Depression, PMDD, and Bi-Polar? UPDATED - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 81 Old 08-25-2006, 03:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have had depression for at least 9 years. Been off and on meds. Right now, I'm on Celexa since Feb. 2005 and they just doubled my dose last week because of being diagnosed with PMDD. I didn't want birth control pills because I've had blood clots in my lungs.

For quite a while now I've wondered if I don't have bi-polar in some form. Mostly I'm fine, but I have had times when I've thought I was completely on top of the world, bopping down the road with music on, singing loudly as if nothing could get better. I tend to "get lost" and revel in that- so nobody know where to find me. I have bought large items on a whim- tv/computer monitor, beds for my kids- all on credit. I had a tummy tuck in December and while that took some planning, going into debt for another 7K has put me over the edge financially it seems. I had thought it was the Starbucks making me act so "wild" - running, dancing, singing, having sex on the first date w/o protection- but when I feel this way its like I can get everything accomplished if I just put it on a list. I've made LOTS of plans to move and get a new place, calling people all day, making lists, digging out papers, applying for (and getting) jobs I don't show up for, or show up for then quit, leaving jobs in the middle of the day and just never showing up again (hiding at the mall). I've gone from place to place to place picking up job applications, applying for public assistance, feeling like I could get it ALL done and MORE- like a big brain rush- if only there were enough hours in the day. Sometimes I get stuff done, but mostly, I end up with a list and nothing done! One day maybe a month ago or a bit more, I felt detached from myself- wandering the neighborhood. Everything seemed bright and more "fresh"- smells smelled "more", and it was like walking into a really neat painting. I wanted to go lay in stranger's gardens. I wandered as if floating along and thought I saw a girl but then she disappeared! I ignored it because it seemed impossible.

Just had to type that all out somewhere.
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#2 of 81 Old 08-26-2006, 02:47 AM
 
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[COLOR="Magenta"]I can relate to a lot (not all) of the things you described. Though I have experience, I'm not a "doctor"so you'd need to be evaluated before you can know for sure. I really think you should mention it to your doctor and find out for sure.
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#3 of 81 Old 08-27-2006, 03:27 PM
 
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 bipolar.about.com

 

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#4 of 81 Old 08-27-2006, 06:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey- thanks for writing back!

First, when I first went on the Celexa (see below) I had already been on zoloft off and on previously, but this was much worse (feb. 2005) and I was immediately put on Celexa and told not to go anywhere by my psych. dr. via the phone. (See below about the vivid visions.)

Second, I have looked up definitions of bi-polar online the last few days but I'm not sure what place you're referring to in your post.

I did have a psych. dr. but since I haven't seen anyone there for a year and a half or so, they said I'd have to be seen as a new patient. I was moved up in my Celexa by my primary doctor just recently and actually it was she who prescribed the original dose because of how my insurance worked at that time- but she talked with my psych. dr. about the whole episode I'd had that day. (Vivid visiions in my head of maiming people everywhere I went. It was quite disturbing. I was pretty detatched from the world.) Now I guess I could see my regular psych. but she is SOOO difficult to see and in fact, I heard she is specializing in children, so I'd have to go to that office and find a NEW doctor and who knows how long the wait would be.

I have wondered for years if I'm not bi-polar. I read the symptoms and it seems like me. Off and on I will wonder with the way I act too and I just brush it aside.

This is what I wrote in an email last night. Keep in mind I was tired as it was quite late (1 a.m.) and I always feel better in the morning but this is the way I feel lately...

I can't sleep again. I feel all geared up I guess.
Agitated. Shaky. Brain doesn't work right. Going too
fast. like nothing will keep my attention and I need
more of it to work. Its the same as what I sort of
described to you yesterday I guess. I just had a
thought that maybe its a reaction to them doubling my
brain drugs. I was remembering that when I first went
on it I felt weird and detached like this. Racing
thoughts and unstable emotions. Damn brain drugs. But
anyway- that maybe means i'm not cuckoo- just chemical
pills doing this to me. The ones you said not to
take?! Phooey! (Phooey at having taken them.) This is
driving me nuts because my brain is on overdrive and
think too much and its all about nothing and
everything and good god I already have a tendancy to
over think everything. lol I couldn't do my judo
correctly this morning. Kept missing "files" on throws
I've done umpteen times before. (As in... what to do
next... oops! I have no idea!) Last one to catch on to
what we were doing that was new. I feel like I gotta
do EVERYthing and NOW and run around screaming and
wander the neighborhood at night... BLECH! I am
feeling mostly A-ttached at the moment, so I think
I'll rather stay inside- thank god!- but ...

