More bad news, I'm afraid. I haven't posted in a while, because things were seeming to stablize somewhat. My sd started school again, and has been getting really good grades, as always.
She also seemed a little happier for a little while.
But she refused the outpatient program, because it would have meant missing the last period of school for a while. She was continuing to go to her therapist, so we didn't push it.
But things have been getting rockier in recent weeks. She's been getting nastier and nastier to everyone around her again--from her little sister to her best friend to her dad. And she has been sketchy about the antideps--letting them sit on the kitchen table when her dad gives them to her in the morning, but then swearing that she took them when they disappeared a little while later. We kept saying that she could of course go off them if she wanted--her choice--but that she had to do it with a doctor's help, because going off suddenly might make her feel really awful. She saw a doctor last Friday, and they agreed that she would stay on them for another month and then they would reassess.
In the meantime, she said she was done with therapy, didn't want to keep doing it, and there was nothing wrong with her. Yes, she was still cutting, but that's "just who she is" and she's not going to stop. We had been trying to get her to a different therapist (through some recommendations from my new therapist, who I've been seeing for guidance), but hadn't succeeded.
So this morning, we sat down and had a long talk, to figure out what to do about the meds, since she still didn't seem to be taking them, and the therapy. We said we were committed to finding a therapist, program, and/or group that could help, but that doing nothing was not an option. Not negotiatiable. We tried to stress that her behavior and her coping mechanisms are not her fault, that they come from serious trauma in her background, that she is a good, caring, smart, beautiful person in her core. But we wanted to be clear that we can't go back to doing nothing.
She was really quiet throughout, and the discussion didn't really resolve much. But afterward, she went upstairs to lie down, and her best friend called. She told us that my sd had not been taking her meds for weeks, and that she stockpiles them, and then takes a whole lot all at once. My sd had done this last night, with 12 pills, and she had done it a few weeks ago as well. We had noticed that my sd had been shivering throughout our coversation, and she complained of not being able to sleep during the night. She has had a cold lately, so I thought that's what the shivering was; and I thought she had gotten more consistent with the meds since Friday, hence the insomnia.
Guess I was wrong!
It's unclear exactly why she took the pills. She says she didn't want to kill herself, and that seems true. It seems more like she was just feeling really, really bad last night, after a fight with her best friend, and a rough week, and took the pills out of despair and self-loathing. But I don't want to be naive. Maybe she really is becoming fully suicidal.
At any rate, her dad let her know that he knew what was going on, and took her to the emergency room. Health-wise, she didn't suffer too many effects. But they did an all-out "suicide watch" type thing with her: put her in a room where she couldn't hurt herself, brought in the psychiatrist, the social worker, various other folks. The social worker is supposed to talk more with her tomorrow, and I guess they're going to decide on a course of action: she can do a hospital inpatient thing (least likely), an outpatient program, a ten-day retreat, or therapy with a different therapist and/or group discussions. The outpatient program seems like the best idea by far, and it's at a place that everyone raves about. But she's saying she won't go because she would have to miss the last two hours of school. She HATES doing anything against her will, but that has kept us from being more interventionist up till now, so I'm inclined to push more for this.
I guess I'm not asking for advice outright, but I wanted to update everyone who has been so helpful and insightful so far. Certainly, any comments or further advice is very welcome.