so I have been forcing myself to cut tags and things near them.
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Old 03-20-2006, 08:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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A therapist just called me back. She does cognitive behavioral therapy and I have an appt. April 12. My regular therapist gave me her # because my therapis's office is closing this month and she doesn't know where she will be working yet.

Has anyone tried CBT?
I am so tired of this OCD thing I just need some relief! *crying*
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Old 03-21-2006, 09:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I reread the releveant chapters in that book. I am having a hard time today. dd was up all night with what turns out to be asthma again so it is harder to ignore the intrusive thoughts.

I thought I would post some of the things here:

Supportive statements to help end obsessions-

That thought isn't helpful right now
Now is not the time to think about it. I can think about it later
This is irrational. I am going to let it go.
I won't argue with an irrational thought
This is not an emergency. I can slow down and thionk clearly about what I need.
This feels threatening and urgent , but really isn't
I don't have to be perfect to be OK.
I don't have to figure out the answer to this question. The best thing to do is just drop it.
It's OK to make mistakes.
I already know from past experience that these fears are irrational.
I have to take risks in order to be free. I'm willing to take this risk.
It's ok that I had that thought/image, and it doesn't mean anything. I don't have to pay attention to it.
I'm ready to move on now.
I can handle being wrong.
I don't deserve to suffer like this. I deserve to feel comfortable.
That's not my responsibility.
That's not my problem.
I've done the best I can.
It's good practice to let go of this worry. I want to practice.
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Old 03-23-2006, 08:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Old 03-24-2006, 11:53 AM
 
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Hay solstar how's things going thanks for the insight w OCD I'm new to the diagnose so it helps. Since diagnosed it has given me in away a since of control I can forgive my self for the thoughts and acceptance. I find when they come around I sing or I hold my girls and tell myself how much I love them. I also find myself in visioning them as teens or adults. and it allows me to stop them even if briefly. I can't say it's easy but these things have helped.

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Old 03-26-2006, 12:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am very new to diagnosis also. I started having probelms with that wellbutrin and have been off a small amt. of time. please whoever is on wellbutrin especially with topamax be VERY careful!
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Old 03-26-2006, 01:05 AM
 
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Solstar So what happened on the welbutrin I was on it for a week and a half it made me very sick to my stomach so I stopped. I'm on Zoloft that is suppose to be great for OCD and it's working for me it's just a matter finding your right dose to much your dumb to little it doesn't help. I hope your doing ok. Try going on the thread (mental health) it's going to be a beautiful spring a lot of moms there dealing with depression issues a lot of help and understanding.

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Old 03-26-2006, 01:19 AM
 
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I've been thinking about this thread lately and was just off to search for it! I've been re-reading a book by Marc Summers (Double Dare host). It's called Everything In It's Place. Very interesting stuff! There was one part that made me want to come ask you ladies something? Who has had strep throat? Was it before or after your OCD started? He explains how strep throat often triggers OCD. So I got to thinking......and it dawned on me that my OC's got worse after I had strep the first time. It's an interesting read. I suggest it. I'm almost done with it and it amazes me how much I had not picked up the first time I read it.

What do I do with my intrusive thoughts? Hmmm....I'm not sure. Sometimes I'm able to say, "Hry, it's just the OCD!! It's not going to happen! Now, where is (insert something here)" but it doesn't always help. Like today. I had some that about brought me to tears and it took a lot to come back to the here and now. I had to physically get up and get moving and force myself to do something else and even that was hard. I've found I respond best if I change my course of action completely. Say I am doing dishes (BIG compulsions there) and I get a thought. If I can't stop it I'll stop doing dishes and color/write/read. ANYTHING not related to dishes or cleaning. I'm still working on it though.

to you solstar!

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Old 03-26-2006, 01:27 AM
 
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oh, are you referring to the PANDAS connection? Interesting - usually seen in pediatric population, so I don't know that much about it! I've had OCD for a loooong time - I remember being in gymnastics as a kid and having to take 6 steps and do everything 6 times. Weird. So I don't think I have a strep connection but there is definitely something to that - perhaps the bacteria has an effect on neurotransmitters at some level or changes some other facet of neurological chemistry. I remember that Double Dare guy - I saw him on a newsmagazine show once and I just about cried for him. Esp when he was saying how absolutely *horrible* it was for him to be around all that mess on the DD show. Poor dude!
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Old 03-26-2006, 01:37 AM
 
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I just got done reading a part about him being on Double Dare. The second the camera shut off he'd strip his shirt and tie off. The producers got mad at hime all the time cause the kids were usually still on set but he couldn't handle it. It drove him nuts!

He touches on the number thing as well. Seems you're either a cleaner, toucher (like tapping), or a number person. I can't handle odd numbers. I find myself taking any number I can and reducing it to the smallest even number I can, preferably a one digit one. I also find the most variations in patterns that I can and repeat them in as many differnt sequences as I can a certain number of times. I get stuck on words. I often have to say the last word of a thought outloud or my hought won't finish. I just get stuck.

The strep connection for me doesn't quite work. It does and it doesn't. I've been OCD long before I ever got strep but when I did my obssessions went CRAZY!!! I had a hard time not feeling crazy.

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Old 03-26-2006, 01:42 AM
 
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I was just thinking...if anyone wants to read this book let me know and I can send it. Shipping wouldn't be too much so I don't think it would be an issue. He explains quite a bit, like the connection between certain portions of an OCD brain and a normal brain. I can go look that part up and let you all know what it says if anyone is interested.