Maybe Nemo [the kitten] will come snuggle with me. I just gotta
get some sleep. I'm thinking maybe that's what's been
giving me the vivid dreams, as well, when I finally do
crash. Then I'm up phoning men at 8 a.m. to join me
for coffee... ;-P

I gotta stop this racing thoughts- racing trying to
figure the world out in a moment and writing long
emails that say everything and yet nothing at the same
time.

I feel like nothing will settle my mind. Not something
new on tv, not something old on tv, not a familiar
DVD. Maybe reading a book would.

I know this sounds insane but I am not insane. Just on
brain drugs. I suppose I will have to phone and talk
to someone about this as a side effect/reaction. I am
not sure where that lies metaphysically. I just want
a hug from you and I know that what I REALLY need is
sleep because that's probably half the problem at this
point.

This is at least a comfort to think that maybe its
these drugs and not ME that's making me feel so awful.

HUGS.
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#5 of 81 Old 08-27-2006, 07:33 PM
 
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Good luck.

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#6 of 81 Old 08-28-2006, 06:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well here's an update....

I have spent about two hours playing phone tag with doctors and nurses and receptionists in both my primary care dr's office and my psych. dr's office. Basically, I have an appointment for next week to follow up with my primary care physician. I am being called back by my psych. dr's office about when I can be seen there (Around 5 weeks from now). I did a new patient intake questionaire over the phone for the psych. office. They have changed my dose from 40 to 30 for the time being. To see how I do on that. BUt I told them I am not sure if this is due to the drugs or if I was like this already because of my epsides seeing people and wandering areound "Detached". I guess we're changing the meds and going from here is the plan. Keeping my appointm,ents with both offices. I feel like I'm shunning the closest peopel to me away with all of this. LIke I'm making it all up.
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#7 of 81 Old 08-29-2006, 04:47 AM
 
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I am sorry you are going througj all this with what sounds like little serious support. I may be misreading as it is 3 o clock in the morn.
I would easily guess you are bipolar and wonder why it hasnt been your dx unless this is being brought on by the celexa.
Hope you can get the right attention.
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#8 of 81 Old 08-29-2006, 11:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. I had a talk with my boyfriend about this last night. He was very lovely about it. I told him I am exhausted from the emotional see-sawing. He doesn't thinkI should be on the brain drugs at all. Of course, that's partly because of how they are making me feel and partly because he is a christian scientist. In part, he is right- my problems are still here years later and the reactions to the drugs are not helping. But then I think that was really bad when I went on them and I'm afraid of getting like that and being off. Of course, they haven't stopped me from wanting to run away and do crazy stuff thus far. That's the reason I went over to his house last night and we had that lovely talk. Then he phoned me later to see how I was and then we talked on IM after that.
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#9 of 81 Old 08-29-2006, 12:58 PM
 
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#10 of 81 Old 08-29-2006, 01:09 PM
 
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I just wanted to say that if your bf was living with you and you were the mother of his children ( are you?) he might have a different stance on meds then. I really hope you can get some mood stabilizers. I am surprised that no one has rx them for you.
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#11 of 81 Old 08-30-2006, 02:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lauraess
I just wanted to say that if your bf was living with you and you were the mother of his children ( are you?) he might have a different stance on meds then. I really hope you can get some mood stabilizers. I am surprised that no one has rx them for you.
Not the mother of his children, no. We have separate kids and don't live together. His first wife (the mother of his kids) was manic depressive and he describes her as MUCH worse. I am supposed to be getting an appointment in 5 weeks to see a psych. dr. and I have an appointment next week with my reg. dr. AND another one for my annual OB/GYN check up. For a couple years now, I've wondered if I weren't bi-polar because of the spending sprees, extra-excitability - bouncing down the road, singing at the top of my lungs, etc.- but when I get like that I feel bad or weird or "wrong" so I don't say anything. I read the symptoms and feel like I "want" to be sick and am making it up. Meanwhile, my boyfriend says I am healthy. Maybe he just wants *me* to feel well and see myself that way. -He still is seeing me even though I feel really wacky.
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#12 of 81 Old 08-30-2006, 02:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lotusbeans
I think that if you are bipolar and haven't been on a mood stabilizer (or atypical antipsychotic like abilify, geodon or seroquel) it's not surprising that the meds haven't been giving you any relief. I know that doesn't make it easier and it's frustrating to be taking pills every day that aren't helping. I've been there and it's so tempting to give up! Being on the wrong medication often makes things worse so I would be careful about dismissing all medictions because you haven't been on the correct medications.

