My DH Has BP II - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 8 Old 09-04-2006, 02:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
alicia9178's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Turlock, CA
Posts: 952
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am really having a hard time dealing with all of this. I am so depressed and overwhelmed. I have been married for close to 10 years to DH and for the majority of our marriage he was the strong one. I have hve a few mental breaks in the past and struggled with depression and he was always there for me and the kids. However...about a year ago he started to slip. He became angry, dangerously agressive, and started leaving for long periods of time and he would shut off his cell and literally be MIA. It all escalated about January and peaked after my baby was born in February. He ended up with a headache that lasted about 5 weeks and was put on Cymbalta. That made things worse, and by the beginning of May he had lost his job and was spending time sleeping in the car more frequently on the side of the road or in rest stops. He was very suicidal also. He did admit himself into a hospital and was there for a week.

He was finally taken OFF the Cymbalta which had only made him worse and how is on Wellbutrin and Depakote. He is still very agressive and easily set off. He almost broke my nose about a month ago after her took 5 Depakote and 4 Xanax because he was "mad". He punches me and pushes me around as soon as he gets overly upset...I have become his personal punching bag. I try to realize that this is just the illness, but I cannot seem to get the image of blood flying out of my nose like someone turned a faucet on when he nailed me in the face a few weeks ago, and I am still sore from a dangerous fight on the steps where he punched me in the head, arm, shoulder, and hurt my hip shoving me down when I tried to get up.

I am becoming very resentful and hurt (literally and physically). I do not want to abandon him, but I need to see a light at the end of this tunnel.
Alicia

 

 Get "101 Tips That Burn Belly Fat Daily
    For  Free thumb.gif , Visit Here 

 

 
alicia9178 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 8 Old 09-04-2006, 02:53 AM
 
momma earthical's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: st paul, mn
Posts: 382
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hugs to you. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I understand that you want to support your dh but you must look out for your own (and your children's) safety. I'm sorry I don't have any wisdom to offer, just lots of loving thoughts for your family. Holding you all in the Light.
momma earthical is offline  
#3 of 8 Old 09-04-2006, 11:58 AM
 
VisionQuest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: USA
Posts: 453
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Even though it may be just the illness, your safety is first and foremost. I would make sure you are safe. Is he in counseling or could you report this behavior to his treating dr to see if it's a side effect of the meds or if it's just him?

Either way, take care of yourself first.
VisionQuest is offline  
#4 of 8 Old 09-04-2006, 12:08 PM
 
mamaofthreecats's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 157
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i understand you wanting to stand by your man, but thats still no reason to live in an unsafe envirnment. even if its a mental illness causing his abuse, and if he's becoming violent, action needs to be taken.

i wish you the best of luck
mamaofthreecats is offline  
#5 of 8 Old 09-04-2006, 01:15 PM
 
BellinghamCrunchie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Alpha Centauri
Posts: 4,204
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
There is no type of mental illness that "makes" a person hit another person. Bipolar disorder and other types of mood disorders/anger management disorders can increase angry feelings, but they do not MAKE a person hit another person.

If you believe that he cannot help himself when he hits you, then you are enabling him to hit you. He CAN help himself. There are other ways to express anger. If you love him, you will do what it takes to help him learn those other ways. And that means getting out of there. And taking the kids with you.

Your kids also need to know that its not okay to hit other people. Your kids need to see that Mama sets a firm boundary around hitting, and will remove herself and them from any such environment.

And lastly, most importantly, there is NO CONDITION under which it is okay for you to be hurt like this. He can kill you or cause you brain damage by hitting your nose (the bone there is sharp and can be fairly easily driven upwards into your brain).

Get out of there so he can see how serious his behavior is, and be motivated to change it. You can still love him, you can still go to psychiatric appointments with him, you can still talk on the phone with him, you can still be supportive you're just doing it while also keeping you and your family safe.

Hopefully he will find the right combo of medications/therapy and you'll be able to be together as a family again. It might take a while, but it will be worth it, and in the meantime, the damage done to you and your kids will be minimized while he is getting better because you are not available to be hit.
BellinghamCrunchie is offline  
#6 of 8 Old 09-04-2006, 02:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
alicia9178's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Turlock, CA
Posts: 952
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Leaving is not an option financially. I have to stick it out here and hope for the best. I know a lot of you will say that is stupid, and at times I agree, but I am unable to live on the tiny amount of money he brings in here, I cannot imagine doing so and trying to support myself, the kids, and pay for a place to live.

Thanks for all the support, I am so overwhelmed and I do agree with you all above. I do not think that he is "ok" for hitting, punching, kicking...I just feel as though I have to stand by him because it as all a result of the illness.
Alicia

 

 Get "101 Tips That Burn Belly Fat Daily
    For  Free thumb.gif , Visit Here 

 

 
alicia9178 is offline  
#7 of 8 Old 09-08-2006, 05:48 AM
 
kangaroo_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Southern Utah
Posts: 164
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Every city that I know of has a battered women's shelter. I suggest you call them and get to one immediately! For the sake of your children PLEASE get out! I know too well what it's like to be completely dependent on one's spouse, but pleaes know there are options out there to get help without getting hurt. Praying for your and your children's safety. I know women who have died because they wouldn't get to a shelter. It is serious. And the previous poster is right. Mental illness does not make someone hit another person. There is no excuse for that. Hugs to you and your little ones.

Student Mama of Three
kangaroo_mom is offline  
#8 of 8 Old 09-17-2006, 11:36 AM
 
Qerratsmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: The U.P.
Posts: 1,209
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If he is a good man like you said he was than he should he realize that he is dangerous to his family and move out for awhile until he is better. He can support you in the house while he lives somewhere else. My dh is bipolar and has aggresive episodes and has wanted to punch or hit me but never, never has. If your dh loves you and the kids, he would do this. Think about your kids, how is this emotionally going to effect them???
Qerratsmom is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off