Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: the land of sunshine and hurricanes
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Hi. I guess I don't really know why I am posting, other than to get my feelings out now before I explode! I have posted here before about my ED and how long I have been struggling with it. I thought it was getting a lot better but now I am anxious, tired, moody, mildly angry all the time, VERY impatient and kind of depressed. I don't know what I should do or if there is anything that I can do to feel better but give in again. I started out struggling with anorexia in high school, then got to the point that I was severely restricting and purging just under 2 years ago. I got pregnant with Evan and stopped cold turkey. I've seen a therapist a few times but it has never worked for me. I always feel like I am fine when I'm there. But anytime I go it's when I'm fine and feeling like it might get bad. The only thing I am worried about is that my son is almost 10 months old and still almost exclusively breastfed. I keep trying to figure out how many calories I can restrict myself to and still maintain my milk supply. I've been seriously considering just eating my normal diet and purging, because even though you only usually get rid of 15% of the calories, that would mean I would lose weight and not look so disgusting. I don't know what to do or if I even want to do anything to stop myself anymore.
I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this or even if I am expecting anything. Maybe just looking for someone else to say they've been there too....