I know how awful this can be. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this when it can be so hard. But keep trying and don't give up hope.

*HUGS*
I went to the hospital this morning to have a cortisol challenge test- or something like that. I've been REALLY tired lately and dunno if its from working out, depression, lack of sleep, meds or what. So they did this test. I hadn't eaten since 8:30 last night and the test took a couple hours. She asked how I felt and I said "Tired". I'm not sure if that because I hadn't eaten though. Maybe it was the meds. They gave me 3 or 4 doses and checked my blood right before each. Its just another thing she's testing me for - I had intestinal infections every year for the past several years- including one in June that I was hospitalized for. Maybe its all related? No idea. Need a nap. zzzzzz......
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#13 of 81 Old 09-01-2006, 02:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Went to a party for church choir last night- a picnic. Very nice weather. But I was SOOOOO spazzy. I couldn't stop talking a mile a minute and wanting to run away and bounce all over the place and do crazy stuff. Mostly, my ex-husband got the brunt of it as we don't see each other too often to talk.

Now today I feel completely depressed and am having suicidal thoughts. My mom came in here and told me everything that is wrong with my life and how I'd better figure it out, etc. I think she dumped the whole of the things I cannot fix or do anything about for the last 3 years on me in a matter of 5 minutes- and then she judged me for it. Not to mention, she had to tell me my room was "messy". I'm also exhausted. I go from all the energy in the world to exhausted from one day to the next.
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#14 of 81 Old 09-01-2006, 02:57 PM
 
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#15 of 81 Old 09-01-2006, 03:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No idea about a crisis line. I can find the psych. ER's number, but unless you are gonna kill someone or yourself, they don't want much to do with you. Even when Iw as having vivid visions of killing people, I got put on Celexa. The meds, speaking of, are making me worse. The depression is worse, yet this manic stuff (if that's what it is) is nearly worse than being depressed! They keep moving my meds but neither are getting better.
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#17 of 81 Old 09-01-2006, 03:19 PM
 
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nathan1097, while no one here can diagnose you or prescribe any meds, i can completely relate with everything you are saying. i am bipolar (dx 12 years ago) and the symptoms your are describing make total sense to me. i also understand the "wanting to be sick" just so that things make sense and you can pinpoint what's going on.

i think that there are a few things you can do right now while waiting to get into a doctor...
the first is regulating your sleep. do whatever it takes to get plenty of sleep right now. i know that sounds IMPOSSIBLE and it may be. but try. go to bed at the same time, whether you feel like you can sleep or not. get it cool and very dark in your room and lay there.
i often have (even with meds) racing thoughts when i lay down to sleep. they make sleeping completely impossible. to help, i take GABA just before bedtime and most of the time it really, really helps. you can get it at any vitamin or health food store. it's just a supplement.

also, find things that calm you down. take a bath, kinit, sew, listen to quiet music. anything to slow you down. in my experience, the internet, magazines, even television provide way too much stimulation and just make me crazier when i am feeling manic.

i cannot stress the sleep thing enough. manic or depressed, regulating your sleep will help more than anything else.

and only you can know how you feel. your mother, your bf can only guess or try to take your word for it. it doesn't matter if they judge your condition as better or worse than they have seen in others. you are unique and you know that you are just not they way you know you should be.

what you feel is real. you don't have to prove it in order to get help and help yourself.

