I have an 8 year old son who is extremely intelligent and artistic and intense. I also have 3 other children who are girls, 6yrs, 3 1/2, and 10 months. The girls are whiney, but tolerable. They are just girls who are girls.
My boy is my challenge and I need all the help I can get. We have been dealing with him for some time now (well over a year). Its getting to the point where I am afraid...and the girls are too at times. Whenever I do not allow him to do something (either have sugary sweets or play computer) he freaks. He demands to know why, so I explain about how limiting sugar is healthier for him but he can have some at another time and how too much computer is no good either....then he will throw something and say YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT TO ME! Ill say ok, cool down, its not a big deal, lets do something else. (Mind you, a while ago i didnt remain as calm, i have hyperthyroid and flew off the handle alot when he would act this way.) Well, he wont want to play with me. Instead he punches me. Then i say ok you need to go to a time out. Then he'll scratch me and bite me. Then he will smack me and follow me around the house throwing things, ripping down the girls' artwork and destroying the house. I try to ignore him because yelling and taking things away fuel the fire. As i ignore, he hits me more. He's drawn blood before. ALl the while hes yelling things like I WILL GET WHAT I WANT and ITS NOT FAIR and DONT YOU SAY NO TO ME....not sure why he acts this way. Ive examined how I parent all of my kids, and basically its all similar...and i know each child is different and requires different parenting...but basically no one gets away with stuff that the others dont get away with either. So today during our outburst, hes smacked me and ive gently but firmly grabbed his arm and told him to stop. Ive put him in his room.....he kicks the door and wrecks his room....a few months ago he actually put 4 holes in his door. The room thing didnt work. I went about my business cooking and ignoring him. His sisters locked themselves in their bedroom because if they crossed his path, hed hit them for no reason. for 3 hours today he hit me and threw things. At one point he found a lighter (I never knew there was one in the house, my husband smokes outside the house so i never thought he would put one in the house) and told me if i dont give him dessert he will burn down the house. The lighter didnt work anyway and i took it away. I am nervous that if this isnt stopped, and continues into the teen years, that one day he really will burn down my house and maybe even hit me too hard where i really get hurt. There has never been any violence in this house. There has been yelling, but never any hitting. Ive smacked a few butts in my day, but that was years ago and i hated doing it, and it never hurt them. So for 3 hours i got scratched, pinched, punched, smacked, and poked with a skewer. I took away all privledges, and i didnt tell him this because that only fuels it too...but he did ask for dessert later and i said no way. Then he asked for time on the computer and i said absolutely no way. That started a mini round 2 of smacking me on the head and giving me an "indian sunburn" as he calls it. Dad wasnt home for round one, and round 2 he was and would grab my son and take him away from me. Last year my husband and i were separated very briefly while we worked out some issues.....but the hitting started a bit before that, although not bad at all and not as frequent as now. Ive asked about sexual abuse and how its alright if he tells me if something happened, it will all be alright. He said no one has ever hurt him or touched him. Then im thinking maybe something mentally is going on and maybe a vaccine has something to do with it. He had a mild reaction to DTP when he was a baby, and that year was also the year where there was alot of thimerosol in the vaccines.....so my daughters were never given DTP since he had a reaction to it. They all had DTaP. Now i dont even agree with vaccinations anymore so my baby and 3 1/2 year old havent had any. Im thinking maybe it messed with him? I dont know. He is my son and I love him. He never acts this way at school, we have talked to the counselor there and he's talked to my son lots last year.....and he says my son is a model student. His teachers all say they are proud of him he is learning alot and behaving wonderfully. He also never acts this way with my parents or if he sleeps over a friends house and he is told no, he acts respectfully. He is also a wonderful older brother to his baby sister. He acts hateful towards his other sisters, but with the baby he is different and loves her and kisses her and helps change diapers and feeds her....plays with her, buys her toys. Ever since she was born...and he even got to cut the cord, we left a piece long for him to cut after we made the first cut. He gets alot of attention from both of us, either together or separately (we are together my husband and I) but we make sure he is getting enough daddy time and mommy time. We tell him how proud we are of him when he makes good choices and even when he doesnt and he recognizes that he is wrong we tell him how proud we are that he is learning from his mistakes. I am trying to be a good parent....and i know im not perfect. But i have calmed myself down considerably when he acts this way. BUT...i dont know what to do anymore. I cant just ignore him and let him beat me up for 3 hours. I dont hit but sometimes feel like i want to....but only after say 2 hours lol. I keep calm because i want to remain in control and not make things worse. Putting him in time outs dont work...he gets up and destroys the house. He threw something today and it broke a picture frame. He broke a giraffe thing of mine that i collect, he did that on purpose. I stayed calm and calmly picked it up and threw it away. I tried to get him to pick up after himself but he wouldnt. What am i doing wrong? What else could I be doing? I dont believe in medicating my children....what can i do? A naturopath and homeopath are EXPENSIVE and I cant afford it. I can afford to buy a homeopathic kit....but then i dont know what to do with it lol. I dont know what to give to help his whole being. Oh and he hates his counselor that we see weekly so i wont be making him go anymore, shes not helping and he tells her the whole time that he doesnt like her ideas and wants to go home. We need a new counselor lol. I appreciate all who have taken the time to read this---any info is greatly appreciated, thank you