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Old 03-26-2006, 01:48 AM
 
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I'm posting like mad tonight!

Does anyone's intrusive thoughts cause social anxiety? I have a really hard time talking to people..not just in person but even on the phone. I get so anxious and nervous and paranoid that I can't dop it. DH has to make almost all our calls. I can talk to family and what not but that even somtimes is hard. I would so prefer to do everything through the mail or email and even that is sometimes a bit much. I was sitting here just now thinking about it and it seems those times are hardest when I've had a day of intrusive thoughts. It might start out because I had to have a phone call or the thought was just completely random....just whenever I have more than one or two. Now having that connection it's painfully obvious to me that my OCD does effect my daily life. For awhile I refused to believe it did but I guess I can no longer deny it. *sigh*

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Old 03-26-2006, 08:33 PM
 
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You are obsessively posting! Yep, my sister and I have the phone thing, too. We used to fight over who would have to order the pizza and end up making my poor mom do it. She still thinks we're crazy! It's interesting....my therapist noticed something that could tie the OCD and social anxiety together. Like a lot of times I don't want to make plans to do things at a later date. He said that maybe this is because I don't know if I'm going to be having a "good day" or a "bad day" anxiety-wise. Makes sense to me. It's so strange. One day I can do things, no problem. Other days it's just crippling - can't make a phone call, mail a package, whatever. Very weird. I posted on another thread about a book I'm working through called "10 Simple Solutions to Shyness" by Martin Antony. It's a quick and easy read, with little exercises to do throughout. So far it's been very helpful with the social anxiety stuff.
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Old 03-26-2006, 08:40 PM
 
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I do that to!! Allowing time to pass allows me to dwell on the what if's and causing more issues for myself.

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Old 03-27-2006, 01:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wellbutrin and Topamax were the meds I was on when I started thinking these thoughts. I had briefly had intrusive thoughts before and hmmmm come to think of it..all when I was on meds usually switching to a new one but they went away.

I am (obsessing LOL) thinking that maybe the meds changed my brain and this is it I will have this OCD forever.

Do any of you go over and over stuff in your mind like why did I think that I must be a horrible person and on and on. I wake up anxious and obsessing over why such things would come into my mind. All day I ask myself questions about why I would do this and come up with different answers. And am on the alert for any such thoughts to come into my head. I guess this is a from of OCD too? Or the anxiety part?

Sorry if I am not making much sense I am sick :P and my brain is full of snot!
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Old 03-28-2006, 11:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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has anyone else had OCD symptoms that started with an anti-depressant?
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Old 03-29-2006, 11:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had a therapy appt. today and the new therapist says I don't have bipolar and I am not psychotic (which is what I have been obsessing over). But I definitely have OCD.

So how are all of you doing?
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Old 03-29-2006, 11:55 PM
 
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solstar you remind me of me! I wake up with obssesive thoughts all the time!! Going to sleep is tough because of it. I do it all day long. Like today, I...um......made a body noise and instead of moving on I have been reliving the embarassment of it all day long. I just asked DH and he has no idea what/when I am talking about!!! I get stuck. My brain does this one track thing...like a stuck record player. Glad your appointment went well today!

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Old 03-30-2006, 12:37 PM
 
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Add me to the list. I have thoughts of someone hurting me or accidentally hurting myself. I can't even type the things I obsess about without triggering myself to have a really bad day. Lately it has progressed into worrying that I will hurt my children. I know I won't but the thoughts are disturbing. I'm bipolar and take Lamictal and Abilify and they definitely help with the mood swings, but they don't help with the obsessive, intrusive thoughts.

Years ago I was able to get rid of the thoughts easily just by telling myself that I don't have to think about x,y or z. Now not so much. I don't know why. Probably because of the stress in my life right now.
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Old 03-31-2006, 07:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am feeling especially anxious today, it seems my anxiety disorder has come back now that I am off meds. The kids are at MIL's house.
I think the problem is instead of seeing these thoughts as just thoughts and going on I am as guilty as if I had actually done something.

I am kicking myself for not just going off meds when I had a chance, instead I felt I needed something else and went on that hellish combo of meds that led to this.
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Old 03-31-2006, 09:04 PM
 
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Old 04-14-2006, 11:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My therapist thinks I have a post traumatic stress like reaction to the thoughts. I am not exaclty thinking the thought but I am stressing on the thought of possibly thinking the thoughts.
My old psychiatrist said I may compulsively kill my children so I am freaking. My new therapist is shocked that he would say that because people with OCD are LESS likely than the regular population to be violent.

Therapy is hard. so far I have gone over my stefather trying to kill me (and said he was going to rape me) when I was a teenager while on SSRIs (therapist thought going on SSRIs triggered thoughts) and a gang rape. There is much much more to go through. I haven't even brought up a lot more of it.
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Old 04-15-2006, 12:09 AM
 
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solstar((((hugs)))) That is absolutely ridiculous that a psychiatrist would say to you that you might would kill your children!!!!!!!! People with OCD are less likely to EVER act on their negative thoughts than the general population. Damn that makes me mad.
I have been subscribed to this thread since it started. You just keep on doing the best you can,you'll get through all this crap,I promise.
Love and positive thoughts sent your way,
Kim
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