Rachel. Devoted wife and joyful mama to Beatrice June(2/25/08) and Leona Agnes (8/10/10).
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#18 of 81 Old 09-01-2006, 05:14 PM
 
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I just wanted to back up your plan to get treatment.

Everything you said, I could have written. It took me years though of just being on anti-depressants before they put me on geodon. I can't tell you how nice it is to be in control of my moods!!!

I still have problems, but I am not starting jobs then not showing up, or making plans that I never finish. And now, when I am bouncing to music, I know that it is just my personality to do that and not something in my head that is overwhelmed.

Please don't listen to your boyfriend even if he means well. Bipolar is just a fluke in the brain chemistry and you can't make it go away without meds. It might not go along with his religious beliefs, but he will have to find a way to support your choice to get help and to stablize your brain.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!!!
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#19 of 81 Old 09-01-2006, 11:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Rebecca, how did you finally get diagnosed? I've had these symptoms for years. I had wondered if I was bipolar a few times before. We'll see what they say. For now, being so up one day and so down the next is really wearing on me.

I went out with my boyfriend tonight to get paper, and ink for a printer he gave me. Then he took me to Wendy's. It was nice having him around. I also took a long nap earlier after I posted here. It was better than keeping thinking about suicide. I did a bunch of dumb things in my dreams, but at least they were only dreams. He tried IMing, emailing and phoning me several times during this time and got worried I guess.
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#20 of 81 Old 09-02-2006, 04:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Nathan1097
Rebecca, how did you finally get diagnosed? I've had these symptoms for years. I had wondered if I was bipolar a few times before. We'll see what they say. For now, being so up one day and so down the next is really wearing on me.

I also took a long nap earlier after I posted here. It was better than keeping thinking about suicide. I did a bunch of dumb things in my dreams, but at least they were only dreams. He tried IMing, emailing and phoning me several times during this time and got worried I guess.
I simply told the psychiatrist basically exactly what has been mentioned here.....and he put me on the geodon. It has been a god-send and has really helped. I still have off days, but my moods are in such better control!!!

I also used to think about suicide alot and about just 'not-being', but the med has helped with that as well.

Please go see someone, tell them what is going on honestly, and see what the meds can do for you. You deserve to have the life that you want that is under control (mostly at least! lol).

with smiles
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#21 of 81 Old 09-02-2006, 04:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, Rebecca. They are calling me for a psych. appointment. Should be maybe a month from now, but they are supposed to call way before that I hope. I just had the same thing last night that I had back in June when I was hospitalized. I didn't go in to the hospital, though. I live with my mom and I crawled downstairs where she was sleeping and told her I felt like I did before and needed to go in to the ER. She just said "You remember how long you were there before?" UGH! I DID make it through the night, but I probably started feeling bad around 9 p.m. and finally fell asleep exhausted and dehydrated at 6 a.m. after throwing up and diarhea. Now I'm trying to rehydrate with coolaid and popsicles and water. Watching a show on working out right now. I didn't go to judo this morning, obviously. Ah well.
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#22 of 81 Old 09-07-2006, 06:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Update:

The psych. nurse phoned this morning saying my old psych. dr. said to just go with what my primary doctor is doing about the whole issue; that I don't need to see a psych. dr. (!)

I saw my primary dr. today. She has no idea about why i'm getting the stomach aches. Because I've been so tired, and missing periods, she tested me for pregnancy (negative) and drew blood for more stuff (forget what) and said my cortisol levels were okay from the test last week.

I told her about all this stuff (less actually) I typed here- basically about the high and lows- and she said I was bi-polar and prescribed depakote. My celexa is being put back down to 20 over the next little bit and then I'm to add the other. Opposite times of day- not at the same time. Call if I get rashes or anything else weird from it. I read today that once you go on these drugs you can't really ever go off- or "bad things happen". I dunno what the better choice is. I am glad to finally confirm I am bipolar, and I'm worried what I might do in a manic phase- have unprotected sex, buy lots of big items, drive far away, wander aimlessly, all of the above (done these before!). But being on a med forever?

