Am i really a bad person ... ? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 5 Old 05-04-2006, 08:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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nevermind ...
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#2 of 5 Old 05-05-2006, 12:28 PM
 
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I'm not sure why you cut your post short, but I felt pulled to reply.

I'm sure you aren't a bad person...you may feel as though you are, but that is often a mindset or distorted thoughts that produce that feeling.

I hope you'll write more if you need to.
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#3 of 5 Old 05-05-2006, 12:29 PM
 
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I'm sure you're not, too. I'm sorry you're struggling right now...
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#4 of 5 Old 05-09-2006, 08:05 PM
 
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I feel this way often, too. Today is one of those days for me. I hope you're OK. Hugs, mama!

to dh , dd 18 , dd 13 , ds 10 , & ds 6
hale
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#5 of 5 Old 05-14-2006, 02:22 AM
 
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I, personally, do not believe that there are "good people" and "bad people". I believe that people behave for a reason and sometimes their strategies to meet their needs conflict with other's needs.

It sounds like you feel like you are a bad person. Most people are taught that their behavior equals their value, either in their ability to produce income, or their intellect is their value, or if they 'make others feel good' they are valued. I believe that we all have strong positive and negative emotions and we can choose how we react to our emotions. Our behavior is within our control to a great degree. However, there are many variables (chemical imbalances, nutritional deficiencies, sleep deprivation, emotional distress, physical limitations, etc.) that impair our self-awareness and self-control. Self-esteem is one of those variables which distorts, or supports, our reactions. So, I don't find that judging myself or others as "good" or "bad" serves any practical use in my self-awareness, self-esteem or self-control. Seeking to understand my *reasons*, feelings and needs for my actions helps these goals though.

When I have done things that impacted others in ways that I didn't intend, or are hurtful in some way, I try to understand 'what do I need?', 'what was I feeling?', 'how else can I meet that need or deal with that feeling?'. Also, I apologize for the impact and move on to creating a strategy to change my reaction to my feelings in the future, by meeting my needs in an effective way (for me and for others). I don't expect others to "make me feel good".

HTH, Pat

I have a blog.
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