I also was sent for an ultrasound of my pelvis for sharp ovarian pain, but nothing turned up out of the ordinary except they can't locate my right ovary. It used to be the 10 years ago as far as I know when I went through infertilty treatments and ultrasounds.... I think its just too hidden by scar tissue.
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#23 of 81 Old 09-07-2006, 11:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know why they didn't see it before. I've often wondered about it before, myself. When at the psych. office- picking up a pamphlet that talked about bipolar and thinking that was me. Or, reading about it online or elsewhere now and then. Thinking that I knew something wasn't right with how I felt, and that I shouldn't make such big purchases, have cheap sex... that running away during the lunch break of work and hiding at the mall and never showing up again, or driving to Georgia for the weekend to visit an online male "friend" were strange... but I kind of secretly liked it too. The feeling of no responsibility, and quick "reward"... Its just that going on the higher dose of Celexa suddenly made those symptoms come back, but a lot more. That, combined with then going back to depression fairly soon after I guess were enough symptoms to diagnose bipolar. Apparently, people often don't get diagnosed as bipolar for many years- but rather just depressed- as it isn't always easy to see the symptoms. I have the same psychiatrist, but it was my primary doctor who diagnosed this today. I've had this same primary dr. since 1997.
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#24 of 81 Old 09-08-2006, 12:24 AM
 
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Nathan> I am glad you are getting a better fitting dx. It's weird. How many times have i read the many different symptoms of bipolar and yet when i read YOUR account of such (leaving work- the high of the freedom, going on quick trips, sex, money spending) it's so much more real that it is ME and YOU (and others) doing that stuff and being nuts about it.

Yeah, the average time it takes, that people go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed is 10 yrs. (or is it 20?) :

I am on depakote as well. I also take effexor which is one that is really difficult to get off of and i did try to go down on it once and gave up because of the crappy feeling i was getting. I've heard of people getting electric zapping in their bodies when weaning. One thing i notice myself besides the headaches if i am late or miss a dose is this strange 'clicking' noise in my head. Weird.

learn all you can about bipolar. knowledge is power.
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#25 of 81 Old 09-08-2006, 08:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lauraess
Nathan> I am glad you are getting a better fitting dx. It's weird. How many times have i read the many different symptoms of bipolar and yet when i read YOUR account of such (leaving work- the high of the freedom, going on quick trips, sex, money spending) it's so much more real that it is ME and YOU (and others) doing that stuff and being nuts about it.

Yeah, the average time it takes, that people go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed is 10 yrs. (or is it 20?) :

I am on depakote as well. I also take effexor which is one that is really difficult to get off of and i did try to go down on it once and gave up because of the crappy feeling i was getting. I've heard of people getting electric zapping in their bodies when weaning. One thing i notice myself besides the headaches if i am late or miss a dose is this strange 'clicking' noise in my head. Weird.

learn all you can about bipolar. knowledge is power.
Now that's really weird, because I haven't even started the depakote yet and I get those clicking noises in my head! Somtimes its clicking sometimes more of a popping sound and usually when I'm trying to fall asleep- and its LOUD!

I had never put WHY I'd leave jobs or drive away to another state together. I just knew I always felt I had to. Go away and hide somewhere where nobody could find me. There was an excitement to it- still is- and it feels like I am in my own world. I knew I felt a bit of "I shoudn't..." when I'd go buy stuff, but still I did it anyway because I "had to".

I saw my boyfriend last night and told him about my day. Told him how I felt torn about the meds because he is Christian Scientists and because his first wife was bipolar. I don't want to be "crazy". And to top it off, he'd rescued a bird from a cat- a dove it looked like- when he just got home. He prayed for it and told it it was "whole" and did everything he could. He put it up in a grate on a little roof about 4 feet off the ground to keep it away from other animals. BUt when we returned home an hour or two later, he went to check on the bird and it was stiff. Dead. That really bummed him out. Me, too. I don't know what damage it had sustained, but talking about that is "malpracticing" the bird. Its not really a place to explain it here, but the point is that he seemed quite bummed that the bird was dead. He put him in a little "nook" in the ground. Anyway, he seemed fine with what I was telling him about the meds. He's not unreasonable. I just feel that its so opposite of C.S. and that's a big part of who he is.
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#26 of 81 Old 09-08-2006, 10:45 AM
 
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Nathan: I'm so glad to hear that you've come away from your doc with a diagnosis. Although I'm sure its frightening, a correct diagnosis will allow you to receive much better treatment. It will be interesting to see how you do on Depakote (a mood stabilizer). Did your doc express any concern about the combo of Celexa and potential manic episodes?

As for being on meds forever, I think everyone has a different view. I have been on meds for over 15 years and have accepted that I will always be on medication. But I also have an extensive family history of mental illness. I also know people that have stabilized and decided to wean off. There are side effects to weaning, but its nothing that can't be managed. Just be sure to stay in constant communication with your doc about what's going on to ward off and/or minimize unpleasant side effects and/or side effects from weaning.

As for your bf, I think it might be helpful for you two to attend some counseling together, so he can understand what is going on with you and you both can figure out ways to get through the rough times. I would also highly recommend that you see a therapist as often as possible to help you learn to cope with your new dx and help you find ways to manage your symptoms.

My best to you! You have lots of support here!
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#27 of 81 Old 09-08-2006, 02:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello again. Its always lovely to check my email and see that I have respones here!

I spent the morning out, after I dropped off the kids at school. Then I went to Border's and was there for about 3 hours. I picked up a book on Bipolar called The Bipolar Handbook: Realife Questions with Up-to-Date Answers by Wes Burgess, M.D., Ph.D. I started reading it in the store and SO much of it sounded like me! Not everything, of course. So I figured I'd get it so I didn't have to sit in Border's all day reading it. There was another book I was very interested in, but I just decided to read part of it and maybe get it another time. Still, I felt guilty for buying ANYthing. The book seems to explain so much of my behavior and the way my mind works... Heck- I was like this at 22, if not before. (I'm 34 now.) Lots of this seems to cross over with being a child of an alcoholic, although I haven't done any offical comparison. I just know that I've struggled since probably teenagehood with failing school, dropping jobs, and the rest of it. Like, how about wanting to beat people up for no reason in public? I haven't actually done it, but sometimes I do fantasize about it- and for no reason at all! Just that I'd like to take that person by surprise and "judo them"- what it would be like for them to smack their head on the pavement. I'll spare you the other crazy things that have gone through my mind in the past! Well, except back in about 2000, I was sure the doctors in my daugther's pediatrician's office were "after me" because she had had a vaccine reaction (and I reported it and they denied it) so I was sure they were going to force me to give them to her, to the point of chasing me out to my car. I left the office before they came back with the shots, didn't check out, and ran to the car paranoid. And a few years earlier, my ex went into the bank and I had our toddler son with me. When he didn't come out soon, I ran into the building, pregnant with #2 (daughter), toddler son on my hip SURE the place was being held up or poisoned by terrorists with biological agents. (This was in 1999- way before 9/11!)

This, book, too says that bi-polar people should not be on antidepressants as they just make them worse. I guess I will have to see what goes on. Maybe she has me down to 20 again to wean me off the celexa? Oh- and my psych. nurse phoned while I was at the bookstore and said he would find out why they haven't called me to schedule an appointment yet, but that I should have one coming up soon.
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#28 of 81 Old 09-13-2006, 01:07 AM
 
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Nathan> Hi again How 're you feeling? About that 'clicking or popping' in your head- I've always attritbuted mine to the effexor withdraw when i'm off schedule with it. I never noticed it before , but that doesnt mean for you it's somethng that is 'more' noticable . dont know if that makes sense? anyway, let's see if depakote changes that any. For all i know it could be a depakote withdraw/low dose for me. (uhhm the funn of med analysis )
-I really think i'd have to concur with <familylove> that getting counseling with your partner is a great idea. Oh, and you and me Both must see our therapists. I've been meaning to for almost 2 months now. Somehow my priorities are a bit mixed up and so i was just reminded AGAIN that since i have this new number i better call soon.

I know 'of' that Handbook for bipolar book and it sounds like a good one. I think it's great to have them around for times when you might "forget" why you are taking your meds. kwim?

so, you are an Adult child of an Alcoholic too, eh? I agree that it seems like they crossover. That knowledge, of the many abuses and neglects in my life due to that, along with the History in both families as <familylove> mentioned is one way i keep serious about the meds in my life and let go of wanting so bad to not be on them. Heck, i'd been eating mostly organic for over 10 years, using natural cleaners, and wearing mostly natural fibers, going 32 hrs med free labor before resigning myself to taking mood stabilizing meds! I very rarely take ibuprofen..... But, it seems I need to take my meds or i turn into both my mother-at-her-worst and my father-at-his-worst tightly rolled up into a neurotic whack job **with kids.

One more thing: a freind i know has adhd and he says since a lot of times bipolar symptoms crossover/share symptoms of adhd that my wanting to wander, to run free ( like going on spontaneous trips)is very much adhd. I dont know how true that is or correct but when he and i talked it seemed that i did share symptoms with him such as that .

Take care
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#29 of 81 Old 09-13-2006, 11:06 AM
 
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Hi Nathan,

I read lauraess's post and it made me wonder how you are doing as well.

Are you experiencing any side effects from Depakote? I know some folks who have had wonderful success with Depakote. Unfortunately, it didn't work out for me but I take a couple of other mood stabilizers that do the trick (carbatrol, lithium and lamictal). If Depakote doesn't do it for you, there are plenty of other options. As for the popping noises, I vaguely remember experiencing them as well, but can't remember what I attributed them to at the time.

As lauraess said, I have committed myself to taking meds for the rest of my life. It was a really scary concept at first and I spent a of time trying to figure out ways to get off as soon as possible. I talked constantly about weaning off of this and that when I showed the slightest sign of feeling better. I finally accepted that it was the meds making me feel better and going off them was a sure ticket, for me, to a major setback. I just want you to know that there are a lot of people out there that take meds daily to control their illnesses.

Lauraess: call your therapist! This is another thing I have accepted as part of being bipolar. I will need to see a therapist in one capacity or another as part of my overall treatment plan.

I apologize if I repeat myself a lot, but these are the things that got me stable and feeling like myself again and I would love for you to get there, too.

Take care, sweetie, and keep us updated!
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#30 of 81 Old 09-13-2006, 11:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi. Just a short reply right now- Thank you for writing!!

I have not started the Depakote yet. Tomorrow morning, I will. My dr. wanted me to be on the lower dose of Celexa for week first.

I have an apointment coming up for a psych. appointment- but I dont' know when. They seem to think there is one- but nobody's called me with the official day and time.

I was tested for ADHD back in about 1993. This was because at a psych. appointment, I was looking out the window most of the time. My mom was there and she's prone to giving all the answers for you if you you let her go with you, so I just felt I didn't want to be there. Therefore, I got sent for 3 hours worth of testing at the hospital for ADHD. I came out completely normal.

Meanwhile, I'm still seeing my primary doctor and my ob/gyn. Just my belly issues and annual check up, but they are helpful with the "big picture". Last night, I had another episode up all night with distended middle, horrible ache and eventually throwing up. Not to be too gross but I think I probably threw up 10 times if not more. I didn't really count- I just realized that it was many times. I'm on hold with the nurse at my primary dr's office right now as my primary dr. had said if this happens again over night I can come in to the clinic and get an IV to be rehydrated rather than go into the ER. Even the person on call last night didn't seem to think this warranted an ER visit. But other times, same syptoms, others have said it did. I know how these things- the sickness- evolve, but that doesn't mean they necessearily will always take the same track, you know?

Yeah ACOA too. Whoopie! Actually, as much as a lot of that stuff is me, when I read the bipolar handbook, I was just floored at how much it really hit home! I still wanna run away- I want to run away to no-stomachache-land. Christopher last night was so nice to me. He had to go to the grocery store so he asked me to go along, after we'd been out to the movies with his daughter. I was feeling worse at that point, but not like I would 3 hours later. We walked around and shopped and he gave me lots of long hugs. He's so warm and lovely! Then in the car when we got back, we had a long talk about healing things metaphysically, and I still do not completely understand, but when you are at a loss for how to heal something like these stomach aches, any little bit to feel better is a help.

All for now. Its old-movie-in-my-baggy-jammie-bottoms-and-big-sweatshirt-with-tea day today.
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